


What Happens on Tour

by crazyjane, vixxbitch (expoduck)



Category: VIXX
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Barebacking, Canon Compliant, Dancing, First Time, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Homophobia, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, Music, Musicians, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, Original Character(s), Sexual Tension, Sharing a Bed, Shower Sex, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2019-10-09 06:17:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 135,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17401592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyjane/pseuds/crazyjane, https://archiveofourown.org/users/expoduck/pseuds/vixxbitch
Summary: Hakyeon walks back from the reception desk at the hotel to where everyone’s gathered, suitcases piled on trolleys around them. Three keycards are in his hand, a fourth already claimed by the tour manager who travelled with them from Seoul to Osaka. Watching him approach, Bean is more than a little apprehensive. Three cards means they’ll have to share, and the look on Hakyeon’s face is pure mischief. Holding up the keycards between his fingers, Hakyeon says, ‘I’ve thought of a fair way to decide who shares with whom this time. We’ll play kai-bai-bo.’* * * * *Anyone else. Jaehwan, anyone, thinks Ravi.Why Bean?Bean thinks,This is going to be hell.*****UPDATES EVERY FRIDAY*****





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to our very first collaboration! We hope you enjoy it - please leave us feedback, as this is the very first of our babies to leave the nest, and we're anxious!!
> 
> This story is set during the 2016 _Depend On_ tour of Japan. 
> 
> Tag list is preliminary - we'll add more as the story progresses, but sssh, don't want to spoil any surprises.

The plane trip from Seoul to Osaka is uneventful. No major delays, no seating mix-ups, no lost luggage. Suspiciously normal; almost pleasant, in fact. In retrospect, that should probably have been a warning sign for the whole _Depend On_ tour that nothing would happen as expected.

Hakyeon walks back from the reception desk at the hotel to where everyone’s gathered, suitcases piled on trolleys around them. Three keycards are in his hand, a fourth already claimed by the tour manager who travelled with them from Seoul to Osaka. Watching him approach, Bean is more than a little apprehensive. Three cards means they’ll have to share, and the look on Hakyeon’s face is pure mischief. 

Holding up the keycards between his fingers, Hakyeon says, ‘I’ve thought of a fair way to decide who shares with whom this time. We’ll play kai-bai-bo.’ General groans and complaints greet this announcement, but as usual, once Hakyeon’s got his mind set on something, he won’t be moved. Reluctantly, the members arrange themselves in a lopsided circle. 

The first round knocks out Hyuk and Jaehwan, who look at each other and shrug. Then Hakyeon and Leo pair off. That leaves Bean with - _dammit_ \- Ravi. ‘Oh come on, hyung,’ Bean protests. ‘You know how he snores, let me swap - you can sleep through it.’

“I _don't snore_ ,” Ravi lies. 

Hakyeon rolls his eyes at the pair of them, says, “This has been fairly decided. Buy some ear plugs if you're unhappy.”

 _Please tell me it's a twin room_ , Ravi thinks. _Please_. 

Bean opens the door to their room and walks straight in, thinking to claim the bed furthest away from the bathroom - _fuck_. There’s only one bed. It looks big enough, but Bean knows he won’t be getting a lot of sleep on this leg of the tour, whether Ravi snores or not. Ravi looks at the bed with dismay. He avoids looking at Bean, just walks to the bed and dumps his bag at the foot. “I thought being an idol would be so glamorous. Why don't we even get our own rooms?” Ravi says frowning. 

‘When Jelpi decides to spend the money, I guess we will. Maybe if we make it to five years,’ says Bean absently, opening his bag and simply spilling its contents on the bed. He collects various toiletries and heads for the bathroom, leaving the mess. Ravi frowns at the mess on the bed, shakes his head and walks to the window. _Anyone else. Jaehwan, anyone. Why Bean?_

Coming back into the bedroom, Bean sees Ravi standing by the window. He blows out a long breath. _This is going to be hell_. There’s no way around it, but right now Bean would even put up with Jaehwan’s relentless babble rather than try to crash in this room with Ravi. Gathering up his clothes and stuffing them back into his bag, he says, striving for a casual tone, ‘Uh, what side do you want?’

Ravi turns and looks at Bean, standing beside the bed they're going to share. “The right side. Uh. If that's okay with you. I'm easy.” Ravi immediately regrets his choice of words, swallows and pretends to look at the room service menu. 

Reflexively, Bean hits back with a snarky comment. ‘Yeah, I’ve heard that about -’ _Oh, fuck. Shut up, Bean_. Avoiding Ravi’s eyes, he grabs the iPod and earbuds from his jacket pocket and looks around. Only one chair in this stupid room - right next to where Ravi’s standing, and right now, that’s the last place he should be. That leaves the bed, not his first choice, but it’s either that or stand there looking like an indecisive idiot. He sits down and scoots up against the headboard, shoves in the earbuds and hits shuffle play with the volume turned up loud.

Ravi looks at Bean sitting on the bed and swallows. He flicks through the hotel brochure, sees that there's an in-house gym. _Oh thank god_. “I might head to the gym, get a few sets in,” Ravi says, moving to his bag and putting it on the bed. He doesn't know why he's speaking, Bean obviously can't hear him. He takes out a tank and some track pants and goes into the bathroom to change.

Bean’s absorbed in his music, not paying attention. So absorbed that he doesn’t notice Ravi pulling out gym clothes. Doesn’t watch out of the corner of his eyes as Ravi walks into the bathroom to change. Doesn’t think about how he’ll have to spend the next few nights in this bed.

Ravi comes out of the bathroom and runs a hand through his hair, looking through his bag for his gym shoes.

  
[ ](https://ibb.co/cwst6pn)  


Not staring from under his lashes. Not looking at perfectly defined arms. Certainly not imagining anything that involves those arms wrapped around - _stop it_. Bean closes his eyes, leans his head back against the wall, willing the sudden heat in his face to go away.

Ravi glances at Bean. He looks just as uncomfortable with their enforced proximity as Ravi is. _Different reasons, though_ , Ravi thinks wryly. Bean and Ravi used to be tight, used to be great friends, but over time that changed. The guy he used to carry around under his arm, stiff as a board, as an artwork, started to pull away from him. Now their relationship is friendly, but not a friendship. 

Ravi misses his friend.

He frowns and bends to put his found shoes on, the arm holes of his tank gaping as he does.

Bean cracks open one eye. Still here, then - _oh, god_. He shifts uncomfortably, angling his body away. Ravi glances at Bean and frowns, seeing his uncomfortable posture. He gives him a curt wave and heads out of the room. Maybe Jaehwan will swap with him if he bribes him. Maybe Hakyeon… no. He wouldn’t, and being in with Leo… wouldn’t be _bette_ r. He sighs as he presses the button for the elevator.

As the door closes, Bean slumps, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. _This is never going to work_. If he can’t handle Ravi just being in the room … At this point he’s seriously considering offering Hyuk a huge bribe. He might not get any sleep, but it won’t be half as awkward. Yeah. He’ll do that. 

As soon as he calms down.

Ravi gets to the gym and works hard, losing himself in the physical monotony of weights, of the treadmill, of the bike. He’s forgotten his earpods, so he’s alone with his thoughts. Not ideal. Hakyeon texts him about two hours into his workout/escape, asking where he is. Apparently they’re all meeting for dinner to celebrate the start of the tour, and he’s forgotten. And he’s forgotten to bring a towel with him to the gym, let alone a change of clothes. Ravi wipes down the bike seat and handles with a paper towel and heads back to the room, still covered with beaded sweat, his tank top soaked and sticking to his back and chest.

Getting lost in music isn’t helping, because it doesn’t stop him thinking. Bean pulls the earbuds out and scrubs his hand over his face. _Get a grip, idiot_.

  
[ ](https://ibb.co/3rLSqnR)  


He fishes his phone out of his jacket, blinking when he sees a text from Hakyeon.

**> Wake up, it’s time for dinner.**

 

Oh. Okay. Dinner is good, he can do that. Bean starts to get up off the bed. The door opens, and Ravi walks in. Flushed. Sweating. Looking like - Bean freezes. Ravi stops just inside the door, frowning slightly at the look on Bean’s face. He runs a hand through his sweaty hair and looks away. “Did Hakyeon text you?”

 _Stop staring. Move._ Bean tears his eyes away, fiddling unnecessarily with the folds of his jacket as he shrugs it on. His tone’s probably sharper than it should be, but at least his voice doesn’t shake. ‘Uh, yeah, about dinner? Lost track of the time.’

“Yeah,” Ravi says, frowning a bit at Bean’s tone. Things must be worse than he thought, Bean won’t even look at him now. He pulls his phone out of his pocket, drops it on the bed. Ravi pulls his tank off over his head, mops his forehead with it. “Gonna have a shower before dinner,” Ravi says, picking up the towel from the end of the bed. “See you there.”

Bean’s breath catches. He scrambles out of the room, pushing past Ravi, is out the door in seconds. Ravi frowns as the door slams. _Well, fuck him_ , he thinks, resolved to talk to Jaehwan and beg for a swap. He goes to have a shower, turning up the heat as high as he can.

In the hallway, Bean leans against the wall, trying to get his breathing under control. All he wants to do is go back in there and run his tongue over Ravi’s skin, taste his sweat - _stop it, stop it_. He shoves the heel of his hand against the bulge in his jeans, trying to push away his own stupid thoughts. Ravi doesn’t want that from him, he knows that, so why can’t he just let it go? Breathing out heavily, he stands up. Dinner. Act normal. He heads for the elevator. Hears heavy, running footsteps behind him: ‘Hey, Bean! Wait up!’

Hyuk catches up to Bean at the elevator, tackles him into the doors with a wicked laugh. ‘Oww!’ Bean shoves Hyuk backwards, grinning. ‘You trying to kill me?’

“Haha yeah, trying to bump you off to steal your roommate,” Hyuk says with a grin, pressing the button for the elevator.

Bean seizes the opening. ‘God, _please_ steal my roommate. Come on, Hyukkie, do me a favour.’

“I’ll ask eomma. I’ve been a very good boy, he might say yes,” Hyuk says. “I don’t know what the problem is with you two. His snoring isn’t that bad. It’s kind of like… a quiet motorbike.”

‘Well, I, I guess I just sleep lighter than you,’ says Bean, trying to keep his mind well away from anything that involves Ravi right now. ‘I’ll owe you. Really.’

“Like a sleeping, purring lion,” Hyuk says, musing. He presses the elevator call button again impatiently.

 _Oh my god, shut up_. Thankfully, the elevator arrives, and Bean dives inside, hammering the button for the restaurant floor. ‘If you wanted to room with him, why didn’t you just ask?’

“I thought it’d give you two a chance to work out whatever the fuck your issue with each other is,” Hyuk says, leaning against the back wall of the elevator. “But I guess that’s not happening, so I might as well get some time away from Mr. Cute-Main-Vocalist-Poster-Child-For-Hyperactivity out of it.”

‘What, not planning to cuddle up and watch a One Piece marathon?’ says Bean, absolutely not rising to the bait.

“Rather do that with Ravi,” Hyuk says with a small smirk.

Bean stares. ‘Huh. Yeah, nice troll, dongsaeng.’

“He gives the best cuddles,” Hyuk says with a slightly dreamy expression.

Not thinking about this. Not thinking about Ravi picking him up and carrying him around, those strong arms holding him tightly. And definitely not feeling like he wants to strangle Hyuk for that look, because it’s not like Bean’s got any claim on Ravi anyway. 

“There’s just something about arms that are so strong holding you so gently, y’know?” Hyuk says, looking at the panel of buttons beside the door. 

‘Okay, shut up,’ says Bean more roughly than he intends.

Hyuk looks at Bean, surprised. “You all right, Bean?”

 _Fuck._ ‘Yeah, fine. Sorry, just tired.’ The elevator doors open, finally, and Bean’s out into the restaurant foyer before he can say anything else stupid. He spots Hakyeon waving from a round table near a window, and heads straight for it.

Hyuk follows a few steps behind, trying to hide a grin.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo bites Ravi’s shoulder and he closes his eyes, suppressing a groan, and tries to shrug him off, only to get bitten again. Gorgeous guy cuddling and biting him, gorgeous guy across the table wishing he was anywhere else, Ravi feels like he’s in some kind of special hell.
> 
> ‘Hakyeonniiiie?’ coos Jaehwan, nuzzling Bean’s shoulder. ‘Can you make Hyukkie change rooms? I want pretty Binnie all to myself!’ He cups his face in his hands, bats his eyelashes at the leader, making a kissy face. ‘Please? _Pleeeeease_?’

**> Hey princess, wanna swap rooms? You and Bean can share makeup tips or whatever.**

**> > What’s in it for me?**

**> You don’t have to sleep with Hyukkie’s knees in your back?**

**> > Tempting. What’s your problem with Binnie, anyway? **

**> I don’t have a problem with him, it’s the other way around. Will you swap or not?**

**> > How can I say no to a man in his hour of need? **  
**> > Besides this way I get to snuggle with someone who’s pretty and who won’t beat me up. **  
**> > Your loss.**

 

Ravi grits his teeth. _Not thinking about that. Waste of time._

**> Thanks, J. Owe you one.**

 

As he reaches the table, Bean hears Hyuk’s phone go off behind him. That Naruto theme song is unmistakable. He sits down next to Hakyeon, and Hyuk takes a seat opposite, grinning broadly at his phone. Ravi arrives in the restaurant ten minutes later, giving Hakyeon an apologetic look. He sits down between Leo and Hyuk.

“Where’s Jaehwan?” Hakyeon asks, looking slightly murderous.

“Probably blow drying his hair,” Ravi says, pouring himself a glass of water.

‘I’m here, I’m here, we can start now!’ calls Jaehwan loudly across the restaurant. He practically bounces over the table, ignoring Hakyeon’s wince, and throws himself into the seat next to Bean. ‘Hellooo, pretty, you’re looking ravishing tonight, ‘ he says, pushing his shoulder against Bean.

 _Really?_ Irritated, Bean shoves him right back without even thinking about it. He knows damn well Jaehwan doesn’t mean a word he’s saying - they’ve had this conversation. It never stops the vocalist trying to make him squirm, though if he’s going to share, Bean knows he has to put up with it. He tries to make significant eye contact with Hyuk.

Ravi narrows his eyes at Jaehwan, glances at Bean, then looks away, sipping his water. He blinks as Leo throws an arm around him, cuddling in. _Oh great, the hamster’s in one of those moods. Just what I need._

The table’s just too big for Bean to kick Hyuk, who’s giving him a puzzled look. Jaehwan and Leo have decided to get handsy, and Hakyeon looks like he’d cheerfully strangle them all before the first dish even hits the table. Bean can’t look at Ravi cuddling up to Leo.

Leo bites Ravi’s shoulder and he closes his eyes, suppressing a groan, and tries to shrug him off, only to get bitten again. Gorgeous guy cuddling and biting him, gorgeous guy across the table wishing he was anywhere else, Ravi feels like he’s in some kind of special hell.

‘Hakyeonniiiie?’ coos Jaehwan, nuzzling Bean’s shoulder. ‘Can you make Hyukkie change rooms? I want pretty Binnie all to myself!’ He cups his face in his hands, bats his eyelashes at the leader, making a kissy face. ‘Please? _Pleeeeease?_ ’ 

Bean looks at Jaehwan, completely floored. _What the hell?_ Opposite him, Hyuk appears as surprised as he is. Ravi avoids looking at Hakyeon or Bean, feeling his face heat.

“Absolutely not. Room allocations were decided on a fair basis,” Hakyeon says. “Now look at the menu please, I’m starving.”

Ravi breathes out slowly, tries not to let his disappointment show.

‘Oh, but Yeonnie, I want him!’ Jaehwan throws his arms around Bean, quickly giving him an adoring look before turning the cute offensive back onto Hakyeon. ‘Won’t you give him to me? I can’t cuddle Hyukkie, he’s all elbows. Don’t deprive me of all this!’

Bean tries in vain to shrug Jaehwan off; the man clings like a limpet. He bites back on his irritation, although he’s more than a little disturbed by the sudden attack. If Hakyeon does let them change rooms, is he going to have to put up with this all night?

Hyuk winks at Bean, says in a hurt voice, ‘Don’t you love me any more, Jyani?’

Ravi clears his throat quietly, looks at Hakyeon. “Hyung, I don’t mind sharing with Hyukkie,” he says. _Please say yes, please say yes._

“I’d like some Ravi snuggles,” Hyuk adds. “He’s a great roommate, he just sleeps all the time.”

Hakyeon holds up a hand, a stern expression on his face. “No. And that’s the end of the discussion.”

Jaehwan makes one last try, unleashing a truly pathetic expression, all big eyes and trembling bottom lip, but Hakyeon is unmoved, and so he subsides with a dramatic sigh. ‘It’s all so cruel!’

Bean elbows Jaehwan, snaps, ‘ _Will_ you get off me?’ He’s sure that little performance wasn’t just a spontaneous thing. _Probably set it up with Ravi_ , he thinks. He doesn’t know why he’s surprised by that idea, or why it hurts. 

Ravi looks at Bean, a little shocked by his outburst. _Probably angry he’s stuck with me. Like I’m happy about it._ He frowns and looks at the menu, hiding Bean from his sightline, hiding his own hurt.

‘That’s enough,’ says Hakyeon sharply. ‘At least try to act like civilised human beings.’ 

‘Sorry,’ mutters Bean, sounding anything but. ‘Headache.’ He pushes back from the table and stands up. ‘I’m not really hungry, think I’ll go get some sleep.’ Possibly the only sleep he’ll get tonight.

“Sit. Down.” Hakyeon says. His tone brooks no argument. 

Ravi frowns. _Can’t even sit at the same table as me. What did I do that was so awful?_

Bean opens his mouth, then collapses into his chair again. He doesn’t miss the look on Ravi’s face. Definitely a set-up, and it went wrong. Suddenly, he’s miserable, and more than a little angry - maybe he was trying to get out of sharing with Ravi, but it wasn’t out of dislike. And for Ravi to enlist Jaehwan to get rid of him? _What did I do to deserve that?_

Hyuk, looking between them, pipes up, grinning. ‘Jeez, you two, get a room. Oh wait, you did.’

Ravi gives Hyuk a death stare worthy of Leo and kicks him under the table. Hyuk reacts like he's been shot and Hakyeon scolds both of them. Ravi pretends to be absorbed in reading his menu again, but it's obvious Bean looks really upset. _Well tough shit, I'm not happy about it either._

The meal is a fucking nightmare. Bean has no idea what he orders, barely tastes what he eats. Drinks probably too much soju given their early morning call tomorrow for rehearsal in the venue, but _fuck it_ , because if things are this bad already, it’s only going to get worse. 

Ravi and Leo drink soju together, Ravi getting more relaxed, Leo getting more physically affectionate, draping his graceful, languid arms around Ravi’s neck, talking directly into his ear, biting his shoulder and his neck _oh god_. Ravi blushes furiously, his face reddened by Leo’s behavior and the drink. He tries to shrug him off, but Leo sticks to him, laughing and stroking the side of Ravi's neck. He suppresses a shudder. Leo doesn't mean anything by it, Ravi knows. He's like this sometimes and it never leads anywhere. That doesn't mean Ravi doesn't find a beautiful man paying him attention, touching him, deeply arousing. 

At a table in public with four other men, one of whom has made it pretty clear he's despised. 

_Can’t watch this_. It’s nothing new; Bean’s seen the way Leo looks at Ravi before, even seen Ravi respond to it. And yet everything is awkward and prickly when it comes to Ravi’s behaviour towards Bean himself. What more proof does he need? Why does he still give a fuck, anyway? 

‘Going to bed,’ Bean says roughly, and this time doesn’t wait to hear whether he’s got Hakyeon’s permission to leave. He walks out without a backward glance, and heads straight for the room. Changing into sweatpants and a long-sleeved t-shirt, he curls up right on the edge of the bed, covers tucked around him, and tries to will himself to sleep before Ravi comes back. If he does.

Ravi stumbles into the room at 1am, really quite drunk on soju and Leo’s attention. As always, it led nowhere, just general skinship in the hotel’s bar and a few playful kisses on his neck in the corridor when saying goodnight that had him clenching his fists so hard he still has little half-moon indentations in the palms of his hands. He strips off down to his boxers and slides into the bed with a sigh.

Bean was drifting off finally, but the sound of the door opening brings him wide awake. He doesn’t move as Ravi crashes into the room, tries not to flinch at the sound of Ravi’s clothes hitting the floor. Tries to keep his breathing even and slow as Ravi gets into bed, smelling of soju and sweat.

Ravi punches his pillow a couple of times and tries to settle. He rolls onto his back with a groan, his back popping as he stretches. He was tired walking to the room, but now that he’s in bed he’s annoyingly awake; he stares at the ceiling in the almost-darkness, listening to the soft breaths of his bedmate.

 _Go to sleep go to sleep go to sleep_ , thinks Bean. _Oh god, that noise_. He’s about five seconds away from just barrelling out of here and spending the night in the lobby or something. Only the fact that Ravi would know and that he’d probably catch hell from Hakyeon in the morning keeps him there. Trying to breathe like he’s asleep. Willing his heart to slow down.

Ravi clears his throat quietly, goes to speak, but thinks better of it. He wishes he were less aware of the warm body lying next to him.

 _Go to sleep go to sleep go to sleep, idiot_ , Bean tells himself. Because if Ravi talks to him, lying here in the dark, he doesn’t know what he can possibly say.

“Are you awake?” Ravi whispers.

 _Oh god_. Bean doesn’t respond, concentrating on his breathing.

“Typical,” Ravi says, thinking _I finally get enough drunk courage to talk to him and he’s asleep_. He rolls over, away from Bean, and closes his eyes, praying for sleep to take him soon.

 _What the hell was that about?_ Bean opens his eyes, staring at nothing. Praying for sleep to take him soon.

“I wish it could be like it was,” Ravi mumbles, on the edge of sleep.

 _So do I_ , thinks Bean, lying awake.

Ravi falls into a fitful, light sleep. He doesn't dream. 

Somewhere near dawn, Bean’s eyes finally close. He dreams of strong arms holding him gently, and his mouth twists in his sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rehearsal’s a disaster, at least for Bean. He keeps screwing up choreo that they’ve been doing for years, just forgetting steps here and there. It puts him offside with everyone, no matter how much he apologises. During the lunch break, Hakyeon pulls him aside. “What is going on with you today?” Hakyeon says, his voice soothing, concerned. “You’re so much better than this. What’s wrong?”
> 
> Ravi glances at them from across the room, then looks away.

Ravi has migrated to the middle of the bed by the time morning comes. He lies on his back, snoring quietly, his upper arm pressed against Bean’s back. 

_Warm. Feels good._ Bean drowses, nestling closer.

Ravi lets out a loud snore. The sound startles Bean awake. Sunlight from the open curtains stabs at his eyes. _Fuck. Hangover. Are you kidding me?_ There’s warmth against his back. He shifts. Freezes. _This cannot be happening._ He needs to get out of bed now, before Ravi wakes up. He doesn’t move. 

Ravi stops breathing for a moment, then laughs very softly, still asleep. He's dreaming now. The sound of his laugh is quiet but somehow manages to be utterly filthy. 

_He’s asleep, right? Please let him be asleep._ Bean starts to lift the covers, moving very carefully. There’s a loud knock on the door, and Bean jumps. Ravi grumbles in his sleep and turns away from the noise, rolling toward Bean, slinging an arm over his body. He sighs softly as he settles again, snuggled up to Bean’s back. 

Bean’s breath catches in his throat. Ravi’s pressed right up against him, so warm, Bean can feel the slow rise and fall of his chest. The slight breeze over the skin on the back of his neck makes him shiver, and to his horror, he feels himself getting hard. _He doesn’t know what he’s doing, it means nothing._ Bean knows he should find a way to get out of bed without waking Ravi. Can’t bring himself to do anything but lie there, trembling.

The knock sounds again, louder. Ravi shifts in his sleep, his arm around Bean tightening. He presses his face against the nape of Bean’s neck, lets out an unconscious sigh at the warmth, happy in his sleep. Bean wants to never move again. To push back with his hips. To turn over and kiss Ravi awake. Whoever’s at the fucking door won’t go away and he needs to move before he does something stupid. He struggles free of Ravi’s arm and goes to the door, tugging his top down low before he opens it just a little. ‘ _What?_ ’

Hyuk grins broadly and pushes the door open, barging into the room. “Gooooood mooooorning!” he shout-sings, cackling as Ravi groans and pulls Bean’s pillow over his head. “Hakyeon-hyung asked for a volunteer to wake you and I just couldn’t wait!” He jumps on the bed with his shoes on, a wicked grin on his face.

Bean doesn’t know whether to throttle Hyuk or buy him the biggest One Piece plushie he can find. This is the best kind of tension-breaker, but nothing the maknae does is ever straightforward these days. ‘Get your fucking shoes off the bed, dongsaeng,’ he grins.

Hyuk pulls his shoes off, throws them at Bean and jumps up and down again, laughing as he bounces Ravi on the bed. Ravi has murder in his heart. He yells at Hyuk to cut it the fuck out, but the maknae just pulls the covers off him and throws them away.

“I’m just following orders!” Hyuk says, not using his inside voice.

Bean’s mouth goes dry. He stands stock-still, eyes fixed on Ravi. Lying on the bed. In nothing but a pair of boxers. Hanging onto Bean’s pillow like it’s a shield. _God, he’s gorgeous. I am in so much trouble._ Ravi looks at Bean, about to appeal for help, but the look in Bean’s eye stops him short. It almost looks like - _no. No, it can’t be what it looks like._ Ravi launches himself at Hyuk, tackling him to the bed, the boy cackling like a madman and struggling.

When Ravi explodes into movement, it’s like cold water thrown in Bean’s face. _What the fuck am I doing?_ He grabs his bag and dives into the bathroom, strips and gets under the shower, opening the faucet all the way so that the water pounds down on him.

Hyuk watches Bean disappear into the bathroom and gives Ravi a quizzical look. “What’s going on there?” he asks.

Ravi shrugs, murmurs, “Hangover, maybe.”

Hyuk struggles free and falls onto the floor, scrambling away and retrieving his shoes. Ravi lies back down on the bed with a heavy sigh. “Eomma will come in if you don’t get up,” Hyuk says on his way out the door. Ravi makes a rude gesture at Hyuk and buries his head under the pillows again, lying face-down on top of the bottom sheet.

The water’s as hot as Bean can stand it, hard enough to make his head hurt even more. Not enough to take away the sight of Ravi on the bed or the feel of him pressed up tight. Bean drops his head against the tile, _get a grip get a fucking grip you idiot_.

Ravi snores, muffled by the pillows.

Slowly, Bean gets himself under control. He shuts off the shower, listening. It’s quiet out there. Hopefully that means Hyuk’s dragged Ravi out. Bean dresses quickly, leaving his hair damp and in disarray. It’s just going to get sweaty again after rehearsal, anyway. He steps out into the bedroom. _Oh, fuck._ Ravi’s just lying there, asleep again from the sound of it, and Bean can’t stop looking at him. 

Ravi sleeps on, oblivious, taking long, slow breaths, his boxers pulled down a little on one side by his tussle with Hyuk. Bean’s hands actually itch with the need to touch. He takes a step towards the bed, but pulls up short. Dumping his bag, he says loudly, none too steadily, ‘Get up, you’re already late’. 

Ravi groans and rolls over, still half-asleep, head still under the pillows. He’s noticeably hard in his flimsy boxer briefs. “I’m getting up,” he mumbles.

_Oh, no. No no no no. Did he have that when we were_ \- Bean flees.

Ravi sits up and Bean’s just gone. The door closes with a slam. He frowns, rubbing his forehead, and goes into the bathroom to shower. 

The rehearsal’s a disaster, at least for Bean. He keeps screwing up choreo that they’ve been doing for years, just forgetting steps here and there. It puts him offside with everyone, no matter how much he apologises. During the lunch break, Hakyeon pulls him aside. “What is going on with you today?” Hakyeon says, his voice soothing, concerned. “You’re so much better than this. What’s wrong?”

Ravi glances at them from across the room, then looks away.

Bean almost laughs, because he’s sure Hakyeon wouldn’t like the truth: _I’m fixated on my fucking room-mate and you’re making me share with him and it’s driving me crazy_. Instead, he scrubs his hands over his face and says, ‘I think I drank too much last night. Must have been more tired than I thought. I’m sorry, hyung. I’ll do better.’

“Early night tonight, Hongbinnie. No excuses,” Hakyeon says sternly. 

_Like that’s going to help._ ‘Sure. Whatever you say.’ He grins. ‘Eomma.’ 

Leo’s still paying entirely too much attention to Ravi. At break, Ravi slouches on the couch, eating a protein bar, and Leo lies sprawled out with his head resting on Ravi’s thighs. Ravi’s hungover and short tempered and it hasn’t escaped his notice that every time the choreo takes him anywhere near Bean, Bean fucks up. And now Leo’s lying in his lap, gazing up at him, looking kind of like an angel, and Ravi just wants to go back to the hotel and go to bed and pretend today never happened. 

God, Bean cannot _wait_ for this to be over. He needs to get away from all of them, because he doesn’t know if he wants to punch Leo or scream at Ravi or just pull Ravi into a green room and stick his tongue down Ravi’s throat and damn the consequences. And if he gets one more knowing smirk from Hyuk, he might just kick the maknae off the fucking stage.

Leo gazes up at Ravi with that almost-adoring look and Ravi blushes uncontrollably. “Why didn’t you ask to switch with Hakyeon?” Leo asks him.

“What do you mean?” Ravi asks cautiously.

“I’d be happy to share with you,” he says, then blinks slowly, biting his bottom lip lightly. Ravi just stares down at him. “Don’t you like me?” Leo asks softly.

Ravi frowns a little and says quietly, “You know I do.”

“Don’t want to share a bed with me?”

“Leo-”

“All right, back to work, lazy boys,” Hakyeon announces, and then they’re back to it.

Bean manages to do better during the afternoon performance, but every time he sees Leo giving Ravi kitty-eyes, and Ravi letting him drape all over him in the brief breaks, Bean’s instantly, jealously angry. He knows he has no right to be. If Ravi chooses Leo, there’s nothing Bean can do about that. It’s just - he never thought Ravi really swung that way, and that’s why he pulled back in the first place. And now Ravi hates him and it’s too late. 

Ravi is sick to death of the hatestares Bean has been giving him all day. He doesn’t look at Bean at all for the last two sets of the show. Even when the choreo requires Ravi to look at him, he looks just to the left of his face, his own face expressionless. He is done with today. 

_Fine. Fuck the pair of them._ Bean’s the first into the van for the ride back to the hotel, the first out, and down in the gym pounding at a kickbag before anyone gets the chance to talk to him. 

Ravi gets up to the empty room and sighs. He goes for a shower, not bothering to shut the bathroom door all the way. He doesn’t expect Bean will be back anytime soon, since he seems intent on avoiding Ravi, or pretending he doesn’t exist, or giving Ravi dirty looks which make his disdain for him clear. Ravi’s shower is a long one, much longer than he’d usually take, the hotel’s seemingly-endless hot water supply a balm for his tired muscles. By about halfway through he’s not even washing himself anymore, just stands mindlessly under the spray, staring blankly at the pattern on the shower wall’s feature tile strip.

There’s something particularly satisfying about beating the hell out of the bag. Bean’s no martial artist - although he picked up enough during _Moorim School_ to at least not kill himself - but kicking and punching this thing does wonders for working out frustration. He briefly considers switching to weights, or the bike, but he needs to move. He’ll pay for it tomorrow, but right now he doesn’t care. Finally running out of steam, he hits the showers.

After his shower, Ravi dresses in pyjamas and gets into bed, the room only lit by a bedside lamp. He just feels blank, mindlessly scrolling through apps, staring at Twitter, at Instagram, at nothing really. His phone is still in his hand on the pillow when he falls asleep, emotionally and physically exhausted.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ravi wakes up with a start and drops his phone on the floor. He looks up at the figure looming over him, breathes, “Time’s it?”
> 
> Somehow it’s easier to talk like this, where Ravi can’t see his face. ‘Time you stopped sleeping in a chair. You’ll cramp up. Come … go to bed.’
> 
> “You don’t want me there,” Ravi says quietly. “You don’t want me anywhere. You hate me.”

Thinking Ravi will be down at dinner with the others ( _or somewhere off with Leo - stop it_ ), Bean doesn’t bother being quiet when he gets back to the room. He’s already decided he’ll beg off the meal on the grounds of needing a good night’s sleep, maybe get something sent up later. Wait. He's here. _Pyjamas._ Well, at least that will be easier to deal with, but so much for the idea of an early night. Bean is much too awake to lie down with Ravi right there. _Just have to tough it out downstairs_. He pulls out his phone and texts Hyuk.

**> tell eomma i might be a bit late will you**  
**> too damn tired to deal with him rn**

**> > you ask so much of me**  
**> > FINE but you owe me**

The message alert tone of Bean’s phone wakes Ravi with a jerk and he drops his phone on the floor. He blinks tiredly and sits up, rubbing one eye. “Time’s it?” he says, his voice rough with sleep, looking at Bean, squinting against the light.

Startled, Bean looks up. Ravi’s sleepy and rumpled, and all Bean wants to do is slide into bed right next to him and - _stop it_. ‘Time for dinner,’ he says, trying to keep his tone conversational.

Ravi looks at Bean with open, unguarded longing for a long moment before catching himself and looking away. “Not hungry,” he mumbles. He looks over the side of the bed for his phone but can’t see it. “Can you call my phone? I think I lost it.”

That look. _No_. He’s seeing things in the dim light. Bean blinks. ‘Sure. Hang on.’ He calls up Ravi’s contact details and dials.

Ravi’s eyes widen as his phone’s ringtone for Bean - Suga’s verse from BTS’ _Run_ \- starts playing. He scrambles to find his phone as it rings. 

_But it’s no use, it’s a dream to be broken_  
_I run and run, but I’m not getting anywhere_

FUCK. It’s fallen down between the bed and the bedside table. Both pieces of furniture are fixed to the floor. The ringtone is still playing.

_Just burn me out, yes_  
_Keep pushing me away_

It’s still attached to its charger. Ravi carefully pulls the phone by the cable out of its hiding spot.

_This is a fool, crazy in love, chasing in circles_

He stabs the reject button. “Thanks,” he says. He can’t bring himself to look at Bean. He gets back into bed and closes his eyes, back turned on the room.

 _It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a fucking ringtone_. ‘Uh …’ Bean clears his throat, tries again. ‘Do you want me to tell Hakyeon you’re not coming down?’

“Yeah, please,” Ravi says softly. “Thank you.”

‘Right, I’ll, I’ll go do that.’ Bean heads for door, then stops. Not looking back, he says, ‘Sleep well.’ And is out the door, cursing himself.

Ravi opens his eyes and stares at the bathroom door for a moment before grabbing his phone and changing Bean’s ringtone to a nice, safe, harmless ‘old phone’ ring, but he suspects the damage has already been done. One simple song has flayed him open, exposing his best-kept secret to Bean. _He’s going to hate me even more now_.

Left no choice now, Bean heads down to dinner. Any plan to hide in the room went out the window the minute he saw Ravi curled up in the bed. He hits the elevator button, mind whirling. What was with that ringtone? It’s got to be some kind of coincidence. Ravi likes the way the Bangtan boys trade off rapping between three of them; he must have chosen it for that reason. But he’s a lyricist, so why that particular bit? Why something that sounded like an accusation? _Reading in, you’re reading in, stop it_. The elevator chimes, startling him.

When he enters the restaurant, he ignores Hyuk’s surprised look, sits down at the table and without preamble, turns to Hakyeon and says, ‘Ravi’s tired. He said to say sorry for not making it.’ 

“Oh no he didn’t,” Hakyeon says. “Do not say that to me.”

 _Wow. Eomma’s in one of those moods_. ‘Look, it was a big day, he’s exhausted, I’d be asleep myself if I wasn’t so hungry …’ He doesn’t know why he’s making excuses.

Ravi sighs as his phone chimes on the nightstand. He checks it and it’s a text from Hakyeon because _of course it is_.

**> 5 minutes and not a second longer, Kim Wonshik, I mean it.**

Ravi sighs again and throws back the covers, plodding to his suitcase and throwing on a pair of almost-obscenely-ripped jeans and a hoodie. Sighing again, he shoves his phone into his pocket and slips on a pair of shoes without undoing the laces, standing on the backs of them. He trudges out to the elevator and presses the button.

Tonight is clearly not the time to be on Hakyeon’s bad side. Bean waits until the leader turns to engage Leo in conversation, and, holding his phone under the table, fires off a quick text to Ravi.

**> sorry**  
**> i tried**  
**> eomma’s in a MOOD**

 

Ravi checks his phone, getting a little nervous twinge when he sees Bean’s name. _Get a grip_ , he tells himself.

**> > Thanks for trying. Appreciate it.**

 

He walks into the restaurant four and a half minutes after he received Hakyeon’s text and frowns when he sees that the only free seat is next to Leo. Hopefully he won’t be in a flirty mood. He sits down and pours himself a glass of water, not making eye contact with anyone.

Reading the text, Bean is surprised and pleased that Ravi actually answered. Even if it did sound stilted and formal, it’s something. Then Ravi appears at the table and sits straight down - next to Leo, again - and won’t even look at him. 

Ravi can feel Bean looking at him, can feel himself heating up under his gaze. He feels humiliated, exposed. He’s holding onto the irrational, illogical hope that Bean somehow doesn’t know the song, didn’t read anything into the lyrics. He’d set the custom ringtone in a fit of late-night drunken pining, confident in the knowledge that Bean would never hear it, because why would he call Ravi if he was within earshot? As soon as the phone had started ringing he’d realised his mistake. Ravi picks up a menu, pretends to study it, but he’s really looking through it.

Stupid. Stupid to even think that ringtone meant anything. Why does he keep doing this to himself? Leo’s giving Ravi kitty-eyes again, and Bean can’t stand it, but with Hakyeon acting like this, there’s no way he’ll be fine with anyone leaving the table. _Not my fucking keeper_ , but it’s ingrained in all of them to defer to Hakyeon. So he sits at the table and just orders whatever Hyuk’s having, and doesn’t taste it.

Ravi gently pushes Leo off when he starts to get overfamiliar, and concentrates on eating, forcing the food down, no appetite for anything but sleep and forgetting this disastrous day.

It’s encouraging to see Ravi fend off Leo. It shouldn’t be. As soon as Jaehwan starts enthusiastically talking about dessert, Bean looks directly at Hakyeon and says, ‘Nothing for me. I need an early night.’

Ravi glances at Bean, then looks away quickly. _He can’t wait to get away from me_ , he thinks. _This tour isn’t going to be hell, it’s going to be **torture**_.

Bean can’t go back to the room, not yet. He heads up to the rooftop pool area and lies down on a lounger, looking up at the light-polluted sky. Trying not to think about anything. 

Ravi stays at the table until dessert is finished and Hakyeon leaves. Leo slips an arm around his waist as they walk to the elevator and Ravi gently shrugs him off, murmurs, “I’m too tired for this tonight, Leo, please.”

Leo frowns slightly and steps away. “Of course. My apologies.”

Ravi closes his eyes as he presses the button for the elevator. He can almost feel the icy chill radiating from Leo. He’s too tired to care.

It’s still fairly warm up on the roof, Bean can feel the beginnings of a chill. He pulls his jacket closer around himself, turns on his side. He’s got to stop reacting like this. It’s only going to be for two more nights, then they’ll move on to another city and if there’s any kind of mercy in the world, he’ll have his own room. He’s behaving like a complete bastard to Ravi.

Bean isn’t in the room when Ravi gets there. _Of course. Why would he be? He’s probably going to sleep on Hyukkie and Jaehwan’s floor rather than stay with me. Probably afraid I’ll try and jump him in the night, or… talk to him in any way. How did this get so messed up?_ Ravi puts his pyjamas on, again, and looks at the bed, frowning. He could have slept all night earlier, but now he’s weary and wide awake. He drags the room’s one chair over to the floor to ceiling window and sits, looking out at the night.

Digging his phone out of his jacket pocket, Bean checks the time. It should be late enough that he can safely go back to the room. He calls up the stored contacts, selects _Ravi_ , taps. Pauses, looking at the screen.

_Edit Ringtone_

He should. He really should. But it’s not like Ravi ever calls him, anyway. With a wry twist of his mouth, he hits _cancel_. Stuffs his phone back into his pocket and heads back downstairs.

Ravi sits with his phone’s chat app open, his old chats with Bean, from when they were friends, on the screen. Before today, the last messages they exchanged were three months ago. He thinks about sending a message now, trying to explain, trying to make things right between them. He doesn’t know where he’d even begin. He doesn’t know why things changed, although he has his suspicions. And now… He sighs quietly and locks his phone, looks out the window again. And falls asleep, sitting in the chair, curled up.

Bean lets himself in the room quietly. It’s completely dark. Must already be - _oh._ The bed’s empty. Bean sits down heavily on his side of the bed, turning the room keycard over in his hands. _Where could he - no_. It doesn’t matter where Ravi is. That’s not his business. There’s a tiny snore from over by the window. Bean jumps, squinting in the gloom. The chair’s facing the window, and when he stands up, he can just make out the figure hunkered down in it. He doesn’t know how long he just looks down at Ravi, watching him sleep. Finally, he calls softly, ‘Hey.’

Ravi wakes up with a start and drops his phone on the floor. He looks up at the figure looming over him, breathes, “Time’s it?”

Somehow it’s easier to talk like this, where Ravi can’t see his face. ‘Time you stopped sleeping in a chair. You’ll cramp up. Come … go to bed.’

“You don’t want me there,” Ravi says quietly. “You don’t want me anywhere. You hate me.”

‘ _What_?’ Bean’s completely taken aback. ‘No, I don’t … _hate you_? Are you crazy, I -’ _Shut up stop talking shut up_.

“Go to bed, Hongbin. I’m fine here,” Ravi says. He closes his eyes again, willing Bean to leave him be.

 _Hongbin. He never calls me that_. That hurts. ‘Don’t be a fucking idiot,’ Bean says angrily. ‘Hakyeon will have your hide if you turn up tomorrow too stiff to dance.’

“I'm not a child, Bean, don't treat me like one,” Ravi mutters without opening his eyes. “I get enough of that shit from Fearless Leader.”

Bean’s shoulders slump. ‘Look. I know you fucking hate this. It’s only two more nights. Don’t be a martyr about it, okay?’

Ravi sighs, bends to pick up his phone, stands and walks over to the bed without looking at Bean. He gets into the bed and turns onto his side without another word. 

After a few minutes, Bean goes into the bathroom and changes into the sweats he wore last night. He looks at himself in the mirror. _Of course he thinks I hate him. Maybe it’s better that he does_. Even his reflection doesn’t look convinced. Hanging his head, he flips off the light and stands in the dark for a long moment. Then goes back into the bedroom and gets into bed, lies turned away from Ravi. And hopes like hell he can sleep.

Ravi lies awake, body tense, listening to the smallest sounds Bean makes. He can’t wait to get to the next city, the next hotel, the next roommate. He’s praying for twin beds in the next hotel. He’d even settle for Leo swinging between playful sexual harassment and the coldest of cold shoulders, rather than suffer through this again.

Mercifully, Bean is so exhausted that he falls asleep before dawn.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ravi would give anything not to feel this way. He wants to cut out the part of him that _wants_ , against reason, against sense, against sanity. He wants something he can never have. 
> 
> The bathroom door slams. Bean opens his eyes, blinking furiously, hating that he’s so soft that Ravi can do this to him. Hating that he can’t just hate Ravi back. _Why do I keep needing you when I know I’ll get hurt?_

When Ravi wakes up after a brief, fitful sleep, he’s mortified to find that he’s moved in the night to crowd poor Bean up against the edge of the bed. He’s pressed against him along the full length of his body and he freezes, terrified that if he moves Bean will wake and _know_.

It’s a simple dream, really. Nothing weird or surreal, just a dream of being held, and warmed, and wanted. Almost pathetic. Bean shifts in his sleep, snuggling back into Ravi, sighing. 

Ravi holds his breath as Bean shifts against him and lets out a noise that Ravi can’t unhear. He pulls back very slowly, moving to lie on his back on his side of the bed. His chest is still warm from Bean’s back, and there’s an ache inside it. Bean turns over, a slight frown on his sleeping face. For a moment it seems like he’ll wake, but then he relaxes again, one hand resting on the sheet, fingers outstretched. Ravi glances at Bean’s hand and has to push down his crazy impulse to reach out. He turns onto his side, facing away, and tries to go back to sleep. 

It’s not warm anymore. Bean makes a quiet, sleepy noise of protest, sliding his hand across the sheet. His fingers make contact with Ravi’s back, and he sighs again. Ravi jolts, eyes snapping open, when he feels Bean’s fingers on his back. He swallows and stays perfectly still, closing his eyes again, focusing on the points of contact between them. _I should move away. I should get up. Why aren’t I getting up?_

Bean shifts again, chasing the warmth. Almost face down now, his whole hand resting lightly against Ravi’s back. Ravi pulls away with reluctance, lying right on the edge of the bed. He should be getting up. Part of him wants Bean to move again. _He **is** asleep, isn’t he? This can’t be something he’s doing consciously…_

Robbed of warmth, Bean simply snuggles down, letting out a strange little noise as his body moves against the sheet. He breathes in deeply, mouth open, _smells good_. 

Ravi groans quietly, his brow creasing. _That noise. God. Getting up any second now_. 

It’s a bittersweet dream, one he’s had before. Bean hates it almost as much as he craves it, because it’s both maddening and wonderful. Little touches of skin on skin in the dark, but always moving just a little further out of reach, no matter how much he reaches out. All he’s left with is the scent. Bean rubs his face against the sheet, makes another soft sound, this time shaded around with just a tinge of pain. 

Ravi squeezes his eyes closed. The noises Bean is making are like little jolts through his central nervous system. He wants to hear them. He wants to be the one causing them. He wants to turn over and take Bean in his arms, take him in a kiss, let himself go and just _take him_. His hopeless desire makes his body ache. 

Bean’s fist clenches in the sheet, face tight. Barely above a whisper, slurred by sleep, ‘please …’ 

_Oh **fuck**_. Ravi’s out of the bed like a shot, into the bathroom, pushing the door closed. It doesn’t close all the way and, distracted, he doesn’t notice. He leans against the bathroom sink, breathing out slowly. The effect one word has had on him… He shakes his head, thinking _No. Not acceptable_. He only needs to keep it together until the next city, the next game of kai-bai-bo. He can do that. _I can do that_. He turns on the shower, sheds his pyjamas and steps under the cold water. A cold shower is definitely what he needs. He frowns down at his unwanted erection, murmuring, “Traitor.” 

Jolted out of the dream by the movement of the bed, Bean lies still for a moment, eyes closed. Only one more night, and with any luck they’ll be so exhausted by the time they have to come back here that they’ll just crash. Bean opens his eyes. _What?_ He’s face-down in the middle of the bed, practically on Ravi’s side. He sits up, looking around wildly. No sign of Ravi, but he can hear the shower running. _Don’t tell me_ … he flops back down with a groan. 

The cold water isn’t having the desired effect. Ravi closes his eyes and shivers, trying to make his hard-on go down by force of will alone. It’s not working. The fact that when he closes his eyes all he can picture is Bean in his arms, really doesn’t help. The sounds he made. The way he reached out in sleep to Ravi. He knows it’s wrong, and he knows he shouldn’t, that in doing this he’s only torturing himself, but at the same time it’s not the _first_ time, and if he’s honest with himself, he knows it won’t be the last. Ravi curls his hand around his cock, letting out a shuddering breath as his hips instinctively push forward. 

The best thing to do, Bean decides, is to simply pretend to still be asleep. Ravi always takes quick showers, he'll be out and gone in only a few minutes. Probably even fewer than usual, given how eager he's been to avoid being in the same room. He turns over, facing his side of the bed. _He's left the door open_. It shouldn't make a difference, Bean can't see into the shower anyway. It does. The idea climbs right into his head and won't stop supplying him with images that do absolutely nothing for his peace of mind. _Stop it_ , he tells himself. 

Ravi reaches out with one hand and supports himself against the tiled wall of the shower. _Oh_. With Bean in the next room, he gets a dirty thrill from it. He jerks himself hard, his mouth falling open under the water, thinking about Bean lying on the bed, soft with sleep, making those little groaning and sighing noises… imagining going back in there and pressing his face against his taut abs while Bean breathes “ _Please_...” ... _Oh fuck_. 

_This is crazy_ , thinks Bean, trying to push away the mental picture of Ravi naked, standing under the shower. Of water sliding over his body, the shift and flex of muscle as he moves. Of going right in there and … Bean rolls onto his back, trying to calm down, breathing deeply. The bed even smells like Ravi, _oh god, I am not doing this, I’m not, he’ll be out in a few minutes_. But that idea sinks even deeper hooks into him, and he can’t stop himself, he pushes a hand into his sweatpants and wraps his fingers around his cock. Clamps a hand over his mouth to stifle the groan that he can’t keep in. 

Ravi's hand is moving fast now, the water beating down on the back of his hung head, shoulder working. Imagining waking up next to Bean and grinding against his sleeping body. He knows it's wrong. He knows he shouldn't be thinking this. He can't stop thinking about Bean’s warm body in his arms. 

There’s no time to string this out, to indulge himself as he’s done far too often lately. Ravi could be back in the room any second. See Bean lying there with his hand moving in his pants, hips off the bed, ohh he _wants_ that. _This is wrong, this is so wrong_ , he’s close already, breathing frantically into one hand as he thrusts into the other, _fuck_. 

Ravi stifles a groan, biting his lips, and throws his head back as he comes, his hips thrusting against his hand, an image of Bean naked, desperate, _his_ , in his mind. 

Pictures in his head, Bean caught in Ravi’s arms, Ravi wanting him, hungry for him, hard for him, Ravi holding him down right on this bed and _taking_ him. He bites down hard on his hand, ‘ _Ravi_ ,’ comes shuddering, panicking, _did he hear_? 

Ravi lets out a long, slow breath, watching his load wash off the shower wall and down the drain. His heart is still racing, and his body still aches to touch Bean. Just once. He closes his eyes. 

Bean’s eyes fly open, hoping, dreading. _Not here_ , and his hand falls away from his mouth. He struggles to get his breathing under control, turns on his side, drawing the sheet around him. _Idiot, idiot, idiot_. 

Ravi washes himself efficiently and turns off the water. He stands dripping for a minute, staring at the drain. He turns and reaches for his - _oh. Towel_. His towel which is on the floor at the foot of the bed, still neatly folded from Housekeeping’s visit and having been kicked there in the night. 

Bean hears the water shut off, and his breathing stutters. _Calm down. Just wait him out_. He closes his eyes and feigns sleep. 

Ravi walks to the bathroom door, only noticing now that it was partially open the whole time, and peeks through the crack. Bean’s asleep. Okay, good. He can work with that. He grabs his pyjama top, holds it in front of his crotch and creeps into the bedroom. Bean hears Ravi’s careful movements. Just a few more minutes. All he has to do is lie still. His nose twitches. _Dammit_. He sneezes. No point pretending now. He stretches and opens his eyes. _Oh, my god_. 

Ravi freezes, his mouth open. He feels like a rabbit caught in headlights. He clutches his crumpled pyjama top against his groin. “Uhhh. Towel,” he says lamely. _Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck_. 

Bean can’t stop staring, knows he’s blushing stupidly. But Ravi’s looking at him like he’s the last person in the world he wants to see right now. Like there’s something wrong with him. ‘Sure. Whatever,’ he says roughly, lying down facing away from Ravi, heartsick and angry. 

_Oh fuck_. Angry, embarrassed, disgusted, you name it - Ravi has just seen it all on Bean’s face. He expects it by now, but it still stings. He grabs his towel and yesterday’s clothes and goes back into the bathroom without another word. He closes the door and rests his forehead against it. Ravi would give anything not to feel this way. He wants to cut out the part of him that _wants_ , against reason, against sense, against sanity. He wants something he can never have. 

The bathroom door slams. Bean opens his eyes, blinking furiously, hating that he’s so soft that Ravi can do this to him. Hating that he can’t just hate Ravi back. _Why do I keep needing you when I know I’ll get hurt?_ He flings himself out of bed, snatches up a handful of clothes and is out the door. 

When Ravi emerges from the bathroom, he's not surprised to see Bean has gone. Probably horrified. _Probably thinks I'm some kind of sex pest now_. The thought of facing him fills Ravi with even more dread than before. 

Bean heads straight for the gym and hits the showers. He stands under the water leaning his head and clenched fists against the tile, trying to push down everything. 

When Ravi gets down to the restaurant for breakfast, Bean is nowhere to be seen. He sits down miserably next to Leo. _Why is the only spare seat always next to Leo?_ Leo looks at Ravi for a very long moment before slipping an arm around his shoulders. Ravi, grateful, lets him. 

Hakyeon, sipping tea, raises an eyebrow. ‘Where is Hongbin-ah?’ 

Ravi shrugs one shoulder. “Do I look like his mom?” 

Hyuk lets out a long, low whistle. ‘Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. Oh - wait.’ 

“Go fuck yourself, Hyukkie,” Ravi snaps. 

“ _Wonshik-ah_!” Hakyeon says sharply. 

“Sorry,” Ravi says. “I'm sorry.” 

Hyuk looks over at Jaehwan, mouths _wow_. 

‘You’re roommates. I expect you to at least have some idea of where each other is,’ says Hakyeon. ‘I suggest you call him. Now.’ 

“I left my phone in the room,” Ravi lies. 

Bean leaves the gym, stuffing his soiled sweatpants into a garbage chute with a bitter twist to his mouth. Resigned to facing the music, he heads for the restaurant, pulling out his phone to check for annoyed texts from Hakyeon. 

‘I call bullshit,’ says Hyuk. ‘You never go anywhere without that thing. Hey Jyani, bet you five won it’s in his pocket.’ 

‘No bet,’ laughs Jaehwan. 

‘Do not test my patience any further,’ Hakyeon says firmly. ‘The pair of you are nothing but trouble so far this tour.’ 

Ravi sighs and pulls out his phone. He dials Bean with a lead ball of dread in the pit of his stomach. 

Just inside the doors of the restaurant, Bean spots the others. Ravi’s next to Leo again - of course. He starts towards them. His phone rings in his hand, the opening of BTS’ _Fake Love_. 

_If it’s for you_  
_I can act like I’m happy even when I’m sad_  
_If it’s for you_  
_I can act strong even when it hurts_

_Oh, fuck_. It’s Ravi. That stupid, bitter ringtone, chosen one sleepless night when he was trying to convince himself he could keep it all down. _Should have deleted it_. Bean fumbles to silence the breathy baritone, right in his range, drops the phone. Dives for it but only succeeds in kicking it under another table. 

_Hoping love will be perfected with only love_  
_Hoping that all my weaknesses will be hidden_  
_In this dream that won’t ever come true_  
_I grew a flower that couldn’t be blossomed_

_I’m so sick of -_ Ravi stares at Bean, his eyes cold. The ringtone strikes him as a mockery of his exposure from the previous day. _Making fun of me. Mocking me. I didn't think he was this cruel. I don't know how he could do this. I don't know how **anyone** could do this_. He looks away and Leo, sensing that something is terribly wrong, pulls Ravi a little closer. 

Bean turns and runs. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s still another night to go before they can possibly get away from each other. Bean’s just afraid that by then, there’ll be nothing left to salvage of his friendship with the man he once only half-jokingly called his soulmate.
> 
> ...
> 
> “Can we talk?” Ravi says, looking very uncomfortable, avoiding looking Bean in the eye.
> 
>  _Seriously? He wants to do this now?_ ‘What?’ says Bean shortly.

Ravi sits at the back of the van, up against the window, when it arrives to take them to the venue. He pulls his snapback down low and slouches in his seat, earpods in. Jaehwan decides to sit next to him and he’s grateful for that, because he doesn’t know if he can deal with either Bean or Leo right now.

Bean has the unenviable task of sitting next to Hakyeon, since Leo unexpectedly claimed the front passenger seat. It’s probably not that surprising, though; the vocalist always gets withdrawn before a concert. Luckily, Hakyeon doesn’t seem inclined to talk, either, so Bean escapes into his music for a while and kicks himself all over again. He should have changed the ringtone as soon as he heard Ravi’s. He doesn’t know why he didn’t. Fuck knows what Ravi thought, but the look on his face was … Bean shuts his eyes. 

There’s still another night to go before they can possibly get away from each other. Bean’s just afraid that by then, there’ll be nothing left to salvage of his friendship with the man he once only half-jokingly called his soulmate.

Still exhausted from his fitful sleep the night before, Ravi dozes off on the short journey to the venue. He wakes with a jolt when Jaehwan slaps his thigh too-hard. He gives him a sleepy deathstare.

No solo, thank god. Ordinarily Bean would be annoyed about that, but he just doesn’t have the energy today. It’s going to be hard enough getting through the setlist as it is. He’ll push through, hopefully not forgetting the Japanese lyrics this time. That’s not what worries him. It’s some of the choreo. Especially _Error_. They pile into the green rooms and everything descends into pre-show chaos. Bean doesn’t even try to catch Ravi’s eye. What’s the point?

Ravi sits in the makeup chair in his stage costume, staring straight ahead at the mirror. The makeup artist tuts at the dark circles under his eyes and gets out the heavy-duty concealer. Ravi’s mind is racing. He needs to do _something_. He can’t let this affect their performance today. He doesn’t want to be the reason Bean isn’t his best on stage, the thought of it makes him desperately sad. Once his hair and makeup is done, he looks around the room, locating Bean, and goes directly to him. “Can we talk?” Ravi says, looking very uncomfortable, avoiding looking Bean in the eye.

 _Seriously? He wants to do this now?_ ‘What?’ says Bean shortly.

Ravi tries not to let his face show his hurt. “I just… I don’t want whatever our problem is with each other at the moment to affect our performance. Starlight deserve us at our best, and we… we owe it to ourselves to be at our best out there. And I’d hate to think that… something I’ve done is ruining this for you. I want you to enjoy performing and I just…” Ravi shakes his head, looking really angry with himself. “I’m not explaining this well at all. I just want us to be okay out there. I want…” _Oh god Ravi you’re not going to cry, you are not going to cry_ ... “I want to try and put whatever’s going on here aside for the day. I’ll do whatever you need me to, to make that happen. So… yeah. That’s… that’s _what_.”

Ravi breathes out slowly, looking at the floor.

For a moment, Bean just stares, mouth open. ‘Look … I … oh, _fuck_.’ What can he say to that? ‘Okay. Okay. I’m sorry, I’ve been a bastard to you, I just …’ _Just want to go back in time and not be a fucking coward and tell you how I feel before it’s too late. Just want to punch Leo every time I see him put his hands on you. Just want you to_ … ‘You don’t have to do anything. I’ll, I’ll pull my head in.’

Ravi doesn’t know what makes it feel like the right thing to do, but he takes Bean in a sudden, tight hug. Softly he says, “I love you, man.” The way he says it makes the unspoken ‘no homo’ very apparent. Or at least he hopes it does.

Taken completely by surprise, Bean reflexively brings his arms up to hug Ravi back. Then Ravi’s words sink in, and he stiffens as his stupid heart leaps. _He doesn’t mean it like that you know he doesn’t_. ‘Uh … right back at you?’

Now that he’s touching Bean, holding him in his arms, he doesn’t want to let go. He breathes in and realises that was a mistake - _he smells amazing_ \- and pats Bean’s back awkwardly before stepping back, looking anywhere but at Bean. His heart is racing and he wants to reach out again.

Bean says nothing. He’s _got_ nothing, only an ache in his chest and an almost overwhelming urge to throw himself back into Ravi’s arms. He just stares.

‘Hurry up, lovebirds!’ calls Hyuk. Bean starts, and turns away, rummaging in his bag.

Ravi mutters, “Murder is still illegal, right?”

Even though he can’t look at Ravi, in spite of everything, Bean snorts with laughter. ‘I didn’t see anything.’

“It’s only a crime if you get caught. Hide a body with me?” Ravi says, and he can’t help it, he makes it sound like a date.

Bean knows Ravi doesn’t mean it like it sounds. But it’s something. Maybe they can get through this leg of the tour after all. ‘You get the plastic bags, I’ll lure him in. Hey, Hyukkie! Give me a hand over here?’ He doesn’t let himself think that it’s not going to be this easy later.

Hyuk eyes them both with suspicion and stays exactly where he is. Ravi laughs, looking down at Bean. He feels warm for the first time in months.

It’s fun, joking around like this with Ravi. Like it used to be. Before Bean fucked it all up. And it hurts, because as much as he wants to, Bean can’t cut out how he feels. He forces a smile and stands up. ‘We’d better get out there.’

Ravi just looks at him, a tight feeling in his chest. A tight, _pleasant_ feeling. He gives Bean an unguarded smile. “Yeah, let’s go.”

 _God, he’s beautiful_. Bean aches to just take Ravi’s face in his hands and kiss him breathless. He says, ‘Lead the way.’

\---

For the most part, the concert goes well. There are the usual forgivable slip-ups - slightly sloppy spacing, cracked notes when they’re out of breath from dancing, the occasional costume malfunction. Nothing disastrous, and Bean finds himself actually smiling without meaning to, for the first time in days. Right up until _Error_ , and it’s every bit as awful as he’d feared, because he can’t help flinching when Ravi steps up close behind him and pushes his arms through the circle made by the hands Bean links behind his back.

[](https://ibb.co/f4JD4MK)

As Ravi pulls away from the position he has another crazy impulse and this time he doesn't stop himself. He couldn't say why if asked. As Hyuk steps in front of Bean, Ravi withdraws, but trails his fingertips over Bean’s ribs, around to his spine. He lets his hands rest there for as long as he can get away with before moving to the next position. Ravi’s hands are shaking, his heart racing. _Why did I do that, oh god_. He mistimes one step, shakes himself internally and refocuses.

Bean’s breath catches, choking off the last note. _What the fuck?_ Ravi’s hands on his back, _what is he **doing**_ , Bean’s out of step and scrambling to catch up again. _Doesn’t mean anything, he’s just messing with me_. And somehow that’s worse, because Bean can feel the heat of Ravi’s hands long after the next song and the next costume change. He grits his teeth and pushes through, but he’s on edge.

Ravi can't look at Bean. _Can't_. He's panicking but also _thrilled_. Like he's stolen something and gotten away with it. He knows he hasn't really, he knows there'll be consequences, but that one touch… he'll be thinking about that for a while. 

Hakyeon pulls Bean aside between sets. ‘ _Concentrate_ ,’ he practically hisses. ‘You’re throwing everyone else off.’ He stalks away, leaving Bean staring at the floor. If Ravi hadn’t done that - no. It’s his own stupid fault. Bean throws himself into the rest of the concert with an intense focus that shuts out everything but breathing and moving and picking up his cues.

Ravi is a consummate professional for the rest of the show. He acts like nothing has happened. Like he hasn't just thrown Bean under the bus. He saw the reaction and now he feels incredibly guilty. _After what I said to Bean, I did that to him. Selfish asshole. He's right to hate me_. 

Bean gets through it. Somehow. He even gets a word of praise from Hakyeon afterwards, and it’s all he can do not to just bite the leader’s head off. He’s furious with himself, swears not to be so fucking soft anymore. 

They’re all exhausted, but it’s a tradition by now. The post-concert party, usually held in Hakyeon’s room. Bean would rather be anywhere else, but he can’t excuse himself without drawing fire from the others. So he occupies the only chair in the room and pretends to read gamer forums while he drinks soju steadily and ignores the sweet snacks scattered around the room.

Ravi sprawls on the floor against the wall, beer in hand, and is unsurprised when Leo comes and sits next to him. Leo has had a few drinks and he really doesn't have a high tolerance for alcohol at all, so he's even more tactile than usual. He snuggles into Ravi’s side, face pressed against his neck. Ravi can't help the way his body reacts, gooseflesh blooming all down his right side. He closes his eyes, frowning. 

“You're so tense all the time, Shikkie. Why is that?” Leo breathes right into his ear, lips brushing, his soft voice almost musical. “Why are you so wound up?”

Ravi sighs, opens his eyes and looks anywhere other than at Bean. “Don't know. Just am.”

“You weren't always this way,” Leo says. “You used to be much more affectionate.”

Ravi doesn't know what to say to that, so he just makes a noncommittal noise and shrugs a shoulder. 

Even with his eyes mostly fixed on the screen, Bean can’t miss what’s going on right next to him. It makes his hand tighten on the phone, fingers almost white with strain. It’s not even Leo’s behaviour, because it wouldn’t be the first time the vocalist got drunk and fell all over them. It’s the way Ravi _lets_ him do it, lets him go even further. Kissing his neck, whispering in his ear, and it’s clear Ravi’s enjoying it. Bean tries to tell himself it’s not some kind of object lesson aimed at him, and that he has no business being jealous anyway, but he still feels Ravi’s hands on his back and from where he sits, Ravi’s making it clear now what he prefers. _Fuck him. Fuck both of them_. Bean shifts in the chair to turn away from them slightly, and doesn’t bother with pouring shots anymore, just drinks straight from the bottle. Tells himself he’s not watching, doesn’t care.

Ravi sees Bean turn away from him out of the corner of his eye. The last little bit of exhilaration he felt during their murder plot earlier falls away. He's screwed up, again. Ravi turns his head, presses his face against Leo’s cheek. Leo lets out a small, unsteady breath and for just a moment Ravi feels wanted. _Liked_. Maybe it's just Leo being drunk and uninhibited, maybe it's his own loneliness getting the better of him, but he brushes his lips lightly against Leo’s cheekbone before pulling away. He can feel Leo looking at him. He takes a drink of his beer and doesn't look at him. 

_You fucker. You complete bastard_. Bean has to bite down on the inside of his cheek to keep from just yelling that in Ravi’s face. He needs to get out of here before he does something really stupid. Draining the bottle, Bean stands unsteadily and slurs in a horribly cheerful tone, ‘Permission to crash, Fearless Leader?’

Hakyeon, drunk-blushing and giggling stupidly at something Jaehwan said, flaps a hand in Bean’s general direction. ‘Permission granted,’ he hiccups. 

Bean picks his way carefully to the door, barely avoiding falling over Hyuk’s outstretched legs. ‘Lightweight,’ grins the maknae, and Bean makes a rude gesture. _Look at me, pretending to be all social_.

As soon as he’s out in the corridor, the mask falls away. Bean’s face twists. He can’t go back to the room, not that it’s likely Ravi will get anywhere near there tonight. He just can’t lie in that bed again, so he goes up to the roof and flops down under his jacket on a lounger. And tries very hard not to give Ravi the satisfaction of making him cry.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ravi's out in the corridor, two steps away from Hakyeon’s room when a hand grabs his wrist and stops him. He turns to ask _what the fuck_ and Leo moves like he's not drunk at all, slipping an arm around Ravi’s waist and pulling him close. “Don't go,” he says, looking at Ravi’s mouth. “Please.”
> 
> ...

Ravi hits the soju after Bean makes his announcement in that horrible pretend-cheerful voice. He hits the soju _hard_. He trades shots with Leo, getting drunker and drunker as the night wears on. A little after midnight, he announces, “I'm going to bed.” He stands successfully on the second attempt and Leo just kneels in front of him, looking like Ravi’s kicked his puppy. Even drunk as he is, he knows he shouldn't stay any longer. Especially not with a drunk affectionate Leo _on his knees_ in front of him. “Good night,” he says, ignoring Leo. He heads for the door. 

He's out in the corridor, two steps away from Hakyeon’s room when a hand grabs his wrist and stops him. He turns to ask _what the fuck_ and Leo moves like he's not drunk at all, slipping an arm around Ravi’s waist and pulling him close. “Don't go,” he says, looking at Ravi’s mouth. “Please.”

 _Fuck. Of all the fucking times to decide you're not teasing after all_. “Leo…”

“Don't tell me no,” Leo says softly. “Please stay.”

Ravi closes his eyes, breathes out slowly. And that's when Leo kisses him. 

Ravi pulls away, pushing on Leo’s chest, and stumbles backward a couple of steps. The look on Leo’s face is terrible - hurt, anger, what Ravi now sees is genuine desire. _Fuck_. Ravi turns and walks to the door to his room, ignoring Leo’s anguished ‘ _Wonshik_ ’. He pauses with his hand on the door handle. He can't face Bean, not after everything that's happened today. Not like this. He walks to the elevator, Leo calling his name one final time before going back into his own hotel room. _What a disaster_. 

_It’s not even cold up here_ , thinks Bean. At least, not with the amount he’s drunk tonight. Soju’s a great cushion for physical discomfort. Pity it can’t shut his head up. He lets out a frustrated groan, thudding his head back on the wooden lounger. He’s got no right to feel like this. None. Ravi made it clear months ago that he thought Bean was getting too close. A sleepy cuddle and some skinship doesn’t change that. But … _the way he looked at me in the dark_. No, just his own stupid imagination and he must have let something slip. He can’t even tell himself anymore that it’s just that Ravi doesn’t swing that way, because what happened down in Hakyeon’s room? Was a fucking slap in the face. 

They’re probably together right now, Ravi and Leo. Bean’s mouth twists. _LR_. It’d be funny if it didn’t hurt so much. He has to accept it. That’s just the way things are. He can’t. He _can’t_ watch this happen. He can’t think about Ravi like this anymore. He can’t hope for something that he’ll never have. He can’t stop himself.

Bean throws his arm across his eyes and cries drunken stupid tears until finally the soju drags him down to unconsciousness.

The hotel bar is full of people. _Don't they have somewhere to be?_ Ravi considers losing himself in the crowd for a millisecond before deciding that what he really wants is to be alone. He goes back to the elevator. When one arrives, he steps in and presses the button for the roof. It's a beautiful, clear night. The rooftop is lit with strings of tiny twinkling lights. Ravi feels too numb to appreciate it. He walks away from the lights, to the chest-height wall around the rooftop. He looks out over the city blankly. _Leo kissed me. Bean hates me. What am I going to do?_ Ravi hangs his head, eyes squeezed closed against the darkness. _What can I do?_

Bean’s arm falls away from his swollen eyes, knocking against the arm of the lounger. He doesn’t stir.

Ravi looks out on the city again, lost in the turmoil in his head and heart. He feels unpleasantly hot from drinking and cold at the same time. _If he doesn't want me… and Leo does…_ No. Leo deserves better than that. Ravi doesn't, but Leo does. He won't do that. But the temptation is definitely there. 

Bean’s phone rings. EXO’s _Monster_. Bean shifts in his sleep, muttering incoherently.

Ravi turns, seeing a shape on one of the loungers in a darkened corner. He moves closer, squinting into the darkness. He recognises the song as being Bean’s ringtone for Hyukkie. The phone rings out, then immediately starts up again. Ravi moves forward without thinking, concerned, thinking the worst - Bean’s thrown up lying on his back and choked. He goes to his knees beside the lounger, grabbing Bean’s shoulders, shaking him. “Bean? _Bean_!”

Bean’s head lolls towards Ravi; in the half-light from the nearby buildings it’s difficult to see much, but his face is completely slack. He reeks of soju and drunk-sweat. Ravi lets out a steadying breath, his panic subsiding a little. “Bean, can you hear me?”

Someone’s talking to him, but nothing makes any sense. Bean mumbles something, groping blindly with one hand.

Ravi grabs Bean’s hand. “Hey, are you all right?”

A sweet, lopsided smile blooms on Bean’s face as Ravi takes his hand. ‘ … ’snice,’ he slurs. This is a good dream. They didn’t get away this time. 

“Oh god, Bean. You’re _very_ drunk,” Ravi says, frowning, rubbing his thumb against Bean’s skin.

Bean shifts half onto his side towards Ravi, face tilted up. ‘Warm …’

Hyukkie’s ringtone sounds again. Ravi carefully sticks his hand into Bean’s jeans pocket and takes out Bean’s phone. He answers it. “Dude, stop calling.”

Hyuk’s voice is almost obscenely cheerful, and definitely drunk. ‘Well, if you answered your phone occasionally, I … wait - _Ravi_? Why are you on Bean’s phone?’

“He’s too drunk to answer and some fucker wouldn’t stop calling him,” Ravi says.

‘Aww, are you holding his hair while he throws up? That’s sweeeeet.’

“Shut up,” Ravi says. 

There’s a slight scuffling noise on the other end of the phone; Hyuk’s voice is muffled. ‘Hey, Jyani, Bean’s throwing up!’

Bean can hear Ravi’s voice. He sounds angry. ‘Don’ … be mad …’

“He’s asleep. See you tomorrow,” Ravi says to Hyuk, then hangs up on him. To Bean he says, “I’m not mad, I’m worried about you.” Worried enough that he feels completely sober. He’s still holding Bean’s hand. He should probably let go.

Worried. That’s wrong. Ravi shouldn’t worry, _I’ll get over you_. ‘Don’ … I’ll be fine …’

“I’m going to take you back to our room, okay? Do you think you can get up?” Ravi says softly.

‘Dunno … maybe … you don’t have to …’ Bean tries to open his eyes, but they keep slipping closed. ‘Know … you’re mad …’

“I’m not mad, Bean, I’m _sorry_. I fucked up, I know I did, and I’m sorry. Now let’s get you to bed,” Ravi says, pulling on Bean’s hand, trying to help him up.

Bean’s almost boneless, swaying on his feet, slumping against Ravi. ‘Bed … sure …’ He clutches at Ravi’s arm. ‘ … why you being nice to me?’

Ravi inserts himself under Bean’s armpit, holding him up. “Because we’re friends,” he says. “Because… just because.”

For a long moment Bean says nothing, stumbling, hanging on to Ravi to stop himself falling. Then, softly, ‘ …’msorry … ‘ma bastard …’

“You’re not,” Ravi says. “What I did to you today… It wasn’t cool. And I’m sorry.” He starts steering Bean toward the elevator.

Bean laughs, a peculiarly hopeless sound. _Shut up_ , he tells his drunk mouth. _Shut up before you say something stupid_. Ravi presses the elevator button, holding Bean up. He’s seen Bean drunk before, but never like this. He sounds so sad. Ravi would do anything to take today back.

Bean’s head drops as he hangs onto Ravi. ‘ … don’ deserve you anyway …’

“Bean, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t… I wasn’t trying to put you off, or ruin your show, or… I don’t know what I was trying to do.”

The elevator arrives and Ravi silently thanks the universe, because he has a reason to stop talking. He helps Bean inside and leans him against the wall, presses the button for their floor. Bean slides down the wall of the elevator into a heap, and looks up at Ravi through reddened, swollen eyes that are completely unfocused. ‘Why aren’t you with Leo?’

“Because I'm with you,” Ravi says shortly. The elevator arrives at their floor and Ravi reaches down both hands to help Bean up. 

It’s like pulling dead weight, but eventually Bean gets on his feet, swaying against Ravi. ‘ … wish you were …’

“I am. I'm right here,” Ravi says, and helps Bean slowly down the corridor to their room. 

As they weave their way down, Bean stumbles heavily against a wall. ‘Dammit …’ 

The door to Hakyeon and Leo’s room opens, and the leader steps out into the hall. ‘What’s this?’

“Nothing,” Ravi says. “We’re just going to bed.”

Leo appears behind Hakyeon and Ravi stops in his tracks. Leo arches one elegant eyebrow and looks at Ravi disdainfully before disappearing back into the room. “Fuck,” Ravi breathes. “Goodnight, eomma,” he says to Hakyeon as he opens the door to the room. “We’re all good here.”

Bean stops just inside the doorway, leaning against the wall. There was a reason he didn’t want to come back here … something about Ravi? _Drunk. You’re drunk. Get a grip_. But Ravi’s right here and he’s got his arm around Bean’s waist and that’s supposed to be bad … isn’t it? He can’t focus enough to think. He just knows that Ravi’s hands are warm, and why does that make him ache and smile and want to cry all at once? 

Ravi manhandles Bean to sit at the foot of the bed, then goes to his knees with the intention of taking Bean’s shoes off, and just tumbles gracelessly onto his side on the floor. He giggles.

‘Get up, you idiot.’ Bean reaches down a hand, nearly falling off the bed himself. Ravi grabs Bean’s hand and tries to pull himself up, but only succeeds in pulling Bean down on top of him. He laughs helplessly. Now that they’re back in the room, and Bean’s safe, his worried sobriety has fled. He’s drunk, and warm, and lying on the floor, and now he has a gorgeous guy sprawled all over him, and they’re laughing, and this is what he’s missed.

This is what Bean’s missed. Silliness, and easy laughter, and … and he’s drunk, and lying half on top of Ravi, and their faces are _so close_ … 

Ravi’s laughter fades and he looks into Bean’s eyes. His heart thuds hard in his chest. He’s drunk, Bean’s drunk, and this can’t be what it feels like, can it? He couldn’t just raise his head slightly and… and…

 _Not doing this, can’t do this_ , but Bean dips his head, just a little, just enough, and closes his eyes so that he won’t see Ravi when he pulls away.

Ravi freezes, staring at Bean’s mouth. _He can’t… he doesn’t… this can’t be what it looks like. It **can’t**_. But he’s drunk, and he’s sick of his heart breaking a little more every time he looks at Bean, and just once, just once he’d like to pretend… It’s the same impulse that had him touching Bean during _Error_ on stage and, again, he doesn’t resist. Ravi lifts his head and brushes his lips, feather-light, against Bean’s, before letting his head fall back to the floor.

So quick, barely a kiss at all, did Bean imagine it? _Stop, stop, he doesn’t want this, doesn’t want you_. Eyes squeezed tightly shut, Bean pushes his head against Ravi’s, pressing their lips together.

Ravi can’t hold in his groan as his lips part and he opens to Bean’s kiss. His hands clutch at Bean’s sides, holding onto him. Ravi’s mouth opening under his, Bean tastes soju and sweetness and _Ravi_ , moans as Ravi’s tongue slides against his, it’s sloppy and drunken and amazing, _it’s a dream, it has to be a dream, I don’t care …_

Ravi kisses along Bean’s jaw, drags his lips down the side of his neck, breath hot on his skin. His hands are bunched in the back of Bean’s shirt, he’s biting and licking and _oh god_ , this is every bit as amazing as he imagined, as he fantasised, as he dreamed.

 _Let me never wake up, let me have this, let me believe he wants me, just for now, just for now_ … Blindly seeking Ravi’s mouth again, pawing at the side of his face, needing.

Ravi looks at Bean’s face, up-close, his eyes closed, his lips wet, parted, inviting. He breathes out heavily and surges up, kissing Bean hard, his hands moving to Bean’s ass, pulling their bodies together. Bean groans into Ravi’s mouth as they press against each other, he’s hard, they’re both hard, _this can’t be happening, can’t be_ -

‘Beaaannnnn???’ Hyuk’s voice, loud, calling from outside the room. Knocking at the door.

“Fuck,” Ravi breathes against Bean’s mouth, “ignore him.” He kisses Bean again, moaning into his mouth, his hips moving, his hands sliding up Bean’s back, under his shirt. Ravi’s hands on him, on his _skin_ ; Bean shudders, drops his head to fasten his mouth on Ravi’s neck, sucking, tonguing, tasting. 

Muffled voice at the door, then: ‘Ravi! Come on, man, open the door, I’m worried about Bean.’

Ravi calls out, “Bean’s fine! Go to bed!” He tells himself his voice is steady, but Bean’s mouth on his neck is driving him crazy. 

‘What is all this noise about?’ Another voice outside the door. _Hakyeon_. Bean stills, face pressed against Ravi.

Reality comes crashing in. _What the fuck am I doing?_ Ravi scrambles out from under Bean and gets to his feet unsteadily. He meets Bean’s eye, points at the bed and runs a hand through his hair, moving to the door. 

Jolted, Bean just blinks at Ravi for a few seconds. _What the hell … what’s …_ He sees Ravi pointing, and it doesn't quite connect, but he moves automatically. Never quite making it to his feet, he just manages to drag himself up enough to fall face down on the bed, sprawled, head spinning.

Ravi opens the door a crack and peers through, pretending to be sleepy. “What?” he says, his voice rough. Hakyeon, wearing pyjama bottoms, t-shirt and a thoroughly murderous expression, stands in the corridor, arms crossed. Behind him Hyuk looks as though he’s just waiting for an opportunity to run. Hakyeon’s voice is soft, but there’s a tone to it that says clearly he is not to be argued with. ‘You and your roommate have been enough trouble so far this tour, and I will not tolerate it. And now you, too, Sanghyuk, what did you think you were doing?’

‘I, I, I was worried about Bean, Ravi said he was really drunk!’ stammers the maknae. 

‘Well, Wonshik?’

“He's fine. He's in bed,” Ravi says. “Where Hyuk should be.”

Bean can hear raised voices. They’re far away, though, and he really doesn’t care anyway. All he wants is Ravi kissing him again. He’s so tired …

‘Hey! I would have been in bed if you hadn’t hung up,’ yells Hyuk. ‘How was I supposed to -’

‘ _Sanghyuk_ ,’ says Hakyeon, very quietly, and, astonishingly, Hyuk shuts up. ‘Go to bed. Good night, Wonshik. I trust there won’t be any more disturbances this evening.’ He turns to go, pauses. ‘I expect you both to conduct yourselves better from now on,’ he says, and returns to his room.

Hyuk shrugs apologetically at Ravi. ‘Uh, sorry?’

“He's fine, Hyukkie. Wanna see for yourself?”

Hyuk starts towards the door, then checks himself, an odd expression on his face. ‘You know what, I’ll take your word for it.’ He turns on his heel without another word and walks back to his room. 

Maybe it was a dream. Had to be, Ravi’s not even here. _Of course he’s not_ , thinks Bean, and how that hurts.

Ravi closes the door and rests his head against it. He’s still shaking, still hard, still wants nothing more than to go to the bed and take Bean into his arms again. _What have I done? Forced myself on him, taken advantage of his lack of inhibition. I’m despicable._

Bean hears the door close. Leaving? Just coming back? ‘Ravi?’

Ravi doesn’t move. “Yeah?”

Bean wants to ask, _did it happen, did you kiss me, do you want me after all_. Something in Ravi’s voice makes him say, ‘Please don’t leave’. 

“I’m not leaving,” Ravi says. “I need a shower.” Ravi goes into the bathroom without looking at Bean. He locks the door.

The sound of the lock turning is all the answer Bean needs. Memory or dream, it doesn’t matter. Too tired to get up and leave, to even crawl under the covers and hide, he simply pulls in on himself and falls into sodden dreams of being, finally, wanted.

Ravi practically tears his clothes off, turns on the water in the shower and steps inside. He’s hard as a rock, his skin still tingles everywhere Bean touched him. His lips feel the ghost of Bean’s kiss. He knows it doesn’t mean anything, they’re both drunk and Bean’s never wanted him like that, but… it’s like having had an amazing dream and being unable to hold onto it. He knows he _can’t have this_. So he takes what he can have, and takes his cock in his hand, closing his eyes, getting himself off to a memory he’ll hold onto forever.

More unconscious than asleep, Bean reaches out. His hand slides across the bedcovers as though searching for something.

It’s the drink, he knows it is, but when he comes Ravi lets out a sob and hangs his head.

Finding nothing, Bean’s hand stills, arm still outstretched. Gone again. Always gone. Never really there in the first place.

Ravi stands in the shower, feeling vaguely seasick, long after he's turned off the water, just staring at his reflection in the shower tap. _This is the last night. A few more hours, and then rooming with Hakyeon or Hyuk or Jaehwan or please-not-Leo. Just tonight and then no more of this torture_. Ravi puts his boxer briefs back on and goes into the bedroom. Bean is reaching across the bed, like he did that morning. Ravi feels a pang in his chest as he pulls back the covers, pushing Bean’s hand away. He slips between the sheets, back turned on Bean. The room spins lazily as he tries to sleep. Eventually he drifts off into the deep, dreamless black.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ravi wanders into the bathroom, slightly unsteadily, and washes his face in cold water. He looks at himself in the mirror, then leans in closer. _Is that a lovebite?_ As he stares at the mark on his neck, a memory hits him - Leo holding him close in the hotel corridor, a drunken kiss - _oh fuck. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck. What did I do?_

When Ravi surfaces in the morning, the room is still spinning and he’s too hot and his head is throbbing. It takes him a couple of minutes to realise that the reason he’s so hot is that he’s being spooned by his bed partner, which he assumes is Bean. He can’t really remember how he got back to the room last night, but it smells like Bean.

Although Bean’s head pounds and his stomach churns unpleasantly, Bean feels comfortable, snuggled right up against a warm body. He smells coconut and honey. _Ravi_. He’s pressed against Ravi, arm thrown over his waist. And Ravi’s not pulling away. He must be asleep, _I should move_. 

Ravi doesn’t move, barely dares to breathe. The last time he woke up spooning Bean was one thing - _he_ was holding Bean - but this, _being_ held, is entirely different. He feels no guilt in allowing himself to be held, in revelling in it. He pretends to be asleep. Bean’s breaths sound deep and even, he’s sure he’s asleep, but he reasons he can’t be too careful.

 _I won’t do anything, I’ll just hold him, just for a little longer_. Ravi’s asleep, Bean knows he shouldn’t do this. But he remembers how it felt to have Ravi pushed up against him, and tells himself that if Ravi wakes, he can pretend to be asleep. 

Ravi’s eyes are squeezed closed. He wants to stay like this forever. Bean would be horrified if he knew, disgusted. Ravi saw the way Bean reacted to his touch onstage yesterday, and the cold behavior at what he remembers of the party… If this is all he can have, he will grab it with both hands.

It’s not enough. It could never be enough. It’s all Bean can have, because Ravi doesn’t want him. He pretends to shift in sleep so his mouth is close to the back of Ravi’s neck, close enough to kiss. But he can’t do that, so he breathes in Ravi’s scent instead. Ravi’s whole body breaks out in gooseflesh at the sensation of Bean’s breath on his neck. He _wants_ him. He wants to push back, to wake him… the thought of his reaction - disgust, pity - fills him with dread. He stays perfectly still.

Bean wants to touch, to wake Ravi with gentle hands and mouth. It makes him ache, makes him hard. A tiny, frustrated sound escapes him, _oh god_. 

Ravi’s breath catches at the sound Bean makes, and he unconsciously presses back against him. He can feel how hard he is. He knows it’s not him, he knows it’s just a dream, or just morning wood, but _god_ , he wants it, he wants it inside him.

 _He’s asleep, it doesn’t mean anything, I can’t do this to him_. Bean knows he can’t just pull away; Ravi will know he was awake the whole time. Wanting nothing more than to crush Ravi to him, press his mouth to Ravi’s neck, Bean stirs, pretending to be just waking up. Ravi makes what he hopes just sounds like a sleepy noise of protest and pulls Bean’s arm over his body, making him stay.

 _This isn’t fair, this is cruel_. Bean knows Ravi’s not doing it deliberately, but it _feels_ like Ravi really wants him close. It’s not true, and he needs to stop before Ravi really wakes up. Because he can’t stand to see how Ravi will look at him. He shifts again, half onto his back, and the pained groan that escapes is not entirely feigned, because movement makes his already aching head feel like it’s going to split.

Ravi frowns, eyes still squeezed shut, as Bean pulls away. He stays still, breathing slowly.

‘Ohh, my god, my head …’

Ravi smiles wryly to himself as Bean vocalises Ravi’s feelings on being awake. He makes what he hopes sounds like a sleepy-waking noise. “Time’s it?” he mumbles.

Some of the tension goes out of Bean’s body. _He didn’t wake up_. ‘Time to die, I think,’ he groans dramatically.

“Mmm,” Ravi mumbles. “Feels like my brain’s too big. And my eyes.”

‘Feels like Hyuk’s in here jumping on the fucking bed. Wait. He’s not, is he?’

“I'd have to open my eyes to check,” Ravi mumbles. “That feels like a bad idea right now.”

For no apparent reason, this strikes Bean as ridiculously funny, and he collapses into giggles, interrupted occasionally by pained noises. _Must still be drunk, Hakyeon’s going to kill me_ , and he laughs even harder. Ravi giggles and rolls onto his back, then makes an agonised sound as the room spins violently. His upper arm is pressed against Bean’s. He leaves it there. _Feels nice_. He says softly, “How drunk did we get?”

‘I don’t think we … _oww_ … we actually killed Hyuk,’ laughs Bean. Unwisely, he tries to sit up - ‘oh, _fuck_ ’ - and claps a hand over his mouth, scrambling for the bathroom. Ravi groans quietly as he turns his head to watch Bean flee. Mistake. The rooms spins again.

Head down over the toilet, Bean literally regrets everything in his life right now. Everything except the sound of Ravi’s laughter.

“You okay in there?” Ravi shout-whispers, hurting his own head in doing so.

A pathetic groan is the only reply Bean can make at first. He slumps against the wall next to the toilet, telling himself that he’ll never drink soju again. ‘I hate everything …’

Ravi very slowly gets out of the bed and walks to the bathroom door. He leans on the door frame, looking at Bean through half-closed eyes. “You all right?”

‘Sure, it’s nothing decapitation won’t fix.’ Bean wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, squints up at Ravi. ‘But I’ll settle for about fifty painkillers and some really greasy food …’ _Oh_. Even though he’s feeling absolutely wretched, a jolt goes through him at the sight of Ravi, sleepy and tousled, boxers riding low on his hips. _Stop it stop looking_. He lets his head fall back against the wall, eyes closed.

Too sleepy and hungover to notice, Ravi mumbles something about room service and wanders off, rubbing his hair.

Bean heaves himself to his feet, instantly regretting it as he lurches against the wall. He should shower, it would probably help. The thought of water hitting his head is enough to make him stagger back to the bed. Flopping down, he digs his phone out of his pocket, texts Hyuk.

**> bring me all the painkillers or i’m gonna die**

 

Ravi’s on the phone to room service, ordering food. He glances at Bean, his gaze lingering with a small frown, before looking back at the menu.

‘Come on,’ mutters Bean. ‘Stupid maknae.’ He taps another message.

**> seriously, help a brother out**

**> > dude im dying myself here rn ask eomma**

 

Ravi finishes ordering and turns to Bean. “They said it’ll be 15 minutes.”

‘Useless,’ sighs Bean. ‘Sorry - what’s fifteen minutes?’ 

“Room service,” Ravi says. “You said you wanted ramyeon and painkillers.”

‘Oh my god, I -’ Bean catches himself. ‘You’re a lifesaver,’ he finishes lamely.

“It wasn’t entirely selfless,” Ravi says with a wry smile. “I got some for me too.” He wanders into the bathroom, slightly unsteadily, and washes his face in cold water. He looks at himself in the mirror, then leans in closer. _Is that a lovebite?_

Bean should get up and start packing. At least find some clean clothes, because last night’s stink of sweated-out soju. He makes a token effort to move, but subsides quickly, lying down again. Painkillers first, he needs to get some semblance of thought back before he doesn’t stop himself in time from saying something that will ruin the tentative rapport he’s building with Ravi this morning. He needs to wake up properly; his eyes slip closed. 

As he stares at the mark on his neck, a memory hits Ravi - Leo holding him close in the hotel corridor, a drunken kiss - _oh fuck. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck. What did I do?_

Maybe they’re going to get through this after all, Bean thinks. He feels utterly awful, but if he can just keep things at this joking, friendly level … He drifts a little, telling himself he’ll get up in just a minute. 

Ravi searches through his bag of toiletries, taking out a stick of concealer, and covers up the bruise on the side of his neck, frowning. He doesn't remember how it happened, doesn't remember much of last night at all after the soju shots started, but he knows he doesn't want Bean to see it. It's sad and pathetic, but even as uninterested as Bean is, Ravi doesn't want him to know how apparently-out-of-hand things got with Leo last night. What he's going to _do_ about what happened with Leo is another matter entirely. _I’ll worry about that after breakfast_. 

Lying still like this, eyes closed against the light, the headache is almost bearable; the sour taste in his mouth is another matter, but Bean will take what relief he can get until the painkillers get here. He listens to Ravi moving around in the bathroom. It’s stupidly reassuring, and Bean knows he shouldn’t indulge this, but it’s better than thinking about Ravi’s mouth on his - _what? Get a fucking grip_ , he scolds himself. Now is not the time to start spinning fantasies.

Ravi comes back into the bedroom and flops onto the bed on his tummy. He lets out a quiet, pained groan. “Think Hakyeon will give us the day off if we're dying?”

‘Oww. Maybe if we’re lucky he’ll put us out of our misery.’

“I think that if we try and get the day off, he’ll murder us. There'll be no mercy.”

‘Oh good, let’s do that.’ Bean groans. ‘I can’t believe we have to get on a fucking _plane_ today.’

“I feel a bit like I might throw up just from thinking about it,” Ravi says quietly, turning onto his side, facing Bean with his eyes closed.

‘As long as I don’t have to sit next to Jae, I might just survive.’

“We can sit together and quietly pass away.”

Bean firmly pushes away the mental image of the two of them slumped in their seats, asleep on each other’s shoulders. ‘Breaking news, idols found dead in mystery plane tragedy.’

“If I have to die, I’m glad it’ll be with you,” Ravi says, eyes still closed. As soon as he’s said it, he thinks _oh fuck, what did I say that for_ , but he can’t take it back so he just keeps his eyes closed and pretends he didn’t say anything at all.

 _It doesn’t mean anything_ , but Bean can’t help the bloom of warmth in his chest, the stupid smile. There’s a knock at the door. ‘You go, I’m dead.’

Ravi rolls off the bed, onto his hands and knees on the floor, and half-walks, half-crawls to the door. He opens the door wide and the room service guy pushes a large trolley with several covered dishes into the room. The guy looks Ravi up and down in his small boxer briefs, and Ravi tightens his chest muscles, then grins broadly as the guy looks away.

‘If that’s not painkillers, it better be something I can use to club myself to death,’ groans Bean from the bed.

“Painkillers and foooooood, Binnie. So much food,” Ravi says, taking all the plate and bowl covers off the food on the tray. “ _All_ of the food.”

Bean lifts his head, drops it again, wincing. ‘I think I’m done for. Save yourself.’

“C’mon, I got ramyeon, fried chicken and mandu. I can’t eat it all myself,” Ravi says, using one of the plate covers to waft the various scents in the direction of the bed.

‘Now _that’s_ a fucking lie,’ says Bean, finally managing to sit up. ‘Tell me you got the really spicy ramyeon, not just your usual flavourless crap.’

“I got the spicy stuff for you and _not_ for me, because I already feel like I’m dying and don’t need the help,” Ravi says. He wheels the trolley over to the bed and hands Bean a bottle of water and the painkillers. “Do you want me to put some clothes on? Don’t want to put you off your breakfast…”

Tipping three capsules into his palm, Bean says absently, ‘No, you’re fine just like that.’ He takes the painkillers with a long swallow of water, tipping his head back to help them go down.

Ravi blinks but says nothing. He pulls the room’s chair up to the other side of the trolley and sits down. Opening a bottle of water, he drinks half of it in one go. He spills a bit of the water down his neck and chest and doesn’t even care.

 _God_ , he was managing it, keeping everything light, but now Bean can’t take his eyes off Ravi. His hand tightens on the pill bottle. It’s all he can do not to get up off the bed and put his mouth on Ravi, chase the water that’s running down Ravi’s chest with his tongue. _Stop it, what's wrong with you?_ He puts the bottle down, grabs for a piece of chicken and tears into it, focusing on anything but the man sitting so close.

Ravi lets out a long breath, then murmurs, “I think this is the best water I’ve ever had.” He makes grabby hands for the painkillers.

Bean blinks, fumbles for the bottle with greasy hands, holds it out to Ravi. ‘Uh, here.’ 

Ravi takes the painkillers from Bean, their fingers touching briefly. Ravi swallows thickly and looks away as he shakes a couple into his hand. He takes them, throws his head back and washes them down with the rest of the bottle of water.

Everything’s awkward again. _Again, my stupid fault_ , thinks Bean. Ravi obviously caught him staring, and now he’s uncomfortable. The silence is more than Bean can stand, but he doesn’t trust himself to speak, so he drags the bowl of spicy ramyeon towards him and fishes out a huge mouthful of noodles.

 _I can’t even let him hand me something without making it about touching him_ , Ravi thinks to himself. He clears his throat, about to speak, but he has no idea what he’d even say to explain his behaviour. Better to shut up. He eats some mandu, desperately trying to think of something to say.

 _Say something, say something_ , Bean tells himself. He’s got nothing. He picks up the bowl and gulps down the broth without thinking; the hot liquid burns his mouth and he flinches, spilling it over his shirt. ‘Owww, _fuck_.’

Ravi sits forward, eyes wide. “Are you okay? Do I need to get you under the shower?”

‘ _What?_ ’ says Bean, startled. ‘No, no, I’m fine, I’m not hurt.’ He stands, quickly pulls the shirt off over his head, and looks down at the slightly reddened patch caused by the scald. ‘That settles it, now I definitely need a -’ _What am I doing?_ ‘Uh, be back,’ and he dives for the bathroom. Has just enough presence of mind to yell, ‘Don’t eat all the mandu!’, and hopes like hell that sounded anything like normal.

Ravi just stares at Bean’s retreating, bare back. He wants to lick the spill from his abs. He wants to follow Bean into the bathroom and… and… and thinking about that won’t help, _stop it_. He takes a bite of mandu but doesn’t taste it, eyes fixed on the bathroom door.

It’s not until he’s under the shower that Bean realises how that must have looked. He leans his head against the tile, mentally kicking himself. It’s hardly unusual for them all to change in front of each other, so why panic like that? Bean would love to put it down to the hangover, but the truth is that he’s on edge, even more so than usual. So much of last night is a blur. He remembers Ravi and Leo, right at his feet. But he also remembers Ravi coming to find him on the roof and dragging him back here. And this morning, Ravi’s been almost relaxed. _What the hell is going on?_

Ravi had thought they were back to being friends, back to being comfortable, but Bean’s reaction has him worried. _Is it that obvious that I want him? Is that why he ran? Why he doesn’t want to be shirtless around me? Oh god, does he think I’m trying to force myself on him somehow by wearing just my boxers?_ Ravi goes to his bag and gets a tshirt, slipping it on. Get through breakfast, new roommate next city. He sits back down and eats his breakfast, stopping himself from looking at the door again. Mostly.

Bean scrubs at his hair, ignoring the flare of pain in his head. He’s got to get a grip, he’s being ridiculous. Feeling vaguely human, he shuts off the water and steps out, snagging the driest of the damp towels. His hand’s on the door handle before he checks himself. _Don’t be an idiot, just go out there_ , but it’s more than he can deal with yet. He calls, ‘Hey, can you throw me my bag?’

Ravi picks up Bean’s bag and goes to the bathroom door. He knocks quietly. Opening the door a little way, Bean says, ‘Thanks, completely forgot.’ He’s pretty sure his voice is perfectly steady, as if there’s nothing unusual in standing there in a towel talking to your roommate who’s only wearing boxers … _wait. Why did he put a t-shirt on?_ It’s hardly cold in the room. _Did he do that because of me?_

Ravi tries desperately to keep his eyes on Bean’s face, he really does, but he’s only human, and weak, and love-addled, and his eyes slip down Bean’s wet, nicely-muscled, mostly-naked body. He can feel his face heating, is one hundred percent sure his desire is written all over his face. His mouth works silently but no sounds come out, and he thrusts the bag at Bean, forcing himself to look away.

So much for normal. _Won’t even look at me_. Bean takes the bag from Ravi, muttering, ‘Thanks,’ and shuts the bathroom door. Rude, inexcusably so, but better that than have Ravi stand there looking everywhere but right at him.

The way Bean reacted to him confirms everything Ravi feared. He knows, and he’s disgusted. He doesn't know what to do about it. He can't help the way he feels, the attraction he can't deny. He goes back to the improvised breakfast table and opens a second bottle of water, drinking a third of it. 

Bean rummages in his bag for clean clothes, thinking furiously. _I’m being stupid_. If anyone else in the group was outside the bathroom door, he wouldn’t have thought twice about just walking out wearing only a towel. It’s not fair for him to push his crap on Ravi. They might not be sharing a room anymore after today, but at least he can try to treat Ravi like everyone else. And control his own reactions. Pulling on briefs and jeans, he looks at himself in the mirror. _I look like shit_. At least they’re not performing today, or the stylists would be attacking him with heavy duty makeup. As he goes to gather up his things, he spots a concealer stick on the counter. Looks like Ravi’s already in damage control. He picks it up and opens the bathroom door, dumps his bag on the bed again and says, ‘Okay, vaguely human now. By the way, you left this.’ He throws the concealer to Ravi.

The concealer hits Ravi squarely on the nose. “ _Ow_!” he says, frowning deeply at Bean, holding his face.

Bean winces in sympathy. ‘Shit - sorry. You okay?’

“What was _that_ for?” Ravi says, giving Bean a hurt look. 

‘What? Nothing. Sorry, I have lousy aim,’ Bean says. ‘Wait. I didn’t try to hit you deliberately or anything, if that’s what you mean.’ _Is he serious?_

“Look, I'm sorry for what I did yesterday, it was stupid and thoughtless. And I'm sorry for whatever I did months ago that fucked up our friendship. I don't know how to make it right. I don't know how to make you like me. Every time I think things are getting better I fuck it up again somehow and… I think it's for the best if we rig kai-bai-bo with Hyuk and Jae for the next city,” Ravi says all in a rush, then he lets out a long breath. He wasn't expecting all of that to come out when he started talking and he regrets saying about ninety percent of it. He closes his eyes, still holding his stinging nose. 

For a long moment, Bean just stares incredulously. _God, I knew it was bad, but_ … he’s got to set this straight. ‘Wait. Wait, wait. I … you did nothing. Nothing. I …’ but he can’t say that. ‘You’re not screwing anything up.’ Then he processes the rest of Ravi’s words, the flat rejection in his tone, and has to look away from Ravi’s closed, shuttered face. ‘If that’s what you want to do … then … sure. Whatever you want.’ He can’t stay in this room any longer. Grabbing up his bag again, he’s out the door, not caring if anything’s been left behind.

Ravi looks at the door as it closes, his heart twisting painfully in his chest. _I need to let this go. I can't keep hurting myself like this. I need to stop_. He sighs and goes for a shower.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> … _no, that can't be a memory_ , thinks Ravi. It must be a remembered dream. There's no way Bean would… _would he?_
> 
> No matter how he racks his brains, Bean can’t make sense of it. Not possible. Couldn’t happen. Didn’t happen.
> 
>  
> 
> _Did it?_

The plane ride is a disaster. After that outburst from Ravi, Bean knows there’s no way their plan to quietly pass out together is going to happen. And he’s _not_ going to sit next to Leo or Hakyeon. In the end he grabs the boarding pass for the window seat next to Hyuk, and tries to pretend that he’s mesmerised by the view of the clouds passing underneath them.

Ravi ends up sitting next to Leo, who is oddly cold considering what Ravi remembers of last night. Ravi settles into his seat and puts his earpods in, not even listening to anything, just signalling to the outside world that he doesn't want to interact with anyone. Leo seems only too happy to ignore him. 

Bean’s not surprised to see Ravi choose to sit next to Leo. After the way they’ve acted over the last few days, it was pretty much inevitable. They probably won’t get too close in such a public space, but all the same, he’s grateful that he can’t see them. His headache’s receded, but he’s still tired and stiff, doesn’t have the energy to deal with anything. He rests his head back against the seat and closes his eyes, slipping into an uneasy doze.

When the flight attendant taps Ravi's shoulder to ask for his drink order, he takes his earpods out and orders a mineral water. Leo orders a latte, because he's Leo. As the flight attendant leaves to fetch their drinks, Leo gives Ravi a long, scrutinising look. Ravi feels his face heat up under Leo’s gaze. “What happened to your neck?” Leo asks quietly. 

Ravi glances at Leo, does a double-take at the look on Leo's face. “Seriously? _You're_ asking _me?_ ”

“Who else should I be asking?” Leo says, appearing confused. 

“I know I was pretty drunk last night, but if you think I don't remember you (Ravi drops his voice to a whisper) _kissing me_ , you're wrong.”

Leo's eyes flash with anger. “One kiss,” he says. “One mistake. I didn't do whatever _that_ is.”

“Yeah right. If you didn't do it, who did?” Ravi says, incredulous. 

“It's a mystery,” Leo says coldly, unbuckling his seat belt and pushing past Ravi. Leo goes over to Bean and Hyuk and clears his throat, getting Bean’s attention. “Switch seats with me. Your boyfriend misses you,” he says, his voice Arctic, his eyes even colder. 

Bean’s not really asleep, just drifting; Leo’s voice snaps him fully awake, brings him upright in his seat. ‘What?’ he says stupidly. The way Leo’s looking at him …

“Move,” Leo says. “We’re switching.”

 _Ordering me around? Fuck that_. ‘Look, I’m probably as hungover as you are, but you can at least speak to me like I’m a fucking human being.’

“Is that what you are?” Leo says very quietly. “I don't want to look at either of you. Go to him.”

For one wild moment, Bean actually considers punching Leo right in the mouth. Talking to him like _he’s_ done something, when he’s tried every way he knows how to keep out of Ravi’s life? He controls himself with an effort. Making a scene is going to achieve nothing but trouble for him. Clearly Leo’s not going to go back to his seat, though. ‘Fine,’ he says, standing up and pushing past Hyuk and Leo. ‘Lose the fucking attitude.’ He throws himself down next to Ravi. ‘What the fuck is his problem?’

“I have no fucking idea,” Ravi says, bewildered. “He’s acting like a jealous idiot boyfriend.” Ravi doesn't know why he feels the need to keep talking, but he adds, “He's _not_ my boyfriend.”

Still angry, Bean says before he can stop himself, ‘No? Sure looked like it last night.’ _Fuck_. ‘Sorry. None of my business,’ he adds, more calmly.

Ravi rolls his eyes. “Like you give a fuck anyway. You've made it pretty clear how you feel about me being into guys. I thought you were better than that.” He puts his earbuds in before Bean can reply. 

Bean stares. _What? You’re what? Is **that** what you think?_ He opens his mouth, not sure what he’s going to say - _are you crazy, I kept my distance for you, tell me it’s not too late_ \- and then his eyes fall on the poorly-concealed lovebite on Ravi’s neck. _Leo_ , he thinks, and he’s angry all over again. But then, if it was Leo, why would he … He shakes his head and looks away.

The flight attendant returns with Ravi’s mineral water and he takes out one earpod and thanks her, pointing in Leo's direction for the latte with a weak smile. He takes a mouthful of the mineral water, staring straight ahead. 

_This is nuts_. Bean can’t stop thinking about that mark. It must have happened after he left, but surely Ravi wouldn’t care enough to fight with Leo about it? And even if he did, what was with Leo’s attitude? It’s not like Bean moved in on them … _oh, god. No. I didn’t. Did I?_ He remembers so little of last night beyond going to the roof, but Ravi practically carrying him back to their room is the one thing that’s clear. _Fuck, what did I do, no wonder they **both** hate me now_.

Ravi puts his earpod back in and settles in his chair; turning half-away from Bean, he lets out a quiet sigh and closes his eyes. He wants to just hit an undo button on this whole tour so far. 

Bean knows there’s nothing he can do to make this right. He’s fucked things up in the worst way. At least they won’t be forced together again, and Ravi won’t have to put up with him. _Can’t wait for this tour to be over_.

\---

They're gathered in the hotel lobby when Hakyeon comes over with the room keys. Three rooms. Again. Kai-bai-bo. Again. 

Ravi pushes down the anxiety in the pit of his stomach. The first pair is Jaehwan and Leo. Neither one of them looks particularly happy about it. Ravi frowns and makes pleading eye contact with Hyuk. When the next round pairs Bean and Hakyeon, Ravi feels the tension dissipate from his body. He fistbumps Hyuk and they grab their bags. 

_Rooming with the leader. Great_. Bean rolls his eyes; Hakyeon’s already angry with him, so he’ll have to be on his best behaviour. He catches Ravi’s reaction, and his face tightens. _Does he have to look so fucking happy about it?_ But if what Bean suspects is true - that he’s responsible for that mark, and that it’s caused real trouble between Ravi and Leo - then what did he expect? Miserable, not speaking to anyone, Bean follows Hakyeon to their room. One bed. _You are fucking kidding me_. Ravi probably feels he’s dodged a bullet, and Hyuk - well, he’ll get the cuddles he was gushing about. _This cannot get worse_.

Hyuk leads the way into the room. One bed. It’s a super king size, so that’s an improvement on the last room. Hyuk drops his bag and jumps onto the bed, jumping up and down in his shoes. Ravi rolls his eyes and puts down his bag, walking to the window, looking out over the city. _This is what I wanted_ , he thinks. _I didn’t want to room with Bean. Why aren’t I happy?_

Hyuk thumps down on the bed into a sitting position. ‘Sooooo …’

Ravi looks back at him. “Sooo?”

‘I’m thinking … popcorn, in-house movies, beer and a pillow fort. And we barricade the door and turn our phones off,’ says Hyuk. ‘You can choose the movie,’ he adds generously.

Ravi visibly relaxes. “That sounds _amazing_. Just what I need after the fucked-up-ness of the last few days.”

‘Ohh-kayyy,’ says Hyuk. ‘What did I miss, apart from you getting completely wasted last night?’

“Just weirdness,” Ravi says, unconsciously rubbing the mark on his neck. He changes the subject abruptly. “What movies do they have?”

Hyuk raises his eyebrows, but says nothing. Snatching up the remote control from the bedside table, he starts flipping through the offerings. ‘Oh, when I said you could choose the movie? No porn, you damn pervert.’

Neither Hakyeon nor Bean speaks as they go about settling into the room. For Bean, that’s simply a matter of dumping his bag at the foot of the bed. Hakyeon, on the other hand, unpacks his entire case, even hangs up his shirts. The bathroom counter quickly disappears as he arranges everything from chapstick to face cream to hair mousse just the way he wants it. Watching all this from the chair near the window to which he’s retreated, Bean suppresses a strong urge to scream. They could not be a worse match for roommates. That thought brings back the memory of Ravi’s reaction to finding out he wasn’t going to have to share with Bean again, and suddenly he needs to be anywhere but around other band members. ‘Hyung, I’m going down to the gym,’ he says, standing. ‘Need to work out the kinks from the flight.’

Hakyeon pokes his head out of the bathroom door. “Don’t overdo it,” he says with a worried expression.

Bean rolls his eyes as he searches in his bag for some vaguely clean sweats. ‘Don’t worry, eomma, I promise not to fall off the stationary bike.’

Hakyeon smiles a little bit, pleased by Bean’s response. He’s been increasingly worried about his behavior over the last few days, and it’s nice to see him responding in a normal, playfully snarky way.

 _This might be easier than I thought_. Bean had half-expected some kind of stern reaction, given recent events, but Hakyeon seems a lot more relaxed now. Finally finding some gear and his gym shoes, Bean says, ‘Have fun organising your chapstick collection. And yes, I’ve got my phone, and no, I won’t be late for dinner.’ With that he lets himself out the door and goes in search of the gym.

‘Make a decision, already,’ complains Hyuk.

Ravi sits on the bed, back against the bedhead. “Anything but romance.”

Hyuk starts rapid-fire surfing through the movie channels. ‘So young, to be so old and bitter. What an example for the youth of today.’

“Shut the fuck up and find us something to watch,” Ravi says, nudging Hyuk gently.

Hyuk sighs dramatically. ‘Fiiiine. But no bitching about my taste,’ and he immediately selects _Captain America: Civil War_ and orders it to be streamed to the room. ‘I volunteer to go and hunt down some wild popcorn. If I’m not back by dinner, send Bean out with a search party.’ He hops off the bed and heads out the door.

Just the mention of Bean’s name sends a jolt through Ravi’s system. _Pull yourself together_ , he tells himself. He lies down on his side and closes his eyes, hoping to get some sleep before Hyuk gets back.

Bean’s back on the kickbag again, this time having had the presence of mind to buy a pair of kneepads and some tape for his knuckles at the gym’s small shop. The smack and jolt of hitting the heavy leather is oddly satisfying, and needing to stay in constant motion as the bag sways and swings helps bleed out some of the tension. He can’t stop thinking about that mark on Ravi’s neck, and whether he actually did it. The way Ravi and Leo virtually cut him dead. He’s furious with himself, furious with them. 

Ravi lies on the bed, unable to sleep even after he gets under the covers to make himself more comfortable. He gets up to go to the bathroom, but as he moves his foot gets stuck in the covers somehow and he falls over. As he hits the floor, he has a sudden, visceral memory of lying on the floor of the last hotel room and pulling Bean down on top of him. Of looking up at him. Of… no, that can't be a memory. It must be a remembered dream. There's no way Bean would… _would he?_

No matter how he racks his brains, Bean can’t make sense of it. He hangs onto the bag with clenched fists, panting, legs trembling from the strain. If he did that, if he’d … lost control, taken advantage of Ravi being drunk … surely he’d remember? _Soju, and sweetness, and **Ravi** , mouth opening for him, hard for him_ … Not possible. Couldn’t happen. Didn’t happen.

_Did it?_

How the hell will he ever be able to look Ravi in the eyes again?

[](https://ibb.co/LhpZ7ZX)  


Ravi gets back in bed, frowning. He’s had deja vu as a hangover effect before… maybe this is something like that. Remembering something from a dream and feeling like it was real. That’s the only explanation that makes any sense. He finally manages to fall asleep.

Hyuk clatters into the room two hours after he left it, without popcorn, but with a large box in his arms that he puts on the table. Ravi is fast asleep, curled up on his side. Looking at him, Hyuk knows he has zero chance of waking him up, so he just flops on the bed on his stomach with his feet on a pillow and aggressively channel-surfs.

Bean punches the bag a few more times, but it’s just not helping now. Frustrated, he hits the showers. The water flow is tepid and weak, and does nothing to ease aching muscles or drown out the thoughts crowding into his head. Dressing again quickly, Bean checks his phone. Almost time for dinner. _Won’t that be fun_ , he thinks cynically, and briefly considers ducking the meal altogether. The fact that he’s rooming with Hakyeon this time puts paid to that idea; the leader would never let him hear the end of it. He shoves his sweaty gear back into the gym bag and goes straight to the restaurant. He’ll be early, but fuck it.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Oh my god, am I the only sane one around here?’ mutters Hyuk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've been getting some fantastic feedback from our readers lately, and it makes us feel all soft and gooey. So, so say thank you for all the comments, kudos and subscriptions, we decided to give you the next chapter early.
> 
> We love you, hope you keep enjoying this!

The restaurant’s set up buffet-style. _Fantastic_. No haggling about who’s ordering what, or who’s hogging the various dishes. No sign of the others yet. Bean finds the table reserved for them, disappointingly far from the food, but at least it’s big enough for the six of them to sit at without actually bumping elbows. He takes the seat closest to the wall, pulls out his phone and occupies himself with gamer forums while he waits.

Ravi blinks awake when the explosions on TV get too loud to sleep through. “Time’s it?”

‘It lives!’ cries Hyuk, loud enough to be heard even over the television. ‘About time, I’m so bored. You’re just lucky I didn’t go get Bean and Jae in here and have a party over your comatose body.’

Ravi rubs his eyes, blinks a few times. “Did you get popcorn?”

Hyuk looks completely scandalised. ‘This hotel is a wasteland, Ravi. Waste. Land. I looked everywhere for popcorn. It’s not even on the room service menu!’

Although he’s only really doing it to waste time, Bean finds himself involved in a long, complicated Overwatch discussion about the relative merits of teaming up Hanzo with either Zarya or Widow. He makes a mental note to talk to Hyuk about trying this combo next time they get a chance to wipe the floor with guys from Monsta X. It’s a world away from his current tense, painful situation, and he welcomes it. Of course, as soon as he gets really involved, people start arriving for dinner.

Uncharacteristically on time, Jaehwan flops into a seat next to Bean. Right on his heels is Hakyeon. When Leo appears, he sits beside Hakyeon, and nods to Jaehwan, but he doesn’t acknowledge Bean’s presence at all, and Bean’s jaw tightens. He says nothing, just pretends to follow whatever the fuck it is Jaehwan and Hakyeon are talking about. No sign of Hyuk or Ravi yet. 

After about ten minutes, Hakyeon tuts impatiently and pulls out his phone.

Hyuk’s phone starts ringing. It’s Hakyeon. ‘Uh-oh, mother’s calling.’ He answers it.

“Restaurant, five minutes, bring your roommate,” Hakyeon says abruptly.

Hyuk looks over at Ravi and mouths _oh, shit_. ‘Are we late? Sorry. We’ll be right down.’

Hakyeon hangs up without another word. Ravi frowns, murmurs, “I’m not hungry.”

‘Um, I don’t think skipping dinner is an option right now,’ says Hyuk. ‘He sounded pretty pissed.’ A thought crosses his mind, and he looks momentarily panicked. ‘Crap, you don’t think he found out about me trying to bribe the kitchen staff to make popcorn, do you?’

Ravi sighs heavily as he gets off the bed. “Who knows. He has spies everywhere.”

Hyuk grabs the pillow from under his feet and throws it at Ravi. ‘You’re not helping!’ Sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed he says, ‘Seriously, though, last time I heard him sound like that was when I barricaded Jyani in the vocal studio.’

Ravi grins. “Ahhh good times.” He bends to pick up his shoes and slips them on. “Hyukkie, can I ask a favour? At dinner… can I sit away from Leo and Bean? Can you make that happen?”

‘Can I make that happen, he asks. This is me you’re talking to. Though why Leo _and_ Bean … no, you know what, don’t answer that. Leave it to the master.’ Hyuk searches for his shoes, finding them somehow at opposite ends of the room. Ravi shoves his phone into his pocket and waits by the door. He’s nervous, dreading dinner, itching to get it over with and retreat back to the safety of the room.

Leading the way to the elevator, Hyuk says, ‘Either our leader has been hitting the caffeine too hard, or something’s up with him. He’s been pissy this whole tour. Just glad I don’t have to share with him.’ He hits the call button repeatedly. ‘Come on, come on - finally.’

“I can’t wait to get get home,” Ravi mutters, stepping into the lift. He stands in the back corner with his hands shoved in his pockets.

‘And here I thought you’d be a fun roommate,’ says Hyuk, rolling his eyes. The lift arrives at the restaurant floor. ‘Come on, let’s go face the music.’

Bean sees Hyuk entering, Ravi dragging his heels behind him. The maknae’s wearing an expression of blithe ignorance; Ravi, though, looks completely fed up. _Oh, this is going to be fucking wonderful_ , thinks Bean, and disappears into his phone again. Ravi sits down at the table next to Jaehwan, Hyuk providing a welcome buffer between him and Leo. He doesn’t make eye contact with anyone, just pours himself a glass of water from the jug on the table. _One big happy family_ , thinks Bean sourly. Looking at Hakyeon, he says, ‘So, we just help ourselves, right, hyung?’

“Yes yes, shoo,” Hakyeon says, gesturing toward the buffet.

Ravi closes his eyes briefly, trying to overcome his nerves at being in the same room as Bean. Ravi can feel Hakyeon looking at him, and can feel a frigid breeze coming off Leo. He drinks his water, pretending nothing is wrong.

Bean makes a quick escape, closely followed by Hyuk. He was hungry when he first smelled the food, but now he just looks at the various dishes with little interest. Hyuk nudges him. ‘Earth to Bean. Make a decision and move on, I’m dying here.’

Bean blinks. ‘Oh - sorry, Hyukkie. You go first.’ He stands back from the steam tables, and Hyuk gives him an incredulous look, eyebrows climbing right up into his hair.

‘Who are you, and what have you done with Bean?’ says the maknae suspiciously, but he’s already starting to load his plate.

‘Good fucking question,’ mutters Bean.

Everyone else has gone to the buffet table, leaving Hakyeon and Ravi. Hakyeon leans closer to Ravi, murmurs, “Are you all right, Wonshik-ah?”

Ravi shrugs, nods. “Yeah, fine.”

Hakyeon draws breath to speak again and Ravi pushes back from the table, heading for the buffet. Leo’s on his way back to the table with a plate piled high with food and he completely blanks him as he passes. Ravi gets a sick feeling in his gut and a flash of that kiss… A flash is all he gets and he remembers, that was all that happened. Just one brief kiss, then Ravi had pulled away. Leo wasn’t lying.

 _So where did the mark on my neck come from?_ He looks at Bean, who is ignoring him, and is suddenly certain - something happened last night. With Bean. With Bean, who was too drunk to stand up unaided. The memory when he fell from the bed… not a dream. _It’s no wonder he can’t even look at me today_ , Ravi thinks. _What the fuck have I done?_

Bean’s got no appetite, but he knows that if he doesn’t eat, someone - probably Hakyeon - will ask questions. He mechanically chews and swallows, says all the right things when directly addressed, but otherwise his mind’s worrying at the whole situation. As soon as he can, he excuses himself from the table. He’s pursued to the elevator by Hyuk, who grabs his arm. ‘Bean, what the hell?’

It’s out before Bean can stop himself. ‘I think I fucked up badly last night, Hyukkie,’ he says miserably. ‘Fucked them up.’

Hyuk lets go of Bean’s arm, presses the button for their floor, frowning confusedly. “Fucked who up? What are you talking about?”

Bean jerks his head back towards the restaurant. ‘Them. Leo. Ravi.’

“Fucked them up how? What do you mean?” Hyuk says, frowning even more deeply.

The elevator arrives and Bean goes in, leaning against the wall. ‘You saw how they were last night. Now look at them. And the way Leo acted on the plane. I can barely remember much past going up to the roof, but I think I did something really stupid.’

“Dude, no. I don’t think you did,” Hyuk says, leaning against the side wall. “I came to check on you and… Ravi looked pretty happy. That’s all I’m sayin’.”

‘What?’ Bean gives Hyuk a confused look. ‘What, you were on the roof?’

“No, came to your door. Ravi answered and… you really don't remember?” Hyuk says. 

Bean racks his brains. ‘I remember voices. And I was … on the floor, I think, and …’ Ravi’s hands on him, on his _skin_. He flushes. ‘I don’t know, but he obviously can’t stand the sight of me now, and Leo …’

Hyuk shakes his head. “Ravi didn't look unhappy about whatever you guys were doing that had him answering the door blushing and breathless,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. 

Bean stares at Hyuk. Could something really have happened? Those weird flashes he’s had today, not just wishful thinking? And Ravi was into it? But then … he was drunk, too. ‘Even if that did happen, we were drunk. It looks like he regrets it now. And fucking Leo is acting like I’m a piece of crap under his boot, so draw your own conclusions.’ The elevator arrives at their floor; Bean pushes past Hyuk and walks quickly to his room, shutting the door behind him.

Hyuk breathes out heavily, looking at the ceiling of the elevator. “Idiots,” he mutters, and makes his way to his own room, letting himself in and flopping down on the bed, turning the tv on.

Ravi trudges up to the room an hour later, after going and sitting in the rooftop garden for a while to try and clear his head, unsuccessfully. He’s decided to write today off. Hyuk’s already in the room and Ravi greets him unenthusiastically before lying on the bed without taking his shoes off.

‘Ahem, shoes _off_ the bed, please,’ says Hyuk, in an uncanny imitation of Hakyeon at his prissiest. Ravi lifts his middle finger in answer, eyes on the tv. ‘Rude,’ tuts Hyuk. Picking up the remote, he cues up the booked movie. ‘You are gonna _love_ this, there’s so much angst.’

Ravi sighs. “Great, just what I need.”

‘There’s witty banter, too. And _Spiderman_.’ Hyuk says this last in almost reverent tones. Ravi just nods vaguely, looking through the television, frowning. ‘Okay.’ Hyuk pauses Captain America in mid-leap. ‘Spill.’

Ravi looks at Hyuk. “Spill what?”

‘How about why you’re immune to the charms of Spiderman, and you look like you’re five minutes away from a Bangtan angst-fest?’

“I’m fine, I’m just tired,” Ravi says, obviously lying and kidding himself if he thinks Hyuk is even slightly fooled.

‘If you were tired, you’d already be asleep,’ Hyuk points out. ‘What’s up?’

“Nothing, I'm fine,” Ravi says. “What did they have in the kitchen for snacks if there's no popcorn?”

Hyuk gives Ravi a skeptical look, but subsides. ‘It wasn’t easy, I managed to sweet-talk a bunch of left-over cakes from lunch out of them. They’re in the box on the table. Drink in the fridge. Since I went to all the trouble to get this, you can bring them over here.’

“That sounds like a lot of getting off the bed to me,” Ravi says. “That sounds like a bad idea.”

‘Get up and get me snacks, mopey,’ Hyuk orders, poking Ravi with his foot.

“I'm not _mopey_ ,” Ravi grumbles, but goes and gets the snacks and beer. 

‘You’re completely mopey,’ says Hyuk, taking a long swallow. ‘Practically emo.’

“Yeah, well… things are kind of a bit fucked at the moment if you want the truth,” Ravi says, opening his beer as he settles back into a slouch on the bed. He drinks a third of the bottle in one go. 

‘Truth is always good.’ Hyuk opens the box and sighs happily, bringing out a slice of something that looks less like a cake and more like a diabetic coma in sugar and chocolate form. ‘So tell me everything.’

Ravi shakes his head. “I don’t think you have enough beer to make that happen.”

‘That,’ says Hyuk, mouth full of cake, ‘is what room service is for. At least give me the abridged version.’

“Basically I’m an idiot,” Ravi says. “And now I have two less friends than I had at the start of yesterday. Well. Maybe one and a half. But yeah. Winning.”

‘Okay, no arguments about you being an idiot. But how do you think you lost them?’

“Leading one on, I guess. And taking advantage of the other,” Ravi says, frowning. “I thought I wasn’t going to talk about this.”

Hyuk hides an eyeroll by taking a long drink of beer. _Idiots_. ‘Taking advantage? Nope, that doesn’t sound like you at all.’

“Are you being sarcastic? I can’t tell,” Ravi says, frowning at Hyuk.

‘That’s because you haven’t had enough cake,’ says Hyuk, passing the box. ‘No, dude, I wasn’t being sarcastic. You wouldn’t do that.’

Ravi takes a piece of cake that looks to be more sugar than flour. He takes a bite and says through his mouthful, “You don’t know that. There are things you don’t know about me.”

‘Ha, you’d be surprised what I know. You can’t shock me. Bet you the last piece of cake.’

“All right, you’re on,” Ravi says, swallowing the remnants of cake in his mouth. He takes a steadying breath, then says, “The two people I’m talking about… are guys.” He can feel his face heating.

Hyuk looks completely unsurprised. ‘And?’

Ravi frowns a bit. “And… so… I’m maybe… a bit gay.”

‘This is not exactly news to me,’ says Hyuk.

“It’s not?” Ravi says, frowning, almost upset that Hyuk is unfazed by his revelation.

‘Sorry, am I supposed to be freaked out? Oh no, whatever will I do, my roommate is gay.’ Hyuk rolls his eyes. ‘It’s just you, man.’

“Tell Bean that,” Ravi says. He shakes his head and takes a mouthful of his beer. “But then I proved him right by practically forcing myself on him while he was too drunk to say no. So maybe you should be freaked out.”

‘Yah, you’re as bad as each other!’ Hyuk throws up his hands.

“What?” Ravi says, frowning. “Who is?”

‘You! And Bean! Honestly, I should just bang your heads together.’

“I don’t see how that would help,” Ravi says. “Because he’d have to be in the same room as me for that to happen, and that’s the last thing he wants.”

‘Oh my god, am I the only sane one around here?’ mutters Hyuk. ‘Look - pretty sure you’re wrong, okay? Just talk to him, that’s all I’m saying.’

“How can I talk to him when he won’t even look at me?” Ravi says. “He’s disgusted by me. _I’m_ disgusted by me. How could I do that to him, when I know he doesn’t want that?”

Hyuk bangs his head on the mattress, the effect somewhat spoiled by the complete lack of a decent thud. ‘You … know … _nothing_. I swear, I’m going to lock you both in a room somewhere and not let you out until you work your shit out.’

Ravi shakes his head quickly. “No, you’re wrong. I’d know. God, I’d definitely _know_. I need a piss.” Ravi slips off the bed and into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

‘You were wrong about me freaking out that you’re gay!’ yells Hyuk. ‘Bet you’re wrong about this, too.’ Grabbing up the last slice of cake, Hyuk hits the pause button, and Captain America crashes into a fleeing car. _Idiots._ _Complete idiots_.

Ravi pokes his head out of the bathroom and hisses, “You wanna yell that a bit louder? There are people in the lobby who didn’t quite hear you!”

‘Drama queen,’ says Hyuk through a mouthful of cake. ‘You’re way too paranoid.’

Ravi shakes his head and goes back into the bathroom, closing the door again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Talk to him. Easier said than done_ ... Bean doesn’t expect to sleep anytime soon, but his eyes are already closing. Drifting into sleep, he thinks, _maybe I should risk it_.

Coming back to the room was a mistake. Bean practically twitches with tension, with the need to move, do _something_. He can’t concentrate on the forums, screws up every mobile game he tries. Finally he throws himself down on the bed and tries to lose himself in mind-numbing television, except it doesn’t do anything to shut his head up. _It happened. I fucked up. He was drunk and I fucked up. What am I going to do?_ And more coming back to him now, just confused fragments like bits of dream, but like the memory of Ravi’s hands on his back, he can almost _feel_ Ravi’s mouth on his. No matter what Ravi said about being into guys, no matter what _Hyuk_ said about Ravi being into it, Bean knows he crossed a line. _Can’t ever make this right_.

_Got to get out of here_. He’s just pushing up to a sitting position when the door opens.

Hakyeon comes into the hotel room and smiles when he sees Bean. “Hello, roomie,” he says. “I thought you’d be asleep.”

Before he can stop himself, Bean says, ‘Yeah, that’s not likely any time soon.’ _Fuck_. ‘I can go hang out on the roof or something if you want to crash.’

Hakyeon moves to sit on the bed, wearing a worried expression. “You haven’t been yourself this tour. What’s wrong, Hongbinnie? I hope you know you can talk to me.”

Bean’s not sure whether to laugh or just run right out of the room. ‘Sorry, hyung. I know I fucked up yesterday.’ Seems so long ago, now, and _nothing_ compared to what he did last night. But how can he tell Hakyeon about that?

“Have you and Wonshik and Taekwoon had a falling-out?” Hakyeon asks quietly. “Is it something I can help with?”

Bean flops face down on the bed. He can’t look at Hakyeon. ‘I don’t think there’s anything you can do,’ he says, voice muffled. ‘I fucked up badly.’ 

“How did you mess up? Tell me,” Hakyeon says, his voice gentle. He rests a hand on Bean’s shoulder.

God, how can he tell Hakyeon? ‘I … think I screwed things up for him and Leo.’

Hakyeon frowns slightly. “Wonshik and Leo? What things?”

‘Come on, surely you’ve seen them lately.’ Bean’s mouth twists, remembering; he’s glad his face can’t be seen. _Into guys. All this time. No, my own fault_. 

“Seen what? They’re the same as they’ve always been. Or they were until this morning.”

Bean utters a humourless laugh. ‘How drunk _were_ you last night?’

“Quite drunk,” Hakyeon admits. “But I didn’t notice anything unusual.”

‘Wow.’ Bean turns his face just enough to look at Hakyeon. ‘They were being pretty fucking obvious about it.’

“Taekwoon’s just affectionate when he gets drunk,” Hakyeon says. “You know that. He doesn't mean anything by it.”

‘Sorry, hyung, but that’s crap. It’s not just being drunk, I’ve fended that off before. It’s been the last few days. Last night was just …’ he grimaces. ‘It was more.’

“Even if it was, how did you mess it up?” Hakyeon says, frowning. 

‘Because - oh fuck, you’re gonna hate me - I’m pretty sure I …’ Bean’s voice drops. ‘He was drunk, and I took advantage of it.’

“Taekwoon? I definitely missed something,” Hakyeon says, eyes wide. 

‘ _No_. God, no.’ Bean takes a deep breath. ‘Ravi.’

Hakyeon frowns. “From what I saw before you left the party, you were far more drunk than he was.”

‘Not the point, though, is it?’

“Isn't it?” Hakyeon says. “You're saying you took advantage of his drunkenness - what makes you so sure it wasn't the other way around?”

‘No,’ says Bean with complete conviction. ‘It wasn’t. He didn’t even …. he just wouldn’t.’

“Wouldn't what? Be interested?” Hakyeon says. “He likes men. Why wouldn't he like you?”

Bean stares at Hakyeon. ‘Am I the only one who didn’t know that?’

“You didn't know?” Hakyeon says with a small frown. “How did you not know?”

Wrapping his arms over his head, Bean lets out a muffled, frustrated, ‘ _Aish_ … because apparently I’m the stupidest, blindest idiot in the world and I’ve fucked everything up and now it’s too late.’ Way more than he’d meant to say, but it’s always been like this with Hakyeon. For all his overbearing restrictions and his ability to devastate Bean with a few pointed words, the leader’s always been someone who _listened_. Who can offer comfort and keep secrets. 

“What have you messed up? Has Wonshik told you he's unhappy with what happened between you?” Hakyeon says. “Does he regret sleeping with you?”

‘Wait, no - we didn’t … at least I don’t think we did. It’s kind of hard to remember all the details, but I don’t think we got that far. But yeah, pretty sure he regrets it. He won’t even look at me, let alone speak to me now. And Leo’s just as bad.’

Hakyeon pats Bean’s shoulder gently and says, “Is it possible that he is feeling the exact same way you do?”

Bean moves his arm away from his face, looks up at Hakyeon. ‘What do you mean?’

“You know him,” Hakyeon says softly. “He's sensitive. Do you think perhaps he might be torturing himself in the same way you are? Perhaps that's why he can't look at you.”

‘You think _he_ thinks …?’

“I don't know,” Hakyeon says. “But I know _you_ , and I know you would never force yourself on anyone. And I know if Wonshik didn't want something, he would definitely say.”

‘We were _drunk_.’

“You think he was too drunk to take advantage of you.” Hakyeon says. “And yet you don't offer yourself the same consideration.”

Bean shakes his head. ‘I, I should know better, I could see what was happening with him and Leo …’ He stops, hides his face again. _So fucking blind and stupid_.

“Whose bed was he in, at the end of the night?” Hakyeon asks, squeezing Bean’s shoulder gently. “It sounds to me like he didn't choose Taekwoon.”

‘Oh god, I don’t know, I’m an idiot.’ Bean pulls in a shaky breath, scared to let himself hope that even half of what Hakyeon’s saying might be true. ‘How would I even …’

“It seems to me that the two of you need to talk,” Hakyeon says. “Nothing will get sorted out while you're avoiding one another.”

Bean laughs humourlessly. ‘Tell _him_ that. No, no, I know, I’m not asking. I just … maybe if I sleep on it.’ _If I can sleep_.

“If there's anything I can do…” Hakyeon says, his eyes still showing his concern. 

Finally turning on his side, Bean looks at Hakyeon ruefully. ‘You’ve already done a lot more than you know. Thank you.’

Hakyeon pats Bean’s shoulder gently, murmurs, “Would you like me to get you a glass of water?”

Bean grins suddenly. ‘Gonna make me brush my teeth and read me a bedtime story, too, eomma?’

Hakyeon smiles broadly and says, “I could. Would that help?”

‘Please don’t tell me you packed bedtime stories in that giant case of yours, I might just die of embarrassment on your behalf.’

Hakyeon rolls his eyes. “No, that’s what the _internet_ is for.”

‘Wow, if you’d read half the stories I have that are out there … anyway. No, I’m good. I actually think I might be able to sleep now.’

Hakyeon nods, pleased. “Good night, Binnie,” he says, and disappears into the bathroom for his extensive nightly skincare routine.

Bean rolls over on his back, arms behind his head, listening to the leader clatter around in the bathroom, humming to himself. _Could he be right? Could Ravi actually_ … but Bean can’t bring himself to finish the thought. _Talk to him. Easier said than done_. Sighing, he gets up just long enough to step out of his sweats and throw them in the general direction of his bag, then gets into bed. He doesn’t expect to sleep anytime soon, but his eyes are already closing. Drifting into sleep, he thinks, _maybe I should risk it_. 

*****

In the morning, Ravi wakes with Hyuk’s feet in his face. The maknae has somehow managed to end up upside-down in the bed during the night. Ravi pushes Hyuk’s feet away with a loud groan of protest. “Get those disgusting things away from me!”

There’s an incoherent noise from the other end of the bed. Hyuk sits up, face creased with sleep, and peers blearily at Ravi. ‘Why are you facing the wrong way?’

“I'm not, you are!” Ravi says. 

It's certainly different from waking up with Bean. _He's the first thing I think of in the morning. I'm a walking cliche._

‘Feet need pillows, too,’ says Hyuk. ‘We’re gonna be dancing all day so I’m just pampering them in advance. Anyway, you should be apologising to my feet.’

“Why should I be apologising to your smelly feet?” Ravi asks, incredulous.

‘First, they’re not smelly. Second, you woke them up with your snoring last night,’ says Hyuk seriously.

“First, they absolutely _are_ smelly, and secondly, you woke _me_ up this morning by kicking me in the face, so I’d say we’re even,” Ravi says, and slaps the sole of Hyuk’s right foot.

The maknae yelps and quickly pulls his feet back. ‘Abuse! Some roommate you are. Just for that, I’m using all the hot water.’ He dives for the bathroom.

Ravi shrugs and snuggles in to go back to sleep. 

All things considered, Bean sleeps remarkably well, waking briefly only once when Hakyeon manages to pull all the covers off him. When he finally surfaces, he’s alone in the bed, and he can hear the shower running. _No point getting up, then_. He turns over and shuts his eyes again, but there’s no chance of getting back to sleep. The day is going to be brutal, rehearsal followed immediately by the concert. And the inevitable after-party. _Got to find a way to get out of that_.

Then there’s what Hakyeon said. His mind won’t leave it alone; one moment he actually thinks talking to Ravi might be a good idea, but the next he’s convinced it could only be disastrous. Frustrated, Bean sits up and grabs his phone, looking for distractions.

Hakyeon comes out of the bathroom half an hour later, immaculately dressed and looking disgustingly cheerful. “Good morning, roomie!”

Bean regards him sourly. ‘No one should look that together in the morning, hyung. Did you leave me _any_ hot water?’

“ _Instant hot water_ , Binnie. This is the life,” Hakyeon says. “I can’t remember the last time I had such a good shower.”

Bean scrambles up. ‘Out of my way, eomma, a shower is calling.’

Hakyeon grins and starts taking his clothes out of the wardrobe and packing them away.

After a ridiculously long shower, Hyuk comes back into the bedroom to find Ravi asleep again. He dresses quickly, then, grinning, takes a flying leap at the bed and lands on Ravi with both feet. ‘Revenge!’ he crows, and beats a hasty exit.

Ravi curls into a ball to guard against further attacks until he’s certain Hyuk has gone. He gets up and goes to the shower. He stands under the water with his eyes closed, still half-asleep. He daydreams of Bean on top of him on the floor, of kisses he wishes he could remember clearly, of kisses he wishes he didn’t feel so guilty about. Not guilty enough to stop him taking his cock in hand and stroking it to the images in his head, and the half-remembered feel of Bean’s body against his.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Maybe this isn’t going to be so bad after all_ , thinks Bean, grinning. _Don’t get your hopes up_ , but it’s hard not to, hearing Ravi laugh.
> 
> Ravi sneaks a glance at Bean, then looks away quickly. He seems happy. _Maybe he doesn’t hate me after all._

By the time Bean gets down to breakfast, he’s jittery all over again. His head’s full of half-remembered sensations, angry words, cold looks, and a stupid hope that he can’t push down far enough. Today’s going to be hard enough to get through. He needs to focus.

Bean expects the cold shoulder from Leo, but says good morning anyway when the vocalist appears. Leo doesn’t even look at him, just gives him the most distant, formal greeting possible, and pointedly leaves a empty chair between them. _Well, this is a terrific start to the day._

The only free chair is between Bean and Leo. _I’m definitely in hell_ , Ravi thinks as he walks over. Bean sees Ravi approach the table, and the look on his face as he takes his seat is enough to make Bean wish to be anywhere but here. _Talk to him? Never gonna happen_. Still, he has to do something, tries for casual. ‘Hey. Get any sleep with the monster maknae around?’

“Got enough sleep to snore, apparently,” Ravi says, looking at the menu. “Also got kicked in the face.”

‘He exaggerates,’ says Hyuk. ‘He woke my feet up with his snoring, what was I supposed to do?’

‘Wait, he shoved his smelly feet in your face?’ exclaims Bean. ‘Do you, I don’t know, need a doctor or something?’

“I think it’s too late,” Ravi says. “Nothing left to do now but wait for my inevitable gruesome death from poisoning.”

‘I’ll bring flowers to your funeral,’ says Bean seriously. ‘It’ll cover up the smell from his feet.’

‘Hey!’ yells Hyuk.

Ravi chuckles quietly. Leo huffs and pushes back from the table, going to get a coffee. Ravi doesn’t watch him go, and pretends nothing has happened.

 _Maybe this isn’t going to be so bad after all_ , thinks Bean, grinning. _Don’t get your hopes up_ , but it’s hard not to, hearing Ravi laugh. 

Ravi sneaks a glance at Bean, then looks away quickly. He seems happy. _Maybe he doesn’t hate me after all._ Ravi orders breakfast when the waitress comes, a platter of assorted pastries. He’s ravenously hungry all of a sudden.

‘Pastries!’ whoops Hyuk, immediately following suit. 

Bean looks speculative. ‘Yeah, why not? Pastries for me, too.’ It feels fragile and a bit forced, but he’s going to run with it while it lasts. _I miss you_ , he thinks. 

Ravi does a bad job of hiding his surprise as Leo comes back to the table with his latte and sits down. Leo asks Ravi, stiffly and formally, to pass the sugar. Ravi does, and then excuses himself, pushing away from the table and heading for the restaurant’s bathroom. 

_He looks … awful_. Bean has a momentary, almost uncontrollable impulse to go after Ravi and wrap his arms around him. His hand is actually on the edge of the table to push himself back when he catches himself. _What could I possibly say?_

Ravi tells himself he's not escaping, not hiding, but his hands aren't dirty and soaping them up twice is probably a bit unnecessary even if they were. He rinses, again, and dries his hands. He hesitates to go back out to the table, frowning at his reflection. Bean seems… normal. That in itself feels weird. Leo is treating him like a stranger, and that hurts more than he could possibly express. 

Second-guessing everything Hakyeon said, Bean stares at his bowl. The way Leo acted towards Ravi, just as cold as to him - _did I do that?_ _Or is there really nothing between them? But then, why did he run like that?_

‘Wow, what crawled up _your_ butt and died?’ says Hyuk brightly to Leo. Bean’s head snaps up; that’s got to be a deliberate provocation.

“I didn't sleep well,” Leo says. “My roommate chatters incessantly, even in his sleep.”

Jaehwan gives Leo a hurt look across the table. Ravi emerges from the bathroom and comes to rejoin the others at the table. He fiddles with his napkin, his body angled slightly away from Leo, and toward Bean. Unseen by either Bean or Ravi, Hyuk and Jaehwan exchange glances, the maknae’s eyebrows raised. Jaehwan gives him a tiny nod.

 _Stop reading in stop reading in_. Bean can’t help it. Very low, barely above a whisper, he says, ‘You okay?’, and immediately kicks himself.

Ravi nods once, glancing at Bean. “Are you?”

 _Am I?_ For a moment Bean honestly can’t answer. Across the table, Jaehwan protests. ‘So unfair! If _someone_ hadn’t been the world’s worst roommate, I wouldn’t have had to hold up the whole conversation.’ Bean smiles a little. ‘Actually … yeah, I think so.’ 

Ravi looks at Bean again, a slight frown on his face. “You're sure?”

 _Hakyeon was right. Ravi thinks he did something wrong._ Bean stares at Ravi for a moment, worried. At least he can lay this to rest - but how to say so in front of everyone? ‘I’m _fine_ ,’ he says, maybe a little too urgently. ‘Really.’ And before he can stop himself - ‘ _We’re_ fine.’

Leo sets his latte cup down on its saucer with a clatter and Ravi blinks once and looks away.

 _Fuck_. For a second there … Bean’s instantly furious. There was _no way_ that wasn’t deliberate from Leo. He controls himself with an effort, and then falls to second-guessing himself all over again. _Why did he look away? Did I push too much? Did I completely misread everything?_

The waitress returns with tray after tray of pastries. Hyuk can’t hide his utter glee, singing a silly little song about pastries, and Ravi just mechanically eats, looking at his food. Between his nerves at sitting next to Bean and his conviction that Leo will snap and stab him at a moment’s provocation, it’s an uncomfortable breakfast to say the least.

The pastries look good. They really, really do. Bean has no appetite at all, though, too lost in his own head. There’s a sharp kick to his ankle; he looks up to see Hyuk glaring at him significantly, cheeks completely stuffed.The maknae cuts his eyes towards Ravi, and Bean blinks. _Right_. He picks up a pastry without even looking to see what it is, takes a huge bite - and immediately snatches up a napkin, making a revolted face. ‘ _Ack_ , lotus!’ 

Ravi looks at Bean, offering him a bitten pastry. “Swap? I don’t even know _what_ this is.”

‘You’d _eat_ this? My god, your stomach is cast iron.’ Bean drinks an entire glass of water, trying to chase the taste out of his mouth. ‘Sure, why not? Can’t be any worse than this.’ He hands over the lotus pastry, fighting down a stupid little tummy flip at the idea of sharing food with Ravi. _Get a fucking grip, what are you, twelve?_

Ravi takes the lotus pastry from Bean and hands him the whatever-pastry he’s holding. He doesn’t like lotus all that much, but he doesn’t hate it like Bean seems to. As he takes a bite, he tries not to think about the intimacy of sharing food - after all, it’s something the group does all the time - but now everything seems charged between the two of them in a way it hadn’t before.

It’s ridiculous, it’s only a pastry, and Bean should really stop staring at Ravi eating before he weirds the other man out completely. He takes a bite without really tasting what he’s eating, uncomfortably aware that only seconds ago it was in Ravi’s mouth - _goddammit_. 

Ravi can feel Bean looking at him. _Don’t look don’t look._ He pours himself a cup of black tea from the pot in the middle of the table and drinks. He feels like _everyone_ at the table is watching him.

Hyuk and Jaehwan have their heads together, discussing something on the screen of Hyuk’s phone. They’re being uncharacteristically quiet, which doesn’t help Bean’s peace of mind at all. A distraction would be really, really helpful right now. Like the roof falling in, or maybe an invasion of zombies. Or the zombies falling in on top of the collapsing roof. Anything. 

Hakyeon clears his throat. ‘Finish up, we have half an hour until the van leaves for the arena. Sanghyuk, please try not to leave anything behind in the room this time. Will you double-check, please, Wonshik?’

Ravi looks at Hakyeon, nods and says, “On it, boss.”

Looking outraged, Hyuk exclaims, ‘I don’t need a babysitter! Especially not one who doesn’t appreciate my wonderful feet!’

Jaehwan dissolves into giggles, and even Hakyeon’s mouth twitches despite his attempt to appear stern. Taking advantage of the moment, Bean pushes back from the table and announces his intention to go and pack. He gives everyone a wave and heads off, carrying the half-eaten pastry with him. Ravi watches Bean go, a slight frown on his face. Leo clears his throat softly and Ravi starts, reaching for his tea cup again, his face flushed.

As soon as he gets into the elevator, Bean hits the door close button and slumps against the wall next to the control panel. _This is crazy_. He’s reacting like a teenager, getting all flustered over something so small. Just a bite of food. Just his mouth right where Ravi’s was - _stop it. Think about work_. Except that’s no help, either, because they’ll be dancing together again, doing _that_ move again. And even if Ravi doesn’t act the same way he did last concert, Bean knows he’ll still feel the ghost of warm hands on his back.

It’s all Ravi can do to not follow Bean and push him against the nearest wall. Though he’s still doubtful that Bean would want that, breakfast has at least given him a little hope. He’s quite worried about Leo’s behaviour, though. He fears their friendship might be unsalvageable.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bean groans inwardly. He’s sharing with Hakyeon. That means if anything goes pear-shaped at the party, he’ll have no chance of escaping. _It won’t be that bad_ , he tells himself. _Surely._
> 
> \---
> 
> Ravi slips on his shoes with a look that's anything but enthusiastic. “Ready as I'll ever be.”

The rehearsal’s remarkably painless. Instead of a full run-through, they concentrate on potential problems areas; quick turnaround times for costume changes, sticky bits of choreo, last minute dialogue coaching for when they’ll talk to the audience. Though it’s all stop-start and fiddly attention to detail, Bean feels comparatively relaxed. Hakyeon’s mood is buoyant, and Bean finds himself actually looking forward to performing. 

As they go down to the green room for a break before the actual concert, Bean falls into step with Ravi. ‘Still want help hiding that body?’ he says in a low voice so that Hyuk, walking ahead of them, can’t hear.

“No point hiding it. The sniffer dogs would find his feet from a mile away,” Ravi says with a small smirk.

Bean’s grin is wide and stupid. ‘Maybe we could steal eomma’s perfumes and disguise it that way.’ From ahead of them, Hakyeon calls, ‘I can hear you perfectly, Hongbin-ah. Don’t you even think about it.’

Bean catches Ravi’s eye, and bursts out laughing. Ravi grins at Bean and dodges deftly as Hakyeon turns and lunges to slap them both. He runs away, laughing. The way Ravi looks at him makes Bean stop in his tracks, catch his breath. It’s like all the strain has just dropped away; Bean has to fight to stop himself closing the distance between them. Then Hakyeon’s hand comes down on his shoulder in a playful slap, and Ravi dodges away, leaving Bean blinking.

Ravi sits down heavily on the green room’s oversized couch and slouches as he takes out his phone. 

Leo enters the green room, shoots Ravi a look, and goes to sit in a chair in the opposite corner. He closes his eyes, looking like he's trying to go to sleep. 

Suddenly, Bean’s twitchy all over again, but he can’t keep the bounce out of his step. There’s probably a conversation they need to have at some point, but for now, at least Ravi’s talking to him. _It’s going to be a good show_ , he thinks, dumping his bag on the nearest chair.

**> Sorry L is being a dick to you. **

Bean’s phone buzzes. _Who?_ Puzzled, he pulls it out of his jacket pocket. His eyes widen as he reads the message. Ravi’s apologising to _him_? That’s so wrong it makes Bean’s head spin, but he can’t help the warm feeling that spreads through him. Maybe this is a chance to set Ravi’s mind at rest. Smiling a little, he taps out a reply.

**> > hey don’t apologise it’s not your fault**

**> > you didn’t do anything wrong**

**> I think i might have led him on. Didn't mean to. Why he's taking that out on you I have no idea.**

_Wait. What?_ Bean stares at the screen. _Am I remembering it wrong? Does **he** not remember after all? What do I say?_ Then the rest of the message sinks in, and he feels his stupid heart leap. Still … he starts to type a reply. Erases it, second-guessing himself. Settles for something that’s nothing like what he really wants to say.

**> > you okay??**

**> Yeah, just stupid. **

Ravi glances up from his phone and finds Leo looking at him from across the room. Leo glares for a few seconds before closing his eyes again. Ravi frowns and sends another message. 

**> Really stupid. **

Bean still doesn’t dare look over at Ravi, because he’s barely hanging on to his nerve as it is.

**> > you’re NOT stupid**

**> > you’re**

**> > you’re just not, okay?**

Ravi shakes his head slightly and puts his phone away. 

There isn’t a reply. Bean tells himself not to read anything into that. _It’s enough for now_. He stuffs his phone back into his jacket, and starts getting ready for the concert. Ravi changes into his first costume for the performance and submits to the hair and makeup artists, earpods in his ears as they work on him. 

The performance is good. Bean’s on the beat, his voice is under control and strong. The only sour note is Leo, who seems determined to pretend he doesn’t exist; even when he’s thrown a line, the vocalist looks right through him and addresses his answers to Hakyeon. 

Ravi does his best to be professional throughout the performance, which is made more difficult by Leo pretending he and Bean don’t exist. He doesn’t know how to fix this, but he knows it can’t continue like this. Something has got to give.

Hakyeon’s absolutely delighted with the way the concert has gone. To celebrate, he declares that the members can order anything from either room service or whoever will deliver to his and Bean’s room, and calls ahead to have alcohol sent up for when they arrive back at the hotel. Hyuk immediately starts looking for the weirdest local restaurants and sending the links to Hakyeon, who simply rolls his eyes and tries to curb the maknae’s over-enthusiasm. Bean groans inwardly. He’s sharing with Hakyeon. That means if anything goes pear-shaped at the party, he’ll have no chance of escaping. _It won’t be that bad_ , he tells himself. _Surely._

As soon as they get in the van, Ravi starts working on backstory for the headache he’s planning to have instead of going to the party. He sits on the back seat and rests his temple against the cool window glass, looking tired. Hyuk pokes Ravi. ‘What do you want to eat? Eomma said we could have _aaaannyything_!’ He sounds positively rapturous.

“I’m not really hungry,” Ravi says. “Not feeling great.”

‘Aww, cmon, roomie … we were awesome today, we gotta celebrate!’

“Yeah, we were,” Ravi says. “Maybe I’ll be okay after a nap…”

‘Do you ever not _sleep_?’ asks Jaehwan curiously.

“Maybe I’m asleep right now,” Ravi says. “Maybe your awful breath is just a nightmare.”

For that, Ravi gets a neck chop from Jaehwan, who leans over Bean to do so. ‘Yah! My breath is sweet!’

Bean pushes the vocalist off, laughing. ‘Well, I didn’t want to say anything, Jyani, _but_ … ‘ That provokes an outraged scream, and Jaehwan lapses into loud sulking.

Ravi smiles a little, then pulls his cap down low over his eyes, slouching, clearly intending on going to sleep in the van.

Quietly, Hakyeon says, ‘You will come for a little while, at least, Wonshik.’ It’s said mildly enough, but clearly not a request. Ravi pretends to be asleep. Hakyeon is not impressed. ‘I know you can hear me. I expect to see you there.’ Then he gives the others a wicked smile. ‘Or I _will_ send someone to wake you forcibly.’

Instantly, Hyuk yells, ‘I volunteer as tribute!’

Bean smiles with the others, but his eyes are troubled. _Avoiding Leo? Avoiding me?_

“Do your worst, eomma. You don’t scare me,” Ravi mumbles sleepily, cuddling into his warm hoodie.

Once they get back to the hotel, Bean heads for a shower, but is immediately roped into helping clean up the room. Not that it needs cleaning, as far as he can see, but Hakyeon insists on straightening the already perfectly made bed and making Bean pack his bag and stow it in a cupboard. 

Ravi goes back to his and Hyuk’s room and, true to his word, draws the curtains and gets in bed. He puts his phone on charge and snuggles into the covers with a happy sigh. ‘You know that’s not going to work, right?’ says Hyuk, standing over him. ‘You get one hour, then I’m waking you up the hard way.’

“Is the hard way your feet in my face?” Ravi mumbles, eyes still closed.

‘Actually, I thought I’d get Jae in here to screech at you.’

Ravi opens his eyes, narrows them at Hyuk, and opens his bedside drawer. He gets out a pouch with earplugs, raises his eyebrows at Hyuk, and maintains eye contact with him as he sits up and pushes the plugs into his ears. He lifts one finger at Hyuk and snuggles back down into the bed.

‘Challenge accepted,’ says Hyuk, and flops down on the bed, reaching for the remote control.

‘Happy now?’ says Bean as he finishes unpacking the bottles of beer and soju and stowing them in ice. 

Hakyeon beams at Bean brightly. “Yes, very happy. Thank you for your help!”

‘Fantastic!’ and Bean dives for the shower before Hakyeon can move. _Finally_ , he thinks as he shucks his clothes and steps under the water. Immediately, inevitably, his thoughts turn to Ravi. Will he turn up after all? Would it be better if he doesn’t? _Maybe it’s better if he doesn’t_ , but that idea makes Bean’s chest hurt. _You’re being ridiculous_ , there’s no guarantee that things would be any less disastrous than the last time. _Not a complete disaster, though_. Not if what happened between them was in any way real and not just drunken stupidity. Not if, maybe, after a few drinks - only a few - Bean could taste Ravi’s mouth again, press their bodies together, _stop it, won’t happen_. Find out if what he remembers so hazily is anything like the reality, would it be better? _Crazy, stop, don’t get your hopes up_ … Bean wraps one hand around his cock, leaning into the wall. Lets the fantasy spin out in his mind.

Ravi falls soundly asleep, despite Hyuk’s restlessness sitting on the bed beside him. He dreams of dancing with a faceless man, sensually, running his hands over hot skin under his shirt… then the man isn't faceless anymore. He and Bean are together on stage, alone in an empty arena. They move as one, effortlessly. Ravi sighs softly in his sleep. 

They’re not sharing a bed anymore, but in Bean’s mind they’re back in the room in Osaka. Listening to Ravi in the shower, lying on his side of the bed, hand over his own mouth. Feeling the bed dip, opening his eyes to see Ravi, naked, dripping, kneeling over him, _oh god_. Bean strokes his cock faster, pushing his mouth against his arm to stifle any sound.

They’re kissing now. In the dream, Bean takes Ravi in his arms and they melt into each other. The arena is filled with twinkling blue lights, and is silent. All he can hear are the quiet noises Bean is making as he possesses Ravi’s mouth. He wants to stay here forever.

The memory of warm hands on his back, strong arms around him, urgent kisses, hips pushing hardness against him, all of it winding Bean tighter. Ravi’s voice, _I love you, man_ , and Bean bites down on his arm as he comes suddenly, groaning. 

Suddenly Bean’s gone and Leo is standing in front of Ravi, staring wordlessly, accusing. Ravi’s apologising, trying to explain, but he has no voice. Leo turns away from him and one by one the twinkling blue lights fade into darkness. He's alone. Just as he deserves. 

Breathing hard, Bean bows his head, little aftershocks slowly fading. _Stupid, stupid_. It’s going to be difficult enough broaching the subject of what he did with Ravi; now it’s tangled up in his head with dozens of other sensations and memories. He can’t bring himself to regret it, because it might be all he ever has. He turns off the taps and stands still for a long moment, then shakes his head and steps out. Snags a towel and doesn’t look at himself in the mirror.

Ravi blinks awake, feeling very alone. He’s disoriented by a lack of sound and for an awful moment he thinks he’s underwater, drowning, until he remembers the earplugs. He pulls them out and winces as the sound of the blaring TV assaults his eardrums. The bed shakes as Hyuk howls with laughter, whooping enthusiastically at the guy in the black and red superhero suit who’s wading into a fight where he’s vastly outnumbered, wisecracking the whole time. Ravi rolls onto his other side, facing Hyuk. He doesn’t know why, but he moves to cuddle into the maknae’s side and closes his eyes.

‘Awesome, you’re awake!’ Hyuk hits pause on the movie and nudges Ravi roughly. ‘I could barely hear the movie over your snores.’

Ravi grumbles and snuggles closer to Hyuk, hoping he won’t be pushed away.

‘So what was that about my feet smelling, hmm?’

“They’re down there now,” Ravi mumbles.

‘Hm, well you’re just lucky I’m way too comfy and this movie is too funny. Otherwise I’d be making you apologise to my feet right now.’ He unfreezes the action on the screen. ‘We’ve still got about half an hour.’

“You give the best cuddles,” Ravi says sleepily, his eyes slipping closed again.

‘Hah, flattery will get you nowhere,’ says Hyuk, but he sounds a tiny bit smug. ‘You’re still coming to the party.’ 

“You’ll have to drag me kicking and screaming from this bed, Hyukkie, I’m serious. Leo wants me dead and I can’t even look Bean in the eye. I won’t be any fun. It’ll be better without me.”

The tv goes silent again. ‘Okay. Look. I’ll admit, I was pretty drunk, and I didn’t see much, and maybe you do need to say something to Taek eventually. But Bean -’ he pokes Ravi again for emphasis with every word - ‘Talk. To him. Dammit.’

“Don’t poke me, Hyukkie. You’re the only friend I have,” Ravi says in his most pathetic voice.

‘What, are you trying to out-Jae Jae here? Of course I’m not, you idiot. We’re all your friends, and Bean … _aish_. You are so _wrong_ about him.’

“I don’t wanna talk about this,” Ravi mumbles, turning his face into Hyuk’s side. There’s a moment’s silence before Hyuk stabs the remote again, letting loose a string of obscenities. Ravi frowns to himself, his face hidden. He tries to go back to sleep.

It’s weird how Hyuk just seems to keep accidentally elbowing Ravi. There’s always an immediate apology, and sometimes it even sounds sincere, but it just keeps happening. Finally the tv clicks off. ‘Okay. Up. I’m not taking no for an answer.’ Ravi makes a feeble sobbing noise and hides his head under the pillow. ‘Don’t make me get reinforcements,’ Hyuk warns him.

“ _Mean_ ,” Ravi mumbles.

‘Obeying orders. I’m more scared of eomma than you, now get up.’

Ravi sits up and hits Hyuk with the pillow, scowling. “Can’t you tell him I’m sick?”

Hyuk shakes his head. ‘You know that’s not gonna work. Just for a little bit, then you can run back here and stick your head under your pillow. That’ll make him happy.’

Ravi sighs. “I should have a shower first. I smell like your feet.”

For that, Ravi gets a smack in the head with the pillow that Hyuk was resting his feet on. Ravi grins and rolls off the bed, landing lightly on his feet. “I could just lock myself in the bathroom, you know.”

‘Not if you want to live,’ threatens Hyuk. ‘Let’s go.’

“Can I have a shower?” Ravi asks. “Promise not to chain myself to anything.”

Hyuk makes an exaggerated point out of picking up his phone and setting a timer. ‘You’ve got five minutes. Go.’ He turns his attention back to the movie.

“I’ll be out in three,” Ravi says. He disappears into the bathroom and runs the shower as he undresses. He has a quick, efficient shower and wanders back into the room in a towel three and a half minutes later. 

‘Thirty seconds late,’ says Hyuk, waving the phone without taking his eyes off the tv. ‘You get a warning this time.’

“Whatever,” Ravi says. He digs in his bag, deciding what to wear. He has a nervous feeling in his stomach that he can't seem to shake. He decides to go for comfort, choosing baggy jeans and an oversized hoodie. He dresses quickly and roughly rubs his hair dry with the towel. 

As soon as he’s dressed, Hyuk kills the tv and bounces up from the bed. ‘Right, come on.’ He looks at Ravi’s freaked-out expression with a slight frown. ‘It’s not an execution, you know. It’s _foooood_ ,’ he says rapturously.

Ravi slips on his shoes with a look that's anything but enthusiastic. “Ready as I'll ever be.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can I talk to you, please?” Ravi says to Leo. 
> 
> \---
> 
> Ravi swallows and looks at Bean. “I’m drunk, you’re drunk, and I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t. But I want to. I really do. I _want to._ But I shouldn’t.”

The party’s already kicked off when Hyuk knocks on Hakyeon’s door. It’s opened by Jaehwan, slice of pizza in one hand, cheeks already flushed from drinking. ‘You did it!’ he crows. Standing aside, he makes a sweeping bow, and manages somehow not to overbalance. From where he’s sitting on the bed, Bean looks up, and can’t keep the stupid smile from his face. _I thought he wouldn’t come_.

Ravi doesn't make eye contact with anyone and does not look happy to be there. He heads immediately for the drinks and grabs a beer. Bean’s face falls. To cover, he takes a quick gulp from the grape soda he’s opted for rather than risk getting drunk again. ‘Hey,’ he says in a voice that’s almost normal. ‘Your disgusting food is here, monster, no one else wants it’. 

With a whoop, Hyuk descends on the table and grabs up a box and plastic fork. ‘Gopchang, my favourite!’ 

Ravi accidentally catches Leo’s eye and frowns slightly as Leo gives him a breathtakingly angry look before looking away. Ravi takes a swig of his beer and moves to look out the window. 

There’s no missing that look, and Bean’s hand tightens on the soda can. Deciding not to drink was definitely the right move, because he knows if he’d been even a little drunk, it’d be hard not to say something. He stares at Leo, silently daring him to speak up so that he can kick him the fuck out of their room.

Ravi drains his beer, probably too quickly, and goes to get another. He returns to his spot at the window. 

Hyuk gets in Bean’s eyeline. ‘What’s this, not joining in the fun?’ 

Bean blinks. ‘Uh … someone around here has to look after you freaks.’ He gestures to where Hakyeon is already sitting sprawled against the wall with Jaehwan. ‘And it looks like eomma’s taking the night off.’

Ravi glances at Leo and takes another large swig of his beer. He looks back out the window again, tapping the ring on his index finger against the bottle nervously. 

‘Doesn’t mean you have to be boring,’ says Hyuk. ‘Cmon, one drink.’ From where he lays half-draped over Hakyeon, Jaehwan calls, ‘Drink with us, pretty Binnie! You’re fun when you’re drunk!’

 _Oh my god, shut **up**_ , thinks Bean. ‘I’m good,’ he says firmly, ‘just don’t eat all the fucking pizza.’ He looks over at Ravi, trying to shut them all out. 

Ravi looks at his watch and wonders how soon he can get away with leaving. He's hyperaware of his position relative to both Leo and Bean, and he's on edge. 

_Well, this is a fucking disaster_ , thinks Bean. Hyuk’s chattering to him, but nothing’s sinking in. It’s clear Ravi wants to be anywhere but here, and while some of that has to be due to Leo’s behaviour, Ravi won’t even look at Bean.

Ravi takes a swig of his beer and catches Leo’s reflection in the glass of the window. Rather than looking angry, he looks sad. Ravi knows what he needs to do. He turns and goes over to him. “Can I talk to you, please?” Ravi says to Leo. 

Leo frowns slightly and says, “You're talking to me now.”

“Outside?”

Leo pauses, looking up at Ravi, then nods and drains his glass before standing and walking out of the room without another word. Ravi takes a deep breath and follows Leo out into the hall.

It can’t be what it looks like. It can’t be. Neither of them looked happy about leaving the room together. But still … ‘I’ve changed my mind, get me a drink,’ he says roughly, to Hyuk.

‘What am I, your servant?’ grumbles the maknae, but he goes to the table and fishes a bottle of soju out of the ice. ‘Do you want a glass, your highness?’

‘Just hand it over,’ says Bean.

Leo leans against the wall of the hotel corridor, arms crossed, looking at the floor. Now that they’re out here, Ravi has no idea what to say. Very, very softly, and without looking up, Leo says, “You said you liked me.”

“I- I do. You're like a brother to me,” Ravi says. 

Leo huffs and goes to walk back into the room but Ravi stops him, hands on his biceps. “Leo, please,” Ravi says. 

“You're not like a brother to me,” Leo says. “I _want_ you.”

Ravi frowns and breathes out slowly. “I didn't know. I swear I didn't.”

“I got that,” Leo says. “Can you let me go please?”

“I want us to be okay,” Ravi says. 

“Well I want to kiss you,” Leo says, looking at Ravi, his eyes full of hurt. “I want to be with you. I've always wanted that.”

 _Oh god,_ Ravi thinks. _How blind am I?_

Bean drinks fast, grimacing against the medicinal, faintly oily taste. He knows how ridiculous he’s being, but he can’t stop himself from second-guessing everything. 

‘Wow, I know you’re making up for lost time, but take it easy, Bean,’ says Hyuk.

‘Fuck that,’ mutters Bean, raising the bottle again. He’ll just let himself get a little bit drunk. Just enough to shut his head up.

“I'm sorry,” Ravi says. “I really didn't know. And if I had… I would have told you. I wish you'd said something.”

“I was scared,” Leo says. “I was scared that exactly this would happen.” Ravi pulls back and Leo closes his eyes. “But… I know you love Hongbin,” Leo says. 

Ravi’s head snaps up, his mouth dropping open. 

_They're not coming back. They're together._ Bean tries to push the idea away, but it just won't go. What happened with Ravi now seems less like a cause for hope and more of a horrible joke. _Stop it, you don't know that._

Leo goes back into the room. Ravi watches the door close after him. He's just standing, kind of dumbfounded, in the middle of the hall. 

When the door opens, Bean looks up, hardly daring to hope. Leo. Alone. It doesn't make sense. _What should I do now?_

Ravi comes into the room a few minutes later and goes straight for the table with the food, picking up a plate and putting a slice of pizza on it. He snags a beer and sits down on the floor next to Hakyeon. The leader wraps a drunkenly affectionate arm around Ravi’s shoulders and pulls him close. ‘We did such a great job today! I’m so glad you came,’ he beams.

Despite his inner turmoil, Ravi smiles. “We were fantastic,” he says. “Where else would I be?”

Sitting with Hakyeon. From Bean’s perspective, it looks like Ravi’s protecting himself. Trying to stay as far away from either him or Leo as possible. _But then why come back at all?_ Ravi smiles at Hakyeon, and it seems fragile. _Why did you come back? If you hate this so much, why are you here?_

Ravi eats his pizza and drinks his beer, and the beer Hyuk brings him, and then the soju Jaehwan forces on him. Before long, he doesn’t have to pretend to be happy, he just is, and Leo is laughing and joking with Hyuk and everything is back to normal. He catches Leo’s eye across the room and they smile at each other. They’re _friends_. They’ll always be friends. Ravi grins, and then his eyes fall on Bean.

Drinking isn’t helping at all; it just makes Bean doubt himself even more. He sits on the bed with his back to the wall, knees drawn up, aware that he’s staring. The nearly-empty bottle of soju dangles from his fingers. Everyone else is drunk, laughing; even Ravi’s lost that pinched expression. Then Ravi smiles, and Bean hurts, because that smile is for Leo. _I should get out of here_ , but it’s his room, and he can’t think of a halfway plausible excuse to leave.

Ravi lets his eyes slowly travel down Bean’s body. He can feel his face heating and he knows he should be embarrassed at being so obvious, knows he should look away, but he doesn’t _want to_. His tongue comes out to lick at his bottom lip and his eyes move back up to Bean’s face.

Bean’s eyes are wide, wondering. The way Ravi’s looking at him ... _I can’t be seeing this right. Is this real?_ He feels the flush rise in his own cheeks, swallows as he sees Ravi lick his lips. 

The look Ravi is getting in return… It makes him feel hot under his warm hoodie. He sits forward, tearing it over his head. He’s wearing a thin, worn tshirt underneath, full of holes. He lets out a small sigh as the cool air of the room hits his skin. He puts his hoodie aside and looks at Bean again as Hyuk hands him another beer. He licks a drop of condensation dribbling down the side of the neck of the bottle, then brings it to his lips, taking a long slow drink, his head tilted back, his eyes still on Bean.

 _God. Does he know what he’s doing to me?_ Bean’s entire focus narrows to the impossible sight of Ravi staring at him, _seducing_ him, _this can’t be real_. He watches Ravi’s tongue slide over the wet neck of the bottle, and has to bite down on his lip because all he can think about is how that would feel on his own skin and he’s so _hard_ he almost can’t keep still.

Jaehwan brings Ravi a shot of soju and he grins before necking it. Jaehwan, Hakyeon, Hyuk and _Leo_ cheer. Ravi laughs, feeling warm, feeling relaxed and happy for the first time in weeks.

Bean doesn’t cheer. He _can’t_. He’s wound so tight he’s afraid to unlock his teeth and let any sound escape. All he can do is stare, and _want_.

Hakyeon is tactile enough when sober, but now that he’s drunk he’s cuddly and smiley and all over Ravi in a playful, brotherly way. The man can’t hold his drink _at all_. He’s worse than Leo. Ravi slings an arm around him, grinning helplessly.

Pouting, Jaehwan sits up and pushes at Ravi’s arm. ‘Hands _off_!’ he orders, practically climbing into Hakyeon’s lap. ‘My Yeonnie! Get your own!’ Laughing, Hakyeon pokes the vocalist in the ribs, making him yelp and kick out.

Bean’s up and moving, scrambling over the bed to the door; he has to get _out_. He throws himself into the corridor, slumping against the wall. The door swings closed behind him, but doesn’t latch. He doesn’t hear anything but his own harsh breathing.

Pushed away from Hakyeon by Jaehwan’s ostentatious jealousy, Ravi looks to Bean and finds him gone. He frowns slightly and looks at the door. It’s not closed properly. He’s moving before he’s aware of it, like his feet have a mind of their own. He walks into the hotel corridor and sees Bean slumped against the wall. He pauses, unsure of what to do.

 _Come on, come on, get a grip_. Bean can’t get himself under control, can’t stop thinking about Ravi’s mouth wrapped around that bottle. The way the Adam’s apple in Ravi’s throat bobbed as he swallowed. Ravi’s tongue … Bean’s head goes back against the wall and he lets out a low, frustrated groan.

Ravi’s drunk, and bold, and he just moves to sit down next to Bean. “What’s up?” he says, then takes a swig of his beer.

Bean jolts in shock. His head whips around and he stares at Ravi, incredulous. ‘What’s _up_?’ Ravi’s throat works, and to his utter embarrassment, Bean can’t stop his sharp intake of breath.

Ravi swallows and looks at Bean. “I’m drunk, you’re drunk, and I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t. But I want to. I really do. I _want to._ But I shouldn’t.” He can’t seem to stop staring at Bean’s lips. “I really shouldn’t.”

There’s no thought, no hesitation, nothing but need. Bean scrambles to his knees and throws himself at Ravi, grabbing at him, blindly seeking with his mouth.

Ravi grabs Bean’s shirt, pulling him close. He looks up at Bean - with his eyes closed, lips wet and parted, he looks like every fantasy he’s had for months. He has no internal filter, he just breathes, “ _Fuck_ you’re gorgeous.”

‘You’re driving me crazy,’ Bean mutters, pushing even closer. 

“Short drive,” Ravi says with a small smile, staring at Bean’s mouth.

‘Shut up,’ says Bean, and kisses him.

Ravi’s arms automatically slip around Bean’s body, drawing him close. He groans as he kisses Bean back, pushing his head back with the ferocity of it. For a moment Bean’s frozen, lips trembling against Ravi’s. A tiny, breathless moan escapes him, and he slowly opens his mouth, melts against Ravi, kissing him like he’s starving. 

Ravi pulls Bean to straddle him, hands on his back, eyes open as he kisses him, licking into his mouth, biting at his bottom lip. Bean pushes himself hard against Ravi, wraps his arms tightly around his waist. He’s dreamed of this, fantasised about how Ravi's mouth would feel, had only a half memory of drunken kisses, but he's awake now and it's nothing, _nothing_ like he imagined. They're in the middle of a hallway, anyone could walk past at any moment, and Bean doesn't give a fuck. The only thing that matters is that, _at last_ , Ravi's in his arms and devouring his mouth.

So good, _so good_ , Bean is hot in Ravi's arms and hard against him and he can't get enough. His hands slip down Bean’s back, cupping his ass, pulling him flush against his body. He kisses Bean’s jaw, down to his neck, brushing his lips against the skin, teasing with his tongue. 

Shaking, breathing hard, Bean lets his head fall back. He holds on tight like he's afraid Ravi will disappear, rocking against him.

“You have _no idea_ how much I want you…” Ravi breathes against Bean’s ear, then sucks the lobe into his mouth.

‘Oh god, want you too …’

They're jolted sideways suddenly as someone crashes into them and falls heavily on them both. ‘Whoops!’ giggles a very drunk Jaehwan, sprawling.

Ravi groans, winded by a knee to the chest. He squeezes his eyes closed, face pained. Bean simply lies with his eyes closed, disoriented, his whole body thrumming with desire. 

Jaehwan makes an abortive attempt to get up that ends with him accidentally elbowing both Bean and Ravi. Giving up, he flops back over them both. ‘I'm a little bit …’ He giggles again, says happily, ‘I'm comfy.’

“Druuuunk,” Ravi says, poking Jaehwan in the ribs. He's still very breathless. He looks at Bean hungrily. 

All Bean wants to do is shove Jaehwan to one side, throw himself at Ravi again. He elbows the vocalist, voice rough and ragged. ‘Get the fuck _off_ me, Jae.’ 

Ravi frowns a little, shocked by Bean’s reaction. _Anger? At me? Oh god, I’ve done it again…_

Jaehwan giggles and paws at Bean. ‘Pretty Binnie, snuggle me …‘ Bean misses the look on Ravi’s face altogether as he squirms furiously, trying to get out from under the dead weight. ‘ _Fuck_.’ 

‘What is going on here?’ _Hakyeon_.

Ravi scrambles away, getting free. “Jae fell. I was just… going to bed,” he says, avoiding looking at Bean.

 _What? No_. With a final, hard shove, Bean manages to dislodge the clingy vocalist. He doesn’t look at Hakyeon, only at Ravi. ‘Not yet,’ he says urgently.

Ravi shakes his head quickly. “I have to go. I’m tired, and and, and drunk. And tired.”

‘Wait …’

Ravi’s face twists into an expression of anguish. “I’m sorry. Again. Sorry,” he says, and walks, a little unsteadily, to his room’s door.

Bean struggles to his feet, takes a step after Ravi. From the floor, Jaehwan grabs his leg. ‘Don’t goooo …’

Without taking his eyes off Ravi’s retreating figure, Bean tries to pull his leg free, grates, ‘Hakyeon, can you _do_ something about him?’

Hakyeon clicks his fingers once and, bizarrely, Jaehwan’s head whips around and he lets go of Bean. “Come. Inside. Now.”

Bean doesn’t wait, just runs to Ravi’s door and knocks. ‘Hey. Hey. Let me in.’

Ravi is leaning against the door. He squeezes his eyes closed. “Bean, I need to sleep.”

‘No, you need to listen to me. Please.’

“I’m sorry, okay? I know you don’t want that and I’m sorry I keep… I just… I can’t help myself,” Ravi says. “I need to stay away from you. It’s the only way.”

Bean drops his head against the door. ‘Oh god, you could not be more wrong.’ Like this, not looking Ravi in the eye, it’s easier to say. ‘I _do_. I want … you.’

“You’re _drunk. We’re_ drunk,” Ravi says. “This doesn’t mean anything. Good night.”

‘No, no, it does, it -’ _Doesn’t mean anything? Doesn’t mean anything to **him**?_

“I’m going to bed,” Ravi says. He walks over to the bed and flops down on his front, squeezing his eyes closed. _Fucked it up again. He only wants me when he’s drunk. He can’t stand me the rest of the time._

He sinks into unconsciousness, a frown creasing his brow.

‘Ravi …’ _Doesn’t mean anything? No. It has to. Am I this wrong?_ Bean stands with his forehead and hand pressed against the door, waiting. Nothing. He turns and walks away from the room, away from all of them.

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> _This is a bad idea_ , thinks Bean. _A really bad idea_.
> 
>  
> 
> .

Bean has no idea where he’s going. He just walks to the elevator. When it arrives, his hand hovers between _R_ and _G_. In the end, it’s only the realisation that if he leaves the hotel he’ll almost certainly have security out after him that makes him choose the roof. Again.

Because it’s early, there are still people in the pool area. At least one group seems to be a party of fairly drunk students, to judge from the cheap beer bottles and the conversation. Bean looks for the quietest corner.

He’s intercepted by a tall, blond, blue-eyed Englishman who gives him a bright smile and a cold beer. “Excuse me. I’m Jonathan. I don’t know anyone here. Do you mind if we sit together?” he says, with a slightly nervous, endearing quality to his voice, in badly-pronounced, grammatically incorrect Japanese. 

_Fuck_. Bean came up here to be alone, but obviously that’s not going to happen. The blond guy’s looking at him with a cautiously hopeful expression, and all Bean can think is, _you look nothing like him_. He should leave, but he’s sick of hurting and being angry all the time, and what harm can it do to just accept a drink he really, really needs? ‘All right,’ Bean says in Japanese, taking the beer. ‘I’m Lee.’

“Nice to meet you, too,” Jonathan says, gesturing to a table in the corner. “Join me.”

_Why not_? Bean follows the guy to the table. Just a few drinks, and god knows he could use some attention that isn’t completely fucked up by feelings right now. ‘Are you with them?’ he asks in casual Japanese, gesturing towards the students.

“The students? Oh, no, my friends already went to bed,” Jonathan says with a smile, looking confused for a second, but then catching on. He doesn’t switch over to casual forms, however, and Bean thinks, _he can’t have been learning Japanese for long_. “But I think it’s nice to make new friends. Sorry for my Japanese, I’m not very good at it.”

‘You’re English, aren’t you?’ Bean says in English, smiling.

“Oh _thank god_ ,” Jonathan says as he switches languages with a very relieved smile. “Cute, and speaks English. The universe is being kind to me tonight.”

_Makes one of us_. Automatically, Bean finds himself falling into old patterns. It’s been a long time since he last went out looking to pick up, and even though that’s the last thing on his mind right now, it’s what he knows. ‘It’s not my first language, but I’m sure we can make it work.’ He lifts the beer bottle to his mouth, smiling pleasantly. 

Jonathan sits forward in his seat, leaning on the table, every line of his body telegraphing his interest. “What’s your first language? I can’t place the accent.”

_Oh, this is not what I want_. But the guy’s cute, and he’s interested, and he’ll be gone soon. ‘You’ve got a good ear,’ he says, ‘I’m actually Korean. So, holiday? Business?’

“Business with a little pleasure thrown in,” Jonathan says, “when the universe is kind. You? Holiday?”

Like he always has in situations like this, Bean lies. ‘Business, too - well, free-lance. I’m a photographer.’ Just enough detail to be plausible. Not enough lies to trip him up.

“Journalistic? Art? Are you _famous_?” Jonathan asks with a smile.

‘No, but I wish I was.’ How easily it all comes back to him. ‘I’m still making a reputation for myself. Got a long way to go.’ He deflects, not quite as smoothly as he’d hoped to do. ‘Now you know my deep dark secret, so what do _you_ do?’

“I work in pharmaceuticals. It’s all terribly boring, but I get to travel and meet interesting people in far-flung locations,” Jonathan says. “Are you in town for long?” He leans a little closer to Bean and takes a swig of his beer.

It’s out before Bean can stop himself. ‘I fly out tomorrow, but we can enjoy the evening, right?’ _What the hell am I doing?_

“I was so hoping you’d see things my way,” Jonathan says, and he’s not looking into Bean’s eyes anymore, his gaze focused on his mouth. “Shall we go somewhere a little quieter, where we can talk?”

_This is a bad idea. A really bad idea_. Fifteen minutes ago he was throwing himself at Ravi in a fucking _corridor_ , and … and, apparently, it didn’t mean anything. The way this guy’s looking at him promises nothing except, maybe, a chance to forget for a while the mess he’s made. To kill that ache in his chest. Bean puts the bottle down. ‘Talk?’ he says, leaning forward, wetting his lips. ‘Sure. Let’s … talk.’

Jonathan breathes out slowly, staring at Bean’s lips. “I’m staying downstairs. There’s a great view from my window… Would you like to see it?”

_Don’t do it. He’s not the one you really want._ Everything about this is wrong, but at this moment all Bean wants to do is forget. He stands. ‘Lead the way.’

Jonathan bites his bottom lip and pushes away from the table. He makes a beeline straight for the elevator. He presses the call button once and looks back at Bean. His eyes take their time travelling down his body, then back up again.

It’s been too long since someone looked at Bean like that, unashamed about wanting him. No hesitation, no skittish eyes. _Fuck it_. When the elevator arrives, he follows the guy in, stands very close. 

Jonathan presses the button for his floor. The instant the doors close, he turns to Bean and murmurs, “Alone at last,” and then he moves closer still, one hand going to Bean’s hip. He leans in and kisses Bean, his eyes slipping closed.

Bean goes with the kiss, lets himself be led. The guy’s confident, and his lips are firm, and there’s just a hint of malt. Bean misses the taste of soju and feverish breath, _push that down_. This guy wants him, and there are no strings; there’s nothing between him and Ravi after all, he’s had it confirmed now. 

So why does it feel like cheating?

The bell rings as the elevator reaches Jonathan’s floor. He pulls back, biting his bottom lip, his blue eyes dark with desire. He takes hold of Bean’s hand and pulls him down the corridor toward his room. He can’t _wait_ to get this gorgeous man alone.

The guy’s eagerness makes Bean smile a little. He puts up only token resistance as his hand’s grabbed, follows the guy out of the lift with every intention of letting him do whatever he wants. Of shutting up that stupid voice in his head telling him _this is wrong_. And then, about halfway down the corridor, Bean realises this is _his_ floor. He stops dead.

Jonathan turns and looks at Bean. “You okay? Not having second thoughts, I hope,” he says with a small smile. He moves in close and breathes into Bean’s ear, “Because I can’t wait to see what’s under these baggy clothes…”

_Come on, move_ , he tells himself. What does it matter what floor this is? They’ll be in a completely different room, and Ravi will never know - and why does that even fucking _matter_ , anyway? The guy’s right there, looking at him like he’s about five seconds away from pushing him against a wall, Bean wants that. Wants him. _I do … don’t I?_ He tries for a smile, opens his mouth to speak.

Jonathan seizes the moment and takes Bean’s mouth in a deep kiss, letting out a small groaning noise. 

The door to Hakyeon's room opens and Hyuk bursts out, stumbling into the hall, laughing. His laughter dies off as his eyes settle on Bean kissing some _stranger._ He says loudly, “What the _fuck?_ ”

Taken completely by surprise, Bean doesn’t kiss the guy back, just thinks wildly, _what should I do_? And then he hears Hyuk, and breaks away, eyes wide.

Jonathan turns, frowning. He might not understand Korean, but the intent in the tone was unmistakable. “What’s wrong, never seen two men kissing before?” he says in _perfectly pronounced_ , but very rude Japanese.

Hyuk raises both eyebrows at Bean as though to say, ‘Really? _This_ guy?’ and moves toward Bean. “Hey, I thought you agreed no more affairs,” he says, also in Japanese. “You promised.” And then he moves in and _kisses Bean passionately._

Bean freezes up, eyes wide. Hyuk’s kissing him, _kissing_ him, it’s like a bucket of cold water to the face, _what the fuck was I thinking?_ He pulls his head back. All ability to speak has gone right out the window; he simply gapes at the maknae. 

“I hope you'll remember who you _really_ want,” Hyuk says to Bean, his eyes humourless.

The way Hyuk’s looking at him, _oh fuck_.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know he already had a boyfriend,” Jonathan says, then his expression turns sly. “But since you’re here… why don't we all have some fun together?” 

Hyuk’s eyes widen. “Dude, no. Fuck off.”

Jonathan looks from Hyuk to Bean and back again. “Shame,” he says with a small shrug, and walks off down the corridor.

Ashamed, humiliated, totally disgusted with himself … Bean can’t even meet Hyuk’s eyes. ‘Hyukkie … I …’

“You’re a crap kisser,” Hyuk says, wiping his mouth. “I get more passion from your mom.”

Bean’s head comes up. ‘ _What?_ ’ Then his lips twitch - and, impossibly, he laughs.

“I guess there’s no accounting for taste, but dude, he’s totally in love with you. What the fuck are you doing?” Hyuk says. He’s not laughing with Bean.

Immediately, Bean’s smile dies. ‘I’m an idiot. But, Hyukkie … you’re wrong. He told me. It doesn’t mean anything.’ Bean swallows, hard, against the lump that rises in his throat.

“Then he _fucking lied to you_ , or to himself, I don’t even know anymore. I just can’t keep up with every little drama the two of you manufacture between you. He wants you. You want him. It’s _really_ not that fucking _hard._ Get your shit together, Bean. Talk to him,” Hyuk says, frowning. He sighs loudly. “I can’t believe you ruined my drunk buzz, I’m _so mad_ with you right now.”

Bean looks down the corridor towards Ravi’s room. ‘I … he just won’t.’ His mouth works. ‘I’m sorry, Hyukkie. Thank you. You’re a way better friend than I deserve.’

“Damn right I am,” Hyuk says. He pulls Bean into a rough, too-tight hug. “No picking up random men now, I mean it. Bed.” He points at Hakyeon’s door for emphasis.

Returning the hug, Bean says, ‘Just please tell me Jae isn’t still in there, or I’m sleeping in a linen closet somewhere.’

“No, Hakyeon did some sort of dark magic and made him go to bed,” Hyuk says. “Leo wasn’t far behind him. You sure you don’t want to switch rooms?”

_Yes. No. More than anything_. ‘It’s a bad idea tonight. He’s not going to listen to anything, I already tried, after Jae … I don’t know, maybe tomorrow.’ _Maybe never_.

Hyuk frowns at Bean and murmurs to himself, “Why do I bother?” He turns and opens the door of his and Ravi’s room. He gives Bean a vague wave before going inside, the door closing behind him.

Bean stands in the corridor, looking towards Ravi’s room. Second-guessing again. Did he misunderstand? _Doesn’t mean anything_. The temptation to go and bash on the door and _make_ Ravi listen to him is almost overwhelming. _You’d make it worse_. Finally, Bean turns away and goes back to the room he shares with Hakyeon. _Maybe tomorrow_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to our lovely reader [Hidden_Pineapple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hidden_Pineapple) for giving us some translated/re-translated/deliberately made incorrect Japanese translations in that scene. You're amazing!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Why can’t we just talk? What am I so afraid of?_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> \---
> 
>  
> 
> _Does he think it meant nothing to **me**?_

Ravi wakes in the morning with a hangover and Hyuk staring at him from the pillow beside him. He closes his eyes again and pulls the covers over his face. 

‘Are you just naturally this stupid, or do you practise?’ demands Hyuk in a voice that’s _entirely_ too loud.

“Years of practice,” Ravi mumbles. “What'd I do?”

‘Oh come on, you weren’t that drunk. You know what I’m talking about.’

Ravi turns over and lets out a pathetic groan. “I don't.”

‘You know, my feet are _right here_ …’

“Please don't make me vomit,” Ravi mumbles. 

Hyuk lets out a frustrated sigh. ‘You can’t tell me you don’t remember. _Bean_.’

“What about him?” Ravi mumbles.

Hyuk throws up his hands. ‘Just talk, why can’t you talk, why is there always this crap - oh, why do I even bother? You’re being an idiot, he’s being an idiot. I … give … _up_.’ With that, he pushes back the covers and goes into the bathroom, shutting the door hard.

Ravi winces as the door slams, and closes his eyes. He frowns, his mind racing. _Why can’t we just talk? What am I so afraid of? There has to be something there, why else would this keep happening? Why do I only have the courage to touch him when I’m drunk?_ He tries to go back to sleep but all he can think about is Bean straddling him, grinding against him, kissing him like his life depended on it. He remembers it all in crystal clarity, but at the same time it feels like a dream, like something he imagined. He can’t really believe it was real. 

And he could _murder_ Jaehwan.

Bean wakes to the disgustingly cheerful sound of Hakyeon _humming_ as he tidies the room, apparently unaffected by either tiredness or hangover. ‘There is no justice in the world,’ he says, sitting up and peering blearily at the leader.

“Ah! You’re awake! Good morning, Binnie, how did you sleep?” Hakyeon says, lining up a pair of shoes against the wall, even though they will be packed into a bag any minute now.

‘Oh no, I can’t cope with this level of happy so early,’ Bean groans, flopping back down and pulling the covers over his head. 

“Do you want me to be sad? That’s not very nice of you,” Hakyeon says. “Come on, get up, lazybones. We’re having breakfast in twenty minutes.”

Breakfast. With the others. _Fuck_. Suddenly, Bean is wide awake, and everything that happened last night - _everything_ \- comes crashing back into his head. ‘Can’t I skip it, just this once, hyung? I’m not really hungry.’ Hopefully, that sounded almost normal.

Hakyeon looks at Bean, his eyes shrewd. “Avoiding a problem won’t make it go away. _And_ breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so no, you can’t skip it, and you _will_ eat.”

 _He’s right_ , thinks Bean. _Of course he’s right_ , and that’s the infuriating thing about it. Avoiding it all might sound like a great idea, but that would just make it harder to have what’s already going to be an awkward conversation. But will Ravi even look at him? _Only one way to find out_. ‘Heartless, that’s what you are,’ he says, flinging off the covers with a dramatic sigh and getting out of bed.

Hakyeon smiles brightly, “Yes, yes, I’m a horrible monster, I know. Shoo, into the shower with you.”

It’s possibly the quickest shower Bean’s ever had, less time even than Ravi usually takes. Everything always circles back to Ravi, _god, I’m pathetic_ , and he shoots his reflection in the bathroom mirror a dour look as he exits the bathroom. _Doesn’t mean anything_ , but then why did it feel so damn _honest_? 

The idea worries at him as he packs up his bag, and follows Hakyeon out into the hall. Sees the place where he threw himself at Ravi, and flushes. Then the memory of the English guy, and Hyuk, and his shoulders hunch - _what was I thinking?_

When a scowling Hyuk comes out of the bathroom, Ravi goes straight in and closes the door. He gets in the shower, still with images of last night swirling in his head. He’s aroused, and afraid, and absolutely refuses to acknowledge his erection. He washes himself quickly, but even the clinical, disinterested touch of his washing hands feels good. He knows he shouldn’t, that he’s just making this desire for Bean worse by imagining it, but he gives in and palms his cock, remembering the feel of Bean’s body against him, Bean’s cock pressed hard against his abs, Bean’s lips, Bean’s tongue, Bean’s breath. He gets lost in it.

So now he has to face Ravi, Leo, _and_ Hyuk. _Nice going, Bean, at this rate you’ll even piss off Jaehwan_. And that thought brings back the memory of the fury he’d felt when the vocalist tripped and fell on them last night, ruining everything. Ravi had been so quick to pull away, run straight to his room. Wouldn’t even wait long enough for Bean to say anything. _Doesn’t mean anything_ … how could that be true? 

Bean’s steps slow. _Does he think it meant nothing to **me**?_

_I could have it_ , Ravi thinks, his hand moving faster on his cock. _I could have him. Maybe he’d be drunk, and maybe it’d just be once, and maybe we’d never speak again afterwards, but I could have him. I could kiss and lick and suck and fuck him, and pretend he’s mine. It wouldn’t mean anything, but **I** could love **him** , just once, just once wake up next to him as a lover, and maybe, just maybe, he’d want to do it again…_

Ravi muffles a helpless groan against his bicep as he comes, his hips thrusting, his heart filled with despair as his body glows with pleasure, every thought in his head fixed on a man who doesn’t want him, not really. Not in the sober, cold light of day.

 _Ravi can’t think that. Can he?_ But it makes a horrible kind of sense, because Bean held back so much, for so long. _He thinks I’m disgusted he’s gay_. _He said I hate him_. Pulling right away from even a casual touch so that he never gave in, never let on because he thought _Ravi_ was absolutely straight. _He said it was because we were drunk_. And it was, but _not because I don’t want him_ , thinks Bean. _Because I’m stupid and scared_. Hyuk’s angry voice last night, _get your shit together, talk to him_. 

‘Fuck it,’ Bean mutters. ‘I will. I’ll find a way.’

‘Hongbinnie? Are you asleep on your feet?’ Hakyeon, somehow so far ahead, at the door to the restaurant. Bean stares at him for a moment, thoughts still whirling; then he blinks, and walks straight past the leader and towards the table where Jaehwan and Leo are already seated.

Jaehwan greets Hakyeon extravagantly as the leader sits down next to him. Leo nods once at Bean and returns to reading the menu.

 _Wow_. Still not speaking, but at least that was an acknowledgement of Bean’s existence. He sits down opposite them, leaving several chairs vacant to either side. _Might as well start fixing this shit now_ , he thinks. ‘Hey Jae, how’s the hangover?’ he says brightly. ‘Hope you didn’t have to put up with him throwing up this morning, Leo.’

“You've never heard such drama,” Leo says, deadpan. “He sounded like he was dying and by the end of it I wished he would.”

 _Yes. Talking to me. This day is looking up, after all_. ‘You should have put him out of his misery. I’m sure we could cope without a second main vocal.’

“I'm better anyway,” Leo says. 

“ _Hey_ ,” Jaehwan says, “you're not allowed to be mean to me when I'm dying.”

‘Did you hear something?’ says Bean to Leo. ‘Like a really whiny mosquito?’ He’s not stupid enough to think everything’s okay yet, but it’s a start.

“Not a thing,” Leo says, and returns his attention to the menu as Hyuk and Ravi enter the restaurant.

 _Might as well roll with it_ , thinks Bean. ‘Hey, sleepwalkers,’ he calls, smiling broadly at them. ‘You’re lucky, I was about to eat all the pastries without you.’ 

“Over my dead body,” Hyuk says, sitting down next to Leo. 

The only remaining seat at the table is between Hyuk and Bean. Ravi sits down like he isn't shaking inside.

Suddenly nervous, Bean has no idea what to say next, because Ravi’s right there, and thank god, he doesn’t look as though he’d rather be anywhere else. _Say something, anything_. All he can think to do is look straight at Ravi with a tentative smile, and say, ‘Hey.’ 

Ravi glances at Bean nervously and murmurs, “Hey.” He looks at Leo to find he’s being tactfully ignored, and relaxes a tiny bit.

‘It’s pastries again, can I swap if I get any more of that disgusting lotus filling?’ says Bean - and then, heart in mouth, shifts just enough so that his thigh is resting against Ravi’s.

Ravi freezes, then looks down at Bean’s thigh pressed against his. He breathes out slowly and presses his thigh more firmly against Bean’s. “Sure, I’ll take your rejects.”

 _Oh, thank god, it worked_. It’s just one touch, but Ravi’s not pulling away, and that makes it something amazing. _Careful, careful, don’t get your hopes up_ , he can’t help the way his pulse jumps and the warmth that spreads out through him from where Ravi’s leg _still_ presses against his. ‘Knew I could count on you,’ he says with a stupid smile.

“Are you still drunk?” Ravi asks quietly, his heart hammering in his chest.

‘Not even slightly,’ Bean murmurs. ‘I’m wide awake now.’ _And I think I’m finally starting to see things clearly_.

“Oh…” Ravi says quietly, a little stunned. “ _Oh._ ”

 _That look_ … A huge surge of relief and stupid, dangerous hope crashes through Bean, and it takes everything he has not to just grab Ravi and kiss him right here, everything else be damned. Bringing his menu up to partially obscure his face, Bean says, very softly, ‘Hi. My name’s Hongbin, and I’m an idiot.’

Ravi glances at Bean and looks away again. “Yeah, well, we have that in common.”

 _Don’t push_. _It’s enough for now._ It’s not, not really, but Bean will take any breakthrough at this point, no matter how small. So he doesn’t say anything else, just turns his attention to the woman waiting to take their breakfast orders. And keeps his thigh pushed firmly against Ravi’s.

Ravi orders a pastry platter and large freshly squeezed orange juice. His voice is a little unsteady as he does so. Hyuk watches all of this with amusement.

‘Same for me, but coffee instead of juice, please,’ Bean orders. He catches sight of Hyuk’s expression, and raises his eyebrows. _Don’t you say anything_ , he warns him silently.

Hyuk shrugs as if to say ‘I have no idea what you mean’, and looks away, smirking.

Ravi glances at Hyuk and narrows his eyes slightly. He moves his leg, shifting against Bean, and his heart rate picks up. He fiddles with his napkin.

 _This is crazy_. They’re barely touching, and Bean’s already having trouble breathing. When he picks up his coffee, his hand isn’t quite steady, and he’s _really_ grateful that he’s sitting down. If this is the effect Ravi has on him just doing _this_ … Bean flushes and takes a huge gulp of coffee to cover his sudden blush.

‘I think we should play kai-bai-bo for seating on the plane,’ announces Hakyeon.

“Oh my god,” mutters Ravi. “Not this again.”

Bean adds his protest to the general clamour. ‘You know, we are actually capable of choosing who to sit next to on our own, hyung.’ As he says this, he nudges Ravi’s leg again.

 _That is a terrible idea_ , Ravi thinks. Sitting next to Bean in a public place and keeping his hands to himself sounds very very unlikely. He clears his throat but says nothing, looking at his fingers folding the napkin.

 _What was that? Almost like he doesn’t want to - oh_. A weird little thrill goes through Bean at the idea that Ravi would be right next to him, close enough that they couldn’t avoid touching. If he even wanted to avoid it. _My god, I’m a lovesick idiot_.

‘I’ll sit with Jae, but only if I get the window seat and he gets a _lot_ of sick bags,’ offers Hyuk. 

‘So cruel to me,’ laments Jaehwan, looking at Hakyeon. ‘I need hyung snuggles to help me feel better.’

‘Oh, all right, but no nonsense,’ Hakyeon says.

‘Huh. He gave in way too easily,’ Bean says to Ravi in a low voice.

Hyuk elbows Leo and says, “Then I’ve got dibs on the hamster.” Leo scowls at being called hamster, but doesn’t argue. Ravi’s heart rate doubles.

“I guess you’re stuck with me,” Ravi murmurs without looking at Bean.

Making a mental note to do something really nice for Hyuk very soon, Bean completely fails to hide a stupid smile. ‘Promise not to steal your complimentary face towel,’ he says. 

“Then I promise not to snore on your shoulder,” Ravi says, shifting his thigh slightly again.

 _Sleeping on my shoulder_. The memory comes back to Bean of sleeping pressed against Ravi, and he swallows. ‘I think I could cope.’ He adds quickly, aware that he's still smiling, ‘Just don't drool.’ 

Ravi can feel himself blushing brightly as he turns his head and says very very softly, “I’ll do my best not to get you too _wet_.”

Bean pulls in his breath sharply, and shifts in his seat. He doesn't dare look at Ravi. Picking up his coffee cup again, he brings it up to his mouth to hide his grin from the rest of the people at the table. ‘Don't make promises you won't keep,’ he says quietly.

Ravi presses his knee more firmly against Bean’s, moving it slowly. A thrill of arousal hums through his body and he feels his face flush. 

_All this time, and I never saw this? I’m such an idiot._ ‘But we should, ah, maybe not get too distracted right now?’ Bean says, a distinct note of reluctance in his voice.

“I’m not distracted,” Ravi says softly, laying his napkin over his lap and then moving his shaking hand onto Bean’s thigh. “I haven’t been this focused in months.”

 _Oh my god_. Bean’s pulse jumps, arousal making his hands tremble. Hurriedly, he puts down the coffee cup a little too hard, so that it thunks a little too heavily on the table. _This is crazy, he’s driving me crazy again._ ‘If you keep that up,’ he whispers, ‘ I don’t know -’

‘Hey, Bean,’ says Hyuk loudly. ‘Wake up and pass the rice.’

Ravi pulls his hand back like he’s been stung, and clears his throat, looking away. Bean flinches. _Fuck_. He hands the bowl of bean sprout rice across the table to Hyuk, whose expression is far too innocent to be genuine. Sitting back, he risks a glance at Ravi, who looks at Bean out of the corner of his eye for a long moment, then looks away. 

The rest of the meal passes in something of a blur for Bean. There’s definitely conversation, but none of makes any impression on him. He eats and drinks without really tasting anything. All his attention is focused on Ravi sitting next to him, thigh pressed against his. Ravi taking bites of pastry, chewing and swallowing. _Ravi_ , still a source of tension, but in such a different, thrilling way.

Ravi finishes eating and sits back in his seat, nursing his orange juice and trying to involve himself in the conversation to hide the fact that all he can think about is taking Bean in his arms and tasting his mouth.

Hakyeon puts down his cup, checks the time on his phone, and claps his hands. Bean flinches. _Idiot_. ‘All right then, we’re leaving for the airport in fifteen minutes. See you all downstairs.’ The leader pushes back from the table and quickly walks away, followed by Leo and Jaehwan. Hyuk gives Bean and Ravi a particularly smug smile before rising. 

For a moment Bean doesn’t move. _Can’t_ move. Then he takes a deep breath and looks openly at Ravi.

Ravi breathes out heavily and looks at Bean. He can feel his face heating. “Fifteen minutes,” he says softly. “I guess I’ll… see you downstairs?”

‘Fifteen minutes,’ repeats Bean, none too steadily. ‘Walk you to the elevator?’

“Sure,” Ravi says, trying to act casual and failing miserably. He pushes his seat back and stands, looking down at Bean.

Suddenly incredibly thankful he’s wearing a fairly long t-shirt, Bean stands up. He takes a few steps away, turns and looks back over his shoulder. ‘Coming?’ Ravi licks his bottom lip, looking at Bean hungrily, then nods and follows. He walks past Bean, toward the elevators. Grinning stupidly, Bean follows, catching up to Ravi at the elevator. He stands just behind him, very close. ‘Nice view,’ he says quietly.

“Yeah, from our room you can see most of the city,” Ravi says, innocently.

Bean falters. _There’s a great view from my window … would you like to see it?_ He clenches his fist, firmly pushes the memory away. ‘Really? Care to show me?’ The elevator opens; it’s half-full of people. ‘Damn,’ says Bean softly, as they shuffle back to make room for the new travellers.

“Our rooms have the same view,” Ravi says, face straight, as he steps into the elevator. 

‘It’s always worth looking at things from different angles,’ replies Bean. He stands close, lets the tips of his fingers just brush across the back of Ravi’s hand. Still half-suspecting he’s dreaming, because only yesterday, he never would have dared even this. Ravi holds his breath and hooks his little finger around Bean’s for just a moment before letting go. His hand shakes as he pulls away. _Just the touch of his hand and I’m already losing it…_

Stone cold sober, but in a way Bean wishes he wasn’t, because what’s happening is almost _too_ intense. _We barely even held hands_ , and it’s like there’s not enough air.

The elevator arrives at their floor and Ravi steps out quickly, walking toward his room. His heart is hammering in his chest. He’s followed quickly by Bean. _Don’t think, don’t think, get out of your own head, run with it_.

Ravi pauses with his hand on the door to the room, looks at Bean and abruptly loses his nerve. “See you downstairs,” he says, swiping his keycard.

Bean’s caught totally off-guard. ‘ _What?_ ’

Ravi closes his eyes and breathes out heavily. “I…” he starts, then he looks at Bean and trails off. “ _Fuck it_.” Ravi turns and takes one step, slipping a hand behind Bean’s neck and drawing him in close, taking his lips in a sudden, overpowering kiss.

Completely taken by surprise, Bean stiffens. _We’re out in the open_ … He squeezes his eyes closed and melts against Ravi, arms coming up to hold him tightly as he kisses back, mouth opening. Ravi breaks the kiss and looks at Bean’s face, stroking the back of his neck with his thumb. “Downstairs,” he repeats.

Flushed, breathing hard, Bean stares at Ravi. ‘Okay … yeah.’ He reins himself in with visible effort. ‘Later …’ It’s almost a question.

“ _God yes_ , later,” Ravi says, similarly breathless. “Definitely.”

Bean pulls his arms back with obvious reluctance. ‘I usually choose paper in kai-bai-bo.’

Ravi gives Bean a quick smile, murmurs, “Useful information to have…”

The door to Ravi’s room flies open, revealing Hyuk. ‘Are you coming in or what - oh.’ He grins at them. ‘Hey, Bean,’ he says, too casually. ‘Need something?’

‘I, I’ll … see you downstairs,’ stammers Bean, blushing furiously, and dives for his room. Hyuk watches him go, then smirks at Ravi, who glances at Hyuk briefly then pushes past him into the room. He starts packing his things away without a word.

It’s hard to be sure, but it almost sounds like Hyuk mutters, ‘ _Finally_ ,’ as he shuts the door again. 

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ravi moves forward in the queue, very conscious of Bean’s presence behind him. For all his cocky bravado and flirtation, he’s the most nervous he can remember being in _years_. As Ravi goes ahead of him, Bean lets out a long breath, suppressing the urge to pinch himself. The change in Ravi - in the way they are with each other - so fast it makes his head spin. Part of him is just waiting for something to go wrong, because this? Feels almost too good to be true.

Ravi is the first into the van to the airport. Hyuk seems to take great pleasure in sitting next to him. Ravi’s disappointed he won’t be sitting next to Bean for the short drive, but he thinks _it’s probably for the best_ \- his body is still thrumming with need following their kiss outside the hotel room door. 

Stuck sitting next to Jaehwan. _Great_ , thinks Bean.. Still, it’s only a short trip, thank god, and it’s easy enough for Bean to tune out the vocalist even without headphones because his mind’s absolutely not on anything but Ravi. Where he is, what he’s saying to Hyuk, how his hand felt on the back of Bean’s neck. His _mouth_ … _get a grip_. 

Ravi leans forward, resting his arms on the back of Bean’s seat, and rests his head on his arms, deliberately brushing his hair against the back of Bean’s neck. He closes his eyes, concentrating on their proximity, on the scent of Bean so close to him. His thoughts drift back to their shared bed, to being even closer to him, to the memory of having crowded him up against the edge of the bed and waking with Bean in his arms.

The van turns into the slip lane to the airport, and Bean silently cheers at the prospect of getting away from - _oh_. He shivers, skin breaking out in goosebumps, and arches his neck back slightly to press against Ravi’s forehead. Ravi breathes out slowly as Bean moves against him. Ridiculous to be this wound up by such an innocuous touch, but every nerve in his body seems to be focussed on that one point of contact. He longs to move his head and brush his lips against Bean’s spine. He doesn’t move.

Crazy, absolutely _nuts_. They’re not even really touching and it’s all Bean can do to keep his breathing under control. As the van nears the terminal, he turns his head as though to look out the window, shivering again at the brush of Ravi’s hair on his skin.

Ravi turns his head, resting his chin on his arms, and breathes out, his breath tickling over Bean’s ear and side of his neck. He bites his bottom lip lightly and closes his eyes again.

_Oh my god, his mouth is right there_. It would only take the slightest movement … The van comes to a stop, and suddenly everyone else in the van is moving, grabbing their carry-ons. Jaehwan shoves at Bean to get out of his seat. Ravi pushes back with reluctance, eyes on the back of Bean’s head. He shuffles along the seat to get out of the van.

With terrifying efficiency, Hakyeon herds them all into the airport, making sure they’ve got all their luggage ready to be checked. Boarding passes in hand, he gives them an arch look and says, ‘Are you sure you wouldn’t prefer to play kai-bai-bo for seating?’ The general groan that greets his words brings a wicked smile to his face.

‘Gimme,’ says Hyuk, and snatches them from Hakyeon. ‘Hm, let’s see … what was everyone’s preference, again?’

‘ _Hyukkie_ ,’ Jaehwan pouts. 

‘Hand them over, dongsaeng,’ says Bean. 

Ravi grabs for the boarding passes and frowns as Hyuk hip-and-shoulders him out of the way. ‘Let’s see, now,’ Hyuk says, fanning through the boarding passes. ‘Now, it was Bean who wanted to sit with Jyani, I think …’ He hands out the passes. Bean grabs his. _Oh, you did not_. He looks over at Ravi. 

‘Nobody has any faith in me,’ grumbles Hyuk, almost drowned out by Jaehwan’s happy exclamation. Ravi takes his boarding pass, reads it and glances at Bean. 

‘I got 16A,’ Bean says, trying to sound casual.

“14B,” Ravi lies. 

Bean drops his eyes, tries very hard to school his expression. ‘Oh,’ is all he says, not trusting himself to speak. 

“Did I give you the wrong one?” Hyuk asks, reaching for the boarding pass. “You should be in 16B.” 

Bean’s eyes dart from Ravi to Hyuk. He’s not sure what’s going on here, but he’s beginning to suspect he’s the target of some joke. Who’s playing the joke, however, is something he can’t figure out.

Ravi rubs at the number on the boarding pass. “Oh sorry, that’s a six. 16B.” He glances at Bean with a little smile. The relief that goes through Bean is only matched by irritation at how much it matters to him. _It’s only a short fucking plane ride_. Ravi watches Bean closely. The reaction he observes sends a little thrill through him.

‘If everyone’s happy now?’ says Hakyeon, hands on hips. ‘Right. Check in your luggage, and meet at the gate in fifteen minutes. _No_ , Sanghyuk, you cannot visit the food court, you just had breakfast.’

‘But, _hyuuuung_ …’

Grabbing a trolley to pile cases on, Bean moves closer to Ravi. ‘You did that deliberately, didn’t you?’ he says quietly, a little smile on his face.

“I have no idea what you mean,” Ravi says, his face the very picture of innocence.

‘That look _really_ doesn’t suit you.’ Bean drops his voice even further. ‘Much prefer it when you look like you’re five seconds away from jumping me.’

Ravi leans in close and says very softly, “That’s my normal face. When you’re around, at least.”

_Oh, he’s **good** at this_. Bean is delighted. ‘Shame it’s such a short plane ride. No blankets.’

“We could use my hoodie as a blanket…” Ravi says. “Could be dangerous, though…”

Bean flushes. ‘Yeah, I might not be able to keep my seatbelt fastened.’

“Safety is important,” Ravi says, his eyes not moving from Bean’s face. 

Behind them, Jaehwan clears his throat ostentatiously. ‘The queue is moving,’ he points out. 

Bean grins at Ravi and bites his bottom lip lightly. ‘After you.’

Ravi moves forward in the queue, very conscious of Bean’s presence behind him. For all his cocky bravado and flirtation, he’s the most nervous he can remember being in _years_. As Ravi goes ahead of him, Bean lets out a long breath, suppressing the urge to pinch himself. The change in Ravi - in the way they are with each other - so fast it makes his head spin. Part of him is just waiting for something to go wrong, because this? Feels almost too good to be true.

When the queue stops moving, Ravi bends to tie his shoelaces, with a little smile. He can feel Bean watching him. He’s buzzing with it. The temptation for Bean to just move up close behind Ravi is almost as strong as the desire to roll his eyes. It’s the most obvious, cliched thing, but god, it _works_. ‘Stop that,’ he hisses, grinning like an idiot. Ravi gives a little wiggle before straightening and looking back at Bean. His face is a little flushed, and he bites his bottom lip and raises one eyebrow briefly at Bean before looking away again.

_Have you been here all along? How could I not see you?_ As soon as he thinks that, Bean knows the answer. Too damn worried about what he might give away, too busy turning his attention anywhere other than it should have been all along. Even now, half an eye on everyone around them, because while his friends might have no problem accepting them, the tour manager’s just up ahead - and, he realises suddenly, they’ve all been recognised. Phone cameras point at them. Ravi notices the cameras and decides that perhaps he should behave himself. It’s a struggle - all he wants to do is turn around and kiss Bean again, cameras be damned.

Some of the pleasant tension goes out of the day. By the time he gets to the counter and heaves the cases onto the conveyor, Bean’s feeling scratchy and more than a little paranoid. _Never worried about getting caught before_ , he thinks, with a ironic twist to his mouth. Going out after anonymous hookups was stupidly risky, but that was just part of the attraction. It could have meant the end of his career if anything had ever turned up on the net. Back then he hadn’t cared - or at least, told himself that. It was only his life at stake.

Not now. Not if what’s happening between him and Ravi is going where he thinks it is, desperately wants it to be. Now there’s something to lose that matters.

It’s a blur of security and scanners and queueing until they finally get to their gate. Ravi sits down at the end of a row of seats and looks at Bean expectantly. He frowns slightly when Jaehwan takes the seat next to him. 

‘Hi!’ chirps the vocalist.

Bean, heading for the seat, stops in mid-step, face tightening. _What are you playing at now?_ After last night, he’s not inclined to be charitably disposed towards Jaehwan.

“Hey,” Ravi says to Jae, glancing at Bean. 

Eyes narrowing suddenly, Bean sits on Jaehwan’s other side. ‘Looks like you got rid of the hangover, then. Did you get your memory back, too?’

“Memory?” Jaehwan says, frowning slightly. “My memory’s fine.”

‘Did you hear that?’ Bean says to Ravi. ‘He remembers everything. I’m sure Hakyeon will be really pleased to know that.’

“Wait-what?” Jaehwan says, frowning more deeply. “Hakyeon… what?”

‘I thought you said you remembered,’ says Bean, looking concerned.

“Remember… I’m pretty sure I remember last night…” Jaehwan says, not sounding sure at all.

“Oh god, if Hakyeon asks, just pretend you do, okay?” Ravi says, his eyes wide. “You don’t want him knowing you don’t…”

Bean bites the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling. ‘I mean, it’s okay, we won’t say anything. It’s just … wow, I’m surprised. It’s not the kind of thing you usually forget.’

“What _happened?_ ” Jaehwan asks, eyes wide. 

“Well, last night…’ Ravi shakes his head. ‘No, I can't even bring myself to say it. Bean, you tell him.”

Bean looks around cautiously and lowers his voice. ‘What, _here_? There are cameras, I don’t know what the mics will pick up.’

“Oh my god, what did I do?” Jaehwan whispers, eyes wide. 

“Well, pretty sure Hakyeon knows how you feel about him now…” Ravi says. 

“Oh _god.”_

‘Then again, eomma was pretty drunk, too,’ muses Bean. 

“Guys, you have to tell me what happened. _Please_ ,” Jaehwan says, an edge of desperation to his voice.

‘Shit, maybe he really doesn’t remember,’ says Bean to Ravi. ‘Look, why don’t you tell us what you can recall, and we can fill in the blanks.’

“I just remember sitting with him and laughing and hugging, that's all,” Jaehwan says. “I didn't… I didn't do anything bad did I? He doesn't seem mad with me…”

_He’s really worried_ , thinks Bean suddenly, and then he can’t help but compare this to how _he_ felt for the last few days. It was supposed to be just a bit of revenge for literally crashing into him and Ravi, but it’s starting to look like they’ve accidentally hit on something. ‘He’s not mad at you, Jae,’ Bean says seriously. ‘Really, he’s not.’

“I should talk to him,” Jaehwan says, frowning deeply. “Apologise.”

Ravi looks helplessly at Bean. _This has gotten out of hand_. Catching Ravi’s look, Bean winces. _We have to salvage this_. ‘Okay, stop, Breathe. Calm the fuck down,’ says Bean. ‘You don’t have to apologise, you didn’t do anything wrong. Hyung’s fine. Do you think he’d sit with you if he had a problem with you?’ 

“He's just acting normal,” Jaehwan says, his distress creeping into his voice. “Doesn't he care that I love him?”

_Oh, fuck_. The look on Jaehwan’s face is all too familiar, the same one that’s stared back at Bean from the mirror far too often. _What do we do?_ Bean moves on pure instinct, gets out of his seat and crouches down in front of Jaehwan. ‘Oh god, I’m sorry, Jyani. Look, he - Hakyeon - sometimes it’s easy to miss what’s right in front you, and when you _do_ realise, it … it can be hard to know what to do or how you should act, and you just feel stupid and awkward …’ He stops, hearing himself.

“We were messing with you, dude,” Ravi says, oblivious to Bean having exposed himself. “Nothing happened. But… it sounds like it _should_. How long have you had these feelings for him?”

Jaehwan looks angry for a moment, then just sad. “Forever,” he says. “Just forever.”

‘Ah, _fuck_ ,’ Bean says softly. ‘Okay, honestly? I can’t say for sure how he feels. But he hasn’t pushed you away. He really, really enjoys being with you, that much is obvious. If he’s holding back, I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t like you. So maybe you should -’ … _talk to him. I’m such an idiot_. ‘Just - don’t let it eat you up.’ He sits back on his haunches. ‘Now if you want to hit me for being a bastard, go ahead. I’m really sorry.’

“I probably deserve it after tripping over your big moment last night,” Jaehwan says, avoiding looking at either of them. 

Ravi hides a smile with a cough. Bean looks over at Ravi with a rueful expression. ‘Not gonna deny I was pretty close to just punching you at the time,’ he says. ‘But … it’s all good now, I think.’ It’s almost a question.

“Do you think he… likes me?” Jaehwan asks, hopeful and so earnest. 

“Only one way to find out,” Ravi says. “Talk to him.” He glances at Bean, then looks away quickly. 

Up until now, Bean hasn’t let himself think any further than the idea that maybe, impossibly, Ravi wants him physically. This whole conversation has so many undercurrent and shades, though, and for a moment he lets himself hope that it might be something more than that. _Dangerous, dangerous, pushitdown_. Voice not quite steady, he looks back at Jaehwan and says, ‘Yeah. A wise man told me that, and I should have listened a lot sooner.’ Ravi looks anywhere but at Bean, his face flushed. 

Hyuk chooses this moment to walk over to them. He looks at Jaehwan’s expression with a small frown, then looks at Ravi and Bean. “What are we conspiring about?” Hyuk says in a whisper. “I love a good conspiracy.”

Bean thinks quickly. ‘Conspiring to get you smuggled into the food court for your second breakfast,’ he says. 

“ _Yessssss_ ,” Hyuk says with a broad grin. “My friends, my best, best friends!”

“I could eat,” Ravi says. “I think I'll need my strength for the next city.”

‘Really?’ says Bean without thinking - and then flushes, grinning stupidly. ‘Uh, right … anyway. Let’s plot.’ He gets to his feet, briefly squeezing Jaehwan’s knee as he rises.

Ravi looks over at Hakyeon, seeing him deep in discussion with one of the tour managers. “Think he'd notice if we just… wandered off?”

Bean tugs Jaehwan to his feet. ‘I think it’s now or never. Walk casual, and if anyone asks, we’re going to the bathroom.’

“What, all together,” Jaehwan says. “I know we’re good friends, Bean, but…”

Hyuk rolls his eyes. ‘It’s an _excuse_ , Jyani. Now come on.’

With a quick glance at Hakyeon, Bean motions Hyuk and Jaehwan ahead of him. ‘Go ahead, we’ll run interference.’ Ravi glances at Bean and stands, following the other two. They make it almost as far as the concourse before everyone’s phones buzz.

**> YOU HAVE TWO MINUTES TO GET BACK HERE.**

‘Ah, _nuts_ ,’ says Bean. ‘How does he always know?’

“Psychic ability,” Jaehwan suggests. 

“Tracking implants injected under our skin,” Ravi says, an ominous tone to his voice. 

“A mother’s sixth sense,” Hyuk says, with a wicked grin. 

‘ _Or_ …’ Bean eyes them all balefully. ‘One of you is actually a spy.’

“You caught me, I’m the spy. I’m wearing a wire,” Hyuk says. He talks into his shirt cuff quickly, “The chickens have discovered the rooster, I repeat, the chickens have discovered the rooster. Rooster returning to the henhouse to await debriefing.”

‘I _knew_ it. And now you must be punished,’ exclaims Bean, and attempts to put Hyuk in a headlock.

‘This is going to end badly,’ comments Jaehwan to Ravi.

Ravi grins and just watches. “Yeah, probably.”

Hyuk slips out of Bean’s grasp and pokes him hard in the ribs on both sides, grinning like a maniac. Bean lets out a yell and doubles over, flailing out at Hyuk. Immediately, heads turn in their direction. 

‘Uh-oh,’ says Jaehwan. ‘You know we’re going to get blamed for this, too. Or you are. I was just here trying to get you all to come back to the gate lounge.’

“Mmm of course you were, wouldn’t want Mother Cha being mad at her golden boy, would we?” Ravi says with a grin, then elbows Jaehwan gently.

Jaehwan flushes. ‘Stop it.’ There’s another yell from Bean. ‘We really do need to get back, though, or those two are going to land us in real trouble.’

Ravi sees an airport security guard looking in Bean and Hyuk’s direction and his eyes widen. He moves in close and breathes in Bean’s ear, “If you’re not careful you’ll be arrested by airport security, and that’s not the way I wanted to see you in handcuffs for the first time.” About to advance on Hyuk again, Bean freezes, pulling in a sudden, sharp breath. He doesn’t look at Ravi, but the blush that blooms over his face and neck, and the sudden bob of his Adam’s apple as he swallows are a clear signal. 

‘Giving up?’ says Hyuk, oblivious. 

“Security,” Ravi says to Hyuk. “C’mon, eomma’s waiting.” He heads back toward Hakyeon and the rest of the entourage, his heart hammering in his chest. 

Bean shakes himself and follows, tugging his t-shirt down to conceal the bulge in his jeans. Catching up to Ravi, he whispers, ‘You’re driving me crazy again.’

“Still?” Ravi suggests with a small smile. “Do you think I’d be like this if you weren’t having the same effect on me?”

 

[ ](https://ibb.co/ZVMVxtz)

 

_God, and two days ago we couldn’t even look at each other_. ‘Well if you keep it up I’m just going to drag you into a bathroom and push you against a wall. And then eomma will _definitely_ kill us for making us miss our flight.’

Ravi looks at Bean, his flirtatious courage suddenly evaporating. As much as he wants Bean, the idea of making out in a filthy bathroom… he wonders if that’s all Bean wants from him. If once he had that, they’d be over. He clears his throat and looks ahead, giving a small wave as he sees Hakyeon.

_What? What just happened? What did I say?_ ‘Hey …’ 

“We need to get back,” Ravi says, and walks faster, suddenly very afraid of the end they’re barrelling towards.

Bean reaches out a hand, but stops short of catching Ravi’s arm. He stares after Ravi, frozen, completely flat-footed. Suddenly, everything’s tense and unsure again - like this morning never happened. _I fucked up. Somehow, I fucked up_. 

“There you are,” Hakyeon says, hands on his hips, as the group approaches, Bean trailing behind the others, thoughts racing. “I need eyes in the back of my head to keep track of you! Naughty boys!”

‘Would you believe, we were going to the bathroom?’ says Hyuk, with a completely unconvincing innocent look.

“I would believe that if it wasn’t for the look on your face, Hyukkie. Maybe I should sit with you on the plane to keep an eye on you,” Hakyeon says. He misses the widening of Jaehwan’s eyes.

_Oh, no._ Bean moves forward quickly, speaks without thinking. ‘Wouldn’t want to stress you out so early in the day, hyung. I volunteer to keep an eye on Satan here.’

Ravi looks at Bean, his mouth a thin line, then glances at Leo, who is looking anywhere but at either of them. Beside Ravi, Jaehwan heaves a sigh of relief. Bean catches Ravi’s look, and almost swears out loud as he realises how his actions must appear. _Fucking idiot_ , he berates himself. 

‘Hey, I called dibs on the hamster!’ protests Hyuk.

“I don’t mind who I sit with as long as they don’t talk for the entire flight,” Leo says, giving Jaehwan side-eye.

Hakyeon makes an exasperated noise. ‘Can nothing be simple with you all? It’s far too late to start changing things now. Thank you for the offer, Hongbin, but Sanghyuk, you’ll sit with Taekwoon, I’m sure he’ll keep you in line.’ He looks over at Jaehwan. ‘I trust you don’t have a problem with the seating arrangements?’

Even through his confusion and self-directed anger, Bean thinks he sees Hakyeon’s face soften slightly. _I did the right thing by jumping in_ , he thinks. It doesn’t help, though, when he looks towards Ravi again and can’t catch his eye.

“No, no problem,” Jaehwan says, his face slightly flushed. “No problem at all.”

‘Then come along, the flight is about to board,’ says Hakyeon curtly, picking up his bag. As he moves off, he glances at Jaehwan again with a faint smile. Jaehwan stands stock-still for a moment, then glances at Ravi with a small, excited smile. Ravi gives Jaehwan a small grin and a nod. As soon as Jaehwan moves away, Ravi’s face falls into a troubled, introspective expression. He follows the others.

Trailing behind them, Bean has a sudden, nearly irresistible urge to simply reach out and pull Ravi back. Explain himself. Apologise. _Whatever it fucking takes_. But they’re surrounded by friends and strangers and there’s no possibility of talking any time soon. _How did things get fucked up so quickly? How did **I** fuck it up?_ He balls his hands into fists, joins the line of people filing slowly into the plane, and says nothing.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ravi thinks, _would it be that bad if he only wanted me for one thing? At least I could have that one thing…_
> 
> \---
> 
>  _This could be the most uncomfortable hour of my life_ , thinks Bean.

 

Ravi finds his seat and stows his backpack in the overhead compartment. He sits in his seat, one leg jumping with nerves. He watches the people coming onto the plane while pretending he’s not looking for Bean.

Stuck behind a woman juggling a crying baby while her husband, presumably, attempts to cram far too much carry-on baggage into the overhead locker, Bean doesn’t know whether to be irritated or grateful for the delay. Standing in the aisle smelling a combination of stress sweat and sour milk is nauseating, so it’s probably just as well they never made it to the food court. But as soon as the way is clear, he’ll be sitting beside Ravi. Not so long ago, that prospect was nerve-wracking in the best way possible. Now? _This could be the most uncomfortable hour of my life_. On the whole, then, being held up is a good thing.

And then, of course, the family sits down and there’s nothing between him and Ravi but a few steps. And a silence that he can’t begin to know how to break.

Ravi looks away, out the window, pretending he wasn’t waiting for Bean. _Would it be that bad if he only wanted me for one thing? At least I could have that one thing…_

 _Won’t even look at me. How are we back here again?_ ‘Hey … uh, can I get past? Or do you want the window seat? I don’t mind, I’m easy -’ _Fuck_.

Ravi turns his head and although he doesn’t mean to - he’s at eye level with Bean’s crotch and he’s only human - his gaze lingers for a moment before he coughs quietly and stands. “Uh, I’ll just…” He moves out of the way to stand in the aisle and let Bean pass.

Bean doesn’t miss Ravi’s look. He’d have to be _blind_ to miss it, and his stupid heart leaps in a way that’s out of all proportion to what’s nothing more than a sidelong glance. _He still wants me_. But then, why react so coldly to Bean’s clumsy teasing? _Too much? Too crude? Too fast?_

He stares at Ravi in confusion. And yet, at breakfast -

There’s a polite cough behind him. ‘Sir, I need to ask you to please sit down and fasten your seatbelt, we’re ready to depart,’ and Bean half-turns to see a flight attendant giving him a warm, professional smile that’s all carefully lined lips and never reaches her eyes. 

‘Uh - sorry,’ Bean says, smiling back at her apologetically. She colours, and it’s all Bean can do not to roll his eyes. _Should have worn my fucking mouth mask_ , he thinks. He turns back to Ravi - and _still_ can’t think of anything to say, so he just slides into the window seat.

Ravi sits down and fastens his seatbelt, tightening it. He fumbles in the pockets of his jeans, looking for his earpods. He doesn’t look at Bean, can’t. 

‘You can’t turn that on until we’re in flight, remember?’ Bean winces as he hears himself, he sounds judgmental to his own ears, even patronising. He adds quickly, smiling even though Ravi can’t see it, ‘You don’t want to get kicked off the flight, or eomma will neck chop you all the way to Toyohashi.’

Ravi smiles a little, murmurs, “Sounds like an awful fate. Thank you for saving me.”

Bean almost sags with relief. Even though Ravi still won’t look at him, he sounds … well, not angry, at least. Bean opens his mouth to make a silly, flirtatious response - then catches himself, and just replies, ‘Anytime.’

Ravi meets Bean’s eye briefly and his heart thuds painfully in his chest. He looks away again, taking the in-flight magazine from the chair pocket and flipping through it a little _too_ casually.

‘Ravi …’ Bean starts, with no idea of what he can possibly say next. The cabin speakers crackle to life and the safety briefing begins, drowning out any possibility of conversation. _Fuck_. Ravi watches the demonstration then looks at the safety card like it's the most interesting thing he's ever seen. He hopes his hands aren't shaking. 

The flight attendant walks down the aisle, checking everyone is properly belted in. When she reaches Bean and Ravi, she gives Bean a shy smile and makes a point of asking him if he needs anything. Bean’s as polite as he can manage to be, but inwardly he rolls his eyes. As she moves off, he mutters, ‘God, save me. I should just tell her I’m gay and watch her freak out, at least she’d leave me alone.’

“You think so?” Ravi says, still looking at the card. “I thought you were straight and it didn't stop me…”

Bean grins. ‘And thank god you didn’t - wait. You really thought I was straight?’

Ravi glances at Bean. “Uhhh yeah. I mean, I assumed, when I tried to hit on you a few months ago and you basically ignored me.”

‘You did _what_?’ Bean says loudly, incredulously - then, realising, winces and drops his voice to a low murmur. ‘Seriously, when?’

“About when everything went to shit between us,” Ravi says quietly. He puts the safety card back in the seat pocket. 

Bean racks his brain. _He can’t have … I would have known, surely_. ‘I … honestly, I didn’t … tell me.’

“It doesn't matter,” Ravi says. He looks out the window, past Bean. “We’re taxiing. I didn't even feel the plane start moving.”

Bean couldn’t care less. ‘It does matter. Please.’

“It was just… I was trying to get closer to you, hugging and stuff, and you just treated me like you would any of the other guys,” Ravi says. “And then… I don't know. Things got weird and I backed off.”

Bean drops his head back against the seat with a groan, then laughs weakly. ‘Oh god, I’m the most clueless idiot in existence. I thought … I thought _you_ were straight and just, you know, being friendly. And …’ He hesitates. _Just fucking say it_ , he tells himself. ‘I thought it wasn’t fair for me to lie to you, to pretend I didn’t … have feelings for you.’

“Feelings?” Ravi blurts, a bit too loud. He looks around quickly but the engine noise seems to have covered his indiscretion. He blushes hot, unable to look at Bean now. 

_Oh god, I’ve done it again_. But it’s too late, it’s out, so if he’s screwed it up altogether, there’s no point stopping now. Bean squeezes his eyes shut, hiding. ‘Yeah. For a long time now. I thought it was just physical, just something I could get over.’ His voice is still low, but unsteady now. ‘But it’s not, it’s me smiling stupidly when I think about you, and wanting to touch you and say soft things to you and … aching.’ He stops, scarlet, wanting to disappear.

Ravi just stares at Bean, his mouth open, unable to believe his ears. 

Silence. Not even a movement beside him. Bean’s heart sinks.

The jet engines start to roar and Ravi is just looking at Bean, unable to speak, unable to find any words. As the plane starts to move, accelerating for take-off, Ravi reaches out one hand and cups Bean’s cheek, turning his face. He leans in and takes Bean’s lips in a gentle, tentative kiss.

Bean keeps his eyes squeezed shut as he feels Ravi’s fingers on his face, pulling in a sharp breath as his head’s turned. He can’t look. He doesn’t dare. Then … the softest pressure against his mouth ( _we’re out in the open, I don’t care_ ), and he kisses Ravi back, lips slightly parted and trembling. 

Ravi lets out the tiniest moan, lost in the noise of the aeroplane, and kisses Bean harder, hand slipping to the back of his neck, the kiss deepening as the plane starts to lift off. His head is spinning, from the change in altitude or the kiss he doesn’t know, and he’s lost in the feeling of Bean’s lips on his, Bean’s breath on his face, the knowledge that this _isn’t_ meaningless.

 _Something’s changed_. Bean doesn’t know what, but the way Ravi’s kissing him now is completely different. Last night, and even this morning, it was hungry and desperate; now there’s something else tangled up in it, no less passionate, but sweeter. Bean knows he should pull away, for both their sakes. Instead, he leans into the kiss, opening, tongue sliding into Ravi’s mouth. 

Ravi’s other hand goes to the front of Bean’s tshirt, clutching, pulling him closer. He deepens the kiss, his eyebrows coming together. The plane bumps, hitting some turbulence on its ascent, and Ravi breaks the kiss, breathing heavily, looking at Bean through heavy-lidded eyes.

A jolt, and Ravi’s mouth is gone. Bean makes a wordless noise of protest, then his eyes fly open and he stares at Ravi, all blown pupils and wet, reddened lips. Ravi lets out a long breath, the tip of his tongue stealing out to run along his bottom lip. It’s all he can do to stop himself from kissing Bean again.

Stunned, colour high, Bean brings up his hand and touches his fingertips, very lightly, to Ravi's mouth. Ravi’s tongue darts out and touches the pads of Bean’s fingers. He blinks slowly, feeling drunk with desire. Bean shivers, whispers, ‘’If we weren't on this fucking plane …’ 

“It's probably a good thing that we _are_ on this plane,” Ravi says softly. 

‘It is?’

“It is.”

Bean says uncertainly, ‘Why?’ Then an unpleasant thought strikes him. ‘Didn't you ... I thought…’ 

“I don't want to rush this,” Ravi says softly. “I can't explain it. I _really_ care about you.”

A stupid, helplessly fond smile steals across Bean's face. He looks at Ravi, dazed. ‘Okay, pinch me.’

Ravi smiles a little. “Kinky.”

The smile widens. ‘No, seriously, because if I'm dreaming …’ Ravi pinches Bean’s arm and raises one eyebrow. ‘Oww.’ Bean doesn't sound hurt at all. ‘Definitely not dreaming.’ He reaches out a hand, hesitates - then takes hold of Ravi's, interlacing their fingers. ‘Just spinning out.’ 

Ravi gives Bean an unguarded, very goofy smile. 

‘You look like I feel,’ says Bean. ‘Okay … if that's what you want, we’ll go slow.’ He grins. ‘But no promises that I won't kiss you breathless backstage.’

“No promises I won't let you,” Ravi says with a shy smile. 

‘Oh, _good_.’ Bean squeezes Ravi's hand. ‘Hyukkie is going to be insufferable about this. You should have heard the scolding he gave me for not talking to you.’

“You got one too, huh?” Ravi says. “Maybe we should fight in front of him, just to avoid the smugness.”

‘Wait, he did what? That scheming monster,’ says Bean in a faintly admiring tone.

Ravi smiles a little and pokes his head out into the aisle, looking ahead to try and see Hyuk. 

‘I have an idea,’ says Bean. He beckons Ravi closer. Ravi leans in, eyes automatically focusing on Bean’s mouth. He unconsciously licks his lips. Bean lets out a long, not quite steady breath. ‘You're going to make me forget what I was saying.’

Ravi’s smile could more accurately be described as a leer. “We wouldn't want that,” he says, his voice a low, quiet rumble. 

‘This is your idea of taking it slow, is it?’ Bean grins, but he shifts in his seat.

“Slower than what I want to do,” Ravi says. “Definitely slower.”

‘God, your voice … you know this is going to be torture, don't you?’

“The sweetest kind of torture,” Ravi says softly. “It’ll be the same as before, _wanting_ you, but now I know you want _me._ ”

Bean is silent for a long time, looking down at their joined hands. Finally he says, very quietly, ‘I hate to ask, but … what about Leo? You said he wasn't your boyfriend. He wants to be, though, right?’

Ravi clears his throat quietly. “Uh, yeah. But… he knows that's not happening,” he says awkwardly. “And uh… he knows why. He knew without me telling him.”

‘Are you okay?’ Bean squeezes Ravi’s hand. ‘Wait - he knew?’

Ravi shrugs one shoulder. “Yeah. Guess I wasn't as good at hiding it as I thought.”

‘We’re such idiots. Well, at least we’ll have a funny story to tell our friends one day. Now … about Operation Revenge …’ Bean leans in close and whispers in Ravi’s ear. Ravi breathes out heavily as Bean’s breath tickles his ear. His eyes slip closed, the side of his body breaking out in gooseflesh. ‘Concentrate,’ says Bean, secretly thrilled. ‘This is what we do.’ Ravi turns his head slightly, pressing his flaming cheek against Bean’s. 

As he outlines a plan, Bean gently rubs the side of his face against Ravi’s, almost nuzzling. Even after he’s finished speaking, he stays like that until he hears the flight attendant approaching, only then reluctantly pulling back. He doesn’t let go of Ravi’s hand. Ravi breathes out slowly and turns to face forward. He slouches a little in his seat, his knee pressing against Bean’s. 

‘Do you need anything, sir?’ says the flight attendant to Bean, giving him another flirtatious smile.

‘Just some water, please. Otherwise I have everything I need, thank you,’ Bean replies, squeezing Ravi’s hand. Coming out with the cheesy lines already, but he couldn’t care less. ‘How about you, Ravi?’

“A water for me as well, thank you,” he says to the flight attendant. _And for you to stop looking at Bean like that,_ he thinks. He gives the girl a bright, friendly smile.

As the attendant moves to the next seat, Bean looks at Ravi and rolls his eyes. ‘And people wonder why I want to go out with my head in a bag.’

“She’s only human,” Ravi says with a small smile, “and you are _ridiculously_ hot.”

Bean shoves him with his shoulder, colouring. ‘Shut up.’

Ravi grins, murmurs, “I’ve always thought so.” He turns his head and murmurs into Bean’s ear, “And that was before I knew how hot your kisses are.”

Bean shivers. ‘Oh my god, shut up, before I embarrass us both.’

“How are you going to embarrass us?” Ravi murmurs, his lips brushing Bean’s ear. In answer, Bean just turns his head and captures Ravi’s mouth with his own.

Ravi lets out a surprised, aroused groan and kisses Bean back hard, briefly, before pulling away. He breathes, “There’s no way we’re gonna take this slow, is there?”

‘Sorry, it's just … you're …’ Bean makes a visible effort to control his breathing. ‘I don't mean to push.’

“Do you see me fighting you off?” Ravi breathes. “Just in case there's any misunderstanding, you can kiss me any time you like. Anywhere.”

Bean grins. ‘ _Anywhere_?’

Ravi raises an eyebrow. “You're _bad_.”

‘Oh, you have _no idea_ how bad, boyfriend of mine.’ It just slips out.

Ravi just looks at Bean for a long moment. Softly he says, “I like the way that sounds.”

‘Which part?’

“You know which part.”

Ridiculously, Bean flushes again. ‘Stupid fucking word,’ he mutters, but it’s clearly just covering for the little smile.

Oddly, when the flight attendant comes back with her water, she doesn’t make eye contact with Bean, and the smile is a little strained. Bean looks at Ravi, eyebrows raised. Ravi smiles a little at Bean, turns his head and thanks her warmly as she gives them their water. She gives him a very plasticky smile. As she moves away, Bean says in a low voice, ‘Do you think she overhead me before?’

Ravi looks at Bean, murmurs, “I kind of hope so. Bitch better get her eyes off my man.”

Bean just blinks, a warm little thrill going through him. The corner of his mouth twitches, one dimple appears, and then he collapses into loud, delighted laughter. ‘You gorgeous idiot,’ he wheezes, shoving Ravi with his shoulder. Ravi pretends to sulk, hiding a half-smile by looking away.

From the seat in front of them comes Hakyeon’s voice. ‘Quiet, children, or I’ll separate you.’ The clear amusement in his tone robs his words of any sting.

‘It’s Ravi’s fault!’ calls Bean.

Ravi leans forward, pushing his face into the gap between the seats. “I’d like to see you try, eomma.”

‘What are you _doing_?’ hisses Bean. He lunges forward and drags Ravi backwards clumsily so that Ravi ends up half sprawled over both seats. 

Hyuk’s head pops up from the seat in front of Hakyeon. ‘I'm not doing anything,’ he protests, then catches sight of Bean and Ravi tangled up in each other and smirks. ‘Ha, for once it's not me getting into trouble.’

Adopting a stern expression, Bean says warningly, ‘I wouldn't laugh, dongsaeng. You and I are going to _talk_.’

“Yeah, you must be _so mad_ with me. Whatever,” Hyuk says, grinning broadly. “You're welcome, by the way!” He disappears again, sitting down. 

“He's going to be smug forever now,” Ravi says softly, looking up at Bean, upside-down. 

‘Yeah, so much for revenge.’ Bean smiles down at Ravi. ‘Still … not going to complain.’ A thought strikes him. ‘I think we need to put that energy of his to good use,’ he says, nodding towards the seat in front of them.

Ravi frowns slightly, thinking. “I don't think either of them are his type. But he doesn’t really talk about his own relationships, just interferes in everyone else’s...”

‘'I mean, let's get him to help the princess.’ A thought strikes him. ‘Although, huh, you're right. I wonder what does go on in that giant head of his?’

“Who knows,” Ravi says. “Evil, mostly.”

‘Still …’ Bean brushes Ravi's hair back from his forehead. ‘Maybe we should buy Satan something nice, like a year's supply of gopchang.’

A polite, almost chilly voice interrupts them. ‘Please return to your seat and fasten your seat belt in preparation for landing, sir.’ Bean looks up to see the flight attendant, who no longer has any hint of a smile.

Ravi sits up and gives the flight attendant his most charming, winning smile. “Thank you,” he says sweetly. 

‘You’re welcome,’ she says automatically, mouth tight. Without even acknowledging Bean’s existence, she moves to the next row of seats. 

‘Oops,’ says Bean, with no trace of remorse whatsoever.

Ravi looks at Bean as he fastens his seatbelt. “Do you think it was something I said?” he asks, eyes wide and innocent-looking. 

‘You’re not fooling anyone with that expression,’ says Bean, grinning. ‘Actually, I think it was seeing you practically in my lap that did it.’

“Shame she couldn't see what I'm _thinking_ about doing to you…” Ravi says, innocent expression still in place, one hand creeping onto Bean’s knee. Bean’s grin falters for a moment, then widens into a mad, reckless smile. Deliberately, he pushes his knee against Ravi’s, and darts his tongue out to flick across his bottom lip. “You should fasten your seatbelt, Bean,” Ravi says. “Safety first.”

 _‘Fuck_ safety,’ Bean almost growls, but he buckles the seat belt anyway, never taking his eyes off Ravi.

“Language!” Hakyeon hisses, half-turning in his seat. 

Ravi grins broadly, moving so Hakyeon’s seat blocks him from view. Bean does an uncanny impression of a whiny kid. ‘But eooomma, Ravi's being mean to meee.’ 

“I could be _meaner_ ,” Ravi says, one hand resting on his own thigh, the fingers slowly sliding up, up, up, his eyes on Bean’s face. 

Staring, Bean says, ‘Definitely meaner.’ He covers Ravi’s hand with his own.

Ravi breathes out slowly, stilling his hand. “Taking it slow,” he says, sounding like he's reminding himself. Not actually trusting himself to speak, Bean just makes a noise that’s half agreement, half frustration. Ravi moves his hand another couple of centimetres and stops again. He breathes out slowly.

‘Not sure this is quite what ‘taking it slowly’ actually means,’ says Bean in a low, not quite steady voice, but he doesn’t take his hand away.

“A couple of centimetres at a time is slow…” Ravi murmurs, voice quiet and low. He pulls his hand out from under Bean’s and covers Bean’s hand with his own, squeezing it on his upper thigh. He breathes out unsteadily, his cheeks flushed. 

_My god_. Bean can’t take his eyes off Ravi’s face. _Really shouldn’t be doing this_ , his thumb moving in slow circles on Ravi’s thigh. The note of the plane’s engines changes, becomes a descending slide that increases in volume as they’re jarred by the thud of the wheels hitting the tarmac. Ravi closes his eyes, staying perfectly still. He's unbearably hard, aroused, desperate to get Bean alone. He imagines moving Bean’s hand up his thigh and just the thought of it has him letting out a quiet groan. 

The roar of the engines trying to slow the plane drowns out virtually any sound, but there's no mistaking the tremor that goes through Ravi's leg muscles under Bean's hand. They're slowing now, taxiing towards the gate; any moment people will start moving, standing up and jostling each other. They'll be visible. Bean leaves his hand in place until the last possible second before giving Ravi's thigh one last gentle squeeze and pulling back reluctantly.

Ravi looks away and shifts in his seat. He’s rock-hard and very uncomfortable in his sinfully tight jeans. As subtly as he can, he brings his hand to his crotch and adjusts himself, very aware of Bean’s eyes on him. He returns his sweaty hand to the arm of his seat and murmurs, “Paper?”

 _Oh_. A thrill goes right through Bean, and suddenly he’s very glad he’s wearing that long t-shirt. ‘Paper, yes, definitely,’ he says a little breathlessly. ‘Absolutely.’

Ravi looks at Bean briefly and looks away again. He breathes out slowly and rubs his sweaty palms down the fronts of his thighs. He's nervous, and turned on, and simultaneously doesn't want to risk breaking the spell by leaving the plane but can't wait to get to their hotel. 

Bean’s running on adrenaline even before they make it out of baggage claim and into the shuttle that will take them to the hotel. As much as he tries not to, he can’t keep his mind away from anticipating finally being alone with Ravi, and that’s both delicious torture and anxiety-provoking, because what if something else goes wrong? What if Ravi gets cold feet? What if _he_ gets so stupidly nervous that he screws up again? Bean keeps reaching out to touch Ravi, tiny brushes of their arms that he hopes would seem accidental to anyone who saw them. It feels like being a teenager again.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By the time they get out to the van to take them to the hotel, Ravi is about ready to vibrate out of his skin. Every little touch is electric, every glance sends a thrill through his body. He's filled with anticipation. He's terrified that this will all go wrong. _Paper_ , he thinks. _He's going to choose paper_.

 

By the time they get out to the van to take them to the hotel, Ravi is about ready to vibrate out of his skin. Every little touch is electric, every glance sends a thrill through his body. He's filled with anticipation. He's terrified that this will all go wrong. _Paper_ , he thinks. _He's going to choose paper_. 

Much to his annoyance, Bean gets bundled in with Hakyeon for the ride. Jaehwan doesn’t _quite_ give him a reproachful look, but the puppy eyes are a dead giveaway. Bean mouths _sorry_. Ravi’s stuck two seats away with Hyuk, who seems positively gleeful, and that, Bean thinks, is a sure recipe for disaster. 

Ravi slouches down in his seat and pulls his hat down low, pretending to sleep. The regular elbows to his ribs from Hyuk are _definitely_ not a coincidence. ‘Soooooo?’ says Hyuk, shoving Ravi’s shoulder with his own.

“Sleeping,” Ravi says. He slouches further. 

‘No you’re not, because I’m not deaf. Come on, three little words, that’s all I want.’

Ravi counts the words off on his fingers as he says them. “I. Am. Sleeping.”

‘No.’ Poke, ‘You’re.’ Poke. ‘ _Not_. Wrong words, try again.’

“Avada kedavra… bitch,” Ravi mumbles, counting on his fingers again. 

‘No Unforgivable Curses!’ calls Jaehwan from in front of them. ‘Always knew you were a Slytherin.’

‘Here was I thinking he was a Hufflepuff,’ says Hyuk. ‘And all this time, you were pure evil.’ Ravi smiles under his snapback and slouches further. ‘Fiiiiine. I’ll talk to someone who appreciates me.’ He leans in towards Ravi and says quietly, ‘You’re welcome, by the way,’ then sits forward and hooks his chin over the seat in front of them. ‘Are we there yet, eomma? Are we there yet are we there yet are we there yet?’

‘Oh my god,’ mutters Bean. ‘Let me kill him, hyung, please.’

Ravi pushes his hat up slightly, takes out his phone and texts Bean. 

**> Offer of body disposal still open.**

 

This time, Bean doesn’t hesitate before replying.

 **> >** **it’s a date**

 

There’s an irritated huff from Leo as Hyuk continues chanting, and he retreats to the safety of earbuds. Hakyeon turns in his seat and glares at Hyuk. He doesn't say a thing, just looks at him, murder in his eyes. Jaehwan’s reaction is immediate. ‘Hyogie, shut _up_ ,’ he hisses, earning himself an incredulous look from the maknae.

‘I volunteer as executioner,’ says Bean.

Hakyeon looks at Jaehwan with a tiny smile. 

“Teacher’s pet,” Ravi murmurs. 

‘I heard that, Malfoy!’ calls Jaehwan. 

Hyuk plops back into his seat with an exaggerated sigh. ‘You all hate me. And I do such nice things for you, too.’

**> > wish i could hide out back there with you**

**> I don't think I could keep my hands to myself if you did. **

 

Ravi rests his head on Hyuk’s shoulder. “I could never hate you,” he says. “Just your feet.”

‘There you go again, insulting my feet,’ grumbles Hyuk good-naturedly. 

**> > is that supposed to make me change my mind?**  
**> > because it only makes me wish it even more**

 

Ravi headbutts Hyuk’s shoulder and pulls away again. He reads Bean’s text and smiles a little. 

**> I don't think I could keep my mouth to myself if you did**

 

Bean shifts in his seat to angle his body away from Hakyeon, shielding the phone’s screen. 

**> > if your mouth is half as talented as the rest of you i wouldn’t want you to**

**> Fuck Bean I meant kissing you**

 

 _Dammit_. Bean types quickly, then drops his phone face down on his lap and closes his eyes. He just keeps screwing up.

**> > sorry**

**> kidding. **  
**> ps I haven't had any complaints. ;)**

 

Bean’s phone buzzes, and for a moment he can’t bring himself to turn it over and look. _Might as well see how bad it is_. He reads. And lets out a bark of loud, relieved laughter.

 **> > thought i’d put my foot in it for a second there**  
**> > you really are evil**

**> I'm looking forward to showing you how evil. **

**> > you might get a surprise once i get my hands on you**

 

Ravi smiles to himself, replies.

**> I like surprises. What kind of surprise?**

**> > if i told you it wouldn’t be**  
**> > good things come to those who wait**

**> I’ve never been good at waiting.**

 

 _Me either_ , thinks Bean, trying not to let his imagination run away with him with Hakyeon sitting right there. After months of holding himself back, thinking there would never be even a tiny chance, knowing that all this time he’s been _wrong_ has robbed him of patience. He’ll try to take it slow, because that’s what Ravi said he wanted, but _god_ , it’s taking everything to do that.

**> > promise you it’ll be worth it**

**> I want to kiss you.**

**> > don’t tempt me or I’m gonna cause an accident**

 

For a wild moment Bean can actually _see_ himself undoing his seat belt and simply climbing over the seats, pushing himself between Leo and Jaehwan and straddling Ravi, capturing his mouth in an urgent, starving kiss. 

Ravi’s heart is hammering in his chest as he types out the next message.

**> Want to kiss you all over.**

 

_God. If he wants to play ..._

**> > i want to put my hands everywhere on you **  
**> > suck another mark into your throat**

 

Ravi smiles slightly, sends the next text and looks at the back of Bean’s head.

**> Just my throat?**

**> > for starters**

 

He can't help it. Bean turns his head to sneak a glance at Ravi and unexpectedly locks eyes with him. Ravi breathes out heavily, maintaining eye contact with Bean. _Take it slow?_ At this point, Bean thinks it’ll be a miracle if they don’t tear each other’s clothes off the minute they’re alone. His phone buzzes, making him jump. _Why is Jaehwan texting me?_

 **> < You really should stop drooling and turn around.**

 

Jaehwan gives Bean a tiny smirk and looks at his phone again.

**> < It’s disgustingly cute, and it’s about time.**

 

 _What the hell?_

**> > how is it everyone apparently knew this but me??!**

**> < You and Ravi. Both dummies. Perfect for each other.**

 

 _Wait._ Bean narrows his eyes as he types out his next reply.

**> > you and hyukkie were playing us all along weren’t you**

**> < No idea what you’re talking about.**

 

Ravi watches Bean, frowning a little, then looks at Jaehwan.

**> Sexting J? Really? Do I need to send nudes?**

 

Bean grins, makes sure his next text goes to Ravi, and not (god forbid) Jaehwan.

**> > wouldn’t waste my time on him**  
**> > but maybe you should make sure by sending me those pics anyway**

 

It’s not explicit at all, but Ravi still feels himself blushing as he sends it.

 

[ ](https://ibb.co/FBvFnb1)

 

Bean’s sharp intake of breath is loud enough that Hakyeon looks at him quizzically. ‘Is something wrong, Hongbin-ah?’

Hurriedly, Bean drops the phone face-down on his lap. ‘Uh, no, just, just …’ His brain is being entirely uncooperative in coming up with an excuse, and his face is so hot it must be absolutely scarlet. ‘Muscle cramp, yeah, it’s all good.’ 

Ravi hides his grin behind his hand, resting his elbow against the window of the car.

**> You saw more than that when I came out of the bathroom to get my towel…**

**> > why do you think i left the room so quickly?!**

**> Thought you were repulsed. Now I’m guessing you ran off to do what I’d just finished doing in the shower..?**

 

 _Ha_. Bean looks up briefly to grin at Ravi, then types his reply. Hits send, and immediately second guesses himself. 

**> > so that’s why you took so long**  
**> > no, i was awake the whole time**  
**> > did the same thing except i was still in bed**

 

Ravi reads and only just holds in a groan.

Hyuk peers at Ravi’s phone screen and Ravi shoves it back into his pocket, scowling. “Oooh, secret text messages, huh?” Hyuk says, elbowing Ravi, grinning evilly. Ravi pushes Hyuk with one hand, smooshing his face into the window of the van.

No response. _God, I’ve done it again_. Bean turns his head to look back, afraid of what he’ll see. What meets his eyes is the sight of an apparently angry Ravi attacking Hyuk, and Bean has no idea what to make of that. He faces forward again, mind racing.

Hyuk pokes Ravi sharply in the ribs and he retreats to huddle against the car window. He takes out his phone again, carefully angling the screen away from Hyuk’s curiosity. He stares at Bean’s admission, his face colouring. His heart is beating double-time as he replies. 

Reluctantly, Bean looks at the text, expecting … he’s not sure what, just something telling him he’s gone too far. What he reads sends a surge of arousal right through him.

**> Maybe next time I could watch…**

 

His finger hovers over the phone keypad, hesitating. _Fuck it, just do it_ , he tells himself angrily.

**> > maybe next time you could help**

 

 _Fuuuuck._ Ravi is definitely blushing deeply. His hands are sweating, shaking. 

**> With my mouth. **

 

Bean concentrates on keeping his breathing steady, but it’s a losing battle. It’s like they’re daring each other to go further; dangerous and intoxicating, and at least one of the others has already noticed. He almost doesn’t care.

**> > i’m 30 seconds away from climbing over the seats dammit**

 

Ravi looks at the back of Bean’s head again as he sends the next text. 

**> I'm so hard for you…**

 

Bean’s shudder is involuntary, impossible to control. 

**> > do you have ANY idea what you’re doing to me?**

**> Yes because you're doing it to me too. **

 

The shuttle slows, and turns into the hotel driveway. Ravi shoves his phone back into his hoodie pocket and sits up, ready to get out of the van. 

They file into the hotel lobby, and Bean watches Hakyeon go over to the concierge with the tour manager. For once, the imminent prospect of kai-bai-bo isn’t something to dread. Ravi’s stomach is filled with butterflies. Fear, anticipation, he can't even look at Bean. 

When Hakyeon returns to the group, Bean’s mouth drops open in disbelief. The tour manager is holding one keycard - and Hakyeon holds _six_. Ravi raises his eyebrows, looking at the keycards. He doesn't know if he's disappointed or relieved. 

_Of all the times to change things up_ … Still, Bean thinks, if they have their own rooms they can still be together.

Hakyeon holds out the cards, face down. ‘Everybody, pick one,’ he says with a deceptively mild expression. ‘You first, Wonshik-ah.’

Ravi takes a keycard and glances at Bean. Hyuk’s next, followed by Leo, and Jaehwan. When the last two cards are held out to Bean, he just takes the nearest one. It doesn’t really matter what the room number is, after all. 

‘All right,’ says Hakyeon, ‘compare.’ He holds out his card. Room number 641. There’s an excited, hastily-suppressed squeal from Jaehwan. ‘That’s my number!’

Ravi’s eyes widen. “Wait, we don't have our own rooms?”

Hakyeon looks genuinely surprised. ‘Of course not. The hotel was kind enough to provide us all with keycards, so I thought this would be a change from playing kai-bai-bo again.’

For a split-second, Bean considers actually throttling Hakyeon. 

‘I’ve got 643,’ says Hyuk, eyes darting from Ravi to Bean to Leo.

“642,” says Ravi. He glances between Bean and Leo. 

Wordlessly, Leo turns over his card.

642.

‘Oh, shit,’ says Hyuk so quietly that only Bean can hear him. Ravi looks at Bean for a long moment, then looks away. 

“I'm switching with Hongbin,” Leo says softly. “And there will be no argument from _you_ , Hakyeon, or I will go and stay in another hotel.”

There’s an awkward silence as Hakyeon looks at Leo, his face unreadable. Bean holds his breath. Of all of them, only Leo could ever get away with defying the leader like that, but … Finally, Hakyeon nods, once. Bean swallows, and holds his card out to Leo, unable to look at him. Ravi breathes out slowly. Leo flicks his gaze toward him briefly with a hint of a smile as he takes the keycard and gives his own to Bean. Ravi looks at the card in his hand, fidgeting a little. 

‘Finally,’ says Hyuk with an exaggerated sigh. ‘Someone who can appreciate my wonderful feet!’

Making a mental note to buy something really huge for the maknae sometime soon, Bean finally dares to look at Ravi. Ravi glances at Bean, catching his eye, swallows and looks away quickly. 

“If you put those disgusting travesties anywhere near me, you won't dance for a month,” Leo says to Hyuk sweetly. 

“Hey Bean, wanna swap rooms with me?” Hyuk asks, pretending to be afraid. 

'Hell, no. Ravi hasn't recovered from exposure to your feet yet, any more would kill him,’ says Bean, grinning. 

“I still feel a bit green around the gills,” Ravi says, then he winks at Hyuk.

‘Hmph,’ sniffs Hyuk, and adopts a lofty expression. ‘Come, feet, let us leave these barbarians for more refined company.’ He picks up his bag and heads for the elevators, nose in the air. 

Hakyeon sighs. ‘If that's settled, then?’ Without waiting for confirmation, he walks away, followed by Leo. Jaehwan darts a quick, nervous glance at Bean, then hurries to catch up.

Suddenly twitchy, Bean looks at Ravi. ‘So.’

Ravi looks at Bean, says very softly, “So…”

Acting like a teenager again. _Get a grip, Bean_. ‘After you,’ he says, gesturing with a hand that's not even remotely steady. Ravi gives Bean a quick, nervous smile, and heads off toward the elevators. 

Bean stares after Ravi. _This can’t be happening_. Any minute now Hakyeon’s going to walk up to them and switch them back. Or Ravi’s going to get cold feet, or _he’s_ going to screw up. _Move, idiot_. He takes a deep breath, picks up his bag, and quickly catches up to Ravi just as he reaches the edge of the lobby.

“I was starting to wonder if you'd decided to sleep down here,” Ravi says as he pushes the call button for the elevator. 

‘Not a chance,’ replies Bean, a little out of breath. ‘Sleeping on the roof was stupid enough.’

“I'd never let you sleep on the roof,” Ravi says. “Not in a million years.”

Bean pushes his shoulder against Ravi’s. ‘That’s one thing I do remember very clearly, you practically carrying me back to the room. I was a mess.’

“You were,” Ravi says with a small frown. The elevator arrives and is empty. He steps inside. “I… I took advantage a bit, I think.”

Following right on Ravi’s heels, Bean hits the button for the sixth floor and rounds on Ravi. ‘Let’s get one thing straight right now. You did no such thing. I wanted it as much as you did.’ He laughs ruefully. ‘God, I thought I took advantage of _you_.’

“I’d let you take advantage of me. I’d love every minute of it,” Ravi says. He breathes out heavily and takes a step toward Bean. 

The doors open at the first floor and a maid pushes her trolley into the elevator, both boys stepping to the side to let her in. Ravi shakes his head slightly, a helpless smile blooming on his face. To Bean’s dismay, she pushes ‘10’. ‘Dammit,’ he mutters very quietly. As the doors close, he stands close to Ravi, brushing the back of his hand with his own.

Ravi looks at the maid, finding her politely ignoring them. _Fuck it_ , he thinks, and takes Bean’s hand in his, letting out a slightly-unsteady breath. Without hesitation, Bean interlaces his fingers with Ravi’s, still looking straight ahead, a small smile playing on his lips. It’s a tiny gesture of defiance, but just the fact Ravi’s willing to do that for him is enough to make his stupid heart leap.

The elevator stops at their floor, and Ravi walks out into the hall, pulling Bean along after him. He stops, looking around, then turns around and heads the other way down the hall. “Wrong way,” he says. “Distracted.”

Bean’s laugh is loud and delighted. He lets Ravi pull him to the room door. ‘Your key or mine?’ he says, grinning. 

Ravi pats his pockets absently, murmurs, “Gonna have to be yours, I think I’ve lost mine already.”

‘Oh, you’ve _got_ to be joking - wait.’ Bean’s eyes narrow. ‘I’m sure I saw you put it in your shirt pocket.’ He makes a grab for it. Ravi bites his bottom lip and moves closer as Bean’s fingers brush his chest through his shirt. 

Bean freezes just as his fingers close on the hard shape of the keycard in Ravi’s pocket. He stands stock-still, one hand splayed on Ravi’s chest. _Point of no return_ , he thinks, then immediately kicks himself for being dramatic. He grins and plucks out the card, holds it up in front of Ravi’s face. ‘Do the honours?’

Ravi takes the card from Bean and unlocks the door. “I'm not carrying you over the threshold,” he says with a little smile, and walks in, holding the door for Bean. 

_Shut up_ , Bean tells his heart. It's a joke. _Don't go looking for more than what he's offering right now. Don't push_. He makes a production out of entering the room, nose held high in the air - and stops dead.

 _Two beds_.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally have space of their own, the door locks automatically, there’s nothing to stop this -

 

Ravi frowns slightly at the look on Bean’s face and is about to ask what's wrong, but then he follows Bean’s gaze. _You've got to be kidding me._ He stifles a helpless laugh, leaning against the wall. 

Bean looks at Ravi. His mouth twitches, and he bursts out laughing at the sheer absurdity of the situation. ‘Unbelievable,’ he gasps, ‘all this time … and now …’ He dissolves again, collapsing against Ravi.

Ravi grins as he lets the door close. “I would have given my eye teeth for this room on the first night.”

There's a wry twist to Bean's mouth as he looks at Ravi. ‘Yeah, me too. I was freaking out at the idea I'd get too close in my sleep and make it uncomfortable for you.’

Ravi’s face flushes hot with guilt, thinking about waking up pressed against Bean, and about the morning he woke up being spooned by Bean. “Me too,” he says, avoiding looking at Bean. 

There's far too much lying unspoken between them, and suddenly Bean is _done_ with that. Even if it make things awkward, he needs to tell Ravi. He takes a deep breath. ‘For the record? I wasn't completely asleep that morning we were hung over. I woke up like that with you, and … I guess I figured it was okay just for a bit to hold you, even though you were asleep. So, uh, sorry?’

“I thought you were asleep. I _pretended_ to be asleep,” Ravi says quietly, his heart thudding so loudly he’s sure Bean must be able to hear it, “because I didn't want it to end. And… the morning before, the morning with the towel incident… The reason I needed such a long shower is because I woke up with you in my arms...”

Ravi breathes out slowly, looking at Bean, his brain screaming _what did you say that for idiot, he’s gonna run again, he’s gonna hate you, you’ve shown too much of yourself._

Bean’s eyes widen, and for a moment he just stares. His mind’s whirling furiously, and the weirdest thing is that he just keeps being surprised by what he now knows, that he’s been a blind idiot all along. A look of determination settles into his face. He reaches out and grabs Ravi by the collar and pulls him close. ‘Me too,’ he says roughly, not really an answer but it’s all he’s got. Then his mouth comes down over Ravi’s, fierce and urgent. Ravi groans and slips his arms around Bean’s waist, pulling him closer, kissing him back. His hands are shaking, his head swimming, it's not altitude this time, it’s all Bean. They’re sober, wide awake, no misunderstanding now. Bean backs against the wall, pulling Ravi with him tight against his body. They finally have space of their own, the door locks automatically, there’s nothing to stop this -

A complicated drumbeat knocking at the door, and a cheery voice calls, ‘Beeaan? Raaavi?’ Bean groans against Ravi’s mouth. _Hyukkie, goddammit_. Ravi breathes out heavily, pressing against Bean. He ignores Hyuk just as he wishes he had, the night they drunkenly made out on the hotel room floor. He deepens the kiss, pushing Bean’s head back against the wall. The knocking just keeps going. Bean couldn’t care less, because Ravi’s forceful kiss robs him of breath, makes his knees weak and his hips tilt against Ravi’s, and he never wants it to stop.

‘Don’t make me use eomma’s security key to come in there, because I’m pure and innocent and don’t want to be scarred for life!’ yells Hyuk. ‘Answer the door!’

Ravi breaks away with a loud, frustrated groan. “You get the hammer, I’ll get the plastic sheeting,” he breathes, looking at Bean hungrily. He nips at Bean’s bottom lip twice before capturing his mouth again, his eyes slipping closed. 

‘ _God_ ,’ Bean hisses in frustration, then raises his voice. ‘What the _fuck_ do you want, Satan? This better be life or death!’

‘Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. Are you going to open this door or not?’

Bean, dishevelled and breathing hard, says unsteadily, ‘Tempted to leave him out there.’

“Tempted to let him in, then throw him from the balcony,” Ravi says. Then he looks at the windows. “ _Hey_ , we have a balcony. That's pretty cool.” He grins at Bean. 

Bean’s answering smile is positively wicked. ‘Didn’t know you were an exhibitionist.’

‘Guys, c’mon! You’ve had enough time to put your clothes back on.’ 

“All _right_ ,” Ravi shouts, and moves to the door, wrenching it open. “ _Well?_ ”

Hyuk throws up his arms to cover his face with a horrified noise. Carefully, he peeks, then gives out an exaggerated sigh of relief. ‘Whew, innocence intact.’

Bean comes up behind Ravi, hesitates for a second, then slips his arms around Ravi’s waist and rests his chin on his shoulder. ‘You were _never_ innocent, dongsaeng. What’s the emergency?’

‘It’s outrageous, not even time to _settle in_!’ Hyuk smirks at the pair, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. ‘We’ve got a meeting in one of the conference rooms in fifteen minutes. The Sakura Room, can you believe it, how _cute_.’ He makes it sound like the most ridiculous name possible. ‘Eomma wants to go over the schedule for the next few days.’

Ravi frowns. “If this is another meeting-that-could-have-been-an-email, I won't be responsible for my murder spree.”

‘Speaking of …’ says Bean. ‘Are you just going to stand here, or are you coming in, Hyukkie?’

‘Ah, you don’t fool me.’ Hyuk wags a finger at them. ‘You’ll just try to murder me. Emphasis on _try_ , because I can beat you both up. Anyway, apparently we all have to be there, so you two will just have to pine a while longer.’

“So… we have fifteen minutes is what I'm taking away from this conversation,” Ravi says, looking at Bean, absently letting the door swing shut in Hyuk’s face. 

Bean’s back in Ravi’s arms before the door lock clicks. Just as their lips are about to touch, though, he holds himself back. ‘I don’t want our first time to be on a deadline,’ he murmurs, not letting go.

“You think I’m gonna put out this early?” Ravi says with a grin. “You think I’m easy?” He dips his head, dragging his lips up the side of Bean’s neck. He murmurs into Bean’s ear, “You think I’m that desperate for you that I won’t be able to help myself..?”

Bean lets out a little moan, head falling back. ‘You make me feel drunk all over again.’

Ravi grinds his hips against Bean’s, kissing his neck, letting out little half-breath, half-moans. His hands move to Bean’s ass, pulling him closer. He groans, “Oh my god, maybe you’re _right…_ ”

‘Hmmm?’ Not really listening, lost in the feel of Ravi’s mouth of his skin and the delicious thrill of feeling Ravi pressed against him, hard for him.

“I want you so much… I can’t remember the last time someone made me feel like this…” Ravi breathes. He takes Bean’s lips again in a hard, possessive, invading kiss.

The words jolt Bean, send a surge of possessive jealousy through him. They shouldn’t; after all, it’s not like Bean can claim any high ground here, expect Ravi to be any less experienced, but still, it stings. _Don’t be an idiot_. He breaks the kiss, growls, ‘ _No one_ could make you feel like I will.’ 

Ravi lets out a heavy, thrilled breath. “Fuck, you’re gonna wreck me. I want that so bad…”

Bean doesn’t answer, just pulls the collar of Ravi’s shirt aside and trails his mouth down Ravi’s neck to his chest, sucking hard at the skin, just nipping with his teeth. Ravi watches, breathing through his open mouth, his hips thrusting forward. “Oh god, Bean, if you keep going like this, fifteen minutes’ll be long enough for three or four goes…”

‘Ten minutes now,’ says Bean hoarsely, sliding a knee between Ravi’s legs and pressing forward slightly.

“Oh _fuck_ , baby, you’re gonna make me come,” Ravi groans, looking down at Bean. “Is that what you want? You want me to come for you, huh? Want me to come in my pants for you?”

Bean kisses Ravi, hard, growls, ‘Not in your _pants_ ,’ and goes to his knees, hands working at Ravi’s belt.

Ravi grabs at his belt with shaking, sweaty hands. “No no no no no,” Ravi breathes. “No, we can’t, not yet, not like this… Oh my _god_ I must be out of my mind to say no to you…”

Bean stills immediately. _Too far. Fuck_. He climbs to his feet, fighting to keep himself under control. ‘Sorry … shit …’

Ravi cups Bean’s face in his hands. “Don’t fucking apologise,” he says, voice rough with arousal, hands still shaking. “Don’t you fucking dare. You have no idea how badly I want you, no idea at all, but we can’t now because we have to go and I don’t wanna fuck and run. I don’t want that. I don’t want you to be just a hookup. I don’t want to treat you like that.”

What Ravi leaves unsaid is that he doesn’t want Bean to think of him like that either.

Bean’s eyes search Ravi’s face; what he sees there - blown pupils, high colour, mouth trembling - is unmistakable. He wants it, and Bean’s sure he could persuade him, because _oh god_ he wants Ravi so badly. Then the words sink in. _What the fuck am I doing?_ Falling back into old habits, making it all about the moment and then walking away? _No_. He leans his forehead against Ravi’s, hardly knows what he’s saying, ‘You’re right, you’re right, this means too much ... you deserve way better than that.’

“We both do, Bean,” Ravi whispers. He tilts his head slightly and captures Bean’s lips in a gentle kiss which rapidly spirals out of control, Ravi pushing Bean against the wall, grinding against him, hands slipping under his shirt.

Bean moans helplessly, his eyes slipping closed. ‘ _Ravi_ … want you, want you so much … wait, wait, we can’t …’

Ravi staggers backwards, his back hitting the wall opposite Bean. He breathes out heavily, looking at him hungrily, his jeans uncomfortably tight and his erection very visible. “I’d say sorry,” Ravi says, “but I think lying to you now would be starting off the wrong way.”

‘Yeah,’ pants Bean. ‘Yeah, _fuck_ , I’m not gonna survive.’ He scrubs a hand across his face, doing his best to calm down, although the temptation to simply throw himself right back into Ravi’s arms is almost overwhelming. Their phones buzz, making Bean jump. ‘What - ?’ He pulls his phone out of his pocket. A text from Hakyeon. Naturally. ‘Oh, this is some kind of universal fucking conspiracy …’

**> This is your two minute warning. I trust you’re on your way down right now?**

Ravi looks at his phone and sighs, hanging his head. He replies.

**> > On my way. Save me a seat!**

Ravi looks at Bean, biting his bottom lip, his eyes travelling slowly down his body. His brow creases slightly into an expression of helpless want. Bean groans with frustration. ‘Don’t look at me like that, or we’ll never get out of here.’ He pushes away from the wall, goes to stuff his phone back into his pocket, hesitates. ‘Huh.’ Quickly, he calls up Ravi’s contact card.

_Edit Ringtone_

Ravi frowns, watching Bean. He moves in close and presses his nose and lips against Bean’s neck. “Whatcha doing?”

The shiver’s involuntary, the smile nothing but happiness. ‘The old one isn’t appropriate anymore.’ Bean scrolls through a list of songs, selects one, and sets it as Ravi’s ringtone. Takes a deep breath and plays it, not daring to look up from the screen..

_Take my hands now_

_You are the cause of my euphoria_

_Euphoria_

_Close the door now_

_When I’m with you I’m in utopia_

Ravi smiles against Bean’s skin, breathes, “You’re _Old Phone_ in mine. Figured it was safer…”

‘ _Fuck_ safety,’ says Bean, exactly the same way as he did on the plane. ‘You know, I nearly changed it after I heard yours that night. The coincidence kinda freaked me out. But I told myself you’d never call me, anyway.’ He smiles ruefully. ‘And we know how that turned out.’

“About as well as using you to find my phone did,” Ravi says softly, face still against Bean’s neck. He can feel himself flush at the memory of the shame he felt.

‘Hey.’ Bean shoves his phone into his pocket and turns to face Ravi fully, taking him in his arms. ‘Hearing that was what first got me thinking maybe I’d been an idiot all along. And what do you know, I was right.’ He kisses Ravi gently, breaks away with a frustrated noise. ‘We’d better go before Hakyeon sends Hyuk in here to drag us out,’ he says, clear reluctance in his tone.

Ravi murmurs absently, “Yeah…” and captures Bean’s lips again, kissing him deeply, hands bunched in the back of his tshirt. He pulls away after a few moments, staring at Bean’s mouth. “I don’t know how comfortable walking’s gonna be…” he says, adjusting the crotch of his jeans.

‘If you don’t stop that, neither of us will be able to walk, _god_ , why am I being the voice of reason here?’ Bean grabs Ravi’s hand and heads for the door.

Ravi smiles a lopsided, aroused smile and follows Bean, crowding him up against the door, pressing his body against Bean’s back. He drags his lips up the side of Bean’s neck and breathes in his ear, “Fuck, Bean, you smell so good…”

Breath partially knocked out of him, Bean lets out a low, thrilled moan as he's pushed into the door. It's forceful, unexpected, the Ravi of his fantasies but so much better because the ragged, wanting voice, the hard body covering him, the mouth on his throat, are _real_. It's Ravi _taking,_ and Bean's sudden, hard surge of excitement pulls his head back and drives everything else right out of his mind.

“If we didn't have to go, do you know what I'd do to you, right here, pushed face-first into this door?” Ravi whispers, pushing his hips against Bean’s ass, arms slipping around his waist, hands on his chest. “Do you?”

‘Ahh, _god_ … tell me …’ 

“If we didn't have to go to this _meeting_ …” Ravi breathes, thrusting his hips against Bean in emphasis, “and if we weren't taking things _slow_ …” another thrust, this one a filthy grind, “I'd make you come all over this _door_ …” a thrust, “ _begging_ me…”

‘ _Do it_ ,’ moans Bean, ‘do it, god, wreck me … anything, _anything …’_

“It's gonna kill you, isn't it?” Ravi asks, his voice rough. “Waiting for me. Wanting me. Sitting across the table from me in the meeting and _knowing_ I'm thinking about crawling under the table and swallowing you down…”

‘Fuck …’ Bean pushes his face harder against the wood, groans, ‘ _Please_ …’

Ravi breathes out heavily, hips kicking forward involuntarily. “If we weren't taking it slow I’d take you right here…”

‘Yes,’ moans Bean, pushing back against Ravi, the idea sinking its hooks in deep and pulling him sharply high. ‘… yes, please, please, want you … _take me_ …’

Ravi tears himself away with a loud, low groan of frustration as Bean’s phone starts ringing. “ _Fuck_.”

Bean slumps against the door, completely disoriented, shaking with the force of the arousal crashing through him. He pants, ‘What … what …’

“Your phone, Bean,” Ravi says, running a shaking hand through his hair. 

‘What? Fuck.’ Hakyeon’s ringtone. Bean drags the phone out of his pocket with shaking hands, looks at the screen. ‘You are kidding me.’ He swipes, says shakily, ‘Sorry, I’m … I’m on my way.’

Hakyeon’s voice sounds tight and unimpressed. “Is your roommate with you?”

‘Uh … yeah, yeah.’ Bean looks at Ravi, mouths, _fuck_. For a split-second he considers making some excuse about being sick and Ravi helping him, but there’s no way Hakyeon will believe that. Not after the talk they had. ‘I’m really sorry, hyung. We’ll be right there.’

Ravi disappears into the bathroom and splashes cold water on his face. His heart is still racing, his lips red from being kissed. He looks like he's been doing exactly what he's been doing. 

_I’m a mess_. Bean can still feel the flush in his cheeks, the slight swelling of his mouth, and it’s nothing short of a miracle his jeans are still unmarked. His pulse is still racing, adrenalin still makes him tremble. He forces himself to control his breathing, running an unsteady hand through his hair. 

Ravi comes out of the bathroom, drying his face with a towel. He pulls the towel away from his face and looks at Bean. “Was he mad?”

Bean catches his bottom lip between his teeth, wound tight all over again just by the sound of Ravi’s voice. Right now he could murder Hakyeon without a second’s hesitation. ‘He, uh, he didn’t sound happy.’ 

“We should probably go,” Ravi says, “before he gets pissed at us and separates us.”

That’s possibly the only threat that could really get Bean moving right now. He shoves his phone back into his pocket and opens the door, then looks back at Ravi. ‘Even if he does … I don’t care, I’ll bribe whoever gets swapped with a year’s supply of their favourite food, if I have to.’

“What if eomma decides he wants you as his roomie again?” Ravi murmurs. “I wouldn't blame him.”

Already out in the corridor, Bean gives Ravi an arch look. ‘Please. I think Hakyeon’s quite happy with his own sleeping arrangements. Besides, I wouldn’t do that to Jae.’ As they reach the elevator, Bean presses the button and leans against Ravi’s shoulder. ‘One way or the other, you’re stuck with me.’

“Damn,” Ravi says. “What a shame.” He presses the elevator call button with one hand and gropes Bean’s ass with the other. 

Bean nudges him with one hip. ‘Not that I don’t love your hands on me,’ he says quietly, ‘but you know we’re … ah, fuck it.’ He slips one arm around Ravi’s waist.

“It's not like home, here,” Ravi says softly. “We don't have to be as careful…”

Bean leans in and murmurs right in Ravi’s ear, ‘Fairly sure we’d still get into trouble if I do what I _really_ want to do and go down on my knees right here, right now.’ The elevator door opens, revealing a small group of obvious tourists all facing the door and determinedly not looking at each other, and he straightens up.

Ravi smiles a little as he walks into the elevator, standing at the back, the occupants rearranging themselves to make room for the new travellers. Following on his heels, Bean squeezes in next to Ravi, and immediately takes his hand. Ravi smiles to himself and squeezes Bean’s hand, pulling him a little closer. They might not be back home in Seoul, where every contact has to be deliberate fanservice, but it’s still risky. That Ravi’s willing to push even this far is unexpected; for Bean, body still coursing with arousal from being overpowered and almost taken apart so effortlessly, it’s intoxicating. He turns slightly side-on to Ravi, pushing his hips so that his hardness presses against Ravi’s hip. He whispers almost soundlessly, ‘ _Want you_.’

Ravi breathes out slowly, looking straight ahead, and leans into Bean. The elevator reaches their floor and half of the elevator’s occupants file out into the conference centre lobby. Ravi lets go of Bean’s hand with reluctance and follows them out of the elevator, looking around to find the right room.

It’s not even necessary to read the tasteful little gold plaque that indicates the Sakura Room; the truly awful wall hanging of a stylised cherry blossom branch can be spotted easily from the lobby entrance. The doors are already closed, and Bean grimaces. ‘Oh great, they started without us. Guess eomma wants to make us do the walk of shame. Ready?’

Ravi untucks his shirt, pulling it down over a very prominent erection. “Ready as I’ll ever be,” he breathes, looking at Bean’s mouth.

Bean’s eyes drop briefly to Ravi’s crotch, and there’s a flash of dimple before he schools his expression. ‘Here we go.’ He opens the door.

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘I’ll wait as long as you want …’ Bean grins. ‘Except for kissing, you already said I could do that _anywhere_.’
> 
> “ _Anywhere_ is a word with so many meanings,” Ravi says.

 

“Nice of you to join us,” says Hakyeon as they enter the room. 

Ravi keeps his head down as he moves to the seat Hakyeon has saved for him, as asked, and sits down. “Sorry, hyung. We… got lost.”

_That’s one way of putting it_ , thinks Bean, and can’t help the little snort of laughter that he hastily turns into a cough. The only other seat is between Hyuk and Jaehwan, and Bean sits down quickly. He says brightly, ‘What did we miss?’

Wordlessly, Jaehwan passes Bean and Ravi cardboard folders emblazoned with the tour logo. As Hyuk hands Ravi’s to him, he comments, ‘Ugh, hard copy.’

Ravi’s lips twitch into an almost-smile. “What a waste of trees.” He glances at Bean, then looks away quickly, trying to be subtle and failing utterly. Jaehwan and Hyuk share amused looks.

Either ignoring them or completely oblivious, Hakyeon instructs them all to open their folders, and starts going over the schedule for the next few days in exhaustive detail. Bean flips pages when he sees the others doing so, and nods in what he hopes are all the right places, but timetables are the last thing on his mind right now. His focus is entirely on Ravi, watching him out of the corner of his eye, remembering the feel of him pushed up hard behind him. 

‘Feeling a bit warm, are you, Binnie?’ says Jaehwan solicitously. His voice is quiet, but it still draws an embarrassed glare from Bean.

“Me too,” Ravi says. “It’s definitely too hot in here.”

Hyuk grins wickedly and starts singing _Hot In Here_ by Nelly. Hakyeon silences him with a glare. Ravi glances at Bean, bites his bottom lip lightly in provocation, and pretends to return his attention to the folder in his hands.

Even with the constant distraction of his own thoughts, and the occasional involuntary glance at Ravi (who somehow always seems to be looking at the same moment), some of the gruelling pace they’ll need to keep over the next few days actually makes an impression on Bean. Fanmeet tomorrow - and Bean groans inwardly at the thought of playing the flower boy for an entire day, interviews, photoshoots, and something listed only as ‘Important: TBA’, which almost certainly means one of Hakyeon’s ‘bonding’ outings. And that’s all _before_ the full rehearsal on the day before the concert. ‘Kill me now,’ he mutters.

Ravi stares through the folder in his hands, not taking anything in, not even really hearing anything Hakyeon’s saying to them. All he can think about is getting back to the room and getting his hands on Bean again. “Hyung! Are you coming?” Hyuk is suddenly saying, nudging his shoulder roughly. Everyone else is heading for the door.

“Sorry, must have zoned out,” Ravi says, getting out of his seat.

“Don’t let eomma hear you say that,” Hyuk says, grinning. “What were you thinking about, I wonder?”

“Shut up,” Ravi says, unable to keep the smile from his face.

Catching this exchange, Bean grins as he heads towards the door. Behind him, Jaehwan makes a distinct retching noise. ‘I wouldn’t be judging right now, Jyani,’ he says quietly. ‘I’m sure you’re going to make us all reach for a bucket soon.’ 

‘ _Lunch_ ,’ says Hakyeon firmly, as Jaehwan slaps at Bean. ‘Come along, all of you, I’m hungry.’

Bean falls into step beside Ravi as they head for the elevators. ‘Were you listening to any of that?’

“I heard something about lunch,” Ravi says, without looking at Bean. ”And eomma being hungry.”

‘Not the only one,’ murmurs Bean, then yelps as they’re both seized in a headlock from behind by a pair of familiar arms. 

‘Trying to skip dinner, late for meetings … what am I going to do with the two of you?’ scolds Hakyeon.

 

[ ](https://ibb.co/N7XM6ZQ)

 

“Let us skip dinner and meetings?” Ravi suggests, hopefully.

‘Nothing good comes of missing meals,’ says Hakyeon is his firmest ‘eomma’ voice. ‘No, I think I’ll just have to supervise you closely and make sure you both get your nutrition.’

Bean exchanges a sour glance with Ravi. ‘It’s a past life thing, isn’t it? We must have been serial killers or something to deserve this.’

“Even serial killers don’t deserve this, Bean,” Ravi says. 

‘No cheek from you two, or I’ll make you wear bibs and spoon-feed you,’ Hakyeon warns.

“ _Kinky_ ,” Ravi says. “I never would have guessed that about you, hyung.”

There’s a horrified noise from Bean’s left, followed by a yelp as Jaehwan stumbles over something - possibly his own feet - in shock. Bean grins at Ravi. ‘You’ve got no idea. God, the stories I could tell you about sharing a room! I’m scarred.’

Ravi looks over at Jaehwan and says with a wicked grin, “If you wake up handcuffed to the bed in the morning, don’t say you weren’t warned.”

Hakyeon slaps both Bean and Ravi around the back of the head. Bean doubles over with laughter, almost immediately choked off as Hakyeon’s arm presses against his throat. ‘Okay, okay, let me go,’ he wheezes. 

Jaehwan is blushing bright red. He stammers something about finding them a table in the restaurant and disappears into the distance.

Finally taking pity on them, Hakyeon lets Bean and Ravi straighten up, but keeps his arms over their shoulders. ‘Consider this a warning,’ he says without any trace of real anger. ‘I know you both need time to yourselves, just make sure you keep up with your commitments - and be present for meals. It’s important we eat together.’

“I will if you will,” Ravi says quietly. 

Hakyeon looks at him, eyes slightly narrowed. “What do you mean by that?”

Ravi shrugs. “Don’t know. What do you think I mean?”

“I’m sure I haven’t got a clue,” Hakyeon says. “Come on, the others are waiting.” Hakyeon walks off, leaving Bean and Ravi behind.

“Well _that_ was interesting,” Ravi says quietly, with a small smile.

Bean raises his eyebrows. ‘If it wasn’t for the fact eomma doesn’t play those games, I’d say he was in on it with Satan and the princess.’ He looks around quickly, sees no one even looking in their direction, and plants a quick kiss on Ravi’s cheek. ‘For the record? Just try and stop me keeping my commitment, boyfriend.’

“Which commitment?” Ravi says, his voice low. “We said a lot of things back in the room…”

‘All of it,’ Bean says roughly, ‘and more.’ 

“Including waiting?” Ravi says with a smile as he starts walking again, toward the restaurant.

‘Fuck,’ mutters Bean, hurrying to catch up. ‘I’ll wait as long as you want …’ He grins. ‘Except for kissing, you already said I could do that _anywhere_.’

“ _Anywhere_ is a word with so many meanings,” Ravi says, pushing open the door to the restaurant and holding it open for Bean.

‘And just think,’ Bean murmurs as he moves past Ravi, ‘you didn’t actually specify which meaning you were okay with. So I’m going to assume you meant all of them.’

Ravi grins and follows Bean into the restaurant. He laughs quietly and shakes his head as Jaehwan calls too-loudly across the restaurant, “Over here!”

Seeing the vocalist sitting next to Hakyeon, practically vibrating with nervous, excited energy, Bean smiles. ‘God, I hope we’re right about eomma,’ he murmurs, slowly to let Ravi draw closer. ‘Look at him. It’s like looking in a mirror.’

Ravi leans a little closer to Bean and murmurs, “We can’t _all_ be gay or bi or whatever, surely.”

‘Honestly? I have no idea. But then, I’m not exactly a poster child for observant,’ says Bean ruefully. ‘I just hope for Jae’s sake I’m right this time. Wait. Do you see what I see?’

The group’s oddly spaced around the table, one seat left empty between Hyuk and Jaehwan, the other on Hakyeon’s other side. One look at the leader’s face is enough to convince Bean that it’s entirely deliberate. 

“If he thinks I can't get you off at the lunch table without touching you, he's underestimating me,” Ravi says, his voice low. He greets everyone at the table cheerfully and sits down between Hyuk and Jaehwan, then glances at Bean with a little smirk. Bean doesn’t so much sit down as fall into his seat. He feels completely transparent to everyone there.

‘Hyung, where are the menus?’ Hyuk asks suddenly.

Hakyeon’s smile is serene. ‘I’ve already ordered a nourishing lunch for us all.’ He looks even more pleased with himself when Hyuk lets out a pained little groan.

Ravi frowns a little and glances at Bean again. He's hoping it's not a 12 course tasting menu or something equally ridiculous. 

‘It's sushi, isn't it?’ Bean rolls his eyes. ‘I keep telling you, eomma, fish is meant to be cooked.’

Hakyeon says nothing, just smiles at them all as they voice their various complaints. Just as Hyuk really gets going on a long diatribe about the dietary needs of his wonderful feet (sugar, artificial flavours, sugar, and more sugar), the first dishes start arriving, and everyone simply stares incredulously as platters of burgers, French fries, and suspiciously uniform-shaped battered onion rings accumulate on the table, quickly followed by milkshakes in distinctly unnatural colours. Leo blinks at the feast, turns his head slowly to look at Hakyeon. ‘Nourishing?’ he says softly, almost drowned out by Hyuk's delighted whoop.

‘I take back every bad thing I've ever thought about you,’ declares Bean. ‘You're the best eomma in the world.’ 

“Nourishing the soul is just as important as nourishing the body,” Hakyeon says to Leo with a bright smile. Leo doesn’t look convinced, but grabs a burger and takes a bite.

After that, there’s not much conversation, and what little anyone says between bites is usually some variation on ‘this is amazing’. Everything looks delicious, and smells better, but Bean can’t manage more than a few bites of hamburger, and picks at a small pile of fries. His mind is absolutely not on food. Ravi eats mechanically, hoping it will settle the butterflies in his stomach, or bury them, or something. Every time he looks at Bean he wants to just drag him out of the restaurant. 

‘If you’re just going to look at that, Bean, hand it over,’ says Hyuk indistinctly through a mouthful of fries. He’s already demolished two burgers, and shows no signs of slowing down. ‘My feet need comfort food after all this abuse.’ Smiling absently, Bean pushes his plate across the table; inevitably, his eyes stray to Ravi. 

Ravi isn't looking at Bean, but sucks grease off each of his fingers one by one in such a suggestive way that it's obvious he knows he has an audience. 

_He’s crazy, he really doesn’t care_. Bean is suddenly, uncomfortably aware that he’s sitting right between his leader and Leo. He pulls out his phone and texts quickly.

**> are you TRYING to kill me?**

‘Now, we all have free time this afternoon,’ announces Hakyeon, setting down his empty milkshake glass. ‘I thought we might all go sightseeing.’ From seemingly nowhere he produces a sheaf of brochures. ‘There’s Yoshida Castle, or perhaps a visit to some of the temples …’

Ravi checks his text with a small smile. 

**> > Yes. **

‘No way, I have a date with my bed and the in-house gaming server,’ declares Hyuk. ‘How about it, Bean? Overwatch time?’

**> it’s working**

**> i’m 5 seconds away from dragging you out of here**

‘Oh god, if you need me, I’ll be on the roof with a book. Hiding,’ says Leo.

‘Sorry, Hyukkie, maybe later,’ says Bean, too distracted to come up with a decent excuse.

“What could be more important than playing Overwatch?” Hyuk says with mock-outrage. “I can't believe my Hanzo is abandoning me in my time of need!”

‘Does this mean you’ll join me, Hongbin-ah?’ asks Hakyeon. ‘What about you, Wonshik-ah? Jyani?’

Bean doesn’t miss the use of the pet name, and his eyebrows climb high.

“Uhhh…” Ravi says, trying to think quick but distracted by the way his eyes can't seem to stay off Bean’s mouth. “I think I need a nap after all this food, and the flight, and the late night last night. I'm a bit tired and I know I'll need all the rest I can get with the packed schedule we went over in the meeting.” He has no idea what the schedule was, packed or easy, no idea at all. He hopes he's guessed right. 

‘Sightseeing sounds great,’ says Jaehwan. ‘It’s not like we’re going to have much of a chance otherwise.’

‘You two go ahead,’ says Bean quickly. ‘I’m, uh, not really up for the whole tourist thing right now. Or gaming.’ He gets a quick look from Jaehwan, part-gratitude, part-panic, and a knowing grin from Hyuk. ‘Go, buy me a cheesy souvenir or something. See everyone at dinner.’ With that he stands up from the table, prompting a general exodus.

Ravi doesn’t follow immediately, trying to be subtle, trying not to appear too eager. He doesn’t know why he’s bothering, because anyone with eyes in their head can see how badly he _wants_ Bean. His heart is pounding as he waves goodbye to the others.

Catching up with Bean at the elevator, Hyuk fixes him with a reproachful eye. ‘Am I gonna have to make appointments now, faithless Hanzo?’

It’s just too ridiculous; in spite of the tension riding in every muscle, Bean laughs. ‘Don’t worry, you’ll always be my partner in crime, Mercy. You’ll have to learn to share, though.’ He glances back to see Ravi approaching, and he can’t help but smile stupidly.

Ravi walks up to them, trying not to look at Bean, trying not to be affected by him. “Sup, bitches?”

Looking at Bean with an odd expression, Hyuk says, ‘This is not exactly news to me.’ The elevator arrives, already occupied by what looks like an extended family. Its undoubted matriarch, a small, elderly woman with a terrifyingly sharp gaze wrapped in a kimono, sniffs as the maknae steps inside and turns back. ‘Also? If you were any more subtle you’d be screaming, Shik.’

The door begins to close, and one of the children goes to hold it open. ‘We’ll get the next,’ says Bean.

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ravi closes the door slowly, heart hammering in his chest. He hesitates for a moment with his hand on the door handle before turning around. No meeting to get to, no commitments until dinner time… nothing to stop them going too far and ruining everything they've found. He looks at Bean and hopes he can't see how terrified he is. 
> 
> _This is really happening, oh my god_. Bean looks at Ravi, sees his own fear reflected. This thing between them, intense, nearly overwhelming, they’ve got so much to lose now.

 

Ravi smiles a small, tight smile and looks away. The elevator to their right dings and a group of men in suits emerges, walking with purpose. Ravi glances at Bean and gets in the elevator, leaning on the wall. Bean follows right on Ravi’s heels, taking advantage of the empty car to crowd him against the wall. ‘He’s right, you know,’ he murmurs in Ravi’s ear. ‘I can practically smell how much you want me.’

“And I can see how much you want me by the fact that you’ve forgotten to press the button…” Ravi says, one eyebrow raised.

‘What? _Fuck_.’ Bean jams his hand against the call panel, and the door slides closed. Ravi breaks into a grin, looking at the floor. The butterflies are back, now that they’re alone.

There could be cameras in this lift, no other bodies to block what they’re doing. ‘ _Fuck it_ ,’ growls Bean, and pulls Ravi’s chin up, kisses him forcefully. Ravi groans and grabs at Bean’s shirt, pulling him closer, opening to his kiss. His hips kick forward of their own accord and he breathes out heavily through his nose, biting Bean’s bottom lip. Bean presses hard against Ravi, grinding. His hand moves around to the back of Ravi’s neck and tangles in his hair, holding the other man in place as he devours his mouth.

The elevator slows to a stop at their floor and the bell dings. Ravi pushes Bean back as the doors slide open, but keeps hold of his shirt. He pulls him out into the corridor, walking the right way this time, dragging Bean along behind him. There could be a dozen people watching, Bean doesn’t know. Doesn’t care. He lets himself be pulled along, his attention completely focused on Ravi.

Ravi sticks his hand in his pocket to take his keycard out… and it’s not there. He frowns a bit, letting go of Bean, patting his back pockets. Grinning, Bean takes _two_ cards out of his shirt pocket, and hands one to Ravi. 

“It's almost like you don't trust me…” Ravi says, rolling his eyes. He opens the door and walks into the room, holding the door open for Bean. 

As he draws level with Ravi, Bean says, ‘You were a bit distracted before, thought I’d hold onto it for you.’

Ravi closes the door slowly, heart hammering in his chest. He hesitates for a moment with his hand on the door handle before turning around. No meeting to get to, no commitments until dinner time… nothing to stop them going too far and ruining everything they've found. He looks at Bean and hopes he can't see how terrified he is. 

_This is really happening, oh my god_. Bean looks at Ravi, sees his own fear reflected. This thing between them, intense, nearly overwhelming, they’ve got so much to lose now. ‘Hey,’ he says shakily, ‘hey, uh … I … can I just ... ‘ He swallows. ‘Can I hold you?’

“I-uh… uh, yeah. That sounds… yeah,” Ravi says awkwardly. He doesn't move. His eyes slip down Bean’s body of their own accord. Bean yells at himself, _move, idiot_. Two hesitant steps, he’s inches away. Then his arms come up and he pulls Ravi into a tight embrace, burying his face against Ravi’s shoulder. 

Ravi holds Bean in his arms, squeezing his eyes closed. He presses his face against Bean’s neck and breathes in, letting out a small unintended sigh. How long they stand like that, holding onto each other, Bean can’t tell. He only knows that gradually, some of the tension goes out of his shoulders, and his body shifts just enough to mould itself against Ravi. Holding his breath, trembling with the effort to keep still, Ravi’s arms tighten around Bean.

There are about a thousand things Bean should say right now, _wants_ to say. Ravi shakes in his arms; nerves, fear, impossible to tell, and so Bean does the only thing he can think of, hoping it’s the right thing. He lifts his head and softly places his lips over Ravi’s.

It’s like releasing a pressure valve - the instant Bean’s lips touch his, Ravi pushes him against the wall, invading his mouth, pressing their bodies together. He lets out a low, filthy groan of enjoyment which Bean swallows, his hands slipping down Bean’s body, grabbing his ass, grinding against him, lifting him almost. Bean’s back hits the wall _hard_. He’s completely overpowered, utterly unprepared, Ravi takes him apart in a matter of seconds. He moans helplessly against Ravi’s mouth, clenches his fists in Ravi’s shirt, moves with him.

Ravi lets out a loud groan, almost a growl, and pulls back, leaning against the opposite wall, breathing heavily. He stares at Bean hungrily, looking like he’s only barely holding back from flinging himself at Bean again, because he _is_.

Instantly, Bean is on him, claiming his mouth, thrusting with his tongue. He rocks against Ravi’s body, pushing his hips forward. Ravi kisses hard, pushing his head back, his hands grabbing hold of the sides of his shirt and pulling his body closer. His head is spinning, his hands are shaking, his hips grinding against Bean’s instinctively, his body seeking pleasure, completely out of his control.

‘ _Want_ you,’ Bean growls against Ravi’s mouth.

“We’re waiting,” Ravi says, and not even he believes that anymore. He shakes his head, brushing his lips against Bean’s. “Oh _fuck_ I want you too…”

Bean tries to steady his breathing, get himself under control at least a little, but he’s losing the battle. Eyes closed, trembling, he whispers, ‘What do you want? What do you want to do?’

“I wanna tear your clothes off and throw you down on _one of the_ beds,” Ravi breathes. “I wanna make you feel good…”

‘Oh god …’ Bean grinds against Ravi, rubbing their cocks together through their jeans. ‘Oh god, I want that …’

Ravi squeezes his eyes closed, resting his forehead against Bean’s. “You have _no idea_ how long I’ve wanted this…”

‘Too long,’ groans Bean, ‘too long, oh god, we’re such idiots.’ Ravi breathes out slowly, hands still bunched in the sides of Bean’s shirt. ‘Want you so much, so much …’ Bean opens his eyes, takes Ravi’s face in both hands. ‘I’ll wait, if that’s what you want, I’ll wait …’

“It’s not what I want,” Ravi says, his shaking hands moving to the hem of Bean’s tshirt, pulling it up.

Bean sways backward as Ravi’s fingertips graze his skin, catches himself. ‘Then … yes,’ he whispers, ‘do it, whatever you want.’

“What do _you_ want?” Ravi murmurs, hands pausing just under Bean’s armpits, still holding the shirt.

A grin comes and goes briefly. ‘I want you to do everything you’ve ever _thought_ about doing to me.’

“We don’t have enough time for that,” Ravi says with a small smile. “I have a _lot_ of ideas.”

‘Pick one,’ suggests Bean. ‘Or two. Or three …’ He pushes his hips against Ravi for emphasis.

Ravi pulls Bean’s tshirt up, waiting for him to lift his arms, then pulls it off and drops it on the floor. He pushes Bean back a little, letting his eyes trail down his body. “ _Fuck_ ,” Ravi says softly. He’s seen Bean way more naked than this, during costume changes and when rooming in the past, but he couldn’t _touch_ before. And now he’s kind of afraid to.

Bean spreads his arms. ‘I’m all yours.’

Ravi reaches out and tentatively touches Bean’s collar bones. He runs his fingertips lightly down Bean’s chest, lightly brushing over his nipples, watching them harden under his touch. It’s so tentative, hardly there at all, but even this light touch makes Bean shiver. Because it’s _Ravi_. His eyes half-close. ‘I’ve wanted you to touch me for so long.’

“Tell me where to touch you,” Ravi says, his voice rough. “Tell me… how… to touch you.”

‘Touch me everywhere, every way you want to.’ Bean licks his lips unconsciously. ‘Touch me gently. Hold me hard. Explore me. See me with your hands.’ 

Ravi’s fingertips trail down Bean’s abs, his eyes devouring the way they jump under his gentle touch. “Tell me what to do,” Ravi says, looking into Bean’s eyes. “Tell me _exactly_ what to do.”

Bean reaches out to open Ravi’s shirt. ‘First, I want to see you. Properly.’ This, Ravi is comfortable with. He's proud of his body and well aware of the effect it has on others. He watches Bean’s face as each button is undone. 

He’s seen Ravi without a shirt dozens of times. Probably hundreds. It shouldn’t be any different now. But it is, it doesn’t make sense but it’s completely different. Bean undoes the lowest button, Ravi’s shirt hangs open; hesitantly, Bean pushes the shirt back from Ravi’s shoulders and down his arms. For a long moment he simply stands and lets his eyes roam over the beautifully muscled chest and arms, the perfectly defined abs. Then he steps close, leans in, and just presses his open mouth to the tattoo below Ravi’s collarbone.

Ravi lets out a ragged breath, his hands slipping over Bean’s warm, smooth skin, over his sides, up his back, pulling his body closer. Their stomachs press together and Bean’s skin feels searing-hot against his. Bean slides his tongue across the slightly-raised inked lines of the tattoo, up the side of Ravi’s neck, coming to rest just below his ear. Gently, he nips at the lobe. Ravi lets out a quiet ‘ _Oh_ ’, his head falling back against the wall, the side of his body breaking out in gooseflesh. 

_That sound_. Tiny, barely audible, and it goes straight through Bean, robs him of breath, and he needs to hear it again, to hear all the sounds he can draw from Ravi with his mouth and hands. Dropping his mouth to where Ravi’s neck meets his shoulder, Bean sucks gently, not enough to leave a mark, tonguing lightly at the skin. One of Ravi’s hands moves to Bean’s hair, grabbing it roughly, pulling him more firmly against his neck. 

_This is a bad idea, it’ll be visible, he **wants** it visible_. That realisation makes Bean groan against Ravi’s skin. He bites down, sucks harder, pushing Ravi’s shoulders back against the wall. Ravi groans as Bean sinks his teeth into his skin. It feels so good, _dirty_ , not at all like the playful bites Leo sometimes subjects them to. This isn't a flirt, this is a statement of intent. _He wants to devour me_. 

Pulling back, Bean stares at Ravi’s reddened, darkening flesh, his own teeth marks clearly visible. ‘Fuck,’ he pants, ‘fuck, sorry, shit …’

Ravi groans and pulls Bean’s mouth back into contact with his neck. “Bite me harder,” he breathes. 

‘Oh, my god …’ Bean fastens his mouth on Ravi’s neck again. There’s a sudden, unwelcome flash of memory, Leo at the dinner table in Osaka, nibbling at Ravi’s skin. With a jealous growl, Bean grabs Ravi by the hair, pulls his head sideways, and bites down _hard_.

Ravi lets out a broken cry, shoving his hips against Bean, unbearably turned-on, thrilled at Bean’s forcefulness. He breathes, “Ohhhh fuck,” his hand tightening in Bean’s hair, pulling, pushing, rough and wanting. 

‘You’re _mine_ , do you hear me?’ Bean growls into Ravi’s ear, hardly hearing himself, almost out of control. ‘ _Mine_. _My_ mark on you.’ 

“Prove it,” Ravi breathes, pulling Bean’s head back, looking into his eyes fiercely. “Show me _why_.”

Bean yanks at Ravi’s hair again, darts in and bites hard at Ravi’s bottom lip. His knee pushes between Ravi’s thighs, forcing them apart, pressing against his crotch as his free hand drops to Ravi’s belt buckle. ‘You want me to take you apart right here, like this?’ he pants.

“No,” Ravi breathes. “I need your skin. I need…” He stops talking and starts kissing Bean, pushing him, walking him backwards toward the nearest bed to the door. 

Grinning against Ravi’s mouth, Bean lets himself be moved until he feels the brush of the bedcover against his ankles. Then he grabs at Ravi and simply falls backwards, carrying them both to the bed. Ravi looms over Bean, grinding his muscular thigh against Bean’s erection. He dips his head, teasing for a kiss, then pulls back when Bean raises his head. He grins wickedly. 

‘Really?’ says Bean, and grabs Ravi around the neck, hauling him down into a fierce, hungry kiss. Ravi bites at Bean’s lips, grinding against him, his cock rock hard against Bean’s thigh. He breaks the kiss and slips down Bean’s body, kissing his neck, down over his collarbones, over his right pec to his nipple. Ravi takes Bean’s nipple into his mouth, his eyes closed, his tongue teasing as he sucks. ‘Ohh … _fuck_ …’ Bean twists under Ravi, grabs at his hair.

Ravi groans and licks roughly over Bean’s nipple, looking at his face. He breathes, “Tell me what you want…”

‘Wanna see all of you,’ Bean says unsteadily. He drops his hands to Ravi’s belt and undoes the buckle, fumbling with the button and fly. Ravi moves on the bed, straddling Bean’s hips, watching his face as Bean’s hands open his jeans. He licks his bottom lip and breathes out slowly through his open mouth.

Slipping his fingers under the band of Ravi’s boxers, Bean touches hot skin, and lets out a long, shaky breath. His eyes flick up to Ravi’s face, and their eyes meet. Holding Ravi’s gaze, Bean slowly eases Ravi’s jeans and boxers to the tops of his thighs, pulls the clothes forward slightly to allow Ravi’s erect cock to bob free. His eyes linger on Ravi’s mouth for a moment, then travel down his body. ‘You’re gorgeous,’ he whispers.

Ravi breathes out heavily, his cock twitching as Bean looks at it. Just Bean’s gaze feels like a caress, he's so ramped-up and sensitive. He clears his throat to speak, but can't think of a thing to say. His eyes roam over Bean’s chest, then he looks down at his cock, so close to Bean’s hard body. He groans softly, his cock twitching again, and returns his gaze to Bean’s face. 

‘Show me everything,’ murmurs Bean, hands splayed across Ravi’s hips.

Ravi slowly pulls away, standing at the end of the bed, and bends to push his jeans and boxers down. He kicks his loosely-laced shoes off and steps out of the pile of clothing, leaving it on the floor. Ravi crawls back onto the bed, over Bean’s body, and straddles his hips again, naked, his chest flushed, his cock iron-hard. He looks down at Bean’s face, breathes, “This is everything…”

Bean drinks in the sight of Ravi above him, _wanting_ him. With shaking hands he reaches up to run his fingers over Ravi’s thighs and curve around to cup his ass, letting out a little moan as the muscles jump under his touch. Ravi breathes out slowly as Bean’s touch sears through his skin, his eyes locked on Bean’s. He doesn't move, doesn't speak. 

Bean takes Ravi’s hands, guides them to his belt. Ravi holds on to Bean’s hands tightly for a moment before slowly undoing his belt. His hands pause on the button of Bean’s fly. ‘Go on,’ Bean whispers. ‘I want you to.’

Ravi licks his bottom lip again as he undoes and unzips Bean’s fly. He looks at Bean’s face as he shuffles backward, slowly pulling the jeans down, exposing a pair of skimpy boxer briefs. Ravi’s gaze drops to Bean’s crotch and he groans softly. 

_That noise_. Bean’s hips kick up in response, his breathing loud and harsh. It’s taking everything he’s got not to pull Ravi down on top of him, wrap his legs around him and just _grind_. ‘Don’t stop now …’

Ravi shuffles down further and presses his cheek against Bean’s hard cock through his boxers. His eyes slip closed and he breathes in deeply, breathing out on a groan. “You smell _so good…”_

Bean grabs at Ravi. ‘God, get them _off_ …’

Ravi smiles wickedly, looking up at Bean, and drags his tongue up the shaft of his cock, over the thin material. “Get you off?” he breathes. 

‘Uhh …’ Bean gets a handful of Ravi’s hair and pulls his head back. ‘ _Now_ , dammit.’

Ravi pulls against Bean’s hold on him, pulling his hair, mouthing hotly up the length of Bean’s shaft. He groans as he flattens his tongue against the head, eyes slipping closed, tasting him through his boxers. 

‘Who knew … _oh, fuck_ … you were such a goddamn tease?’ It’s driving him crazy. Ravi’s lips, his tongue, so close, just a thin layer of fabric between them. Bean pulls on Ravi’s hair, shoves down his briefs with his other hand. Ravi looks up at Bean, eyes dark with lust, breathing heavily. The smell of Bean’s desire is filling him, making him crazy. ‘Want your mouth,’ Bean says, low and intense. ‘ _Want_ it …’

“ _Take it_ ,” Ravi groans out, still looking at Bean’s face, ignoring the cock so deliciously close to his mouth. 

Bean lets out a frustrated noise and takes hold of his cock. He uses the hand wound into Ravi’s hair to push his head down. _We’re supposed to be going slow_ , he thinks absurdly, and then Ravi’s lips brush against him, and he can’t think anymore. ‘ _Open_ ,’ he growls. Ravi lets out a thrilled moan and opens his mouth, licking the head of Bean’s cock. His hips give an involuntary thrust against the mattress at the taste of Bean’s precome, so much stronger without the barrier of his boxers. So much more _real_ than the taste of latex. 

_He’s letting me, he loves it, fuck_ … Bean moans loudly. The feel of Ravi’s tongue on his cock, incredible, better than anything he could have imagined, _did_ imagine over and over again. His hand tightens, and he forces Ravi’s head down further, tilting his hips up to push his cock into Ravi’s mouth. Ravi takes Bean’s cock as deep as he can, moaning around his mouthful, his eyes slipping closed. His mouth is watering, Bean’s hand is tight in his hair, and he's just letting him _take._ He wants to give it all. 

‘Oh, god … yes, _yes_ ...’ Bean’s head falls back as Ravi’s mouth wraps around him, wet and soft and _hot_. ‘Fucking beautiful … uhh …’ He thrusts, pushing at Ravi’s head with his fist. Ravi gags as Bean invades his throat, and pulls back briefly, then takes him just as deep again, this time ready for it and welcoming it. He groans as he bobs his head, sucking on the upstrokes, every ounce of his attention focused on the perfect cock in his mouth, and the perfect man attached to it. 

The rhythm’s strange, even a little awkward, they don’t know each other’s bodies yet. _He’s learning me_. The thought nearly undoes Bean, because even like this, Ravi pulls him high effortlessly. He lifts his head to watch, completely drunk on the sight of Ravi bent over him, the feel of Ravi’s lips sliding over his cock, the sound of Ravi’s muffled groans.

Ravi pulls back and licks lewdly up the underside of Bean’s spit-slick shaft. He breathes, “You have a beautiful cock…” and takes it into his mouth again, tongue dragging, letting out a moaning noise. Ravi’s so hard, on his hands and knees over Bean, his erection aching with neglect. He takes it in his right hand, shoulder working as he strokes it slowly. 

As much as Bean wants to lose himself in Ravi’s mouth, the sight of him jerking his own cock sends a fierce surge through him, has him tugging on Ravi’s hair, pulling his head up. ‘ _No_ ,’ he growls, and twists, shoves Ravi sideways and down onto the bed, rises over him and wraps his fingers around his cock. He stares down into Ravi’s eyes as he slowly slides his hand over the shaft.

Ravi squeezes his eyes closed and breathes, “Stopstopstopohh _fuck_ ,” and grabs Bean’s hand, pulling it away from his cock. He lies, breathing heavily, trying desperately not to embarrass himself. “I _really like_ giving head. Like _really_ like it.”

For a moment Bean is still, looking at Ravi with unfocused, confused eyes. Then a slow smile breaks over his face; he draws in a shuddering breath, and moves to lay down beside Ravi. ‘Come and get me then,’ he says unsteadily.

“Oh my _god_ , you have no idea how hot you are,” Ravi breathes, moving to kiss Bean, pushing his head back against the pillow as he captures his lips. He breathes into Bean’s mouth, “I could come just from you fucking my mouth…”

Bean pants, ‘Then do it … I want to see it …’

Ravi climbs onto Bean, straddling his hips, and looks down between their bodies, seeing their cocks side by side between their hips. He gives a short thrust and breathes out heavily. He looks into Bean’s eyes again, his pupils huge. 

‘Oh, _fuck_ …’ Bean snaps his hips up as Ravi thrusts, groaning as their cocks push against each other. ‘Oh, you look … so hot, so fucking _hungry,_ god I want you …’

Ravi pulls his hips away abruptly, letting out a groan. He breathes out heavily, hanging his head. “Sorry, sorry. Too close,” Ravi breathes. “You're too… _fuck.”_

Bean clutches at him, desperate to pull them together again, to have Ravi’s weight on him, watch him, feel him come apart. ‘You … are … _killing_ me,’ he groans.

Ravi’s body is trembling with the effort to stay still, to not just thrust mindlessly against Bean until he comes all over his abs and chest. _God, thinking like that isn't helping._ He looks into Bean’s eyes again, then slips down the bed, sucking Bean’s cock deep with a low, muffled moan. Instinctively, Bean thrusts up into Ravi's mouth, and it's not strange now, it's perfect. Bean knows he's being loud, knows there are only a few layers of wood and plaster between them and anyone could hear, and none of that matters, only Ravi's mouth on his cock, Ravi's hair in his hands, Ravi pulling him high, pulling them _both_ high. Bean thrusts harder, groans, ‘I'm close, I'm close, I'm …’

Ravi lets out a loud groan and bobs his head faster, sucking harder, desperate to make Bean lose control. He's never wanted anything so much, never wanted to please a partner more, never been so desperate for someone. He’s never even done this bare, never wanted to, never _let anyone…_ He's trembling, hands bunched in the bedcovers, putting everything into getting Bean off, loving the way Bean groans and fucks his mouth. 

Bean doesn’t do this, he _never_ does this, but Ravi doesn’t pull away, _he wants it_ , and that thought is enough to tip him over. His hand tightens on Ravi’s head, holding him still as he shoves himself deep, coming into Ravi’s mouth with a long groan.

Ravi moans and stills, swallowing as best he can, out of his mind with arousal. He starts bobbing his head again, fighting against Bean’s hold on his hair, savouring the slick-filthy feel of Bean’s cock sliding between his lips, the way the glans slips against his tongue, the overwhelming bitter-salt taste of his come. Bean twists, shuddering, his eyes absolutely fixed on Ravi. ‘Oh god, oh my god … come on, lover, make yourself come for me, show me …’ 

Ravi pulls back, and moves to kneel over Bean, straddling his hips again. His cock is so hard it's bobbing slightly with his pulse, his face is flushed, his voice is hoarse when he says, “Touch me, please, oh _god_ I don't wanna come if it's not you _making_ me…”

At Ravi’s first words, Bean surges up to grab him around the waist, pushing a hand between their bodies to take hold of his cock. He strokes it roughly, stares into Ravi’s eyes, hardly aware of his own harsh voice urging Ravi, ‘show me, come for me, show me …’ Ravi lets out a lost groan as Bean drags him over the edge, his head hanging, eyes still fixed on Bean’s. His hips jerk as he comes, breathing Bean’s name, shooting over his stomach and chest, thrusting through the tight circle of his fingers. 

Lost in Ravi’s eyes, Bean hears his own name spill from his lover’s lips. It pulls his chest tight, makes him capture Ravi’s mouth in a kiss that’s not born of lust, but of something far deeper and more dangerous. Part of him shrieks _get a grip, don’t risk it_. He doesn’t listen, just shifts to cradle Ravi in his lap, rock slowly against him, kiss him with eyes open and soft sounds that mean nothing. And say everything. 

 


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _So different_. There’s nothing awkward or hesitant about this; Ravi moulds himself to Bean’s side, and it’s like they’ve been doing this for years. Bean caresses Ravi’s back, just a slow, gentle movement, his other hand reaching over to clasp Ravi’s arm. He stares up at the ceiling, listening to Ravi breathe. _This is real_ , he tells himself for the hundredth time, and he still can’t quite understand how they got here.

 

Ravi shivers as his still-sensitive cock drags against Bean’s body. He can't stop kissing that perfect pink mouth. He feels like he's lost in a dream and never wants to wake. Slowly, reluctantly, Bean lifts his head just a little from Ravi’s mouth, still holding eye contact. ‘I …’ he drops his eyes suddenly, _careful, careful_ … ‘... could kiss you forever.’

Ravi smiles shyly, murmurs, “Sorry about the taste… I uh… should I go and rinse? I've never…” He trails off, rubbing the back of his neck, face flushed. 

‘Never … _oh_.’ Bean gives Ravi a stunned look. ‘Oh, uh, sorry?’ 

“I didn't even think to… I've never done it without a… y’know,” Ravi says awkwardly. “I should have asked. But once I _tasted_ _you_ …”

‘I … I didn’t even think either, it was … you …’ Bean laughs helplessly. ‘You drive me crazy.’ His eyes fall on the mark on Ravi’s neck, bruised and deep purple-red. ‘Fuck. Did I hurt you?’

Ravi smiles a small, utterly filthy smile, and his hips grind forward of their own accord. “Yeah, you did.”

‘Ohh … we’re in so much trouble if the stylists see that.’ Bean can’t stop looking at the mark; seeing it on Ravi’s neck, knowing it was his mouth that put it there, makes him feel possessive and weirdly territorial. _My mark_. Deliberately trying to keep his voice light, he says, ‘Guess you really are mine, now.’

Ravi thinks _I have been for a long time_ , but says, “Guess so.”

‘Lucky me,’ Bean grins. ‘Mind if we lie down? Not that I don’t love … this, but my legs are going to sleep.’

“Yeah, of course,” Ravi says, clambering gracelessly off Bean to sit on the bed. “Sorry.”

Bean lays back. ‘Come here.’ He grabs Ravi’s arm, tugs him down to lay close. Ravi cuddles in to Bean’s side, closing his eyes, his head on Bean’s shoulder. 

_So different_. There’s nothing awkward or hesitant about this; Ravi moulds himself to Bean’s side, and it’s like they’ve been doing this for years. Bean caresses Ravi’s back, just a slow, gentle movement, his other hand reaching over to clasp Ravi’s arm. He stares up at the ceiling, listening to Ravi breathe. _This is real_ , he tells himself for the hundredth time, and he still can’t quite understand how they got here.

Ravi turns his head and presses a kiss to Bean’s shoulder, inhaling deeply, breathing in the scent of his sweat, of _him._ He breathes out on a quiet, contented sigh. Bean makes a satisfied little noise. ‘This feels … you feel … right.’

Ravi murmurs, “Good, because kicking me out if I didn't might be a problem.”

_That’s never going to happen_. ‘Ha, just try getting away from me.’

“When you make me come like that?” Ravi says, “What do you think I am, crazy?”

‘No, that would be me,’ says Bean without thinking. ‘Completely crazy for you.’ He freezes.

Ravi murmurs, “You think it's crazy to be into me?”

‘What? No! That’s not what I meant, I …’ Ravi’s body shakes with silent laughter. ‘God, don’t do that, you nearly gave me a heart attack.’ Bean pokes Ravi in the side. ‘Evil rapper.’

Ravi pulls back a little, looking at Bean’s face, one eyebrow raised. “Corrupting the pretty flower boy?”

‘Ugh, _pretty_ ,’ says Bean, making a face. 

“So pretty,” Ravi says, grinning. “Pretty and delicate.”

‘Oh, _do not_ start with that.’ Bean raises himself up on one elbow and glares down into Ravi’s face. _He’s beautiful. He’s mine_. ‘Dammit,’ he mutters, and leans down to kiss Ravi deeply. Ravi smiles against Bean’s mouth, then kisses him back, allowing Bean to control the kiss, dominate his mouth. The kiss has little of the urgency from before, not even the softness afterwards, when Ravi was in his lap and shuddering. It’s completely different, and Bean can’t begin to pin it down. _Not important_ , and he gives himself up to it, exploring Ravi’s mouth like he has all the time in the world. 

As they kiss, Ravi wraps his hand around Bean’s cock and starts stroking it slowly. The kiss deepens, Ravi pushing back, taking control. 

_Oh_. Bean moans into Ravi’s mouth, loving how quickly he’s not in control. It’s been only minutes, he should still be recovering but Ravi’s touch on his cock arouses him all over again. 

Ravi breathes between kisses, “Want my mouth again? Want me to suck you?”

‘God, yes, love your mouth. Wait … do you want me to get …’

“To get your jeans and shoes off? Yes,” Ravi says, kissing Bean’s neck gently, hand still working his cock. 

‘My … oh. Yeah, yeah, hang on.’ Bean toes off his sneakers, shoves at the jeans and briefs still bunched around his knees. _Didn’t even notice, god, I’m so far gone_. Freeing his legs with one last kick, he pulls Ravi to him, fitting them together, skin to skin. Ravi breathes out heavily as the length of his body presses against the length of Bean’s. His skin feels like it's on fire where they touch. Ravi rolls onto his back, pulling Bean with him, catching his lips in a slow kiss. 

They don’t mesh perfectly; there are elbows and knees, and Bean nearly bumps his head on Ravi’s chin. It should be awkward, it should spoil the moment, or at least put the brakes on. It just makes it more _real_. Ravi grins against Bean’s mouth and pushes his hips up. His hands trail down Bean’s sides and grab hold of his ass, pulling their bodies together more firmly. 

‘Ohh … we’re gonna be dead by dinner, at this rate.’

“If I have to go, I can't think of a better way…” Ravi says, more than a little breathless. 

‘Sounds …’ Bean grinds down against Ravi … ‘ … like a challenge.’

Ravi moves his legs, parting them, planting his feet on the bed to push his hips up. “Jellyfish Entertainment refused to comment on the mysterious death of Kim ‘Ravi’ Wonshik, but sources on the idol group's Amino suggest Death By Bean…” He grins broadly, lifting his head to claim Bean’s lips again. 

Bean kisses back forcefully, pushing against Ravi with his hips, pressing him back down to the bed. ‘Doctors were reportedly baffled by the smile on his face …’

Ravi looks up at Bean, squeezing both his ass cheeks, grinding against him, hard again and desperate for him. “Fuck, Bean…” he groans. 

Bean ruts against Ravi, moving purely on instinct now. He stares down, drinking in the sight of Ravi’s flushed, sweat-beaded face, the way his mouth falls open, the need in his eyes. Need for him. It’s irresistible, undeniable; it scares the fuck out of him. Sure that he’s completely transparent, he pushes his face against the mark on Ravi’s neck, mouth open and tongue lapping at the already punished skin. _How can I ever let you go?_

One of Ravi’s hands moves to the back of Bean’s head, taking hold of a handful of hair and pulling him back roughly. He stares into Bean’s eyes and breathes, “Wanna see you. Want you to _know_ it's me getting you off…”

Held fast, neck at full stretch, pinned by Ravi’s stare, Bean is helpless to do anything but lock eyes, thrust faster, pull in short gasps of air. It’s maddening, amazing; his desire to bury himself inside Ravi is almost overwhelming, but he’s absolutely not in control here.

“You're so fucking hot, baby, fuck, want you to come all over me,” Ravi breathes. 

Bean lets out a strangled moan in response. His fingers close hard on Ravi’s shoulders as he shoves hard against Ravi’s hips. A shudder wracks his body, and he comes between their bodies, groaning at the sudden slickness, utterly open and lost.

Ravi looks down, watching Bean shoot all over his abs. He groans loudly and kicks his hips up, breathes, “Fuck yeah…”

‘Both of us,’ pants Bean, still thrusting jerkily, shoving one hand between them to slide over Ravi’s cock. ‘Both of us, come on …’

“Ahh _fuck_ ,” Ravi breathes. He lifts his head and kisses Bean roughly, moaning into his mouth, writhing under him. 

‘ _Yes_ , lover, yes …’ Bean moves his hand faster, growling against Ravi’s lips. ‘Give it to me, come for me.’

Ravi tenses, pressing his head back against the bed, all his muscles tight as he loses control. He thrusts through Bean’s hand, his body twitching, arching, shuddering as he comes. He can't take his eyes off Bean’s face, losing himself in looking into his eyes. His body gives a violent jerk as he becomes oversensitised, grabbing Bean’s hand to still it, letting out a helpless little laugh. “Oh my _god…_ ” he breathes. 

‘You’re incredible,’ Bean says softly. ‘Beautiful. I … can’t stop looking at you.’

Ravi smiles slowly and murmurs, “It's weird being _allowed_ to look, y’know?”

‘Hey, you can look all you want, now. Long as that’s not _all_ you do.’

Ravi smirks. “It's like you've already forgotten what we just did. I should be insulted.”

Bean blushes. ‘Just a bit … scrambled.’ And scared, because _fuck_ , this is all moving way too fast. He covers reflexively with a grin. ‘That’s all _your_ fault.’

Ravi gives Bean a slow, dirty smile. “Not sorry.”

‘You’d better not be. Not after _this_ ,’ says Bean, pushing his hips against Ravi’s for emphasis. He sits up slightly, lets himself topple to lie at Ravi’s side, one leg over his. Ravi lies looking at the ceiling, a broad smile on his face. He trails the fingertips of one hand through the mess on his abdomen. 

Watching him, Bean reaches out tentatively to splay his hand over Ravi’s chest. _We really did it. It really happened_. He’s dreamed of this, fantasised about it, and yet, now he’s here, he has no idea what to say or how to act. How do they go beyond this moment? Ravi glances at Bean’s face, seeing a small crease between his eyebrows. He freezes up, suddenly struck by the enormity of what they've done. What if this ruins everything?

The silence stretches out between them. Right now, Bean would almost welcome a summons from Hakyeon, because he’s so far out of his depth. This isn’t a club or a laneway or anywhere he can walk away from - and honestly, he doesn’t _want_ to walk away. Not from Ravi, who’s giving him a look he can’t quite read. ‘Uh … flip you for the shower?’ he says, hoping he doesn’t sound anywhere near as panicked as he feels.

“Uhhh no it's fine, you go,” Ravi says awkwardly. 

‘No promises I won’t use all the hot water.’ Bean sits up and starts to swing his legs over the side of the bed. _Running, you’re running and you’ll fuck this up if you do_. Heaving an exaggerated sigh, he flops down again on his side and, pushing down his nerves, cuddles into Ravi.

Ravi holds Bean in his arms, letting his eyes close. He doesn't know what to do here _at all_. Sex is easy. This is a minefield. 

‘Too tired to move,’ mumbles Bean as he pillows his head on Ravi’s chest. ‘You wore me out.’ It’s a lame, ridiculous line, and it’s all he has.

Ravi smiles a little. “Damn.” He strokes his fingertips gently down Bean’s side. 

‘Mm.’ Bean snuggles closer. ‘Evil. Just you wait until I get my strength back.’

“ _Waiting_ …” Ravi says, voice light and teasing. 

‘Yeah, we’re not exactly good at that,’ laughs Bean.

“That's one way of putting it…” Ravi says. 

_Maybe we should have waited_ , thinks Bean. He says nothing, but without even thinking about it, slides his hand up Ravi’s body over his throat, traces his mouth almost absently. Ravi sucks Bean’s index finger into his mouth, letting out a quiet groan. Bean shivers, turns his head and kisses Ravi’s chest softly, just a brush of his lips. It’s pure instinct, and the words that bubble up to follow almost escape before he bites them back. ‘I …’

Ravi lifts his head, taking Bean’s finger deeper. He sucks, cheeks hollowing, as he lets his head fall back onto the mattress. 

‘God, do you ever stop?’ 

Ravi licks the length of Bean’s finger. He breathes against Bean’s fingerprint, “Do you want me to stop?”

‘I am only human, unfortunately,’ says Bean a little shakily. ‘Not sure about _you_ , lover.’

Ravi smiles and lies back on the bed again. He stretches, letting out a quiet groan as his back makes a popping noise. 

‘ _Shower_ ,’ says Bean firmly, although he wants nothing more than to simply lie here and run his hands over Ravi’s body. He doesn’t trust himself. Leaning over to kiss Ravi quickly, he gets up and goes into the bathroom, not bothering to shut the door. Ravi watches Bean walk out and his eyes linger on the open doorway. _Does he want me to go in? Would that look desperate? Should I stay here? I can't just lie here, covered in come. What do I do?_

The bathroom’s … huge. Almost ridiculously so. The bath is long enough for someone to lie down fully submerged, the mirror spans an entire wall, and the shower … Bean eyes it speculatively, then grins. ‘You have to see this, come and look!’ he calls. ‘You could fit an entire family in here!’ Ravi moves to the bathroom door and peers in. He glances at the bath and shower, then his eyes are magnetically drawn to Bean’s naked body. He unconsciously licks his lips. 

This is probably a mistake. They can’t keep just avoiding the issue. But the way Ravi looks at him, Bean can’t care about that right now. He holds out a hand. ‘Shame to waste all that space.’ Ravi moves in, ignoring Bean’s hand and taking him into his arms, kissing him suddenly. Caught off-guard, Bean takes an involuntary step back, grabs for Ravi to steady himself. ‘God …’ He kisses Ravi again, opening his mouth.

Ravi walks Bean backwards, into the shower, kissing him, biting his lips, grabbing his ass. Laughing against Ravi’s lips, Bean lets himself be moved, grins as he feels his back hit the tiled wall. He breaks the kiss long enough to say, in an entirely unconvincing tone, ‘Well, this is unexpected.’ 

Ravi gives Bean a shy half-smile as he sinks to his knees, then presses his face against Bean’s semi. 

‘Ohh … you weren’t kidding when you said you really like this, were you?’ says Bean.

“It doesn't hurt that you're seriously _hung_ ,” Ravi breathes against Bean’s cock. “Hah. _Hung_ bin.”

Bean blinks, nonplussed - then bursts into laughter. ‘Get up here, you idiot,’ he says, pulling Ravi up by his shoulders to a standing position. Ravi surges up and takes Bean’s lips again, smiling against his mouth. Kissing back, still laughing, Bean feels for the shower tap, turns it on with a sharp twist of his wrist.

Ravi lets out a high-pitched shriek as freezing cold water drenches him. 

‘Shit - sorry - wrong tap!’ Bean fumbles to adjust the water flow, spluttering against the spray.

Ravi steps to the side, out of the spray, his body covered in gooseflesh, nipples tight peaks. “You'll pay for that, Lee Hongbin,” he says. 

Finally achieving water of a temperature tolerable by the human body, Bean looks up at Ravi with a rueful smile. ‘It really was an accident.’

Ravi moves in and takes hold of Bean’s wrists, pushing him back against the tiles and holding his hands against the wall either side of his head. “You'll still pay…” he breathes into Bean’s ear. 

Bean pulls in a shaking breath, suddenly, sharply aroused. Pushing slightly against Ravi, he lets out a little moan as the grip on his wrists tightens. ‘What are you … going to do about it?’

Ravi smiles and says, voice low, lips brushing Bean’s ear, “If I really wanted to punish you, I'd sleep in the other bed…”

‘Punish yourself, you mean,’ but Bean's colour is high and he can't help shivering as Ravi's mouth grazes his ear.

“I wouldn't be punishing myself,” Ravi says. “I'd still get to look at you as I jerked myself off. Lying on top of the covers. Naked.”

‘And what makes you think I wouldn't just climb over you and fuck your mouth right there?’ says Bean, pushing his hips forward.

“Just my mouth?” Ravi breathes, his heart hammering in his chest. 

Bean turns his head, searches Ravi’s face with his eyes, hardly believing what he just heard. ‘You … you’d want that?’ 

Ravi shrugs one shoulder. “Would you?”

The gesture seems entirely too casual. It’s not a small thing, not everyone even goes for it, but it’s something Bean’s imagined, over and over. Being inside Ravi. And Ravi in _him_. _I thought he was … that he ... fuck, did I read him wrong? What do I say?_ ‘If you … I mean, if you’re …’ He tangles up in his own words. 

Ravi watches Bean’s reaction closely. _Interesting_. “Unless you'd prefer to _let me in_ …” he breathes against Bean’s mouth. “I have dreamed of that hot little ass of yours for a long time…” Bean’s hips jolt, and a soft moan escapes his lips. Ravi bites Bean’s bottom lip briefly, then breathes, “Is that what you want, Bean? You want me inside you?” He lets out a quiet groan, grinding his hardening cock against Bean’s body. 

Barely able to catch his breath, Bean strains against Ravi’s wrists. ‘ _Yes_ …’

“It's a shame we’re waiting,” Ravi breathes, his voice hoarse with arousal, “because I could fuck you right here… right now…”

‘Oh, god, _do it_ ,’ moans Bean, not caring about waiting, not caring about anything but his need to have Ravi take him.

“No, Bean, we need to wait,” Ravi says. “It needs to be the right time. I need to know your body well enough to take you completely apart…”

‘Oh, you’re kidding,’ groans Bean. ‘Please …’

“I want you _so much_ ,” Ravi breathes, moving to whisper in Bean’s ear. “You're the hottest guy I've ever _seen_ , let alone touched. The idea of fucking you is…” Ravi shudders and grinds against Bean. “Almost irresistible. _Almost_.”

Bean pushes back, desperate, trying to rub his cock against Ravi’s. ‘God, what are you _doing_ to me?’

“Loving every second of this,” Ravi says. “Wanna spread you out on the bed, get you nice and wet, and just sink in to you… fuck you nice and deep and slow…”

‘Want that,’ groans Bean, ‘want to feel you in me, _need you_ …’

Ravi pauses, eyes squeezed closed. It would be so easy to do - to turn off the shower and throw Bean onto the bed, still wet. To lose himself in him. To ruin everything. “We can't, not yet,” he whispers. “You're worth waiting for. I… I want more than that.”

_You can have me, you can have all of me, everything_ , but even now, Bean can’t bring himself to say that. He forces himself to breathe deeply, trying to calm himself. ‘Okay,’ he pants, ‘okay, if that’s what you want, it’s just … _fuck_ , you drive me insane.’

Ravi bites his bottom lip as he slips a hand between them, curling it around Bean’s cock. He squeezes it gently. “Do you top? Does anyone _let_ you, with this massive thing?”

Bean grins at him. ‘Once or twice,’ he says. ’Enough.’

“Enough?” Ravi says, his hand stilling on Bean’s cock. 

‘Enough to know _exactly_ how to take you to pieces,’ Bean says in a low, rough voice.

Ravi smiles slowly, murmurs, “You have a bit of an unfair advantage there…” His hand starts moving again on Bean’s cock, stroking, squeezing, feeling it harden in his grip. “A _big_ advantage.”

‘Want to touch you,’ whispers Bean.

“You have one hand free,” Ravi says. “Nobody’s stopping you…” He dips his head and kisses Bean’s neck roughly, teeth teasing the skin, hand tightening on Bean’s cock, stroking it harder. 

Bean pushes away from the wall, using his free hand to turn Ravi and press him against the tile. ‘Let me go,’ he growls. ‘Want you in my mouth …’

“Why didn't you just say so?” Ravi says, grinning, and raises his hands like he's being frisked. 

‘Shut up.’ Bean kisses his way down Ravi’s body, going to his knees. The spray from the shower hits his back as he mouths at Ravi’s cock, teasing him, teasing himself, because he’s wanted to do this for so long now.

“Ohhhh _fuuuuck_ ,” Ravi breathes, looking down at Bean’s soft pink lips on his skin. “Oh my god.”

Flattening his tongue, Bean licks at the head of Ravi’s cock, tasting him. He turns his eyes up to Ravi’s face, watches as he slowly stretches his lips around him, takes him partway into his mouth. Ravi groans, fighting to hold his hips still, flattening his hands against the tiles to stop himself from winding them into Bean’s wet hair. Bean moans in response, taking Ravi deeper, still teasing, still slow.

“Knew you'd look beautiful like this,” Ravi breathes. “Knew this would feel incredible… _god_ Iloveyourmouth…” 

Ravi’s voice, ragged with desire, sinks deep into Bean, winds him tight. Lost in the feel of Ravi heavy in his mouth, the taste, he sets up a steady, torturous rhythm, his hands coming up to hold his lover’s hips against the wall. Ravi just watches, mesmerised and trembling, hands itching to touch, to _take_. Bean sucks his cock like he's been doing it for years, like he knows just which buttons to push, just when to slow down, when to speed up, when to hold Ravi back harder because he's losing control…

Bean’s gone on his knees so many times, in so many anonymous places, and it’s always the same. Fast, dirty, over with quickly and walked away from with a mouthful of water to chase away the taste of latex, and no backward glances. This is different, this matters, because it’s _Ravi_ , and so Bean gives himself over completely to pleasuring him, bringing him slowly higher, higher.

Ravi slips his fingers into the hair at the back of Bean’s head, not pulling him closer, not forcing anything, just wanting to _touch_. “ _Fuck_ , you're so good at this… oh my _god…_ ”

Reaching up, Bean tightens Ravi’s hand in his hair, moaning encouragement around Ravi’s cock. Ravi groans and grips his handful of Bean’s hair. His hips jerk forward of their own accord. He's staring down at Bean’s lips around his cock, his own mouth open, breath panting. 

Bean’s fingers dig into Ravi’s hip, and he struggles to take Ravi even deeper. The feeling of Ravi fucking his mouth is incredible, winds him so tight; his own hips rock in response to Ravi’s movements, his head bobbing faster.

“Wanna suck you, baby. Wanna suck you while you suck me…” Ravi breathes urgently. 

Part of Bean wants to hold Ravi here against the wall, make him come and swallow him down. The memory of Ravi’s lips around his own cock, though, is still strong, and the thought of them _both_ brings a surge of arousal so strong it nearly undoes him. Letting Ravi’s cock slip from between his lips, he scrambles to his feet, grabs hold of Ravi, urging him out of the shower.

Ravi reaches back to turn off the shower and with his other hand pulls Bean close, kissing him deeply. Once the water is off, he breaks the kiss and looks into Bean’s eyes, then slips his other arm around his waist, kissing him again, walking him backwards out of the shower. _He’s tasting himself on me_ , Bean thinks, moaning into Ravi’s mouth. As his bare feet hit the carpet, he breaks the kiss just long enough to murmur, ‘Pick a bed.’

Ravi grins and picks Bean up like a wet, slippery artwork and throws him onto the nearest bed. “This one,” he says as he crawls over Bean, straddling him, kissing him breathless again. Robbed of breath, Bean kisses back helplessly, clutching at Ravi, pushing up his hips. Ravi grinds down against Bean’s hard cock with his own, breathes against his mouth, “God, I could just come like this…”

Bean groans, ‘Keep doing that, and I _will_.’

“No, you're gonna come in my mouth, baby…” Ravi says. He pauses. “Uh, unless you wanna… I mean… be careful this time.”

They should. It should be second nature. Never mind it’s been six months, and two clean tests, and there’s been _no one at all_ this whole time; Bean knows he has no right to put Ravi at risk. _More than I already have_. ‘I … look, full disclosure, god, we should have had this conversation before. I’m, I was safe, always, back then, and I know it’s a bit late, but if you …’ He runs out of words.

“Me too, I'm clean,” Ravi says. “Can I suck you? Can I taste you again?”

_Oh, this is such a bad idea_ … ‘ _Yes_ ,’ whispers Bean, ‘want you, too …’

Ravi’s talking before he's thought about what he's saying. “You're mine. Nobody else, okay? Mine.”

It’s just the moment talking, it has to be, it can’t be what it sounds like, _I don’t care_. ‘There hasn’t been anyone else for a long time. And there won’t be, now. Just you.’ Bean closes his eyes, not wanting to see Ravi’s face change, see him pull away.

Ravi does pull away, but only far enough to turn on the bed, moving to lie with his feet up the other end of the bed. With a quiet groan he takes Bean’s cock into his mouth, eyes slipping closed. Bean feels Ravi move, and his heart begins to sink. _Shouldn't have said that_. Then Ravi's lips close around him, and the groan that escapes him is almost pure relief. _He still wants me_. ‘Want you, oh god, move, _move_ …’ He shifts and tugs until Ravi is straddling him again, knees either side of his head, takes hold of Ravi's cock and guides it into his mouth.

Ravi groans loudly around Bean’s cock, trying so hard not to thrust down into the beautiful mouth holding him. He takes Bean’s cock as deep as he can, his lips stretching around the girth. Bean's hips kick up. Moaning, he holds his other arm over Ravi's waist, pulling downward to force his cock deeper into his mouth.

Ravi rocks his hips, the muscles in his thighs tightening. He pulls back, slipping his lips up and down over the fat, delicious head of Bean’s cock before taking it as deep as he can, making himself gag, making his own cock twitch in Bean’s mouth. 

Oh, oh _god_ , Ravi has him riding the edge so quickly, thrusting helplessly upwards. The angle’s awkward, but Bean lifts his head up off the mattress, sucking hard now, no thought of teasing or drawing this out, simply desperate to make Ravi come for him.

Ravi lets out a long, low, muffled groan, his hips stilling, his head bobbing unsteadily, his eyes squeezed closed, trying so hard to make Bean come first, because he's so, _so_ close. Heat coils low in the pit of Bean's stomach, _not yet, not yet_ , but his thighs tremble and his hips stutter, and he lets out a long, muffled groan as he spills into Ravi's mouth.

Ravi coughs as Bean’s orgasm takes him by surprise, recovers quickly and bobs his head slowly, sucking, swallowing. His body shakes, trying to hold back the wave of pleasure that surges through him, right on the edge of letting go. Shuddering, twitching, Bean pulls his head up so that his neck’s at full stretch, taking Ravi right down to the base, urging him with broken, guttural moans.

Ravi stills completely, his entire body locking up, then he cries out around his mouthful as he comes, his body electrified with pleasure as he twitches helplessly, coming in Bean’s mouth. After a few long moments of trembling and abortive thrusts, Ravi bobs his head again, savouring the cock in his mouth. Loving it. 

Bean swallows convulsively, arching as Ravi’s lips slide over his twitching, oversensitised cock. He reaches for Ravi, clutching at his shoulder, head falling back, gasping, ‘oh, oh god, stopstopstop … oh, I _love_ …’ He catches himself, ‘love your mouth …’

Ravi pulls off, his lips making a filthy smacking noise as they release Bean’s cock. He moves to collapse onto the bed at Bean’s side, panting. “ _Fuuuck_ …”

Shaking, Bean gropes for Ravi, just manages to turn on his side and drape a heavy arm over his lover. Too breathless to speak, he simply pushes his face against Ravi’s thigh. Ravi rests one hand on Bean’s flat stomach and lets out a long breath. He feels wrung-out, sated, completely content. 

_What am I going to do?_ thinks Bean, uncomfortably aware how close he came to blurting out something he’s only just admitting to himself, something that could ruin everything.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut. So much smut. And feels. And smutty feels. And feely smut ... wait.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Wait for me,” Ravi says. “Wait with me.”
> 
> Bean stills, face pressed against Ravi’s neck. ‘I will,’ he whispers. ‘I will, I’ll wait for you, as long as you want me to.’ It’s a promise, it sounds like a vow, exposes too much of himself, _I don’t care …_

Ravi is completely relaxed for the first time in as long as he can remember. He falls into a light doze, a small smile on his face. Listening to Ravi's breathing slow and deepen, Bean thinks, _I'm in so much trouble_. There's nowhere to hide now; he can't even pretend to himself. He feels completely vulnerable, but still he can't stop himself from turning around on the bed and cuddling in to Ravi's side. Ravi sleepily snuggles closer and lets out a contented sigh. 

So much like Osaka, but everything’s different now. ‘Are you … do you want to get under the covers? Are you cold?’ I sound like an idiot. 

“That sounds like a lot of moving,” Ravi mumbles. “Are you cold?”

‘No, not really, I mean, maybe a bit,’ Bean stammers, hearing how ridiculous he sounds, _oh god, stop talking_.

Ravi murmurs, “Want me to warm you up?” From the tone of his voice and the look in his eye it's obvious how he intends on warming Bean up. 

‘Really? My god, you're not human,’ says Bean.

Ravi smiles slowly. “Thank you?”

_Relax, stupid_ , Bean tells himself. _It’s just Ravi_. But that’s it, there’s no ‘just’ to this anymore. Still, he makes the effort. ‘I should thank you.’ He grins. ‘So, we used both the beds, our cover’s intact.’

“Mmm yeah, I'm sure nobody else noticed the way you've been looking at me…” Ravi says, grinning, eyes slipping closed again. 

‘Pretty sure everyone noticed things before either of us did. Hyukkie, at least.’

“I thought I was hiding it so well…” Ravi says. 

‘Yeah.’ Bean’s voice takes on a bitter edge. ‘I hid it so well you thought I hated you. I’m sorry.’

“No, I'm sorry. I… assumed a lot. I'm just…” Ravi sighs, his eyes still closed, hiding behind sleepiness. “I'm no good at this stuff. Hookups, yeah I'm great at those, but… I've never had anything more. I didn't know what I was seeing.”

_Do you know now_ , Bean almost asks, but can’t bring himself to say out loud. Feelings, yes, they’ve both admitted to that, but that could mean anything. He’s been wrong about Ravi all this time, he doesn’t dare assume that somehow suddenly that’s changed, that what he thinks he sees and feels from his lover (and just thinking of Ravi that way now is strange, and amazing) is real. Because if it isn’t …

Ravi closes his mouth, suddenly afraid again, worried he's said too much, exposed too much of himself. 

And then there’s a muffled chime as Bean’s phone receives a text. 

Ravi breathes out slowly, thankful for the interruption. 

‘I swear to god,’ mutters Bean, ‘if this is eomma again …’ He sits up reluctantly. ‘I’d better get it, before he comes knocking on the door. Uh … where did my jeans end up?’

“End of the bed,” Ravi says, moving to sit, feeling very naked all of a sudden. “Floor.”

‘Don’t move,’ Bean says, ‘I’ll be right back.’ He leans over the end of the bed and snags his jeans, fishing his phone out of a pocket and waking it. The message isn’t from Hakyeon. It’s from Hyuk. ‘What the …’

** > I don't hear a creaking bed through the wall. You guys haven't had a fight have you? ;)**

‘Oh, my god,’ groans Bean, dropping his head against the mattress. ‘I’m gonna kill him.’

“Kill who?” Ravi asks, watching Bean. In answer, Bean passes his phone back to Ravi, who reads the text and mutters, “That little shit.”

‘What do you think? Ignore him, shut him down, or plot revenge?’

“Jump up and down on the bed?” Ravi suggests, grinning. 

Bean laughs delightedly. ‘You jump, I’ll bash on the wall.’

“We’ve gotta make sex noises too,” Ravi says. “It's the law.”

Bean gives Ravi a wicked grin. ‘Oh, the law, is it? Well, who are we to break the law?’ He pushes up to a sitting position and launches himself straight at Ravi, who laughs and wrestles against him, trying to turn them over to press him down on the mattress. Unwisely, Bean tries to maintain his balance while reaching up to slap the wall above their heads. Ravi's shove tumbles him to the side, and he almost falls off the bed altogether, still laughing uncontrollably as he grabs for purchase.

Ravi grabs Bean, pulling him close and ducks his head in to steal a quick kiss. “Saved your life,” he murmurs. “I think that means you owe me.”

‘Well, I don’t know how I can repay you,’ says Bean. ‘I’ve got no money in my pockets. Hah, no pockets, either.’

“I'm sure you'll find a way,” Ravi says. “Creative boy like you.”

Bean makes a show of racking his brains. ‘Hm, nothing comes to mind … I mean, I’m no good at housework or anything like that,’ he lies blatantly. 

“I wasn't thinking of you tidying my room,” Ravi says. “But now that you've suggested it…”

‘Ha, I knew it, this is all just designed to get me cleaning up after you again, isn’t it?’

“If I wanted a maid, there are easier ways of getting one.”

Bean grins. ‘Well, good, because not even for you will I wear a maid’s uniform, lover.’

Ravi eyes Bean speculatively. “But you make such a pretty girl…”

‘Don’t even _start_ that crap,’ says Bean, rolling his eyes. ‘Hey, wait, I’ve got an idea.’ He reaches for his phone and quickly types a text, turns and shows the screen to Ravi as he hits send.

** >> you think we’d use a bed when there’s a balcony RIGHT THERE? **

Ravi looks out the window at the balcony with a filthy smirk, then looks at Bean. “Don't tempt me.”

‘Oh, you're crazy …’ but the idea already has its hooks in him. 

Ravi looks at him for a long moment, then murmurs, “I could bend you over the railing and make you feel like you’re flying…”

‘You already do,’ says Bean, shaky, staring at Ravi's mouth. His phone buzzes in his hand, making him jump. 

** > threw up in my mouth a bit, that mental image has scarred my poor innocent brain for life**   
** > i'll bill you for my therapy**

Bean grins widely. ‘Revenge is sweet.’ Another text arrives straight away. ‘What -’

** > srsly glad ur happy though. you deserve it**

‘Fucking monster,’ he mutters, his tone entirely pleased, angling the phone so Ravi can see.

Ravi looks at the phone, then looks at Bean. He just watches him for a moment, taking in the difference between Bean before, and his Bean. _He does look happy._

‘What?’ says Bean, catching the look.

“Nothing,” Ravi says. His chest feels a bit tight, like it's filling. He looks away, unsure of how to deal with what he's feeling. So he deflects. “I thought you and Hyukkie had a thing.”

‘What?’ says Bean again, stupidly. ‘Me and the monster …’ A flash of memory, then, Hyuk kissing him in the corridor, saving him from making the worst mistake of his life. ‘What?’

“Just… I don't know. Probably just dumb jealousy,” Ravi says. 

‘Uh … no. He’s, we’re close, he’s my partner in crime, but … no.’ The weird little looks. The teasing. The - _stop it, you’re being an idiot, you had no clue about Ravi, what makes you think you’re …_

Ravi watches Bean, frowning very slightly, a sinking feeling in his stomach. _Oh. Maybe I was right after all._

‘Hey.’ Bean tosses his phone aside. ‘There was nothing. No one. Just _you_ , god, I haven’t been able to think about anything else for -’ _shut up shut up._

Ravi’s face flushes slightly and he looks away. “Oh. Yeah. Okay.” He doesn't know how to put into words his relief, isn't sure that he should try. Everything feels fragile, like he's waiting for one little thing to go wrong and fuck everything up. 

_This can’t be happening_. Bean kicks himself mentally, _screwed up again_. With no idea what to say, he simply takes Ravi’s face in his hands and kisses him deeply.

Ravi, startled, takes a moment to respond, but when he does it's fierce, kissing Bean forcefully. Mine, he thinks. Bean opens under Ravi’s kiss, giving him everything. _Only you, no one else_ , willing Ravi to believe it, pushing down the memory of the taste of malt and the feel of Hyuk’s tongue in his mouth.

Ravi lies back on the bed, pulling Bean down on top of him, legs parted, hands grabbing at his back. ‘I’m yours,’ Bean gasps between kisses, hardly aware of what he’s saying, ‘only yours, always yours …’

“Show me,” Ravi groans into Bean’s mouth, licking at him, biting his bottom lip. “Show me.”

‘Anything, anything … tell me what you want me to do.’ Bean kisses along Ravi’s jawline, down the side of his neck, drags his tongue over the angry bruise he left there. ‘Anything.’ 

Ravi breathes out slowly, squeezing his eyes closed. _Fuck me_ , he thinks. “Wait for me,” he says. “Wait with me.”

Bean stills, face pressed against Ravi’s neck. ‘I will,’ he whispers. ‘I will, I’ll wait for you, as long as you want me to.’ It’s a promise, it sounds like a vow, exposes too much of himself, _I don’t care …_

“Ohhh god I want you to fuck me,” Ravi breathes, writhing under Bean. “Wanna fuck you. Wanna make you mine.”

Bean shudders. ‘Want that too, so much, want to feel you in me …’

“Aaaah, we need to stop,” Ravi says. “We need to stop…” He claims Bean’s mouth again, groaning. Bean kisses back helplessly, trying to hold back, failing completely. Ravi wraps one leg around Bean’s hips, grinding up, breathing out heavily as his head falls back onto the bed. 

He wants to wait, we have to wait … ‘Wait, wait, if you want to stop, ohh, don’t do that.’

“Oh fuck I'm gonna come again, oh my god,” Ravi breathes, “how the fuck are you _doing_ this to me?”

‘Nothing to what I _will_ do to you,’ pants Bean, thrusting instinctively against Ravi, eyes fixed on his face.

“Tell me,” Ravi breathes, grinding harder. “Tell me what you'll do…”

‘I’ll suck you,’ whispers Bean, right in Ravi’s ear, pushing hard with his hips, ‘finger you, make you desperate, make you beg to have my cock in you …’

“Oh fuck yeah…” Ravi breathes desperately, “yeah, fuck me, want you to fuck me hard…”

‘Fuck you so hard, so fast … make you scream for me … make you come …’

“Oh fuck… fuck…” Ravi groans, shoving his hips up, grinding his cock against Bean’s, his heel digging into Bean’s ass. He's right on the edge, so so close to coming, not quite there yet only because he's already come more than once. He turns his head, looking into Bean’s eyes, breathes, “Yeah baby c’mon…”

Thrusting hard, staring at Ravi hungrily, Bean groans, ‘ … fuck you while you come … keep fucking you … oh god, _Ravi_ , want you so much…’

Ravi kisses Bean suddenly, hard, groaning. His body locks up and he breaks the kiss, letting out a broken cry as he comes, shooting on Bean’s cock, on his stomach, his body shuddering violently, his eyes squeezed closed, neck arched. Bean moans raggedly, unable to take his eyes from Ravi’s face, ‘oh, you’re beautiful … beautiful, I … ohh …’ He shoves hard with his hips, goes rigid, comes shuddering, gasping, collapsing over Ravi.

Ravi grabs the hair at the back of Bean’s head, forcibly lifting his head, and kisses him hard, licking into his mouth, panting. Breathless, euphoric, Bean opens for Ravi, letting him claim his mouth. Still slowly thrusting against Bean, Ravi savours his mouth, revels in every shudder and twitch of his body. Finally, Bean stills, lips still pressed to Ravi’s, trembling slightly. He pulls in a deep, unsteady breath. Ravi kisses him again slowly, clutching at his body. His heart is pounding, hands shaking, he's so gone on this guy that he can't believe it's real. It feels like the best dream he's ever had. He never wants it to end. 

With obvious reluctance, Bean lifts his head just free of Ravi’s mouth, murmurs, ‘Have to lie down. Sorry.’ He raises his upper body on trembling arms, shifts carefully to fall onto his side, still half draped over Ravi.

Ravi lets out a long breath, his eyes closed. “I think I'm dead now.”

Bean laughs weakly. ‘Me, too. Breaking news …’

Ravi laughs quietly. “I feel like I need to sleep for a year…”

‘No skipping meals,’ murmurs Bean, drowsy.

“Yes, Hakyeon,” Ravi murmurs with a sleepy smile. 

‘That’s it, I’m kicking you out of the room.’ Bean’s words are completely undermined by the way he snuggles even closer to Ravi, holding him tightly.

“Used, abused and thrown out of the hotel room,” Ravi sighs. “Worth it.”

Bean sighs happily, warm and relaxed finally, beginning to drift. Almost asleep, he whispers against Ravi’s skin, ‘Never letting you go.’

Ravi only lets out a gentle snore in response. Bean smiles as his breathing slows and deepens, slipping effortlessly into sleep.

A few hours later the hammering at the door starts up. “Lovebirds! We’re being summoned for fooooood!” Hyukkie shouts through the door. Ravi grumbles and pulls a pillow over his head, still lying naked and come-covered on the bed. 

Bean stirs, warm and sleepy, and … lying naked, wrapped around Ravi. There’s a moment of utter dislocation, almost panic, before he wakes fully and remembers. _We did it, we … oh my god, what if he regrets it?_ Then the knocking registers. _Hyukkie_. He untangles himself from Ravi carefully, gets out of bed and looks around for his bag. ‘Just hang on a second!’ he hisses as loudly as he dares, rummaging in the bag for a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He pulls them on, grimacing. _Shower_. With a quick glance at Ravi, Bean quickly flips the bedcover over him, and goes to the door. ‘Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you,’ he says as he opens it a little way.

“Because I'm Cupid,” Hyuk says with a grin. “ _Obviously_. Soooooo… how's it going?”

Bean can’t keep a stupid smile from his face. ‘It’s … okay, I guess.’

“Only okay?” Hyuk says, smirking. “Damn, maybe this wasn't worth the effort after all…”

Bean rolls his eyes. ‘Hey, you want to live vicariously through someone else’s sex life, go bother Jyani tomorrow.’

“You think he’ll actually seal the deal?” Hyuk says. “My money’s on him being too scared to even hold eomma’s hand.”

‘I think it depends on whether Hakyeon will take his own advice.’ Bean glances back into the room. ‘You said something about food?’

“Yeah, food in half an hour. Thought I should give you enough notice to get decent,” Hyuk says, eyeing Bean’s sex-hair. 

‘Thanks. Not sure how easy it’s going to be to wake the dead in there, but we'll be there.’ Bean goes to close the door, pauses. ‘Hyukkie …’

“Yeah, hyung?” Hyuk says, already half-turned to go back to his own room.

_Are we okay? Did I miss something?_ Abruptly, Bean’s nerve fails him. ‘Uh … never mind. See you at dinner.’ He shuts the door quickly and leans against the wall. _Get a grip, you’re being an idiot._ Moving back into the room proper, he crawls onto the bed, spooning up behind Ravi. ‘Hey,’ he says softly. 

“Mmm.” Ravi snuggles back into Bean and lets out a quiet snore. 

Bean smiles. ‘This is your dinner time wake up call, lover.’

“Noooooooo,” Ravi says, pushing his face into the pillow. 

Bean drops a quick kiss on the back of Ravi’s neck. ‘Afraid so. It’s either that or we’ll have eomma in here neck-chopping us all the way down to the dining room.’

“He's a monster,” Ravi mumbles, eyes squeezed tightly closed. 

‘Up, lazy. You need a shower. We both do.’

“You first,” Ravi mumbles, pulling the covers up around his chin. 

‘ _Fine_.’ Bean heaves an exaggerated sigh and climbs off the bed. ‘Your loss, I did offer.’ He goes into the bathroom, not bothering to close the door, and gets into the shower. Ravi sighs quietly, lulled back into a doze by the sound of falling water. 

_He seems okay with it_ , thinks Bean as he scrubs at his hair. A traitorous little voice says, _he’s not really awake, don’t get your hopes up yet_. ‘Shut up,’ he mutters. _It’ll be fine, it has to be. I’m in too far now_. Shutting off the water flow, Bean pulls a towel from the stack on the hamper under the basin, slings it around his hips, and goes back into the bedroom. Ravi doesn’t seem to have moved. ‘Unbelievable.’ Bean leans over the bed, poking Ravi in the side. ‘Wake. _Up_.’

Ravi grabs Bean’s hand and pulls him down onto the bed. “Hey,” he says softly, looking into Bean’s eyes. 

Bean sprawls over Ravi. ‘Uh … hi,’ he says stupidly. ‘Are you …’ _shut up, idiot_. ‘Hi.’

“Kiss me,” Ravi says, staring at Bean’s mouth, voice rough with disuse. 

‘We’ve only got twenty minutes,’ murmurs Bean, lowering his face to Ravi’s.

“How long do you think kissing me is gonna take?” Ravi asks with a sleepy smile. In answer, Bean presses his mouth against Ravi’s very softly, barely moving his lips.

Ravi lets out a quiet breath through his nose and kisses Bean back gently, moving one hand to the back of his neck to hold him close. Gradually, running his tongue lightly over Ravi’s lips, Bean increases the pressure of his kiss. Ravi opens to the kiss with a soft moan, and touches his tongue to Bean’s. His other hand goes to Bean’s side, snaking around his body, pulling him closer. Bean sighs into Ravi’s mouth, slides his tongue against Ravi’s, kisses him unhurriedly, slowly, like they have all the time in the world. 

Ravi pushes his hips up against Bean’s body and lets out a quiet groan into his mouth. Already hard, wanting nothing more than to strip away the covers and lose himself completely in Ravi, Bean breaks the kiss reluctantly. ‘We have to go,’ he whispers, not moving.

Ravi looks at Bean, a dirty little smirk on his lips. “Well it definitely feels like you're ready to go…”

‘God, don’t tempt me,’ groans Bean. ‘I’m five seconds away from barricading the door and throwing our phones out the window.’

Ravi licks his bottom lip and grinds his hips up again. “A whole five seconds, huh?”

‘Three …’ Bean kisses Ravi. ‘Two …’ He lets out a frustrated breath. ‘We really do have to go down to dinner.’

Ravi parts his legs wide and grabs Bean’s ass, pulling him down, thrusting against him. “Mmm, I'm hungry…”

‘Ah, fuck it,’ mutters Bean and tugs the covers down, kissing Ravi’s exposed chest. Ravi bites his bottom lip, watching Bean’s mouth moving on his skin. He runs his fingers through Bean’s wet hair, his breathing unsteady. Bean shifts down the bed, strips the covers off completely. Gently nudging Ravi’s legs apart, he slides his tongue along the inside of his thigh, stopping just short of his groin. Ravi looks down at Bean, mouth open. He spreads his thighs further apart and breathes out heavily, heart hammering in his chest. ‘It’ll have to be the fastest shower ever,’ murmurs Bean, breath ghosting over Ravi’s cock; then, without warning, he lowers his head and takes Ravi deep into his mouth.

“ _Ohhh_ fuck,” Ravi groans, grabbing at the covers of the bed to stop himself from reaching for Bean. 

Drawing back until just the head of Ravi's cock is between his lips, Bean reaches for Ravi's hand, pushing it into his hair as he bobs forward again. Ravi’s hand tightens into a loose fist in Bean’s hair as he very slightly thrusts up into Bean’s mouth. He runs his other hand over his chest, just caressing his skin, tweaking a nipple, revelling in Bean’s touch as well as his own. His fingertips skid over a dried smear of come and he should think it’s gross, but it's _evidence_ , evidence that this is all _real_ , and it just heightens his arousal as he drags his short fingernails over his skin, scratching the dried trail into flakes. 

Ravi’s hips kick up, just a little, the movement sending a thrill through Bean that makes him moan around Ravi’s cock. It’s the tiniest loss of control, Bean needs more, and he moves faster, clenches his own fist around Ravi’s, encouraging him to push deeper into his mouth. Ravi groans low in his throat, watching his cock disappear into Bean’s mouth. He thrusts up further, pulling Bean’s head down, forcing his cock deeper, and lets out a shuddering groan. “Fuck, I love your mouth… so fucking good at this…”

An ache grows in Bean’s chest as Ravi twists under him, fucking his mouth. Nothing to do with his slightly cramped position, or the stretch of his jaw muscles; it’s Ravi’s voice, ragged with desire, almost sounding like … Desperate to hear more, to have Ravi lose all control, Bean sucks harder, takes Ravi deeper, moaning urgently.

“Oh god, Bean, fuck…” Ravi breathes. His breathing is ragged, the movements of his hips jerky, his hand clenching and unclenching in Bean’s hair. “You look so good with my cock in your mouth…” he breathes. “Like your mouth was made for me…”

_Yes_ , thinks Bean fiercely, _yours_. 

“Fuck, I’m gonna come…” Ravi groans out, “Gonna come in that mouth, gonna come for you… ohh _Bean_ …”

Digging in Ravi’s hip with the fingers of one hand, Bean pushes his head right down, sucking, moaning, urging him. Ravi’s body arches as he starts to let go, then a moment later he’s crying out as he spills into Bean’s hot mouth. His thigh muscles shudder and twitch as he thrusts, completely out of control of his body, hand a tight fist in Bean’s hair, incandescent with pleasure. “Oh my god, fucking _love_ … ohhh…”

Bean’s throat works, swallowing, intent on drawing out Ravi’s orgasm as long as possible. Then he actually processes Ravi’s words, and his heart leaps. _Stop it_ , he tells himself, gradually slowing his movements, easing Ravi down. _He didn’t say it, doesn’t mean it anyway, it’s just the moment_. He can’t let himself believe anything else.

Ravi lets out a heavy, shuddering breath, and pulls Bean off his cock, surging to sit up, dragging Bean’s mouth to his. He kisses Bean hard, deep, desperately, his eyes closed, his forehead creased, pouring all the emotion he feels into it. 

It feels like drowning when Ravi kisses him, like going under for the third time, and Bean thinks crazily, _don’t save me_. Still half-kneeling, he wraps his arms around Ravi, pulling him close. It isn’t what it feels like, can’t be, but just for this moment, Bean allows his stupid heart to believe it. 

Ravi slips a hand between their bodies, taking hold of Bean’s cock. He starts stroking it slowly as he kisses Bean, his breathing still harsh and fast. Bean thrusts into Ravi’s hand, mouth sealed to his, moaning helplessly. Ravi speeds his hand on Bean’s cock, the kiss turning rough, biting and licking into his mouth. Completely flushed, light-headed, pulled suddenly high, Bean cries out as Ravi’s teeth sink into his lip, coming over Ravi’s hand, shuddering uncontrollably.

Ravi breathes out heavily, pulling back from the kiss, watching Bean’s face as he strokes him through his orgasm. “Fuck yeah, baby, god, you’re so hot… fucking _beautiful_ when you come…”

Bean slumps against Ravi, twitching and gasping. He wraps his hand around Ravi’s, holding him still. ‘Oh my god,’ he says faintly.

Ravi smears his hand through their come on his abs, breathes, “Fucking love it when you come on me…”

Finally getting himself under control, Bean mutters, ‘You’re going to be the death of me. And we’re going to be late.’ 

“I should go shower,” Ravi murmurs, looking down. “I look like one of Hyukkie’s videos…”

Bean blinks. ‘What? No, actually, I don’t want to know how you know what’s in those.’ Reluctantly, he lets go of Ravi. ‘Go on, lover, go shower.’

Ravi squirms out from under Bean and grins at him briefly before heading for the shower, leaving the door open. Bean watches him go, a fond smile on his face as he drinks in the sight of Ravi’s muscles shifting and moving, his broad shoulders, firm buttocks, strong arms and thighs. _He’s mine, he’s really mine_. Letting himself fall back onto the bed, he sighs contentedly.

Ravi showers, soaping himself efficiently, tipping his tousled head back under the shower spray. He keeps catching himself smiling and tries to rein it in. It’s all a bit new and exciting and fragile and he doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardise it. He glances out into the room and sees Bean lying on the bed. He grins again.

Without looking, Bean feels around on the bed for his phone, brings it up to his face to check the time. ‘Fuck,’ he says, sitting up quickly. ‘We’ve got maybe two minutes to get down there!’ he calls, swinging his legs over the bed and going to the bathroom door. 

Ravi’s still in the shower. He looks at Bean, and from the look in his eye it’s obvious that he’s about ten seconds from dragging Bean in with him.

‘God, don’t start that again.’ Bean stares at Ravi’s body, wanting nothing more than to press his mouth against his chest, run his tongue over the wet skin. He licks his lips unconsciously, shakes himself. ‘Just … hold that thought.’

“I wasn’t starting anything,” Ravi says. He picks up the mini bottle of shower gel, soaps up his hands and washes his groin, maintaining eye contact with Bean, a challenging look on his face.

‘Definitely going to kill me,’ mutters Bean, unable to tear his gaze away. ‘We have to go, stop that. I can’t believe I’m saying this.’

“I’m just showering,” Ravi says in an unconvincing ‘innocent’ voice. He turns his back on Bean and slips the fingers of his soapy hand down between his ass cheeks, ostensibly washing himself.

‘We’ve got about a minute.’ Unable to stop himself, Bean moves into the shower, trailing his fingertips down over Ravi’s back. Ravi’s intention was just to tease, but now that Bean’s right there and touching him, his intentions go out the window. He rubs a soapy fingertip against his hole and lets out a shuddering breath. ‘Oh, if we didn’t have to go …’ Bean pulls his hand back reluctantly. ‘Come on, let’s just get dinner over with.’

Ravi washes the soap off quickly and steps out of the shower. He shakes his hair, water droplets scattering around the bathroom. He looks at Bean again, his eyes taking their time trailing down his body. The gaze feels almost like a caress, and Bean shivers. ‘Just, just give me a minute, I’ll be quick.’ He steps under the spray.

Ravi murmurs, “If I stay in here, we’re definitely gonna get neck chopped…” He makes no move to go and get dressed, or get a towel, or do anything other than watch Bean shower.

Heating up under Ravi’s eyes, Bean washes quickly. The temptation to put on a show, to reach out and simply pull Ravi to him, is almost irresistible. It’s been only minutes, there’s no way he’d be capable of anything yet; still, Bean finds himself craving Ravi’s touch in a way that’s both exhilarating and terrifying. So quickly, but not really, not after so many long months of wondering and trying to convince himself it could never happen. 

He shuts off the water and grabs two towels from the stack, tossing one to Ravi. ‘I’d offer to dry you, but we both know where that would lead.’

“Neck Chop City,” Ravi says, smiling as he starts to dry himself. “But with a layover in Paradise.”

‘Of all the cheesy …’ Bean’s mouth twitches, then he bursts into delighted laughter. ‘You beautiful idiot,’ he says fondly. 

Ravi wrinkles his nose. “Hot, maybe, but beautiful?”

‘Yes,’ says Bean softly, simply. ‘Beautiful.’

Ravi raises an eyebrow dubiously and puts the towel over his head, roughly drying his hair and hiding his blush at Bean’s sincere compliment. Frowning, Bean watches Ravi. _Too far_ , he thinks, _fucked up again_. About to push past to get his clothes, he stops. _No. Fuck it_. He pulls the towel off Ravi’s head and looks into his eyes. ‘I meant it,’ he says, and kisses Ravi gently.

Ravi kisses Bean back, his eyes slipping closed. He drops the towel on the floor and takes Bean into his arms without breaking the kiss. 

_He’s not pulling away_. A wave of relief washes through Bean, makes him risk exposing his heart even more. He loses himself in the kiss, moving his lips softly and tenderly over Ravi’s.

Ravi lets out a quiet, annoyed groan as he hears Bean’s phone start to ring. He breaks the kiss, looking at Bean’s face. Eyes still closed, afraid to look, Bean leans his forehead against Ravi’s and says quietly, ‘I’m definitely throwing that thing away.’

“How far is it to Mordor from here, anyway?” Ravi says with a little smile.

Bean laughs and opens his eyes. ‘It’ll be Hakyeon, I’d better get it,’ he says. With obvious reluctance, he steps away from Ravi’s arms and fishes around on the bed for his phone. ‘What?’ he says, answering it without looking at the screen.

“Hiiiiii Bean,” Hyuk says, calling from Hakyeon’s phone. “Just wanted to let you know that we’re all waiting at the table for you.”

‘Goddammit,’ mutters Bean, hanging up straightaway. ‘Brace yourself, we’re going to catch it, we’re definitely late.’ He hunts around for his clothes. 

“Shit,” Ravi says, grabbing his clothes from the floor. Even when trying to get dressed, he can’t keep his eyes off Bean. He slips on his boxer briefs, backwards, and has to take them off again to right it.

Bean fumbles with the button of his jeans, accidentally puts his t-shirt back on inside-out and back-to-front, and is actually in the act of shoving on his shoes before he realises the collar tag is sticking up under his chin. ‘Oh, for fuck’s sake,’ he growls as he rips the shirt off; then he catches Ravi’s eyes and his mouth quirks up. 

Ravi looks down at his jeans, where he has one leg in the wrong leg hole, and mutters, “This is ridiculous. I swear I knew how to dress myself this morning…”

Bean falls against the wall, howling with laughter. ‘We … are … idiots,’ he wheezes.

Ravi grins at Bean, murmurs, “It's your fault, being so fucking distracting.”

‘Oh, really? WIth you walking around like sex on legs? And dancing the way you do? No, it’s definitely _your_ fault, lover.’ Bean rakes his hand back through his damp hair, succeeding only in making it look even less neat. ‘Come on, we better go face the music.’

Ravi wriggles his hips to pull his jeans up and fasten them, then grabs his shirt and shrugs into it, buttoning one button and deciding that’s good enough. “How’s my hair?”

‘It’ll do,’ says Bean, moving in close, ‘but you’ve missed the right button, there.’ Without even thinking about it, he opens Ravi’s shirt and re-buttons it, his fingers grazing Ravi’s chest briefly.

Ravi bites his bottom lip, trying to hide a goofy grin. “Thanks, eomma,” he murmurs.

Bean makes a revolted noise. ‘’Keep calling me that and you can sleep alone tonight,’ he says. ‘All right, let's go do the walk of shame.’ He turns towards the door, turns back and holds out a hand, smiling. Ravi steps into his boots, wriggles his feet into them, and follows, grabbing Bean’s hand. Bean interlaces their fingers instinctively as they head for the door. It feels natural, _right_. ‘Here we go,’ he says, and turns the handle.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kicking off his shoes, Bean glances up as Ravi comes into the room, looking preoccupied. ‘You okay?’
> 
> “Yeah, fine,” Ravi says nonchalantly, watching Bean. “You?”
> 
> _Are you really?_ Bean opens his mouth to ask, but loses his nerve. ‘Movie night with eomma and the princess? I’m ecstatic.’

Ravi follows Bean out into the hall and to the elevator. He presses the call button, hoping there’ll be no other passengers. He needs his hands on Bean’s skin, now.

The door opens on a mostly empty elevator. Two men in suits, obvious corporate types, step out without even glancing at Bean and Ravi, too busy with their respective phone conversations. Bean moves into the car, pulling Ravi with him by the hand, and hits the button for the restaurant level three floors above. The doors slide closed and Ravi is immediately on Bean, kissing him forcefully, pushing him against the wall. 

Bean grins against Ravi's mouth, arms coming up to hold him close. They've only got a few seconds, less if the elevator stops between floors to let on more passengers. He can’t bring himself to care.

The elevator slows at the very next floor and Ravi growls with frustration, pulling away. Bean’s arms tighten for a split-second before he lets go, his face mirroring Ravi’s feelings. A family crowds into the elevator, harried-looking parents surrounded by a flock of children, all clamouring loudly for attention. Bean grabs for Ravi’s hand, urging him towards the back of the car. Standing close, he murmurs in Ravi’s ear, ‘I just want to go straight back to our room.’

Ravi frowns at the children. “Don't tempt me.”

Obeying some perverse universal law of frustration, the elevator doesn’t stop again until arriving at the restaurant floor. ‘Do you think eomma has these things programmed to do his evil bidding?’ mutters Bean as they file out after the family.

“Nothing would surprise me,” Ravi says. “Nothing at all.”

Ravi leads the way into the restaurant, letting go of Bean’s hand as they walk through the door. Hyuk is the only one sitting at a table in the corner. He waves enthusiastically and Ravi looks at Bean. “What the…?”

‘You don’t think he …?’ Bean advances on Hyuk, murder in his eyes. ‘Where is everyone?’

“I didn't want you to be late!” Hyuk says. “What kind of guardian angel Cupid type dude would I be if I let eomma neck chop you to death _now_?”

Bean turns to Ravi. ‘What do you think? Kill him now, or later, when he least expects it?’

“I hate to say it, but he kind of has a point,” Ravi says, sitting down next to Hyuk at the table. “How early are we?”

“About ten minutes,” Hyuk says with a grin. “Hyukkie one, lovebirds nil.”

‘Oh, you are the most evil maknae in existence,’ groans Bean as he flops down next to Ravi. 

Leo arrives a couple of minutes before the deadline. Ravi gives him a small smile which is returned tightly - still not okay, then, but getting there. Ravi looks at his watch and then up at the door. No Hakyeon. No Jaehwan. Hmm. 

Noting the strained look on Leo’s face, Bean decides to settle for a simple greeting. Then he sees the smiles exchanged with Ravi. _What was that, nothing, it’s nothing_. Unable to think of anything at all to say, he pours himself a glass of water from one of the jugs on the table and sips steadily.

‘Where, oh where, could eomma be?’ muses Hyuk, a mischievous grin plastered all over his face. ‘Maybe someone should call him … just in case he’s forgotten, of course.’

“Oh, _please_ can it be me?” Ravi says. “ _Please?_ ”

‘Weeelll …’ Hyuk draws out the word, brow furrowed in concentration as though giving the idea proper consideration. ‘All right, I’ll let you. But don’t think this means you can get away with disrespecting my feet now.’

‘Oh my god,’ mutters Leo softly.

Ravi is just about to call Hakyeon when he appears in the doorway of the restaurant. He comes over to the table and sits down, apologising profusely for his tardiness. Jaehwan is nowhere to be seen. 

‘Not to worry, hyung, we know you were _awfully_ busy this afternoon,’ says Hyuk, waving away the apology graciously. Bean nearly chokes on his water.

Jaehwan walks into the restaurant, clearly thinking by arriving separately it will look less suspicious. He sits down at the table without a word, a slight blush high on his cheeks. He glances at Hakyeon, meeting his eye, and the smiles they exchange are shy and sweet.

Hyuk makes a retching noise.

“Are you all right, Hyukkie?” Hakyeon asks, concerned.

“Yeah, just some water went down the wrong way,” Hyuk says, pretending to cough. “I’m okay.”

Ravi grins, looking down at the table.

Bean can’t keep a stupid smile from his own face. Maybe not much happened, but it’s obvious that at least those two enjoyed their afternoon together. Well aware he’s over-identifying, he thinks, _just don’t make the same mistake we did_. ‘So, how was sight-seeing?’ he asks, picking up a menu.

“The castle and park were lovely. Just a lovely day,” Hakyeon says happily. “A beautiful day.”

“It rained on us, hyung!” Jaehwan says, smiling.

“A beautiful day nonetheless,” Hakyeon says, eyes lingering on Jaehwan’s face.

Ravi rests his chin on his hand, covering his smile with his fingers. Hyuk looks a bit green around the gills.

The easy way Hakyeon and Jaehwan act with each other is wonderful to see, but Bean can’t help comparing his own unease. Whatever the actual state of things, the pair already seem much more relaxed and free to show how they feel than he does. _Am I just being an idiot? Is it really that easy?_

‘Well,’ says Hakyeon, ‘I think a banquet is in order. Everyone choose one dish, no doubling up.’

Hyuk grins evilly and rubs his hands together, clearly intending on ordering the most unappetising thing he can. Ravi sighs and shakes his head, laughing at the maknae’s enthusiasm. He holds the menu in one hand and drops his other hand down between his and Bean’s chairs.

Feeling the brush of Ravi’s hand against his leg, Bean pushes aside his gloomy thoughts. With his eyes fixed on the menu, he interlaces Ravi’s fingers with his. Ravi breathes out slowly, heart suddenly racing, and doesn’t actually read the menu at all.

‘Hungry?’ asks Bean, pretending to study the dishes on offer. A small smile plays about his lips.

“Starving,” Ravi says, voice low. He strokes Bean’s hand slowly with his thumb. “Ravenous.”

‘So many choices!’ exclaims Hyuk. ‘Do I want the nankotsu, the shiokara, or the natto? Eomma, are you sure we can only have one each?’ He grins as Hakyeon fixes him with a forbidding eye.

‘If you even go near those disgusting foods, I’ll lock you out of the room,’ comments Leo mildly, not looking up from his menu. ‘It’s bad enough putting up with your feet.’

“Hmph.” Hyuk settles into a sulk, hiding behind his menu.

Ravi grins and murmurs, “I will not miss waking up next to The Feet.”

‘Sure?’ says Bean. ‘I mean, they are pretty spectacular feet.’

‘THANK YOU,’ says Hyuk.

_You walked into that one_ , thinks Bean gleefully. ‘Spectacularly awful, that is.’ He takes advantage of Hyuk’s outraged cry to shift slightly closer to Ravi, pulling their linked hands up to lie on Ravi’s thigh. Ravi draws in a slow, steady breath. Leo looks from Bean to Ravi and back again, face unreadable, then returns his attention to the menu.

“Are we ready to order?” Hakyeon asks, looking around the table expectantly. His eyes linger for just a moment longer on Jaehwan than on everyone else.

‘Uh …’ Hurriedly, Bean tries to focus on the card in his hand, but all his attention centres on the man beside him. He picks a dish at random, not even sure what he’s ordering. Ravi closes the menu, not having read it, and decides to just order a katsu curry because it doesn’t require thought. Deciding not to tempt fate, Hyuk settles for a safe option, rolling his eyes dramatically and succeeding only in being completely ignored by the others. 

After everyone puts in their preference, Hakyeon adds several more dishes to the order, including what sounds like enough tempura to feed an entire army. He also offers everyone tea, pretending to look scandalised when the three youngest members decline in favour of sugary sodas. ‘I should put you all on healthy diets,’ he tuts. ‘What kind of parent lets his children rot their teeth like this?’

‘He’s awfully playful tonight,’ whispers Bean to Ravi.

Ravi turns his head and murmurs, “Wonder if he’s gonna talk to Jae like that in the bedroom?” Bean lets out a surprised bark of laughter before he can stop himself. 

Hakyeon looks at Bean, eyes slightly narrowed. “Do I need to separate you two?”

‘Sorry, eomma,’ says Bean with a completely unrepentant grin. ‘I'll be a good boy.’

“God, I hope not,” Ravi says very quietly. 

“What was that, Wonshik-ah?” Hakyeon asks, smiling. 

“Nothing, eomma. Just saying I'll be good too,” Ravi lies. 

‘ _Very_ good?’ murmurs Bean.

“Mmm-hmm,” Ravi hums. He moves their hands very slightly on his thigh and takes a sip of water. 

As the food starts arriving, Hakyeon clears his throat. ‘So. Movie night, tonight. Who wants to volunteer their room?’ He looks expectantly at Bean and Ravi.

Ravi looks anywhere other than at Hakyeon. “Our TV wasn't working earlier,” he lies. “I meant to report it to reception…”

‘Oh, that’s unfortunate,’ says Hakyeon. ‘Why don’t I call down now and report it for you?’

“No, no, it's fine. I'll let them know when we check out. We’ll be too busy with our schedule to watch any tv anyway,” Ravi says. 

‘What about our room?’ Hyuk looks expectantly at Leo, but subsides almost immediately.

‘Looks like it’s yours again, fearless leader,’ says Bean. ‘Have fun.’

“You say that like you won't be attending,” Hakyeon says sternly. “I'm sure that isn't the impression you meant to give.”

Bean groans theatrically. ‘Oh, come _on_. We all know your movie choices, and I don’t think I can stand yet another re-watch of _More than Blue_ with you sobbing into your handkerchief.’

Ravi smiles a bit and murmurs fondly, “Forgot you have a stone for a heart.”

_If you only knew_ , thinks Bean. Aloud, he says, ‘Of course, if I can have a water gun and spray you every time you get weepy, eomma, I’m absolutely up for it.’

“Can I expect you to get me wet during the movie too?” Ravi says very quietly. 

Bean doesn’t look over, but his hand tightens on Ravi’s. ‘Evil.’ Then, before he lets himself think about it, he murmurs, ‘Only if I get to snuggle and feed you popcorn.’

Leo spills his glass of water over the table and Hakyeon helps him mop it up, Leo apologising and blushing. Ravi frowns slightly, taking this in, then looks away again. 

Bean blinks, confused. The way Ravi reacted to him, almost like he didn’t want to hear it, even though only a few minutes ago … it doesn’t make sense. _Moved too fast?_ And Leo … _was that an accident, had to be, don’t be an idiot_. Or was Ravi reacting to what Leo did? Suddenly, he’s uncertain of everything, and the warmth that’s suffused him since the plane ride ebbs away.

Ravi gently squeezes Bean’s hand and avoids looking at Leo. Leo sits down again once the water has been cleaned up, and looks at Ravi for a lingering moment before glancing at Bean and then looking down at his own hands on the table. Startled, Bean reflexively returns the pressure. _Reassuring me?_

‘Pass the octopus balls, I’m dying of hunger here,’ says Hyuk loudly.

‘Maybe you should choose the movie, Binnie, if you’re so worried,’ Jaehwan chimes in.

‘But no Park Hyoshin concerts!’ objects Hyuk through a mouthful of takoyaki.

Ravi reluctantly lets Bean’s hand go, after giving it a little squeeze, and starts piling food onto his plate.

Obscurely comforted, Bean reaches for his chopsticks. ‘Nobody appreciates my taste,’ he says, doing his best to sound wounded. ‘No, no, that’s fine, you can choose, Jyani.’

Ravi bites back his automatic reply about how Bean tastes, but he glances at him with a small smirk.

Involved in negotiations over who gets the last teriyaki skewer, Bean doesn’t notice the look, but as he sits back, victorious, he pushes his knee against Ravi’s.

Ravi slowly moves his knee against Bean’s and tries to act normal while he eats, like he’s not getting more aroused by the moment, thinking about the way Bean tastes, and with electricity shooting up his leg from Bean’s touch.

Everything on the table is really tasty, and under other circumstances Bean’s sure he’d eat a lot more. Right now, though, with Ravi’s leg pressed up against his, he has virtually no appetite for anything but getting back to their room. And they still have to get through whatever movie ends up getting screened, unless the universe is kind enough to arrange a complete power blackout. Catching the look of determination on Hakyeon’s face, Bean gives up on that hope before it’s even fully formed. Knowing the leader, he’d probably just insist on finding a generator so they could finish the movie.

Ravi finishes the food on his plate and sits back, sipping his soda. It seems that every time he glances in Leo’s direction, Leo is only just looking away. He has a tension in the pit of his stomach that he can’t push away.

‘Right, then.’ Hakyeon claps his hands together, beaming at them. ‘We’ll see you all in our room in …’ he looks at Jaehwan for a moment … ‘fifteen minutes? That should give you time to get pillows, and the snacks I _know_ you have stashed in your luggage, Sanghyuk.’ He pushes back from the table and leaves without entertaining further discussion, Jaehwan following a moment later.

Bean salutes Hakyeon’s retreating back. ‘Guess we have our orders, then.’

“Fifteen minutes…” Ravi says, pushing back from the table. “I think I might have some snacks in my backpack too.”

‘And this time it really is fifteen minutes,’ comments Hyuk with deceptive casualness as he chases the last few noodles from one of the platters with his chopsticks.

‘ _Thank you_ , dongsaeng,’ says Bean repressively. He tosses his barely-used napkin onto the table, rising. ‘All right, see you there.’ With a glance at Ravi, he turns to go. Ravi looks at Leo, seeing a small sad expression on his face. He frowns slightly and follows Bean.

The elevator arrives just as they reach it. Stepping in, Bean says ruefully, ‘Looks like we really do only have a few minutes this time.’

“Better make the most of them,” Ravi says as he joins Bean in the elevator. He presses the button for their floor about eight times.

Bean shakes his head, smiling. ‘Unbelievable.’ 

Ravi smiles a little and is about to move closer to Bean when Leo joins them in the elevator. He stands off to one side, awkwardly, and nods a greeting. Ravi swallows and forces a small smile, then moves to lean against the elevator’s back wall.

It’s possibly the longest elevator ride of Bean’s life, and it’s only three floors. Ravi’s moved right away, and Leo doesn’t even look at them after that initial acknowledgement. Try as he might, Bean can’t keep away the idea that there’s unfinished business between those two, despite what Ravi said. When they arrive at their floor, he steps out before the doors have finished opening and heads for the room.

Ravi lets out a quiet sigh, his stomach doing an unpleasant flip. He glances at Leo and sees he’s being watched steadily. He shakes his head and follows Bean. Leo follows Ravi out of the elevator and goes straight to his room without looking at either of them again.

Kicking off his shoes, Bean glances up as Ravi comes into the room, looking preoccupied. ‘You okay?’

“Yeah, fine,” Ravi says nonchalantly, watching Bean. “You?”

_Are you really?_ Bean opens his mouth to ask, but loses his nerve. ‘Movie night with eomma and the princess? I’m ecstatic.’

Ravi frowns slightly as Bean makes no move to get closer to him. Ravi goes to his bag and starts looking through it, avoiding looking at Bean, not wanting him to see the panic he’s feeling. _What did I do wrong?_

Bean moves up behind him and peers over his shoulder. ‘Do you really have snacks? I thought that was an excuse.’

“It _was_ ,” Ravi says. “I’ve got one pack of pepero and that’s it.”

‘Pepero? Planning on playing the game, were you?’ Bean murmurs, right by Ravi’s ear.

Ravi closes his eyes, suppressing a shudder. “No, I just like them.”

‘Shame. You know, we never got paired up for that game.’

“With everyone apparently knowing I wanted you, that’s not surprising,” Ravi says. “Can you imagine? Dancing with you made it difficult enough to control myself…”

‘So _that's_ what that was,’ exclaims Bean. ‘God, I felt your hands on my back for _hours_ afterwards.’

“I’m so sorry about that,” Ravi says softly. “It threw you off for the whole show. I felt like such a bastard.”

‘Don't,’ says Bean, dropping a soft kiss on Ravi's shoulder. ‘If we keep apologising for everything, we'll just tie ourselves in knots.’

“I’m sorry for what it did to you, but I’m not sorry I did it. All I could think about afterwards was touching you again,” Ravi says, eyes still closed. 

‘Well,’ says Bean, deliberately misinterpreting Ravi's words, ‘We have a few performances still to do, you'll have plenty of opportunities.’

“Oh god,” Ravi groans. “Don’t say that. I’ll ruin every single one.”

Bean laughs softly and snakes his arms under Ravi's, mirroring the very dance move they're talking about. ‘No, you won't. People will just wonder why I have a stupid smile on my face.’ 

Ravi pushes his hips back against Bean, just like he imagines Bean doing onstage, in his fantasies. He lets out an unsteady breath.

‘Dammit, if we didn't have to be there tonight …’

“Do you have any lube?” Ravi asks suddenly, breathlessly.

Startled, Bean says,’What? Uh … fuck, no I don't. Didn't think I'd be needing it any time soon. Why … _oh_.’ His arms fold around Ravi, pulling him tight against his body.

“Just… just a thought,” Ravi breathes. “Just… a very very hot thought…”

Bean shudders with his own thoughts, so vivid he can almost feel them in his body. ‘There's got to be some at the hotel pharmacy. If I go now, I can still make it back before eomma starts yelling.’

Ravi grinds back against Bean, breathes, “I don't want you to stop touching me…”

‘Sure?’ Bean nuzzles at Ravi’s neck, just below his jawline. ‘Only you did mention something before about getting _wet_ …’

“Think eomma will break in if we just don't show up?” Ravi says, stretching his neck to the side, reaching behind himself to grab Bean’s ass. 

‘I wouldn't put it past him. Unfortunately I think we're going to have to put in an appearance.’ Bean leaves a trail of kisses down Ravi's neck, then freezes. ‘Oh shit, forgot about this,’ he says, brushing his lips against the bruise that's clearly visible above Ravi's collar.

“Think that's why Leo was so weird?” Ravi murmurs, shuddering in reaction to Bean’s gentle touch. 

_Didn’t even think of that_. ‘But … he already saw the other one, why would he get bent out of shape about this?’

“I don't know,” Ravi says. “And I don't care. Kiss me again.”

‘So demanding,’ teases Bean, already bending to press his mouth to Ravi’s skin. _Doesn’t make sense, if he doesn’t care, why react like that?_

Ravi pulls Bean more tightly against his body, leaning his head back against Bean’s shoulder. 

Sliding his hands down over Ravi’s stomach to rest just at the tops of his thighs, Bean laps gently at the bruise. ‘Five minutes,’ he sighs regretfully. ‘Otherwise …’

“Otherwise..?” Ravi prompts, shivering at Bean’s tongue on his skin. 

‘Otherwise you’d already be naked and I’d be exploring every inch of you with my mouth,’ Bean whispers into Ravi’s ear. Ravi lets out a low groan, taking hold of one of Bean’s hands and cupping his cock with it, thrusting against it. Bean pushes his hips against Ravi, hand pressing in slow circles. ‘Taste you _everywhere_.’

“Everywhere?” Ravi breathes. He's about ten seconds away from saying _fuck movie night_ and taking off his clothes himself. 

‘Every … last … _inch_ of you.’ 

“Where would you start?” Ravi breathes, grinding harder back against Bean’s hard cock. 

‘So many choices.’ Bean's breath stutters as Ravi pushes against him. ‘Maybe start with your fingers, kiss them one by one, run my tongue over them, take each one into my mouth and suck slowly. Watching your face the whole time.’

Ravi jumps as there's an abrupt, very loud, pounding at the door. 

“Guardian angel here! C’mon guys, time for movie night!” Hyukkie shouts through the door. 

“I'm going to enjoy murdering him,” Ravi mutters. 

Bean drops his head against Ravi's back, fighting to get his breathing under control. ‘We've _got_ to get him distracted somehow, or he'll never stop.’ Reluctantly, he steps away from Ravi. ‘Let's just get it over with.’

Ravi turns back to look at Bean, his irises tiny slivers around dilated pupils, his colour high, his jeans tented obscenely. “Yeah, guess we should,” he says. 

At the sight of him, Bean catches his breath. ‘Oh my god, you’re beautiful like that. I want you _so much_.’

Ravi steps in close and grabs the back of Bean’s neck, hauling him in for a hungry kiss. Clenching his fists in Ravi's shirt, Bean pulls him close, gives himself up to be devoured.

Hyuk hammers the door so hard it shakes in its frame. Ravi breaks off the kiss with a frustrated growl. Bean stays where he is, hanging onto Ravi, eyes closed. ‘ _All right!_ ’ he yells, a note of real anger in his voice. 

Ravi grins, then bursts into laughter. “Hard to be grateful to him when he's being such a _dick_ , isn't it?”

In spite of himself, Bean smiles. ‘Hard to stay mad when you sound so happy,’ he says. ‘Guess we better go before he breaks the door down.’ He raises his head, focuses on Ravi’s mouth, growls quietly in frustration. Ravi licks his lips in deliberate provocation, watching Bean’s face. ‘Stop that,’ pleads Bean, ‘I'm only just hanging on, here.’

“Sorry,” lies Ravi. 

‘Liar.’ Bean grins at him. ‘Okay, okay, let’s get this over with.’ He lets go of Ravi’s shirt, clearly reluctant. ‘It better be a damn good movie, is all I can say.’

Ravi untucks his shirt in an attempt to hide his raging erection. “I don't think I'll be paying much attention to the screen.”

‘I don’t think I dare look away, or I’ll end up dragging you straight out of there and back in here. Come on, then.’ Bean goes to the door and wrenches it open, just as Hyuk raises his hand to knock again. ‘Seriously, you are close to death, dongsaeng.’

Hyuk grins unrepentantly and says, “Are you guys okay? You're looking kind of… sweaty. Is the heat too high in your room? You should contact reception. You know, like you're going to about your _broken tv_.” He actually does air quotes. 

“Shut up, Hyukkie,” Ravi says, “or I'll show the others your internet history.”

“You wouldn't!”

“I fucking would.”

‘Oh, I have to see this,’ says Bean happily. ‘I’m sure it’ll be educational. Well? Go on, lead the way. Wouldn’t want to be late for movie night.’ Hyuk frowns deeply at both Bean and Ravi, and sets off for Hakyeon and Jaehwan’s room. Ravi grins at Bean and follows. Falling into step with Ravi, Bean says in a low voice, ‘Please tell me that wasn’t an empty threat.’

“What, the internet history?” Ravi says. “A man’s porn preference is sacred and secret, Bean. You should know that.”

‘Can’t we make an exception in this case?’ Bean asks as they arrive at the door of room 641.

“Trust me, you're better off not knowing,” Ravi murmurs. “Scarred for life.”

Hyuk pounds on the door. No answer. He looks back at Bean and Ravi and smirks, “Maybe they're busy.”

‘Hey, weren't you the one saying nothing would happen?’ says Bean. ‘Admitting you're wrong, are you?’

Hakyeon pulls the door open, looking a little flushed and flustered. “Come in, come in!” he says, smiling broadly, stepping aside to let them in. It's a familiar look, one that probably mirrors their own disheveled state. Bean raises an eyebrow at Ravi as they file in. Ravi suppresses a grin and follows Bean into the room. 

Jaehwan runs his hand through his tousled hair, trying to tame it. “Hi guys,” he says, beaming. 

A stupidly happy feeling blooming in his chest, Bean doesn’t even think of making some kind of teasing comment. ‘All right, what are you inflicting on us tonight? Do I need to get a bucket before I get comfortable?’

Leo enters the room silently and sits in the corner, already on his phone, ignoring everyone. 

“We’ll decide by kai-bai-bo,” Hakyeon says. “It's worked for us so far.”

‘Oh god,’ groans Bean.

“Would you prefer that I choose?” Hakyeon says, smiling. 

‘I’ll choose!’ offers Hyuk.

“You _won't,_ ” says Leo. 

Hyuk looks offended. ‘First you don’t appreciate my feet, now you insult my taste. Don’t you love me anymore?’

“I never loved you,” Leo says. His eyes flick almost imperceptibly to Ravi before he returns his attention to his phone. 

There’s a sudden silence. _What was that?_ Bean cuts a sidelong glance at Leo, but the vocalist seems completely engrossed in whatever is on his screen. Before anyone else can speak, Bean jumps in with the first thing he can think of. ‘This is stupid. Jyani, you’ve got my vote, you pick something.’ 

Ravi shrugs and says, “Yeah, Jae, no pressure. Just pick something we’ll all like.”

Jaehwan’s eyes widen. “No pressure?”

Hakyeon nods at him encouragingly. 

Bean nudges Ravi. ‘Don’t be cruel.’ To Jaehwan he says, ‘Whatever you want to pick will be fine.’

‘One Piece!’ crows Hyuk.

‘Sadly, that doesn’t seem to be on offer,’ says Hakyeon, sounding not at all upset about this.

“Uhh…” Jaehwan says. “It's been a while since I've seen _More Than Blue…_ wait, I know!” He grabs the remote and quickly cycles through the shows on offer. With a flourish, he selects _Moorim School_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hyukkie's food choices are, as you might expect, deliberate attempts to freak out his fellow members:
> 
> Nankotsu - chicken cartilage, crumbed and deep-fried. It makes an alarmingly loud crunching noise when you try to chew it.  
> Shiokara - fermented fish guts. No, really. Its flavour is described as 'intense' and 'pungent'.  
> Natto - made with fermented soy beans, somehow manages to be both sticky and stringy. The smell is indescribable. If I were Leo, I wouldn't want to share a hotel room with someone who'd eaten that, either!
> 
> _More than Blue_ ... very possibly the biggest tear-jerker there is. A man dying of cancer tries to find someone for his love to be with after he's gone.
> 
> _Moorim School_ ... Bean's big starring role as Wang Chiang, the illegitimate half-Korean son of a Chinese corporate head. Lots of fun, and amazing fan service with the dynamic between Chiang and Yun Shiwoo, the other male lead (played by Lee Hyunwoo).
> 
> And, of course, the obligatory reference to Park Hyoshin, arguably Jellyfish Entertainment's most famous singer. Hongbin is known to be a huge fan, to the point where it influenced his decision to sign with Jellyfish, rather than SM Town.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bean watches him go, nonplussed. The sudden change in Ravi’s behaviour makes no sense; Hyuk’s teasing gets annoying, but surely not enough to cause this. _Then what? Something from before?_ With a sinking, slightly sick feeling in his stomach, he thinks, _not second thoughts, please, not that_.

‘Oh _noooo_ ,’ groans Bean, lunging for the remote. 

Jaehwan pulls it out of reach. ‘You said whatever I want to pick,’ he says sweetly. 

Ravi grabs Bean’s arms by the elbows, pulling them behind his back with a grunt, effectively restraining him. “You _did_ say whatever he wants…”

‘Yeah, but …come _on_ ...’ Bean struggles futilely, succeeding only in falling back against Ravi, held fast. _He could pin me easily_ , he thinks, and can’t control the shaky breath that escapes him.

“I wouldn't mind watching it again,” Ravi says, grinning, not letting Bean go. 

‘I take it back, eomma, I’ll happily watch _More than Blue_ again,’ Bean says desperately.

‘Now, now,’ says Hakyeon reprovingly, mischief in his eyes, ‘you gave your choice away. Now, is everyone comfortable?’ He nods at Jaehwan, who grins widely at Bean as he hits ‘play’.

Ravi settles into a sprawl on the floor, pulling Bean down to sit with him. He grins up at the TV, clearly pleased with Jaehwan’s choice. ‘You’re going to pay for this,’ Bean promises Ravi. The opening bars of the song they recorded for the show, ‘Alive’, boom out of the TV. Immediately, half the room start to sing along. ‘Oh god,’ whimpers Bean, burying his head against Ravi’s shoulder.

Ravi puts his arm around Bean and quietly sings along too. “You'll love this show, there's a super hot guy in it…”

‘Kill me now.’ Bean’s face is absolutely scarlet.

“Shiwoo,” Ravi sighs, dreamily, then he breaks into a wicked grin. 

Bean elbows him, keeping his face hidden. Recognising from the dialogue that it’s about to be his first scene, he winces. ‘ _Please_ , eomma, tell me there’s alcohol in this room.’ Hyuk wordlessly hands Bean a bottle of soju. Ravi grins and squeezes Bean gently before sitting forward to watch the show. 

Taking a long drink, Bean tries to console himself with the knowledge that they can’t possibly watch the entire series in one sitting. Then a horrible suspicion steals over him. ‘Just how many of these movie nights have you planned for this leg of the tour, hyung?’

“I had only planned one, tonight,” Hakyeon says. “But now I'm thinking we’ll need to watch all the episodes…”

“Good idea, hyung,” says Hyuk enthusiastically. “Every night, movie night!”

‘Oh fuck, if anyone needs me, I’ll just be dead right here,’ groans Bean and keels over sideways, his head falling on Ravi’s lap.

Ravi strokes his fingers gently through Bean’s hair, watching the TV. Resolutely ignoring the screen, Bean closes his eyes and loses himself in the feel of Ravi’s caress. It’s harder to ignore the comments, especially Hyuk’s insistence on mocking the way his half-Chinese character mispronounces Korean words. And the constant cries of, ‘Aaaariiiiieeel!’ from Jaehwan.

Then there's a yelp from Jaehwan and he suddenly goes very quiet. Ravi looks in his direction, his eyes taking a little while to adjust to the darkness after looking at the TV. He sees Hakyeon’s hand resting on Jaehwan’s knee. Jaehwan looks terrified and Ravi can't help but grin. 

‘Did Hyukkie just sit on Jyani or something?’ Bean murmurs without opening his eyes.

Ravi dips his head and breathes, “Eomma put his hand on Jyani’s knee and I think he short circuited.”

Out of sight of the others, Bean does a little fist pump. ‘About time, too.’

Ravi strokes his fingertips along the shell of Bean’s ear. “Mmm,” he agrees. Bean makes a contented little noise, snuggling closer. Ravi takes hold of Bean’s bottle of soju and takes a swig. He hands it back to Bean and returns his hand to Bean’s hair, scratching his fingernails lightly over his scalp. The sound he gets in response sounds suspiciously like a purr. Ravi grins broadly and returns his attention to the TV. 

_Maybe this isn’t so bad_ , thinks Bean drowsily. With any luck he can persuade Hakyeon to jettison the idea of watching the entire series; in the meantime, he’s warm, slightly sleepy, and utterly comfortable lying with his head in Ravi’s lap, feeling Ravi’s hands move through his hair. Relaxed enough to think that perhaps he doesn’t need to keep trying to protect his heart.

“Nooooo! He can’t swim!” Hyuk cries out dramatically as Bean’s character falls from a cliff into water. “Don’t die, Chiang, don’t die!!”

Ravi laughs, hand pausing on Bean’s hair. Bean makes a quiet sound of protest. ‘Keep doing that, love … lover.’

“So demanding,” Ravi whispers, but he starts scratching Bean’s scalp again.

‘Mmmm.’ Bean slips one arm under Ravi’s leg and holds on as he lets himself drift.

Ravi gradually becomes aware of the feeling of being watched. He looks over his shoulder and locks eyes with Leo, illuminated by his phone’s screen. Leo doesn’t look away, staring at Ravi, looking into him, hurt in his eyes. Ravi looks away first, back at the TV, but doesn’t really see it. He feels guilty with no reason to and it makes him angry, with Leo and with himself. _Idiot. I should have seen it sooner._ His hand stills on Bean’s hair again as he gets lost in his thoughts.

Bean stirs, turning his head slightly. ‘You …’ He stops when he sees the look on Ravi’s face. Although he’s staring at the TV, he looks … mad, and for a moment Bean can’t think why that might be. Then he realises, a stupid slip of the tongue, he thought he’d covered up for it, could that be it? _I should move_ , but how? He lies still, thoughts falling all over each other.

Ravi looks down at Bean, forces a smile. “Sorry,” he whispers, and strokes Bean’s hair again.

‘If you need me to move …’

Ravi gently but firmly holds on to Bean’s hair, stopping him from going anywhere. _Oh_. Bean's hand tightens for a moment on Ravi's leg as a little thrill runs through him. _Idiot, stop questioning everything_ , he tells himself, for perhaps the thousandth time. _Just go with it_. He snuggles down again, rubbing his cheek against Ravi's thigh, eyes slipping closed. 

‘Don't do it, Shiwoo, you know Chiang's the one you really want!’ Hyuk pleads with the TV. 

“They definitely need to just fuck and get it over with,” Ravi says.

“Ha!” Hyuk says, grinning broadly. “Hilarious coming from Mr Unresolved Sexual Tension himself!” 

Bean stiffens at Hyuk's comment. _What the hell is he **thinking**?_

“Speaking as the poster child for blue-balls, you’d know,” Ravi says, looking at Hyuk challengingly.

“Children, children,” Hakyeon says. “That’s quite enough.”

Bean sighs. ‘He never knows when to stop. Is it over yet?’

“I think we have time for another episode before bedtime,” Hakyeon says.

‘Please, no.’ Bean remembers all too well what happens in that episode, and the prospect of being unmercifully teased about his character pining over the loss of Shiwoo is too horrible to contemplate. 

“I'm going to bed,” Leo announces. He gets up and leaves the room without another word. Ravi watches him go, frowning deeply. 

Bean seizes the opportunity and climbs to his feet. ‘Good idea, early morning tomorrow.’ He holds out his hand to Ravi, ostensibly to help him up.

Ravi takes Bean’s hand and stands, looking distracted, frowning a little. “Yeah, I'm tired.”

_He looks it, too_. ‘Goodnight, eomma,’ says Bean, and can’t resist one last jab. ‘Hope the chatterbox doesn’t keep you awake all night.’

Hakyeon glances at Jaehwan who blushes bright red. “I'm sure I'll manage,” he says. 

That flush is clearly visible, even in the dim light of the TV. ‘Get up, Satan,’ says Bean, ‘it’s past your bedtime, too.’ He heads for the door, still holding Ravi’s hand.

Hyuk grumbles and follows Bean and Ravi out of the room. On his way through the door he calls over his shoulder, “Don't do anything I wouldn't do, boys!”

Out in the corridor, Bean hisses at him, ‘Shut _up_ , Jae’s already freaking out a bit.’ Fishing the keycard out of his pocket, he goes to the door of his and Ravi’s room, and swipes it open. ‘After you,’ he smiles at Ravi, who glances at the door to Hyuk and Leo’s room before going inside. Bean shuts the door behind them. ‘Alone at last,’ he grins.

Ravi opens his mouth to reply and his phone chimes a text alert. He frowns slightly and pulls his phone from his pocket, frowns at it for a moment, then pushes it back into his pocket. 

‘Not Hyukkie _again_ ,’ grumbles Bean, moving in close.

Ravi shakes his head quickly. “I… I need the bathroom.” He disappears into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. 

Bean watches him go, nonplussed. The sudden change in Ravi’s behaviour makes no sense; Hyuk’s teasing gets annoying, but surely not enough to cause this. _Then what? Something from before?_ With a sinking, slightly sick feeling in his stomach, he thinks, _not second thoughts, please, not that_. 

_**> > Did you have to rub my face in it?** _

Ravi stares at the message from Leo, frowning, his stomach churning. _I didn't, did I?_

**> I didn't mean to rub your face in anything, Leo. I'm sorry. **

He sends the reply before he can think too hard about it. He turns his phone on to silent just in time to stop another chime sounding. “Oh god,” he whispers.

_**> > Being forced to be in the same room as the guy I love and the guy he loves as they get all cute and cuddly with each other? I've had better nights. ** _

Ravi doesn't know what he can say to that. He puts his phone down on the vanity and washes his hands and face in cold water. 

The sound of the tap running does nothing to ease Bean’s nerves. Unable to keep still, he moves out onto the balcony, shivering a little in the cold night air. Second-guessing everything he’s done this evening.

**> I do love him. I'll try to be more considerate in future. **

Ravi’s thumb pauses for a long moment over the _Send_ button, then he mutters, “Fuck it,” and sends it. 

Bean’s phone chimes with a text from Hyuk. 

**> what r LR texting about? u guys had a fight already?**

_Leo? **Leo’s** texting him? And he has to hide it? Why would he hide it? _Bean’s hand tightens on the phone as he types. Confiding in Hyuk is probably a bad idea, but he has to know.

**> > no fucking idea **  
**> > didn’t even know it was happening **

**> uh oh**

**__**_Oh, god_.

**> > what do you know??**  
**> > tell me**

**> nothing. just know L has it bad for R**

Bean shoves the phone back into his pocket and leans on the railing, resting his head on his arms. He knew Leo wanted Ravi, but it’s beginning to seem like more than that. And Ravi, so quick to state he wasn’t Leo’s boyfriend - but now, hiding out in the bathroom exchanging texts? _You’re being an idiot, it’s nothing_. He really, really wants to believe that.

Ravi comes back into the bedroom and pauses as he sees Bean out on the balcony. He walks over to the sliding door and murmurs, “I was joking about using the balcony, you know.”

‘Just getting some air,’ says Bean, not looking around. _What’s going on? What’s so private you have to leave the room?_ It’s not like he expects to know everything about Ravi’s life, but hiding like this is troubling.

Ravi moves up behind Bean, slipping his arms around him. “Had enough air to come back inside? It's freezing out here.” He closes his eyes, frowning, as his phone buzzes in his pocket, right against Bean’s asscheek. 

Automatically, Bean leans back against Ravi’s warm body. _Maybe everything really is okay?_ Then he feels Ravi’s phone. ‘Don’t you need to get that?’ he says, dreading the answer.

“Whoever it is,” Ravi says, “They can wait.” Ravi presses a gentle kiss to the back of Bean’s neck, his eyes closing. 

Bean shivers. ‘I don’t mind,’ he says. _Liar_.

“Are you trying to get rid of me?” Ravi breathes against the back of Bean’s ear. He can feel how stiff Bean is in his arms. He has an awful feeling Bean’s about to call it all off. “Gonna make me sleep at the foot of the bed like a dog?”

_That’s the last thing I want_. Bean shakes his head. ‘No, just …’ He bites off the next words before they can escape, _what aren’t you telling me, what am I to you, are you in love with him_. ‘Nothing. Guess I am tired, after all.’ He turns in Ravi’s arms, gives him a smile that feels tight and strained.

Ravi’s heart sinks. “Um, yeah. Tired. Yeah. Me too.” He pulls away and goes to his bag, looking for his pyjamas. “Uh… which bed do you want?” he says, hating the unsteadiness of his voice. _If he doesn't want me I'm not gonna make him say it, and I don't want to hear it._

It’s like a punch straight to the gut. ‘Wh - what?’ Bean stammers, no strength in his voice at all.

Ravi looks at him, the tone of Bean’s voice giving him pause. “You need to help me out here, Bean, because I'm _very_ stupid and I'm getting serious _fuck off_ vibes from you right now and… if you've changed your mind or whatever, just tell me, straight out. Tell me. _I don't want you, Ravi_. That's all you have to say.”

Bean’s mouth works. _Say it, protect yourself, if he wants Leo …_ He can’t make his lips shape the words. Lurching forward, he grabs at Ravi, kissing him desperately, eyes tightly shut. _I don’t care if he does, I don’t care, just let me pretend, just for a while_. Pushing away the feeling that he’s just setting himself up for heartbreak.

The way Bean kisses him - it's overwhelming. Like being caught up in a hurricane, all Ravi can do is go with it, give himself up to it. He kisses Bean back with everything he has, clutching at his clothing, letting out lost little groans into his mouth. He breaks the kiss and breathes, “I want you _so much_ ,” then his lips are back on Bean’s, tongue pushing into his mouth, hot breath searing through him. 

Bean kisses feverishly, bruising his mouth on Ravi’s, wanting it to hurt, to drive away everything crashing around his head. _Is this all you want from me?_

Ravi pushes Bean slowly toward the bed as they kiss. _Gonna make you want me. Gonna make you love me._ He turns and sits on the bed, scooting backwards, half-sitting as he reaches for Bean. “Come here.”

Bean scrambles up onto the bed, pushing against Ravi again, telling himself _it doesn’t matter if this is all, I’ll take that, take anything_. Knowing, even through the haze of arousal, that he’s lying to himself.

Ravi pulls Bean down onto his body, legs parted and grinding up against him. He grabs the hair at the back of Bean’s head and pulls him closer, kissing him hard, letting out a pornographic groan. Bean pushes down against Ravi, breaking the kiss, fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. ‘Need you … need your _skin_ …’ 

Ravi tries to help but his hands are shaking so badly he just gets in the way. With a frustrated growl, Bean knocks Ravi’s hands away and pulls open his shirt. He fastens his mouth on Ravi’s nipple, licking and biting, knowing he’s not being gentle, not caring.

Ravi doesn’t know what’s gotten into Bean, only that he _loves it_. He’s being rough, biting, licking, _hurting_ Ravi, getting him so hard so quickly that he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He grabs at Bean’s body, breathes, “Fuck, Bean, what’re you doing to me?”

‘ _Want you_.’ There's nothing in Bean's mind now but an overwhelming need. Bean sits up just enough to get Ravi's jeans open, then climbs backwards off the bed, pulling them down as he moves. There's a clatter as something hits the floor. Ravi's phone. Bean picks it up, eyes drawn to the screen.

_**> > I don’t need you to be considerate. You kissed me back. I need you to admit you have feelings for me.** _

Bean stares at the message. _Kissed him **back**? Oh god. I wasn't wrong, there was something. **Is** something. _He pulls in a shaky breath and stands up, the phone dropping from nerveless fingers. Unable to even look at Ravi, he says in a low, flat voice, ‘You could have fucking told me.’

Ravi sits up, sprawled on the bed in boxer briefs and an open shirt. “Told you what?” he asks, heart hammering for an entirely different reason now. “What… what happened?”

‘I'm so fucking stupid,’ mutters Bean, his shoulders slumped. He scoops up the phone and tosses it onto the bed. Then he turns on his heel and walks straight out of the room without another word. 


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Bean,” he pants, “wait.”
> 
> Bean just looks at him. ‘Why are you here?’ _Why aren't you with him?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many apologies for the late update. I (crazyjane) am currently in hospital, and not very with it, so I was asleep most of yesterday and completely forgot to post.
> 
> I hope this makes up for the delay! As always, your dedication to this story and to our wonderful characters gives us life.

Ravi shouts Bean’s name as he walks out, eyes wide. “What the…?” He picks up his phone and reads the screen. “ _ **Fuck**_.” He grabs his jeans and quickly pulls them on, shoves his phone into his pocket and runs out of the room after Bean, fly still open, shoeless, shirt undone, no room key, nothing.

Bean pushes the ‘down’ button to call the elevator. His face is stiff and he feels curiously numb, except for an ache in his chest. He can't even summon the energy to be angry, although a part of him screams, _should have known, should never have listened, should have trusted my own eyes_. The car opens, empty, and he moves in mechanically, just looks blankly at the panel. He has no idea where to go.

The elevator is open and Ravi sees Bean standing inside. Ravi sprints down the hallway as fast as he can but the doors are closing and he knows he won’t make it in time. They shut just as he reaches them. He pounds at the ‘down’ button, praying silently, and the doors slide open again. He practically falls into the elevator in his rush.

“Bean,” he pants, “wait.”

Bean just looks at him. ‘Why are you here?’ _Why aren't you with him?_

“Just, just listen to me, okay? I _didn’t_ kiss him back. I _didn’t._ It was one kiss and I pushed him away straight away,” Ravi says urgently. “And it was before I had any idea that you didn’t hate me. I don’t have feelings for him and he _knows that_. I’ve _told him._ Look - read the texts if you don’t believe me!”

Ravi pulls out his phone, unlocks it and hands it to Bean, looking into his eyes, silently pleading for him to take it. Bean looks down at Ravi's outstretched hand. ‘You …’ his voice cracks, and he curses himself silently. ‘I want to believe you,’ he says softly.

“Just read the fucking texts, Bean, come _on_ ,” Ravi pleads. “I wouldn’t lie to you.”

_You never told me he kissed you._ But then … if it happened before Ravi knew how he felt, if what Ravi's saying is true … Bean takes the phone from Ravi and looks at the screen, bracing himself.

 

_**> > Did you have to rub my face in it?** _

**> I didn't mean to rub your face in anything, Leo. I'm sorry. **

_**> > Being forced to be in the same room as the guy I love and the guy he loves as they get all cute and cuddly with each other? I've had better nights. ** _

**> I do love him. I'll try to be more considerate in future. **

_**> > I don’t need you to be considerate. You kissed me back. I need you to admit you have feelings for me.** _

 

‘This doesn’t …’ Bean falls silent, staring at the screen. _I do love him_. That can’t be right. _You read it wrong, look again, he’s talking about Leo_. The words don’t change; it doesn’t make sense, but his stupid heart leaps. ‘You …’ He looks at Ravi finally, wide-eyed and vulnerable. ‘You …’

“I'm an idiot, I know,” Ravi says. “If… if you still wanna run, I won't stop you. But I didn't lie to you. I _wouldn't.”_

‘You …’ Bean can’t bring himself to say it, still can’t really grasp it. ‘This is … true?’

“I didn't mean to hurt him,” Ravi says. “And I _will_ try to be more… oh.” Ravi's eyes widen. “That's not what you meant, is it.”

Bean stares at him, mouth working. _It can’t be real, it can’t_. He’s never wanted more to be wrong about something. ‘Do you …’

Ravi looks away, frowning. “Maybe just… forget you read that part?”

_He didn’t mean it, then. He doesn’t .._. Bean’s face twists. He holds out the phone, his hand shaking. ‘Take it.’

Ravi takes the phone back numbly, feeling like he's been slapped, and shoves it into his pocket. “Well I guess that tells me everything I need to know,” he says. He turns away, pressing the button to open the doors. It does nothing so he presses it again a few times. And then a few more times. The elevator gives a sickening lurch and an alarm sounds. “Great, rejected and now I'm gonna die,” Ravi says. “Fantastic.”

Bean can’t hear the alarm, can’t hear anything above the noise in his own head. ‘Why? Why would you show me that?’

“I forgot I said that about you, okay?” Ravi says, trying to open the doors by pulling them apart with his hands and, unsurprisingly, having little success. “I was only thinking about showing you that I don't _want him._ I don't _love_ him. That I don't have anything to hide.” Ravi smacks the elevator doors with the flats of his hands. “Fucking piece of shit elevator!”

‘So … _it doesn’t mean anything_ , then.’ Bean mimics Ravi’s own words to him, voice low and savage.

Ravi turns and looks at Bean, eyes fierce. “To you, maybe. But I guess people are always falling in love with Handsome Lee Hongbin.” He turns back to the button panel, pressing buttons with increasing force, starting to panic with the alarm and the enclosed space and not being able to get away from Bean. 

‘ _Fuck_ ,’ growls Bean, taking Ravi by the shoulders, spinning him around. ‘Just tell me - if you didn’t mean it, why would you say that? _Why would you show that to me?_ ’ 

“I wasn't thinking! I just didn't want you to leave me again!” Ravi almost shouts. “And I do fucking mean it! I wish I didn't, but I do!” Ravi turns his back on Bean again, slamming the heel of his hand into the button panel. 

Bean grabs for Ravi, capturing his hands this time. ‘Stop, stop, just fucking _stop_ , all right?’ He stares at Ravi as the words sink in. ‘You … mean it? But then why ... ‘

“Why _what?_ ” Ravi says, already starting to pull away. 

Holding on tight, Bean says urgently, ‘Why wish that you don’t?’ 

“Because it's pretty fucking obvious that you don't love me,” Ravi says, then turns and presses more buttons, breathing harshly. “We've gotta get out of here. We’re gonna die.”

_Are you **blind** , I’m not that good at hiding_ … except he has been, all along, _too_ good. And then Ravi’s ragged, panicked breathing registers, and Bean realises, _he’s really freaking out_. There’s no thought then, just reaching out to cup Ravi’s face with his hands and getting into his eyeline and babbling soothing words that he doesn’t even hear himself saying. ‘Hey, hey, it’s all right, it’s okay, you’re okay, breathe, I’m here, I love you, breathe, breathe …’

Ravi squeezes his eyes closed, trying to get his breathing under control, hands clutching at Bean’s shirt. _He doesn't mean that. He's just trying to calm me down._ “You don't have to say that,” Ravi whispers. “Please don't say that.”

_Say what? Oh, god_. But it’s out now, no going back, and the knowledge brings a giddy kind of relief with it. Bean wraps his arms around Ravi, pulling him close, rocking him. ‘I do, I love you. I should have said it before, I was just so fucking scared. I didn’t know how you … I didn’t know anything. You’ve got no reason to believe me, but it’s true. I swear to you.’ 

Ravi blindly turns his face, seeking Bean’s lips, holding onto him too tightly. When he makes contact, the kiss is hard, forceful, desperate, like Ravi is trying to pour everything he feels, everything he has _ever_ felt, into this single moment. 

Overwhelmed, half-crazy and head spinning, _he loves me he loves me_ , Bean opens to Ravi’s kiss like he’s starving. He stumbles backwards, pulling Ravi with him until he hits the wall of the car. ‘I love you,’ gasping against Ravi’s mouth, ‘love you,’ holding on so tightly his arms ache, ‘love you.’

Ravi growls against Bean’s lips, “Fucking love you too…” and kisses him again, shoving him harder against the wall.

Bean jolts back, breath half knocked out of him. _He’s not holding back anymore_ ; the realisation drags a helpless moan from him, muffled by Ravi’s mouth devouring his. A loud click sounds near him, but he pays no attention until the loudspeaker crackles to life and a bored voice asks if there is anyone trapped in the lift. He breaks the kiss, breathing hard, staring at Ravi.

Ravi swallows and turns to the speaker. “Yes, two people,” he says, his voice rough and breathless. “Can you get us out of here?”

Whoever is on the other end of the intercom - male, female, Bean can’t tell - assures them that a technician is on the way to help. Just as Bean opens his mouth to ask how long, the voice apologises for an expected fifteen minute delay, and the intercom clicks off. 

“Always fifteen minutes,” Ravi breathes. He looks at Bean again, eyes slipping down to focus on his lips, and then leans in to kiss him again, feeling magnetically drawn.

Bean breaks the kiss gently. ‘How long?’ he asks, just a tinge of fear shading into his voice.

“They said fifteen minutes,” Ravi says. “Hopefully it’ll be longer.” He brushes his lips against Bean’s.

‘ _No_ ,’ says Bean, ‘how long since … how long have you …?’

“Oh,” Ravi says, cheeks flushing. “Uh. I don’t know. It’s just always kinda been there.”

There's a stupid, dazed smile on Bean's face as he cups one hand around the back of Ravi's neck and draws him in for yet another kiss. _All this time … not just wanting me. Loving me. All this time_.

Ravi’s fear of exposing himself has evaporated. He doesn't care that Bean knows how long it's been, he doesn't care how long Bean has felt the same - only that he _does_. He loses himself in the overwhelming freedom of kissing Bean without holding himself back. 

There's no real urgency in the way Bean kisses Ravi. The desire is there, always simmering, but he feels no need to ramp things up. Perhaps it’s because they could be interrupted at any moment. Mostly, though, he feels that it’s as simple as the idea that now there’s no reason to rush anything. He just revels in the warmth of Ravi’s body pressed against his and the small sighs of pleasure Ravi lets out into his mouth.

Ravi is the opposite. Now that he's free to express himself completely, the way he kisses Bean, the way he holds him, the way he _loves_ him, is urgent, desperate, fierce and forceful. He kisses down to Bean’s neck, sucking at the skin, groaning, grabbing his ass to grind their bodies together. 

Moaning, Bean lets his head fall back against the wall. It’s the Ravi who kissed him in the corridor back in Fukuoka, who pushed him face-first into the door only hours ago, and Bean realises, he’s been seeing glimpses of this all along. _He’s been telling me he loves me and I missed it_. 

Ravi’s jeans, still undone from his rushed exit from the hotel room, slowly work themselves down as he moves against Bean. Ravi breathes out heavily as the friction on his cock increases, only his boxer briefs between him and Bean. He’s sensitive to every little drag of Bean’s shirt against his bare chest. He feels like he’s on fire. 

‘Oh god, want you right now, _right now_ ,’ groans Bean, out of his mind with the feel of Ravi’s mouth bruising his throat and the heat of Ravi’s body pushing against him.

“Fifteen minutes,” Ravi breathes into Bean’s ear, “is nowhere near long enough for what I’m gonna do to you…”

‘Then they better get us out of this fucking lift _fast_ ,’ Bean growls, and captures Ravi’s mouth again.

Ravi grabs Bean’s ass, then moves his hands to Bean’s thighs, lifting him with a quiet grunt, pulling Bean’s legs around his hips. He thrusts against Bean, groaning, shoving him into the wall, kissing hard, rough.

Bean lets out a groan as he’s lifted and pinned, clutches at Ravi’s waist, hands slipping on slick skin. _This is how he’ll fuck me_ , he thinks, and the idea is almost enough to bring him undone right there. 

Ravi breaks the kiss, looking into Bean’s eyes, grinding against him. The elevator lurches again, dropping slightly, and Ravi grabs at Bean, holding him close, eyes wide. “If we die now, I’m gonna be so _pissed_.”

‘If we die,’ pants Bean, ‘we’re going to be the biggest scandal ever.’ He thrusts his hips against Ravi. ‘Breaking news … idols found half-naked … _oh god_ … in crashed elevator.’

“I’m the only one who’s half-naked here,” Ravi murmurs. “Doesn’t seem fair.” He grabs the bottom hem of Bean’s tshirt and pulls it up over his head, bunching the tshirt around the back of Bean’s neck. He looks down at their bare chests pressed together and groans.

‘There could be security cameras in here,’ Bean protests weakly. That doesn’t stop him from pulling Ravi’s open shirt halfway down his arms and dragging his tongue over the tattoo just below his collarbone.

“I don’t care,” Ravi breathes. “I’m _done_ hiding.” He watches Bean’s tongue on his skin, breathing heavily. 

Bean tightens his legs around Ravi’s hips. ‘Then I don’t care, either,’ he says roughly. The elevator lurches again, and this time the motor whirs into life and the car starts moving downwards. ‘What the …?’

Ravi’s eyes widen. “Shit, I think we’re being rescued,” he says, lowering Bean’s feet to the floor and pulling up his jeans, buttoning them.

‘ _Dammit_.’ Bean hauls his t-shirt back down over his head just as the car comes to a stop and the doors open smoothly. A man dressed in a grimy coverall with a namepatch nearly obscured by grease sticks his head in. 

‘Is everyone all right in here?’

Ravi pulls his shirt closed and buttons one button. “Yeah, we’re okay. It got a bit hot in here, though,” Ravi says in imperfect Japanese as he walks out of the elevator. He breathes out slowly and relaxes a little bit.

“That’s normal,” the engineer says. “The air con failed, and the stress of being stuck probably didn’t help.”

‘Stressful,’ says Bean, barely holding in a smile. ‘Uh, yeah, it was a bit stressful. Thanks for letting us out.’ He bites the inside of his cheek to keep his expression serious, and doesn’t dare look at Ravi.

The hotel’s manager appears, apologising profusely to them for the inconvenience. As a gesture of good will, he offers an upgrade to a premium suite. Ravi looks at Bean and grins.

Bean gives Ravi a smile that’s pure wickedness. ‘That would be … amazing, thank you,’ he tells the manager. ‘We’ll need to get our things from our room, though.’

The manager rushes to assure them that he’ll have a porter bring up their bags. From his pocket he pulls two keycards. Unlike the ones they already have, these are gold in colour, and made of heavier plastic. 

Ravi thanks the manager and as he turns to go back to the elevator, he stops. He turns back to the manager and says, “Is there another bank of elevators we can use or something?”

The manager’s eyes widen. “Of course, I’m so sorry, I should have thought of that. The only other one is a service elevator.” He pauses, watching the uncertain look on Ravi’s face. “Of course, I’ll be only too happy to escort you to your room if you don’t mind using the service elevator.”

“Thank you,” Ravi says. “I’d appreciate that.” He gives Bean an apologetic look, but he’s still quite shaken up by the initial panic of being trapped.

Watching Ravi, Bean adds his support to the idea of changing elevators. He places a hand in the middle of Ravi’s back, hoping it will appear supportive. In reality, he just needs to touch Ravi again.

Ravi follows the manager, all of his attention focused on Bean’s hand on his back. _Is this how he felt on stage? No wonder he kept messing up…_

The hotel manager swipes his access card on the elevator call panel and gestures for Bean and Ravi to enter the elevator. “Sorry for the state of the elevator,” the manager says. “Guests don’t usually use it.”

Ravi smiles and murmurs, “It’s fine.” The elevator, while basic, is spotlessly clean.

The manager steps inside the elevator and presses the button for the top floor. The doors slide closed and Ravi unconsciously leans toward Bean.

Without stopping to think about it, Bean wraps an arm around Ravi’s shoulders and pulls him close to his side. To the manager, who raises his eyebrows, he says, ‘My friend was pretty shaken up. We really thought the lift might fall at one point.’ He makes it sound far worse than it was.

Ravi thinks Bean is describing the situation accurately. “It was a bit scary,” he says, genuinely.

If anything, the manager’s apology is even more exaggerated this time, and he offers them both a room service voucher to go with the upgrade. Bean accepts gratefully, then subsides, deciding not to push his luck. ‘Well, this will be a story for the breakfast table,’ he murmurs to Ravi as the elevator arrives at the 10th floor.

Ravi relaxes again as he follows the manager out of the elevator. He glances at Bean as they walk - this floor is nothing like the one containing their previous room. The carpet is a sumptuous cream deep pile, the doors have gold detailing flourishes and are much further apart on the corridor. 

The manager stops at door 1003 and gestures at the key reader, which is a discreet black panel next to the door, rather than on the door handle like their previous room. Ravi swipes his card and the manager opens the door, holding it open for Bean and Ravi. The lights in the suite slowly come up into a gentle, warm glow as they enter.

The room is spacious to say the least, with a large living area. Ravi tries not to stand there with his mouth hanging open as he looks around. The ceiling is double-height and at the end of the room there is a loft-style bedroom on a mezzanine floor. The manager shows them around the main area briefly, then tells them that their bags will be up shortly, and if they need anything to contact reception and ask for him personally. He makes his exit, closing the door quietly behind him.

Bean stands in the middle of the room with eyes as round as saucers. ‘Holy shit,’ he whispers.

Ravi extends his hand for a fistbump and murmurs, “I think we should get stuck in elevators more often.”

Bean grins at him.‘The others are going to die of envy.’ He pulls out his phone and moves around the room quickly snapping photos. Moving up to the loft, he looks down from the top of the stairs and extends a hand.

Ravi takes a step toward Bean and stops as there's a discreet knock at the door. “Stay right there,” he says, and goes to answer the door. 

The porter wheels a trolley into the room, containing Bean and Ravi’s bags. He deposits the bags in a closet just inside the door while a second hotel employee wheels in another smaller trolley - with chilled champagne on ice. 

“Compliments of the manager,” he says, then gives a small bow and exits the room. 

The porter makes to leave and Ravi pushes his hand into his pocket, searching for some tip money, but the porter shakes his head and holds his hands up, politely refusing as he exits. 

Leaning down over the banister, Bean calls, ‘Is that actually _champagne_? In a _bucket_?’

Ravi grabs the bottle by its neck in one hand and the two delicate champagne flutes in the other and heads for the stairs. “Not just champagne, Bean,” Ravi says, grinning. “ _Cristal!_ ”

Laughing, Bean snaps a photo of Ravi climbing the stairs. ‘Can I send this to Hyukkie? His giant head will explode.’

“Maybe in the morning,” Ravi says. “Don’t want him crashing our party.”

‘Ugh, good point. Not sharing you with anyone else tonight.’ Bean's face turns serious. ‘Or ever.’

On the top step, just below the mezzanine, Ravi looks up at Bean with a guileless expression. He can’t take his eyes off him.

_Too fast, idiot_ , Bean berates himself. Speaking without thinking, and Ravi's barely had time to process anything. ‘Uh …’ But the way Ravi looks at him, like he's just heard something wonderful, makes any stupid attempt at explanation pointless. Taking advantage of the fact that Ravi's just slightly shorter like this, and his hands are full, Bean bends slightly and kisses him softly, eyes open.

Ravi tilts his head back, letting Bean control the kiss. His eyes slip closed as his body starts to tingle with anticipation. He can feel his cheeks flushing, his heart pounding in his chest. _This is really happening…_

Lost in the kiss, about to push forward and take Ravi in his arms, Bean realises the precariousness of their situation just in time. Lifting his head just a little, he murmurs, ‘Come to bed, lover.’

“But we have champagne,” Ravi breathes, looking up at Bean again.

Bean smiles. ‘Maybe just one glass, then. A toast.’ He steps back to allow Ravi into the loft.

Ravi looks around the room as he steps up onto the mezzanine floor. “This is _nice_ ,” he says. “Really nice.”

‘And it's all _ours_ for the next few nights.’ Bean takes the flutes from Ravi, holding one in each hand.

Ravi smiles and murmurs, “Yeah. The bed looks really comfortable…” He starts twisting the cage off the champagne bottle’s cork.

‘Nice and firm, too. But we haven't checked out the bathroom yet. I'm particularly interested in how big the shower is.’

“Looking at the rest of this place,” Ravi says, “I’d say it’s pretty big.”

Bean gives Ravi a slow, aroused smile, and licks his lips.

Ravi looks at Bean and what he’s just said registers. “Yeah, that too,” he says. He pops the cork of the champagne bottle with a naughty smile.

‘You know, I’m not even sure I’ve ever tasted real champagne,’ Bean says, holding out each glass in turn to be filled.

Ravi fills each flute entirely too full and murmurs, “I hate it, but maybe that's because I've never had _this_ champagne.”

‘One way to find out,’ smiles Bean as he hands a glass to Ravi and lifts his own. ‘To … _hah_ … to idiots.’

Ravi raises his glass and grins. “To idiots.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The look in Ravi’s eyes is what tips Bean over, not just desire now, so much _more_. It’s dangerous and reaches right down into him and pulls his stupid heart wide open, _I don’t care, I don’t care_.

Bean takes a tentative sip. ‘Huh. Tastes like apples. Hmm, let’s see. To getting stuck in lifts.’

Ravi clinks his glass against Bean’s and takes a sip. He wrinkles his nose. “Tastes like ass,” he says. 

In the act of swallowing another mouthful, Bean splutters, sneezing as he inhales bubbles. ‘Dammit,’ he gasps, then eyes Ravi. ‘How would you know, anyway?’

“That's for me to know,” Ravi says, moving in a little closer, “and for you to find out.”

Bean’s eyes go wide. ‘Sounds like fun,’ he says, voice not quite steady.

Ravi takes another sip of champagne, swallows and murmurs, “Delicious.”

‘Stop that,’ Bean says, eyes fixed on Ravi’s mouth. Ravi smirks and takes another sip. ‘God, you’re a tease.’ 

Ravi grins and walks past Bean to the head of the bed and the floor to ceiling windows behind it. “Quite a view from here.” The view is pitch black. He’s looking at Bean’s reflection in the dark glass.

‘Pretty compelling, yeah,’ says Bean, setting down his champagne on the bedside table and moving up behind Ravi, slipping his arms around his waist. Ravi watches the reflection of the two of them in the glass. He leans back against Bean and takes another sip of his champagne.

Bean trails his fingers across Ravi’s bare abs, smiling as he feels the muscles jump at his touch. Ravi slowly undoes his one remaining button, watching Bean’s face in the window. He holds his champagne flute up in front of Bean’s face, murmurs, “Drink.”

Leaning forward a little awkwardly, Bean takes a sip of champagne. He slides his hands up over Ravi’s chest and says in his ear, ‘Beautiful view.’ 

Ravi turns his head, looking at Bean over his shoulder. The way he grinds back against him is almost unnoticeable, but it’s definitely there. He licks a dribble of champagne from the side of the flute.

‘Eyes front, lover,’ whispers Bean as he drops one hand to Ravi’s crotch and presses gently. Ravi pauses, looking back at Bean, biting his lip, then turns to look forward again, eyes on Bean’s hand on the front of his jeans. ‘Much better.’ Pressing a little harder, Bean flattens his palm, moving it in slow circles over the bulge in Ravi’s jeans. He nips at Ravi’s earlobe, watching his face in the glass.

Ravi puts the flute down on the bedside table and reaches back, hands on Bean’s hips.

Bean murmurs, ‘Too many clothes,’ and deftly undoes Ravi’s jeans. He slides the shirt from Ravi’s shoulders, bends to pull the jeans down, taking the boxers with them, and encourages Ravi to lift his feet to slip them off entirely. Standing again, he reaches around to take hold of Ravi’s cock. ‘Just beautiful,’ he whispers.

Ravi breathes out heavily, leaning back against Bean, revelling in the feel of Bean’s clothed body against his naked skin. He watches Bean’s hand on his cock in the window’s reflection. Bean strokes Ravi slowly, his eyes roaming over his gorgeously muscled body. ‘Shame we’re so high up,’ he breathes into Ravi’s ear. ‘Everyone should see this.’

Ravi breathes out on a groan. “You wanna share me?”

‘I want them to see what’s _mine_ ,’ Bean almost purrs.

Ravi breathes out heavily, his cock twitching at the tone of Bean’s voice. “All yours,” he whispers. 

Biting the side of Ravi’s neck gently, Bean moves his hand a little faster, pushes his cock against Ravi’s buttocks. ‘ _All_ mine.’

Ravi licks his bottom lip, unconsciously thrusting into Bean’s hand and pressing back against his cock. 

‘ _God_ , I want to fuck you,’ groans Bean, right in Ravi’s ear, grinding against him. 

“Up against the window?” Ravi breathes, grinding back, feeling the hard line of Bean’s cock against his ass cheek. “Make me come all over the glass?”

‘Push you face-first …’ Bean thrusts against Ravi, speeding his hand over Ravi’s cock. ‘Fuck you hard … pull your hair … _bite_ you …’

“Think they provide lube in this fancy suite?” Ravi breathes, slipping a hand behind him, between their bodies, and stroking Bean’s cock as much as he can through his jeans. 

‘Look later,’ pants Bean, ‘come _now_.’ 

“Ohhh _fuck_ …” Ravi breathes. “But I want you to fuck me… I _need_ you to fuck me…” It's abruptly too late for that, Ravi's head falling back against Bean’s shoulder as his hips jerk. He lets out a long, loud groan as he comes, his hand squeezing Bean’s cock rhythmically, in time with the spasms as he shoots on the window. His thighs tremble violently and he writhes against Bean, groaning out his name. 

‘Oh my god,’ groans Bean. ‘You’re incredible, you look so _hot_ like this …’ Still stroking Ravi’s cock, thrusting against him, he slips his other arm around Ravi’s waist, holding him up.

“Fuck,” Ravi breathes, his hips jerking again. “Ohhh _fuck_ , Bean. Can I suck you? Please let me suck you. I wanna taste you. Want you to fuck my mouth…”

Bean stills his hips, shuddering with the effort, staring at Ravi’s reflection. ‘Yes, _yes_ , want your mouth …’

Ravi pulls away and turns, dropping to his knees. His hands shake as he undoes Bean’s button and zip and then pulls the jeans down to mid-thigh. He grabs the waistband of Bean’s boxer briefs with his teeth and slowly pulls it out and down, eyes locked on Bean’s. ‘Do it …’ Bean’s voice is ragged, making it sound like a plea. 

Ravi rubs his cheek, nose, lips against Bean’s cock, his mouth hanging open, his breathing still heavy. “Make me,” he breathes.

Bean reaches down and winds his hands into Ravi’s hair, tilts his hips towards him. ‘Open your mouth.’

Ravi breathes out heavily and repeats, “ _Make_ me.”

‘Oh, fuck, you tease … _open_.’ Bean tugs on Ravi’s hair, pulling him forward until his mouth’s pressed against Bean’s cock.

Ravi doesn’t open his mouth, hot breath from his nostrils teasing Bean’s cock, groaning each time he inhales because all he can smell is Bean’s cock, his skin, his wetness. He feels drunk, high. It’s taking all his self-control not to just fill his mouth. Bean lets out a frustrated growl and shoves one hand between them, fingers pushing into Ravi’s mouth, pushing down on his lower jaw. He’s rough, far more than he would normally be, part of him flinches back from what he’s doing, but he’s so far gone that the only thing driving him is the desire to have Ravi’s lips around his cock.

Ravi groans loudly, opening for Bean, pushing his head forward, panting, desperate for Bean to give him his cock. Bean pulls his fingers back, immediately pushing his aching cock into Ravi’s mouth. The sensation of Ravi’s lips sliding over his skin draws a long, low moan from him. His hips jerk forward involuntarily. Ravi moans and shoves forward, taking Bean deep. He sucks hard as he pulls back, then shoves forward again, pulling against Bean’s hand in his hair, establishes a rhythm, taking Bean as deep as he can, then pulling back so just the head of Bean’s cock is between his lips, before taking him in, again and again. His eyes are squeezed closed, the invasion of his throat is making his eyes water, and he’s loving every second of it.

Bean’s thrusts are erratic, urgent, a stark contrast to the way his hand gently cradles the back of Ravi’s head. Their reflection forgotten, he stares down at Ravi as though finally seeing him clearly. ‘You love me,’ heat coiling in the pit of his stomach, legs trembling, voice shaking, bringing his other hand up to stroke Ravi’s face, ‘you love me … oh god, I love _you …’_

Ravi moans loudly in response, bobbing his head faster, his eyes watering for a different reason now. He can't stop looking at Bean’s face. Desperate as he is to make his lover come, he doesn't ever want this to end. He wants to stay like this, making Bean feel good, being looked at with such open adoration, forever. The look in Ravi’s eyes is what tips Bean over, not just desire now, so much _more_. It’s dangerous and reaches right down into him and pulls his stupid heart wide open, _I don’t care, I don’t care_. His hand tightens in Ravi’s hair, a rush going through his whole body as he stills, coming in Ravi’s mouth with a moan so soft it’s almost a whimper.

Ravi pulls back, opening his mouth so Bean can see himself shooting on his tongue. He sucks Bean’s cock into his mouth again, moaning at the taste, moaning at the feeling of having made the man he loves lose control. 

‘Oh, my god …’ Bean shudders, staggers, clutches at Ravi’s shoulders. 

Ravi grabs Bean’s hips steadying him. He takes Bean’s cock deep and lets out a deliberate loud groan, vibrating through Bean’s sensitised body. The sound is like an electric shock. Bean utters a loud, choked-off cry and goes completely rigid for a moment, muscles locked and straining. Then his hands paw at Ravi ineffectually as he gasps, ‘stop stop, _fuck_ , I can’t …’

Ravi pulls back, looking up at Bean. He gives the head of Bean’s cock a final lick before breaking away entirely. He looks up at him and breathes, “You're amazing.”

Bean’s legs fail completely. He collapses to a half-sitting position, reaches for Ravi and, with shaking hands, pulls him close. Unable to form coherent words, he simply kisses Ravi’s eyes, cheeks, lips, over and over. Ravi smiles, letting Bean pepper him with kisses. He puts his arms around him and draws him closer. 

His thudding heart finally calming, Bean gradually slows his kisses. With a last, lingering brush of his lips, he leans his forehead against Ravi’s. Ravi breathes out slowly, hands gently stroking Bean’s sides and back. 

Sitting back slightly, Bean reaches up and cups Ravi’s face in his hand, looking into his eyes. His voice is soft, his face vulnerable. ‘Yours,’ he whispers, ‘love you.’

“I love you,” Ravi says, turning his face to kiss the palm of Bean’s hand. “Love you too.”

Bean gives him a smile that’s almost shy. ‘We didn’t even make it to the bed this time.’

“I'm gonna fuck you everywhere in this suite _except_ the bed,” Ravi breathes, then leans in to kiss Bean again. 

Bean shivers as the memory of Ravi pinning him in the elevator surges back. ‘There’s … a lot of room in this suite.’

“Yeah there is,” Ravi breathes. “And on the balcony…”

With a soft laugh, Bean says, ‘Thought you said you were kidding about that’

“That was just any old balcony. This one is special,” Ravi says. 

‘Why, because this costs more than Jelpi would pay for all six of us combined?’

“Ha. Yes, that, but also the hot tub.”

‘The what? Did I miss something?’ Bean looks around, bewildered.

“Yeah, there's a hot tub out there,” Ravi says. 

‘On the balcony. A hot tub. On. The _balcony_.’ Bean blinks, trying to process the idea. Then a truly wicked smile blooms on his face.

Ravi watches Bean. He knows that look. “What're you planning?”

Choosing to deliberately misinterpret Ravi’s question, Bean replies casually, ‘Oh, right now, I’m just planning to get a towel to clean that window.’ The look in his eyes, however, says something far more interesting is on his mind.

Ravi looks over his shoulder at the window and murmurs, “What a mess…”

‘Mmm.’ It’s not a noise of agreement so much as of contentment. And not a little satisfaction.

Ravi smiles a little, his face flushing with the memory of it. “I shot _hard_.”

Leaning in to nuzzle just below Ravi’s jaw, Bean murmurs, ‘Mm, you did. You looked gorgeous.’

“ _We_ looked gorgeous…” Ravi says. “God, that blowjob was _hot…_ ”

‘I really thought I was going to fall over. You are _talented_ , lover.’

“You have a beautiful dick,” Ravi breathes, starting to get aroused again, just talking about it. “Perfect.”

Bean nips at Ravi’s earlobe. ‘If we’re talking perfection, then your mouth definitely qualifies.’ He trails kisses down Ravi’s neck. ‘In fact, pretty much everything about you.’

“Only pretty much?” Ravi says, slightly breathlessly. “Are you negging me?”

‘Well, there is the snoring …’

“I don't snore!”

Bean grins against the side of Ravi’s neck. ‘Gotcha.’

“I can sleep on the couch if you like…” Ravi says softly. 

‘You don’t get away that easily.’ Bean tightens his arms around Ravi. ‘Your skin’s pretty cold. Why don’t we see if this upgrade comes with some of those fancy bathrobes?’

Ravi murmurs as he pulls back and stands up, “Orrrr we could turn up the heating and _you_ could take _your_ clothes _off_.

‘What a completely unexpected idea,’ says Bean with a total lack of conviction as he rises to his feet, shedding his t-shirt and jeans. ‘I think I saw a controller for the room over here …’ He picks up what looks like a typical TV remote and presses a few buttons experimentally. There’s a whirring noise from the end of the bed as a truly gigantic LED screen rises out of a hidden compartment in the footboard. ‘Ohh-kayy, not that one.’

“Life size porn,” Ravi says with a grin. “Hyukkie would be in his element!”

‘Ugh, feel free never to mention those two things in the same sentence again. Besides, I don't think we'll have much time for watching TV. We do have a full schedule, what with all the fan meets and interviews … and you fucking me everywhere in this room.’ 

“We need to find some lube if that's gonna happen,” Ravi says. He looks at the wall of wardrobes, opening random doors. “Robes!” he says, way too excitedly. 

Joining him, Bean unhooks one of the thick white bathrobes from its hanger. He shucks the rest of his clothes quickly and shrugs into it. ‘Oh, this is really soft, feel it.’

Ravi moves up close, grabbing Bean’s ass and pulling their hips together. “Mmm… feels good…”

Bean pushes back against him. It's almost instinct by now. ‘I just realised something weird.’

“Mmm?” Ravi murmurs, pressing his face against Bean’s neck. 

‘There's only one bed in this suite.’

“I think there's another bedroom downstairs,” Ravi says. “Near the bathroom.”

‘Oh.’ Bean sounds a little disappointed.

“With another bed I won't be fucking you in.”

‘ _Ohh_.’ 

“Maybe on the floor next to it.”

Bean’s breath stutters in his throat. He half-turns in Ravi’s arms. Ravi grins wickedly. 

‘Bathroom,’ says Bean as firmly as he can with a suddenly dry mouth. ‘But if there’s nothing there I am definitely going down to the hotel store. I’ll break in, if I have to.’

“You're that desperate to have me inside you?” Ravi asks, his expression showing how desperate _he_ is for that. 

Bean pushes his hips back, watching Ravi’s face. ‘You have _no idea_. I’ve wanted that for so long.’

“Let’s go exploring,” Ravi murmurs. 

Bean pulls out another robe and wraps it around Ravi’s shoulders. As they descend the stairs, he takes Ravi’s hand, grinning as he catches sight again of their reflections in the window. ‘Now we really look the part of decadent rock stars on tour.’

“You look more like the sweet, innocent young thing I've lured back to my hotel room,” Ravi says, looking at the window. 

‘Poor innocent visual led astray by your evil rapper ways?’ says Bean. ‘Sounds like fun.’

“Hah, innocent,” Ravi says. “I might have bought that a week ago.”

‘A week ago you thought I was straight,’ Bean says as he opens the door to the bathroom. ‘Holy shit, look at this.’

Ravi pushes up behind him, slipping his arms around Bean’s waist. “Wow,” he says.

The bathroom is at least as big as the smaller bedroom beside it. Besides the walk-in shower and the counter with a mirror that reaches to the ceiling, a deep, triangular-shaped spa nestles in one corner, and there are two handles for things that seem to fold down out of the wall. Bean’s voice is faintly disbelieving. ‘ _Two_ hot tubs. Who needs two hot tubs?’ 

“ _We_ do,” Ravi says, pushing his hips against Bean’s ass.

Leaning back against Ravi, Bean turns his head for a kiss. ‘So I’ll put that on the list, then?’

Ravi brushes his lips against Bean’s and murmurs, “It’s going to be a long list…”

Bean shrugs. ‘So we’re not going to be sleeping much. I’m sure I’ll cope.’ Eyeing the cupboards, he says, ‘I’m not hopeful, but we might as well take a look.’

Ravi lets Bean go reluctantly and moves into the room. He opens the cabinet under the sink and frowns when he finds nothing but extra towels.

A quick inspection of the array of small bottles on the inset ledges above the bath and in the shower shows Bean that, while there’s a ridiculous range of hair and face products, everything else is designed to produce scented bubbles. He holds up one that’s labelled ‘Apple Blossom Peach Fantasy’, and turns to Ravi. ‘Dear god, it’s like someone decided to bottle two of our songs. Who would _use_ this?’

Ravi takes the bottle from Bean and opens the lid. He sniffs at the bottle and murmurs, “It smells really nice. Don’t think it’ll be much use to fuck you with, though.”

Bean bursts out laughing, almost doubling over. ‘Bubbles …’

Ravi grins as he puts the lid back on the bottle. “Could ruin the mood a bit.”

With an effort, Bean gets himself under control. Then he looks at the bottle in Ravi’s hand, and dissolves again. Ravi puts the bottle back on the shelf, shaking his head, laughing.

‘Guess an upgrade doesn’t come with everything,’ says Bean. ‘Looks like I’m going hunting.’

“You don’t want me to come with you?” Ravi says.

‘It’ll mean getting dressed,’ Bean says warningly. ‘But if you’re willing to suffer that … of course I do. Assuming there’s something open, of course.’

“I suppose I can make that massive sacrifice for you,” Ravi says. “If you’re willing to let me put on clothes, that is.”

From the look Bean gives him, clothes are clearly not a preferred option. ‘Before you go that far, maybe I should check whether the store is even open right now.’ Stepping back into the main room, he looks around and spots a leather folder on a shelf near the door. He scoops it up and flips through quickly. ‘Damn.’

“I take it that’s a no,” Ravi says. “Anything on the room service menu we could improvise with?” He grins a bit, imagining chilli oil or mayonnaise.

Bean makes a face, and carefully places the folder back on the shelf, sliding it away from Ravi. ‘Do not even _think_ about it.’

Ravi grins a bit more, murmurs, “They don’t have any, like, romance kits or anything? With massage oil?”

‘Unfortunately we didn’t get upgraded to the _honeymoon_ suite, lover. ’

“That’s a shame,” Ravi says. “Room service could make a killing selling emergency lube.”

‘Dare you to put that on the customer satisfaction survey,’ snorts Bean. He ducks back into the bathroom to grab a towel from the cupboard. ‘For the window.’

Ravi smirks and murmurs, “We might need more towels upstairs if that last one was anything to go by…”

Bean shakes his head, smiling. ‘Unbelievable.’ He heads for the stairs, towel in hand.

Ravi goes into the second bedroom, looking around. It’s smaller than the first, but very nice and with plush, deep carpet that he can’t wait to fuck Bean on. He smiles a little and goes upstairs.

It's the work of only a few moments to wipe the window so that it's mostly clean. Bean drops the towel near the bed and turns to Ravi. ‘So …’

Ravi shrugs the robe off his shoulders and licks his lips. “So.”

‘So … we should probably get some sleep, early morning tomorrow and all,’ says Bean with complete insincerity as he lets his own robe fall to the floor in a puddle around his feet.

“I'm not tired,” Ravi says. “At all.”

Moving closer, Bean murmurs, ‘What a coincidence, neither am I. So how should we pass the time?’ 

“Well… we have credit for room service. And _two_ hot tubs,” says Ravi. 

‘Midnight snack? Could be fun, but …’ Bean grins. ‘It’s going to be a little hard to talk to each other when you’re in the bathroom and I’m on the balcony.’

“I’ll facetime you,” Ravi says with a grin. “It’ll be fun.”

Bean slides his arms around Ravi’s waist. ‘Rather touch you.’ 

Ravi sighs, world-weary. “I guess I can put up with that.”

‘Oh, well, in that case … good night.’ Bean lets go of Ravi and turns to pull back the bedcovers.

Ravi tackles Bean face-first onto the bed with a grunt, grabbing his hands and holding them against the sheets. Hiding his smile, Bean pushes back with his hips. Ravi shifts, lining his cock up with the crack of Bean’s ass, grinding against him. “This _is_ what you wanted, isn’t it?” he breathes in Bean’s ear.

‘ _Ohh_. Don’t be cruel, you know I do.’

“You want my cock in that hot ass of yours, don’t you baby?” Ravi murmurs, lips brushing the back of Bean’s neck. “You want me to hold you down like this and fuck you. Or would you prefer it against the wall?”

Half-smothered, Bean twists through a sudden rush of arousal. ‘Anything,’ he moans, knowing how needy he sounds, unable to deny it. ‘Fuck me right here ... into the wall … the floor … any way you want, _every_ way you want.’

Ravi thrusts against Bean, letting out a shuddering breath against his shoulder. He scrapes his teeth gently against the skin, letting out a groan. Bean makes an inarticulate sound that’s pure frustration. Every part of him yearns to be taken, and the knowledge that they’re prevented by such a simple thing is maddening. Ravi kisses slowly down Bean’s spine, on hands and knees over him on the bed. He licks a long, slow trail back up, breath hot on Bean’s skin.

Fists clenching in the sheet, Bean lifts his head, looks back over his shoulder at Ravi, eyes wild and pleading. Ravi looks at Bean’s face and licks his bottom lip lewdly. He slips down the bed again, trailing his lips against Bean’s skin, then he plants a hand on each of his ass cheeks and breathes on the crack of his ass.

‘God, what are you trying to _do_ to me?’ Bean gasps.

“See if you taste like champagne,” Ravi murmurs, and pulls Bean’s ass cheeks apart, breathing over his hole.

It’s a ridiculous, cheesy line, but instead of provoking a smile, it makes Bean’s pulse jump, and Ravi’s breath on his skin makes him shiver. Even though his hands are now free, he doesn’t untangle them from the sheets.

“Do you want it?” Ravi breathes, so close. 

‘ _Yes_ …’

“Yeah?” Ravi breathes, lips only millimetres away.

‘Please …’ Barely more than a shaky whisper.

Ravi only barely flicks the tip of his tongue over Bean’s hole, then breathes out heavily. He wants more of the shaky tone of Bean’s voice. He wants it all. Bean gasps, and his hips jolt. “More?” Ravi breathes.

‘Y-yes …’

Ravi groans and breathes, “I can see you clenching…” He blows over Bean’s hole again. “So fucking _hot_.”

Although he's barely moving, Bean is already drenched in sweat, his face hot where it presses against the mattress. ‘Oh, god … _please_.’

Ravi drags his tongue over Bean’s hole and groans. He squeezes Bean’s ass cheeks as he buries his face between them, licking and licking and licking, letting out muffled little moans into Bean’s hot flesh. Arching, Bean pushes back, his head coming up off the mattress. Ravi's tongue is warm and slightly rough; the way it feels sweeping over his hole tangles up with the knowledge of just how intimate this act is. Broken, pleading moans spill from Bean's open mouth.

Ravi lets out a noise that’s half growl, half groan, which buzzes through Bean’s sensitive skin, through his _insides_ , stiffens his tongue and presses the tip against Bean’s hole. Bean writhes. His fingers scrabble at the sheet, eyes tightly closed, his moans grow louder. Ravi, spurred on by the incredibly hot noises Bean is making, pushes his tongue inside him. He slowly tongue fucks Bean, eyes squeezed closed, hands squeezing Bean’s ass cheeks, tongue spearing him mercilessly. It’s filthy, it feels incredible, it’s _not enough_. Desperately aroused, desperately needing more, Bean bites down on the sheet, muffling his cries.

Ravi pulls back slightly and breathes against Bean’s hole, “You taste so fucking good, baby. God I wanna be inside you. I’m _aching_ for you…” He lowers his head again, licking and sucking at Bean’s entrance.

They can’t, there’s no lube, Bean’s not even sure he still has condoms stashed in his luggage. Still, he can’t stop himself from groaning, ‘ Want you too … want you in me so bad …’

Ravi pulls back and grabs Bean’s hips, manhandling him up onto his hands and knees. He lowers his mouth to Bean’s hole again, piercing it with his stiff tongue, and reaches around Bean’s thigh to take hold of his cock. Bean cries out, almost sobs with relief. Loving how easily Ravi can dominate him physically, he thrusts into Ravi's hand. Ravi lets out a low moan, the sound buzzing through his body again. He squeezes and strokes Bean’s hard cock as he licks into him. It’s all he can do to hold back from taking him, lube or none. Already so close, Bean is dragged over the edge by Ravi's groan. He drops his head against the sheet again, coming hard over Ravi's hand, clenching and twitching under Ravi's tongue.

Ravi moans, _so_ turned on by making Bean come this way, loving that he’s _allowed_ to do this. He keeps stroking Bean’s cock, wanting to draw it out as long as possible, wanting him completely out of control. Bean shakes, nearly throwing Ravi off as he bucks under him, grabbing for Ravi’s hand. Ravi stills his hand, chuckling quietly. He presses a kiss to Bean’s ass cheek. All the tension rushes out of Bean, and he collapses onto the bed.

Ravi moves to lie on the bed beside Bean. He presses his lips against Bean’s shoulder and breathes out slowly. Though his limbs feel unbelievably heavy, Bean manages to hook one arm and leg over Ravi’s body, shuddering as he pushes close. Ravi kisses Bean’s shoulder again, watching him. He pulls Bean a little closer. 

Bean raises heavy-lidded, utterly sated eyes to his. ‘Love you …’

Ravi smiles slowly and murmurs smugly, “After that, I'm not surprised.”

‘Shut up. Loved you anyway.’ Bean pushes ineffectually at Ravi.

“Love me more now, though.”

Bean finally manages to focus his gaze. Face serious, he pushes his forehead against Ravi’s. ‘Not more. Can just admit it now I know you feel the same.’ Ravi smiles, stroking his fingers lightly down Bean’s spine. ‘Ah, I'm sorry, you're gonna get sick of me saying that.’ Bean presses an apologetic kiss to Ravi's lips.

Ravi says softly, “I'll never get sick of it.”

Bean pinches himself. ‘Huh. Still not dreaming.’ He shifts onto his side, frowning as his hand encounters something small and hard that makes a crinkling noise when touched. Bringing it down to look at it, he grins. ‘Oh look, complimentary breath mint,’ he says, holding it out to Ravi. 

Ravi laughs, taking it from him. “Well _I_ don't mind the taste.” He unwraps the breath mint and pops it into his mouth. 

Ridiculously, Bean feels himself blushing. ‘That was … ‘ Words fail him.

“Fucking hot?” Ravi suggests, radiating smugness. 

Bean rolls his eyes, but concedes the point. ‘And unbelievably frustrating, my _god_.’

Ravi chuckles. “Frustrating how? I got you off, didn't I? I got you _way_ off.”

‘Oh, you did. You definitely did. Just made me want _this_ even more,’ Bean says, trailing his fingers over Ravi’s cock.

Ravi breathes out slowly. “I wanna give it to you…”

‘Sure we can’t just break into the pharmacy tonight?’ Bean wraps his hand around Ravi’s cock, stroking slowly.

“Are you ready to go again already?” Ravi murmurs, watching Bean’s hand on his cock. “Hungry, aren't you?”

‘This is about you, lover,’ murmurs Bean as he brushes his lips over Ravi’s jaw.

Ravi tilts his head back and moans softly. “I loved eating your ass,” he breathes. “Fuck, you're so sexy…”

Keeping to the same slow pace, Bean kisses down Ravi’s neck to the base of his throat. ‘You drove me crazy. Imagine how it will feel when you do finally sink this gorgeous cock of yours into me.’

Ravi thrusts his hips, letting out a quiet groan. “Tell me how much you want it.”

‘I’ve wanted it for so long,’ whispers Bean, hand working. ‘Dreamed of it. Woke up in the night so _hard_ for you …’ He presses closer, pushing his hardening cock against Ravi’s thigh. ‘Thought about you opening my door, crawling on top of me, holding me down … taking me …’

“If I had thought you wanted that, even for a second, I would have given it to you…”

_If I hadn’t been an idiot_ , thinks Bean. ‘Just think, you’ll be able to do that whenever you want, now. _Wherever_ you want.’

“I want it _now_ …” Ravi breathes. “I wanna fuck you so bad…”

Moving his hand faster, Bean smiles against Ravi’s skin, mimics him: ‘ _Waiting_ …’ Ravi lets out a frustrated groan and tries to pull Bean closer, moving his thigh against Bean’s cock. Bean moans and pushes closer, but stays pressed against Ravi’s side. ‘Should have let me go shopping before the movie.’ 

“There must be a convenience store or _something_ open nearby…” Ravi says, voice verging on desperate.

‘We could look,’ Bean kisses his way down Ravi’s chest, ‘but then I’d have to stop doing this.’ He fastens his mouth on Ravi’s nipple, sucking and flicking his tongue, stroking Ravi’s cock faster and faster.

Ravi groans, watching Bean’s mouth on his skin, thrusting into Bean’s hand, his muscles tightening. “Ohh _fuck_ , gonna come…”

Bean lifts his head just enough to breathe, ‘Come for me, lover,’ then catches Ravi’s nipple between his teeth. Ravi grabs at Bean, his hips thrusting uncontrollably as he comes, shuddering and crying out.

Bean strokes Ravi through his orgasm, gradually slowing, easing him down. ‘Beautiful,’ he whispers, his lips close to Ravi’s. Ravi lifts his head, taking Bean’s mouth in a clumsy, uncoordinated, breathy kiss. 

‘Guess the bed isn’t so bad, after all,’ smiles Bean when they finally come up for air.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Without another word, Bean hangs up and goes back into the room. Using a wastepaper basket to wedge the door open, he shrugs off the robe and starts back towards the bed loft before an idea comes to him. He turns around, leaving the robe on the floor, and takes up a position leaning against the wall near the door, arms crossed and head down.
> 
> Ravi only just holds himself back from running down the corridor to the hotel room. He pushes the door open, kicking the wastepaper basket out of the way, and stops in his tracks when he sees Bean. _Artwork._

'Guess the bed isn't so bad, after all,' smiles Bean when they finally come up for air.

“I didn't fuck you on it,” Ravi murmurs. 

‘Not _yet_ , but you have to admit, it’s pretty comfortable.’

“Floor. Coffee table. Both sofas. Both hot tubs. Leaning over the balcony. The carpet beside the bed in the downstairs bedroom. The shower,” Ravi murmurs. “But first, with your face pressed against the door, like I wanted to in the last room.”

From the hungry look Bean gives Ravi, it’s clear that last is at the top of his list, too. ‘Sounds like Christmas …’

“Sexy Christmas,” Ravi agrees. 

‘Best kind.’ Bean shifts away from Ravi to snag the towel from the floor and uses it to clean them both up a little. ‘Should probably have a shower, but …’ he snuggles down and wraps himself around Ravi with a contented sigh.

“Are you hungry?” Ravi asks, cuddling in to Bean. 

‘You really want to use that room service voucher, don’t you?’

Ravi grins impishly. “Am I that obvious?”

‘Only where your appetite is concerned,’ Bean says. ‘I could eat. But _you_ have to go downstairs to get the menu.’

“Maybe I'm not hungry after all,” Ravi says. 

‘Sure?’ Bean asks, making himself even more comfortable, head pillowed on Ravi's chest. ‘Wouldn't want you to waste away to nothing.’

“We need to keep our strength up,” Ravi says, smiling, “if we’re gonna keep this pace up…”

‘Off you go, then.’

Ravi kisses Bean quickly and rolls off the bed, padding down the stairs buck naked. 

‘Never going to get tired of that view,’ calls Bean. As Ravi disappears out of sight he reaches over to the bedside table and, picking up the remote, starts pressing buttons randomly. Besides the giant LED screen, there are controls for the curtains, to dim and brighten lights, and even a room-wide sound system whose offerings include the very album they’re showcasing this tour. Grinning, Bean selects it, turning the volume up as the opening piano of the Japanese language version of _Error_ starts up.

Ravi comes back up the stairs with the room service menu and flops on the bed on his tummy. “Are you trying to get me excited, playing this?”

Bean reaches for the menu. ‘I don’t think you need mood music for that, lover. They’ve got the entire album on the system. Guess they’re cashing in on celebrity guests, no wonder they were so quick to offer us this place.’ 

“Yeah, I noticed they didn't have to ask us which room we were staying in.”

Taken aback, Bean says, ‘Huh. I missed that completely. But then, I was distracted at the time.’ Ravi smirks and doesn't even bother trying to hide it. Bean rolls his eyes, but doesn’t comment. The prices on the menu are … high. ‘We’d better check how much this voucher will cover before we get carried away.’

“That sounds like no fun at all to me,” Ravi says, frowning. 

‘You can make up the difference, then. Okay, midnight snack, go crazy.’

“Hmm. What would be best to eat off your naked body..?” Ravi muses, looking through the menu. 

Bean laughs. ‘Ice cream? Strawberries and honey?’

“Think they'll judge us if I just order a massive bowl of whipped cream?” Ravi asks, grinning. 

Knowing full well he's setting up a perfect straight line, Bean says, ‘Maybe you could disguise it with a cherry on top.’

Ravi leans in and brushes his lips against Bean’s cheek and breathes, “Cherry, huh?”

‘Whatever could you be implying?’

“I’m not implying anything at all,” Ravi says. “What do you think I’m implying?”

Bean adopts a wide-eyed, innocent expression that’s completely undermined by his poorly suppressed grin. ‘I’m sure I don’t know.’

“You’re the one who brought up cherries.”

‘You don’t like cherries?’

“I… are we actually talking about cherries? I’m getting confused.”

‘Oh, I just … I thought you liked cherries. You certainly seemed to like mine just then.’ And he dissolves into laughter.

Ravi grins and pokes Bean in the shoulder. “Yeah, it was tasty.”

Bean flushes, then immediately looks annoyed with himself. ‘Dammit.’ He indicates the phone on the table beside Ravi. ‘Well, have you made a decision?’

“Just a big bottle of olive oil for me,” Ravi says, then he presses a kiss to Bean’s shoulder. 

He gets a wide-eyed look in return. ‘ _You_ can call down and ask for that,’ Bean says.

“You're giving me permission to cover you in oil and wrestle with you?”

‘No, I …’ Bean narrows his eyes, then breaks into a grin. ‘Hah, I suppose I walked into that one.’

Ravi doesn't smile, just pulls Bean closer. “Do you think they'll do it if I ask?”

Bean shivers a little, anticipation getting the better of him. ‘Hm, maybe not a whole bottle, but you might be able to talk them into something less weird.’

“I wonder if the hotel’s spa would have massage oil that reception could send up…” Ravi murmurs. “I could massage you.”

‘Oh, that’s what we’re calling it now? You do know there are a couple of pull-down massage tables in that giant bathroom, don’t you?’

Ravi's eyebrows raise. “Then there _must_ be massage oil.”

‘Sorry, lover, there’s nothing in the bathroom. There’s a number you can call for an in-room massage. The spa makes house calls for premium guests, it seems.’

“Would you like a massage?” Ravi asks, smiling. “I'd like a massage. A really oily one. One where the masseuse forgets to take the bottle with him when he goes.”

‘Are you volunteering to give me this “massage”, then?’ The air quotes are obvious. ‘Because right now I don't want anyone else's hands on me. Just yours.’

Ravi leans in and murmurs, “I was thinking more about getting my fingers inside you…”

‘Oh god, that's _it_ ,’ mutters Bean, ‘either we break into the pharmacy or we slip our security leashes and go out right now, because this is fucking torture ‘

“I'll put on some clothes,” Ravi says. He gets off the bed and slips his jeans on, not bothering with underwear. 

‘We’re really doing this?’ Bean grins. ‘Just let me dive through the shower.’

“Why do you need a shower?” Ravi asks. 

‘Well … we did get a bit messy.’

“I like you smelling like me,” Ravi says, pausing to look down at Bean. “I like knowing my spit is all over you.”

‘In that case …’ Bean flops over on his front and points towards the pile of clothes near the window. ‘Hand me my phone and let’s see what’s open at this hour.’

Ravi stares at Bean’s ass and licks his lips. He walks over to the pile and grabs Bean’s phone from his jeans pocket. He hands the phone to Bean. 

‘I can feel you staring, you know,’ says Bean, tapping at the screen. 

“Good,” Ravi says quietly. “I don't want you to doubt for one second how much I _want_ you.”

Bean turns over and looks up at Ravi, his face serious. ‘Not for one second. Not anymore.’

Ravi moves in close, looking down at Bean, and kisses him softly. 

Cupping one hand around the back of Ravi’s neck, Bean deepens the kiss. Clearly reluctant, he finally pulls back. ‘If we keep this up we’ll never get out of here.’

Ravi stands up and murmurs, “Find somewhere, baby. I can go if you want to stay here, naked, waiting for me.”

‘Mmm, tempting.’ Bean stretches luxuriously, keeping eye contact. ‘There’s a place just around the block.’

Ravi’s eyes slip away from Bean’s, his gaze caressing Bean’s naked skin. His tongue plays along the inside of his bottom lip. 

‘Something wrong?’ Bean tucks one hand behind his head.

“Gonna fuck you so hard you'll feel it every time you move for a week,” Ravi says. “Give me your phone with the map.”

Bean lets out a long, shaky breath. The arm that holds out the phone visibly trembles.

Ravi takes the phone from Bean and turns to go. He only just remembers to turn around and put on shoes and his shirt. He looks at Bean again and lets out a quiet little groan before disappearing down the stairs. 

Too late, Bean thinks, _damn, should have swapped phones_. The prospect of texting Ravi while he’s gone - or even better, sending him images - almost makes him call out, but the door to the room closes too quickly. Now there’s nothing to do but wait, and think about what will happen when Ravi gets back. Bean lies back again, staring up at the ceiling, trying to stay calm - _wait, did he take a keycard? Guess I’ll find out._ He shrugs.

Ravi jogs to the elevator bank and presses the button. It arrives and he steps inside. He presses the button for the ground floor and it's only as the doors are sliding closed that he has a moment of panic, their recent experience coming to the forefront of his mind. He watches the floor indicator above the door carefully, praying he won't get stuck, not _now_. 

Turning the music up a little, Bean sets it to shuffle. Immediately, it starts playing another of their songs from the album; he laughs to himself as he hears his own voice singing the first lines of _Chained Up_. 

When the elevator reaches the ground floor, Ravi slips through the doors before they’re fully opened, walks quickly through the foyer and out onto the street. He slips on the facemask he habitually keeps in his jeans pocket and follows the directions on the map app on Bean’s phone.

Ravi finds the convenience store easily enough and walks the aisles, locating the condoms and lube. He just stares at the unfamiliar brands and bottles. It occurs to him that he and Bean haven’t really discussed condoms. He grabs three different bottles of lubricant and four different boxes of condoms, one with a very prominent ‘XL’ on the logo (which he chooses for Bean with a small, thrilled smile), and goes up to the checkout. 

Ravi avoids eye contact and makes minimal conversation as the cashier rings up the price. He pays by contactless and breathes a sigh of relief as the cashier hands him the bag. He has to stop himself from running back to the hotel, but his heart is racing like he’s done a sprint.

Although Bean tries to relax and drift, his mind keeps returning to what happened in the lift. _I nearly lost it all_. The texts, his own furious hurt, the way Ravi tried to take back what he’d said about loving him - _because he thought I didn’t feel the same way. Am I really so hard to read?_ Even as he thinks that, he knows the answer, and he grimaces at the ceiling. He’s hidden himself away for so long that it’s almost second nature, now, so much so that it’s become a reflex. There and then he decides, _no more hiding_ , shoving away the sudden flare of fear. 

Ravi steps into the elevator and presses the button for their new floor. A message flashes up on the button panel’s screen in Japanese. He frowns and presses the button again. This time an animation comes up, of a hand swiping a card against the elevator panel. 

“ _Shit_.”

Bored, Bean experiments some more with the remote; he dims the lights, turns up the climate control enough to be completely comfortable naked. Popping up the LED screen again, he searches the menu, then bursts out laughing as it displays a crackling log fire, complete with sound effects. It’s so cheesy that he decides to leave it on.

_He’s been gone for ages_ , Bean thinks, _it was only around the block, don’t tell me he got lost_. Reaching over to the bedside table for his phone, he checks himself. _Oh, yeah_. 

Ravi checks his pockets for the room key and isn't surprised to find he doesn't have it. He frowns, thinking, for a moment, then grins.

“Oh Ravi,” he says to himself. “You sexy genius.”

Up in the hotel room, the _old phone_ ringtone shrills. Bean sits up, startled. _Ravi’s phone? Didn’t he take it_ … Pawing through their clothes, he finds Ravi’s phone and answers it. ‘Uh … hello?’

“Hey gorgeous,” Ravi says, “what're you wearing?”

Bean laughs. ‘A smile.’

“Mmmnice,” Ravi says, his grin audible. “So… the elevator wants me to have my room key.”

Still laughing, Bean says, ‘I suppose you want to be rescued, then.’

“Put on one of those fluffy robes and press the button for the elevator,” Ravi says. “Please.”

‘Telling me to put on clothes? Only for you, lover.’ Bean gets up and wraps a robe around himself, slipping a keycard into the pocket. ‘All right, Bean to the rescue.’ Looking out in the corridor from the door to the room shows that there’s no one else around, so he quickly walks to the elevator and swipes the card.

The elevator starts its journey upward and Ravi breathes a sigh of relief which only seems to stir up the butterflies in his stomach. “Thank you,” he says. “Now get back to the room and get naked.”

‘Demanding, aren’t you?’ says Bean. ‘How are you planning to get _into_ the room without the key?’

“Jam the door open with something,” Ravi says, smiling. “I have faith in your creativity.”

Without another word, Bean hangs up and goes back into the room. Using a wastepaper basket to wedge the door open, he shrugs off the robe and starts back towards the bed loft before an idea comes to him. He turns around, leaving the robe on the floor, and takes up a position leaning against the wall near the door, arms crossed and head down.

Ravi only just holds himself back from running down the corridor to the hotel room. He pushes the door open, kicking the wastepaper basket out of the way, and stops in his tracks when he sees Bean. _Artwork._

Biting back a grin, Bean doesn’t move.

“That isn't a great place to display such a beautiful piece,” Ravi says, letting the door close behind him. He puts the shopping bag down on the table just inside the door. “It should be on show for the whole world to see…”

It’s been years since they’ve played this game. Only occasionally, these days, does an audience at a fanmeet call for them to play ‘Artwork’. Bean’s missed it, even though it became something uncomfortable when they were dancing around each other and completely failing to get (or give) the right signals. Now, there’s nothing to misinterpret. 

“You should be in the Louvre, Artwork,” Ravi says, moving closer. “I've always thought so.”

Automatically, Bean draws breath to reply, but stops himself in time. _Out of practice_ , he thinks ruefully.

Ravi looks around the room then back at Bean. “Wait right there,” he says. He goes and picks up one of the chairs at the room’s dining table, then places it in front of Bean. He sits down. “Much better. Now I can properly appreciate you.”

There’s a plastic bag at Ravi’s feet, so the shopping expedition was obviously successful. It’s getting increasingly hard for Bean to keep an anticipatory smile off his face. 

Ravi slouches on the seat and slowly unbuttons and unzips his jeans. He shoves them down a little bit and takes his cock into his hand. “I used to love carrying you around. I used to imagine carrying you to my bedroom.”

Bean shifts his head imperceptibly, just enough to be able to see Ravi. _Fucking tease_ , he thinks, memories of his own crowding into his head. Being picked up and hauled out of range of the cameras, only to be set back on his feet far too quickly. Wishing, always, that Ravi would just keep walking, take them somewhere private. 

Ravi slowly strokes his cock, eyes travelling slowly down Bean’s naked body. “Used to imagine touching you all over with you still pretending to be the artwork. Lying you down on my bed. Stripping you naked. Running my hands all over your skin…”

Watching Ravi pleasuring himself, just out of reach, Bean feels his own body respond. The urge to move, to touch, is almost irresistible.

“Getting you hard…” Ravi murmurs. “Getting naked and sinking myself down on your cock…”

Bean lets out a tiny moan, hips twitching involuntarily.

“Using you while you stayed perfectly still,” Ravi breathes, stroking his cock slowly, squeezing it. “Watching you struggle to control your reaction to me…” 

_You are **killing** me here_, thinks Bean. Unconsciously, he strains towards Ravi.

“I have a dildo at home that I’d use while I pictured it,” Ravi murmurs. “It’s nowhere near as big as the real thing…”

The dimple in Bean’s cheeks appear briefly. _Right across the corridor_ …

Ravi sits forward and slowly unbuttons his shirt, watching Bean.

_Let me touch you, I need to touch you_ … 

Ravi shrugs out of his shirt and lets it drop to the floor. He settles back in his seat.

“I couldn’t let myself think about you touching me,” Ravi says. “About you wanting me. Just wanting you was enough.”

_Not enough, never enough, if only I’d known_ …

“Well… not enough,” Ravi says, pushing his jeans down to his ankles. “But it was all I had.”

_Not any more. Now you have all of me_. 

Ravi kicks off his shoes and jeans and sits, naked, watching Bean.

This time, Bean can’t keep the appreciative smile from his face, his eyes roaming over Ravi’s body.

Ravi stands and moves over to where Bean is standing against the wall, pressing his chest against Bean’s crossed arms, eyes trailing over his upper chest, collarbones, neck. “Your skin is perfect,” he murmurs. “You do look like a sculpture. Flawless. Untouchable.”

Bean keeps his eyes down, but it’s all he can do not to simply wrap his arms right around Ravi and grind against him.

“I never thought you’d be _mine_ ,” Ravi breathes. 

_All yours. Always_.

Ravi cups Bean’s cheek and turns his face toward him. He traces his fingertips lightly over Bean’s lips. His fingers smell like his cock.

Bean lets his mouth fall open, just a little, breathing in the scent.

Ravi’s hand slips to the back of Bean’s head and he draws him in for a gentle, cherishing kiss.

Though he wants so badly to do more, Bean simply opens to the kiss, eyes slipping closed.

Ravi quickly gets lost in the kiss, his hands moving to Bean’s crossed arms, pulling them apart, pushing his body against Bean’s. The kiss deepens, becomes more fierce, Ravi grinding his hard cock against Bean’s body.

The groan Bean lets out into Ravi’s mouth is pure relief. _Finally_ , Ravi’s skin on his, hands holding his arms, body pinning him to the wall. 

Ravi breaks the kiss and breathes, “That was just a fantasy. This is _so_ much better.”

Bean stares into Ravi’s eyes, silently begging, pushing against his body.

Ravi’s hands slip down Bean’s body, grabbing his ass, pulling their hips together and grinding, his eyes locked on Bean’s. 

Unable to stop himself, Bean whispers, ‘ _Please_ …’

Ravi pulls back and licks his bottom lip. “All you had to do was ask... Uh…” He takes Bean’s hand and says softly, “I know I said everywhere _but_ the bed, but…” He blushes a little and hates himself for it. “I’d like to take you to bed now.”

Bean smiles. ‘Lead on.’

Ravi smiles and heads for the stairs, his heart racing again.

‘Not going to carry your artwork?’ says Bean, still holding Ravi’s hand as he follows.

“Up the stairs?” Ravi says. “With our luck we’d break both our pelvises and end up in full body casts. No, we’ll walk.”

‘Breaking news,’ laughs Bean. ‘Naked idols in mystery stair accident.’

“Don’t tempt fate, Bean, I’m serious,” Ravi says. “I don’t want anything else to ruin this for us.”

Bean stops, tugging Ravi’s hand to pull him close. ‘Hey. Nothing will. Except maybe for one thing.’

“Oh god, what?” Ravi asks, frowning deeply.

‘You left the supplies back near the door.’

“Ahhh _shit_ ,” Ravi murmurs. He looks at Bean, frowning slightly, hesitating. “Should we… wait? Do you think?”

Bean doesn’t answer, just strides back to scoop up the bag. Heading for the stairs again, he grabs Ravi’s hand and pulls him along.

Ravi breathes out slowly and lets himself be pulled.

‘Good god, this thing is heavy, did you buy the whole store?’

“I didn’t know what to get,” Ravi mumbles.

They reach the top of the stairs, and Bean turns back to Ravi. For a long moment, he just looks at him, then says softly, ‘Take me to bed.’

Ravi turns and walks backwards toward the bed, leading Bean. The look on his face is open, vulnerable. He feels exposed in a way he’s never felt before.

‘Come here.’ Bean draws Ravi close, holding him tightly. 

Ravi buries his face against Bean’s neck, squeezing his eyes closed. 

_He’s really nervous_ , Bean realises suddenly. ‘Hey,’ he murmurs, bringing one hand up to stroke Ravi’s hair. ‘Whatever you want, lover. I’m not going anywhere.’

“I… want you. I _need_ you,” Ravi breathes.

‘Let’s lie down.’ Bean pulls back the covers from the bed.

Ravi nods and lies down on the bed, shuffling over to make room for Bean. He looks up at him, looking a little starstruck.

‘This bed is huge,’ says Bean, scooting over to lie pressed up against Ravi. ‘We could hold a damn orgy in here.’

“How about we don’t do that?” Ravi says, smiling. “I don’t feel like sharing.”

‘Good, because you’re _mine_ ,’ replies Bean, putting a little growl in his voice on the last word.

Ravi leans in and brushes his lips lightly against Bean’s, his eyes slipping closed.

There’s nothing to hold them back now, nothing at all to stop them. In some ways, that knowledge is almost daunting. _Don’t be an idiot_ , Bean tells himself, _we’ve come too far for that_. ‘Love you,’ he breathes against Ravi’s lips, and kisses him deeply.

Ravi slips his arms around Ben’s body, pulling him closer, stroking his hands over Bean’s back.

‘Look at us,’ murmurs Bean, ‘premium suite, free bathrobes, a crackling log fire …’ He grins.

“Champagne…” Ravi says, running the tip of his nose along Bean’s jaw.

‘Even mood music …’ Bean hooks his leg over Ravi’s.

Ravi brushes his lips against the side of Bean’s neck, hands slipping down to his ass, pulling their hips together. “I don’t need mood music,” he murmurs. 

‘Sure? I can look for something … _ohh_ …’

Ravi drags his lips up the side of Bean’s neck, thrusting slowly against him. He breathes into Bean’s ear, “I can’t believe I’m here with you…”

‘Believe it.’ Bean moves with him, welcoming the tension that begins to build between them. 

“I haven’t come so much in one day since I learned how to jerk off,” Ravi says, smiling a little.

‘Day’s not over yet.’

Ravi’s small smile turns into a grin. “Very sure of yourself, aren’t you?”

‘Very sure of _you_ ,’ says Bean.

Ravi laughs softly. “I think the next one will just be a puff of air.”

The thought is so ridiculous that Bean simply collapses, laughing. ‘Idiot,’ he gasps. ‘What an image.’

Ravi grins, watching Bean laugh at him. He’s never been so happy in his life, lying here in a ridiculously large bed with the most gorgeous man he’s ever seen, who _loves_ him.

‘Still not sure this isn’t a dream, you know,’ Bean says when he finally calm down a little. He kisses Ravi softly - then ruins the moment with a huge yawn. ‘Shit, sorry.’

“I think I just saw your breakfast,” Ravi says, then yawns himself. 

‘God, don’t do that. Oh man, maybe lying down was a bad idea after all.’

“I like being in bed with you. I always have,” Ravi says softly. Then he yawns again. 

‘This is ridiculous. I’m wrapped around a beautiful guy who I _really_ want to jump my bones, and I’m falling asleep.’ Bean’s eyes are already drooping. 

“I'm gonna rock your world in the morning,” Ravi murmurs, his eyelids heavy. 

Bean pillows his head on Ravi’s chest. ‘Hold you to that …’ 

“Really wanna fuck you…” Ravi says, squeezing his arms gently around Bean’s body. 

‘Want that … too …’

“Love you,” Ravi breathes. 

‘Love you …’


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bean shivers, his mind going back to just a few days ago, when even lying fully clothed in the same bed with Ravi was a source of stress. Then, he held himself so tightly his shoulders never stopped aching. Now … ‘You’re a bad influence,’ he says.
> 
> Ravi smiles sleepily. “Thank you,” he murmurs. He presses a gentle kiss to Bean’s neck.
> 
> Bean stares down at Ravi, eyes intense. ‘No more waiting … ’

Naturally, the first thing Bean hears in the morning is his phone. And of course, it’s Hyuk’s ringtone. _You are kidding me_ , he thinks sleepily. Resolving to ignore it, he snuggles down again in Ravi’s arms. _Wait_. There’s a moment of utter disorientation. He’s lying in a huge bed, in a different room, Ravi spooned up behind him - and he’s naked. They’re both naked. Then he wakes up a little more, and a drowsy smile spreads over his face. _Definitely not moving_.

Ravi lets out a snore reminiscent of a jackhammer, oblivious to the ringing phone. 

The phone stops, and Bean breathes a sigh of relief … then curses softly as it starts ringing again immediately. Moving carefully to avoid waking Ravi, he stretches out to grab the phone and bring it to his ear. ‘This had better be an emergency, or you are _dead_.’

Hyuk’s voice sounds just short of freaked out. ‘Dude, how asleep _were_ you? Eomma went to wake you for breakfast, and you didn’t answer the door.’

 _Oops_. ‘Ah, we switched rooms, long story. Tell you later, but let Eomma know we’re alive.’ He glances back at Ravi. ‘And, uh, we won’t be down to breakfast because we got a room service voucher. We’ll meet you guys at the bus.’

‘He’s not gonna like that,’ warns Hyuk.

‘I’m sure you can sweet-talk him. Now go away and let me eat in peace.’ Bean hangs up. Dropping the phone back onto the bedside table, he turns over and snuggles in. ‘Wake up, lover.’

Ravi shifts slightly, pressing back against Bean. He lets out a soft sigh and settles again. 

Bean grins. ‘Ravi-yah,’ he calls softly. ‘Ravi-yah, wake up.’

Ravi presses his face into the pillow and grumbles. 

‘Okay, I’ll just go get dressed and leave you all alone, then.’

“Bean,” Ravi mumbles, “cuddle me.”

‘We don’t have long,’ says Bean, already slipping an arm over Ravi’s waist and pulling him close. 

“Time’s it?” Ravi murmurs, half-turning to press his cheek against Bean’s face. 

‘Breakfast time, apparently. I told Hyukkie we were having room service, so we’ll probably catch hell from eomma.’

“Mmmdon’tcare,” Ravi breathes. He turns fully in Bean’s arms and presses his face against his neck. 

Bean shivers, his mind goes back to just a few days ago, when even lying fully clothed in the same bed with Ravi was a source of stress. Then, he held himself so tightly his shoulders never stopped aching. Now … ‘You’re a bad influence,’ he says.

Ravi smiles sleepily. “Thank you,” he murmurs. He presses a gentle kiss to Bean’s neck. 

‘Mmm. This is a much better way to wake up together.’

“Mmdefinitely,” Ravi breathes. He scrapes his teeth lightly against Bean’s skin. “Please tell me we have more than fifteen minutes.”

Bean laughs softly. ‘We got lucky. I think we have at least an hour.’

“Not long enough,” Ravi murmurs, pressing closer. 

Bringing his mouth up to Ravi’s, Bean says, ‘Better make the most of it, then.’

Ravi kisses Bean softly, wraps his arms around him and pulls him closer still. 

Bean opens to Ravi’s kiss, shifting to tangle their legs together.

Ravi rolls onto his back, pulling Bean on top of him, his own thighs parted. He moans into Bean’s mouth as their bodies move together. 

‘Awake now?’ Bean grins, rocking against him.

Ravi lifts his head and kisses Bean hard in answer. His hands slip down Bean’s back to grab his ass, pulling Bean harder against him. 

Their cocks press together, and Bean shudders as he feels Ravi’s hardness against his own. ‘Want you,’ he gasps between kisses, ‘ _want_ you …’

“Want you too, oh my _god_ ,” Ravi breathes, writhing under Bean, clutching at his body, his own body shaking. 

Bean stares down at Ravi, eyes intense. ‘No more waiting … want you inside me.’

Ravi licks his lips, a thrill going through his body. “Yeah?” he says. 

‘ _Yes_. _Need you_.’

“Where’d we put the bag?” Ravi murmurs, stilling, trying to contain his need. 

Bean indicates with a tilt of his head. ‘Your side,’ he says unsteadily.

Ravi wants to get the bag but he also doesn't want to let go of Bean. He's torn and it shows in his expression. The decision’s taken out of his hands as Bean rolls off him to lie at his side. Ravi turns onto his side and reaches out, picking up the plastic shopping bag. He sits cross-legged on the bed and upends the bag on the covers. Bean blinks and sits up. ‘You really did get one of everything.’

“I… panicked a bit,” Ravi says, rubbing the back of his neck. “Didn't want to have to leave again to get anything else. And all the brands are different.”

‘Between this, and room service …’ Bean grins. ‘We’d never have to leave this room if it wasn’t for the stupid schedule.’

“We'd be dead of exhaustion within a week,” Ravi murmurs, smiling. 

‘No regrets.’ Bean picks up two of the bottles, reading the labels. ‘Uh … let’s _not_ use this one right now.’

Ravi’s eyes widen. “Oh god, what did I buy?”

Bean points out the tiny writing on the label, and says, ‘Spice up your love life with unique warming gel …’

Ravi's eyes widen further. “Uh yeah. That could get uncomfortable when we have to go do… whatever they told us we’re doing today that I didn't listen to in that meeting.”

Putting that bottle carefully to one side, Bean holds up the other two. ‘Take your pick.’

Ravi holds out both hands, palms up. “Let’s see what they're like.” He's aware that he's stalling, but the pressure to make this perfect is weighing on him. 

Aware of Ravi’s nerves, Bean says, ‘They’re pretty much the same, lover. Do you want the pink bottle or the orange one?’ His smile is soft and reassuring.

“Pink,” Ravi says softly. He takes the bottle from Bean and puts it to one side. He leans in and takes Bean’s lips in a soft, tentative kiss. There’s nothing hesitant about the way Bean responds. He pushes Ravi’s mouth open with his tongue, kissing him hungrily, one hand going to the back of his neck and tightening in his hair. Ravi groans and kisses Bean forcefully, his hesitance swept away by Bean’s obvious lust. 

Pulling Ravi with him, Bean lets himself fall backward onto the bed. There’s a slight crunching noise of cardboard being flattened; Bean grins against Ravi’s mouth and fishes one of the packets of condoms out from under his back. Ravi looks at the box in Bean’s hand - it's the XL one - and smiles shyly. 

Bean’s look is positively wicked. ‘Whatever could these be for?’

Ravi mumbles, “I didn't know what to get.”

‘I like a man who’s … thorough,’ says Bean in a truly awful imitation of a bad porn actress, fluttering eyelashes and all.

Ravi purses his lips, trying not to burst into laughter. 

Making his voice even breathier, Bean continues, ‘A man who’s good with his hands …’ He takes one of Ravi’s hands and brings it to his mouth, running his tongue over the palm and up to the tip of the middle finger.

Ravi’s eyes half-close, watching Bean’s tongue on his skin. “Do you like my hands?”

‘Love them,’ murmurs Bean as he kisses Ravi’s fingers, one by one. ‘Love your hands on me. Love the way you touch me.’ 

“Fucking love touching you,” Ravi says. “Love that I don't have to hide it in choreography or pretend it's an accident.”

Bean smiles as he draws Ravi’s hand down to splay over his stomach. ‘Never again. I’m all yours.’ Ravi moves just his fingers, watching himself touching Bean’s skin. His eyes stray to Bean’s cock and he lets out an unconscious groan of want. ‘ _All_ yours,’ Bean repeats, his voice rough.

Ravi slips down the bed, kissing a winding trail down Bean’s neck, chest and stomach. He presses a kiss to the head of Bean’s cock, then licks the frenulum and takes the head into his mouth, his eyes slipping closed. Bean lets out a quiet moan and immediately winds his fingers into Ravi’s hair; it’s almost a reflex now. Ravi groans quietly and takes Bean’s cock deep, then slowly pulls back, sucking. He bobs his head slowly, making love to Bean with his mouth, savouring the taste, the smell, the feeling of giving Bean pleasure. 

His head falling back, Bean scratches lightly along Ravi’s scalp, not pushing, just letting his fingers slide through Ravi’s hair. ‘Love your mouth …’

Ravi pulls off Bean’s cock and breathes against the wet shaft, “Love your beautiful big dick…” He licks his way down the underside to Bean’s balls, tongueing them roughly. 

‘ _Ohh_ …’ Bean twists, his hips lifting involuntarily. ‘ _Want_ you.’

Ravi licks back up the shaft of Bean’s cock and takes the head into his mouth again. He moves one hand, stroking over Bean’s entrance with his middle fingertip. He moans and takes Bean’s cock deeper. The feel of Ravi’s mouth around him, sucking him, effortlessly pulling him high; already Bean’s come to crave it. There’s a deeper need building in him though, and his moans take on a frustrated edge as he squirms. Ravi’s finger pushes against Bean’s hole but doesn't breach him, teasing, enjoying the way Bean whimpers and writhes. He bobs his head, sucking Bean’s cock, tempted to make him come like this. 

‘ _Ahh_ … god, Ravi, please, please …’

Just the very tip of Ravi’s finger breaches Bean, and he lets out a loud moan, muffled by his mouthful. Bean immediately shoves down on Ravi’s finger, hissing as his skin catches and stings. Ravi pulls back entirely, kneeling between Bean’s spread thighs, breathing heavily, cock rock-hard. He reaches for the bottle of lube and clicks off the lid, looking at Bean hungrily. “Show me,” he breathes. Staring into Ravi’s eyes, Bean spreads his trembling legs, pulling his knees up. 

Ravi's eyes slowly slip down Bean’s body. He lets out a quiet groan and breathes, “Fucking _beautiful_.”

Bean curves his hands around his thighs, pushing them even further apart. ‘Come and get me.’

Ravi squeezes some lube onto his fingertips and lightly rubs them over Bean’s hole, looking into his eyes, holding his breath to hear every little sound Bean makes. Lifting his hips, Bean lets out a frustrated whimper. Ravi looks down and watches as his middle finger slowly slips inside Bean. “Oh my god, you're so _hot_ …”

‘Please …’ 

Ravi pushes his finger all the way inside Bean and slowly fucks him with it. “You're so tight, baby, I'm worried I'll hurt you…”

‘You won’t’, gasps Bean, ‘you won’t, don’t you _dare_ stop now.’

“Ohhh _fuck_ , you're so tight when you _beg…_ ”

Bean pushes down with his hips, forcing Ravi’s finger further inside him. He moans at the sudden, stretching pain.

“I'm _aching_ to get inside you, Bean,” Ravi breathes. He squeezes some lube onto the tip of his cock then drops the bottle off the side of the bed. With one hand he fingerfucks Bean, and with the other he strokes his own cock. 

Bean writhes, straining towards Ravi, eyes fixed on Ravi’s hand moving on his own cock. ‘Do it, _please_ , do it, need you in me …’ Ravi slowly withdraws his finger from the hot clutch of Bean’s body. He takes a steadying breath then shuffles closer. _This is happening, it’s really happening, finally_. Bean reaches out for Ravi, fingers grazing his waist. ‘Come into me, lover …’ he whispers.

“Fuck, stop looking at me like that or this'll be over in ten seconds flat,” Ravi breathes, squeezing his eyes closed. Bean just tightens his grip on Ravi’s waist and pulls him closer.

Ravi takes his cock in his hand and rubs the head against Bean’s slick entrance, watching, breathing unsteadily through his mouth. He lets out a shuddering groan. Unable to take his eyes off Ravi’s face, Bean forces himself to hold still, to let Ravi take his time. “Fuck. Condom,” Ravi breathes, frowning, not looking away from the head of his cock dragging against Bean’s hot skin. 

‘Here,’ Bean pants, ‘here’. He fumbles with the boxes, rips one open and tears off a single foil-wrapped square, holding it out to Ravi with a shaking hand. Ravi tears the wrapper of the condom and slowly rolls it onto his cock, letting out a quiet groan at the gentle touch of his own hand. ‘Breathe, lover …’ Bean reaches out to land a hand on Ravi’s arm. ‘We’ve got all the time in the world.’

Ravi shakes his head once and shuffles forward again. “I need you _now._ ”

Bean can hear it in Ravi’s voice, how near he is to losing control. It’s enough to break his own fragile hold on himself, make him lift his hips. ‘Then … take me.’

Ravi holds his cock steady and presses the head against Bean’s entrance. He lets out a shuddering breath. With his last tiny bit of self-control he breathes, “Are you sure?”

Bean’s growl is loud, his eyes fierce. ‘ _Yes_.’

Ravi holds his breath as he pushes, watching as the head of his cock breaches Bean’s tight, hot body. His eyes flick to Bean’s face and his gaze gets stuck there, mesmerised by his expression.

The moment Ravi enters him, a surge of desire sweeps through Bean, makes all his muscles tighten. ‘Ohh … _god_ …’ He forces himself to breathe, to relax, to let Ravi in.

Ravi breathes out heavily as Bean’s body tightens, forcing him out. He moves closer and pushes back inside him, only a little way, watching Bean’s face again. So close, they’re so close now. Bean arches up against Ravi, breathing deeply, his hands going to Ravi’s ass, urging him on. Ravi pushes steadily, slowly inside Bean, his breathing anything _but_ steady. His thighs tremble with the effort to not just shove forward and lose himself.

As much as he wants to savour the feeling of slowly being filled, Bean can’t control his instinctive reaction; he locks his legs around Ravi’s waist and pulls him down, snapping up his hips to meet him, crying out. Ravi breathes out heavily like he’s been punched, and his body shivers as his cock sinks deep into Bean. He’s _tight_ and _so hot_ and it’s all Ravi can do not to come on the spot. “ _Fuck,_ Bean, oh my _god…_ ” 

Bean arches under Ravi, his head falling back. ‘Oh, you feel incredible,’ he moans. ‘Wanted this for so long …’ Ravi lowers himself onto his elbows over Bean, watching his face as he slowly pulls out and thrusts back in. He lets out a quiet groan and presses his lips to Bean’s jumping pulse. So many dreams, so many fantasies, all revolving around this, but nothing could have prepared him for the actual feeling of Ravi finally, _finally_ inside him, rocking against him. He twists, moaning helplessly, ‘ … _harder_ ,’ pushing up to meet Ravi’s thrusts.

Ravi breathes out heavily on Bean’s skin and snaps his hips forward, harder but still slowly. He lets out a quiet groan with each thrust, his eyes squeezed closed, his arms trembling. 

‘Look at me, lover … look at me, please, need to see you …’

Ravi kisses Bean’s neck softly, then lifts his head, looking down at Bean’s face. His eyes are filled with tears. “I’ve never… not when it was _love_ …” he breathes. 

‘Hey.’ Bean reaches up and cups Ravi's face. ‘Makes two of us.’ Staring into Ravi's eyes, he moves faster, holds on tighter, ‘I love you, love you _so much_ …’

“Oh _fuck_ I love you,” Ravi breathes, moving faster, thrusting deeper, looking into Bean’s eyes. “You’re so beautiful, oh my _god…_ ”

Slipping his arms up to cup Ravi’s shoulders, Bean strains against him, moaning urgently as he feels his body tightening. ‘Kiss me …’ 

Ravi kisses Bean softly, stilling inside him, his eyes slipping closed. He feels overwhelmed, _loved_ , he doesn't know how he lived before this moment, this perfect moment here with this man. The sudden stillness, the moment of suspension, catches Bean completely off-guard, tips him over. A long, low groan breaks from him, his whole body shuddering and clenching as he comes. Ravi gasps and moves instinctively, thrusting, shuddering as Bean tightens around him. He lets out a helpless moan, looking down at his lover, watching his gorgeous face slack with ecstasy. He moves faster, finally letting go, losing himself. He stiffens and cries out as he follows Bean over the edge, whiting out with pleasure, never looking away.

Bean surges upward, kissing Ravi frantically, breathlessly, as though afraid he’ll disappear. Euphoric, head swimming, his words tumble over each other between kisses; _beautiful, yours, always, always._

Ravi stills again, breath shivering out of him, stroking Bean’s cheek with gentle fingers. “Wanna stay here forever,” he breathes.

Wrapping his arms around Ravi, Bean pulls him down to lie on top of him. Still too blissed to form anything like a coherent sentence, he just holds Ravi as tightly as he can. Ravi buries his face against Bean’s neck, breathing heavily, slipping his arms under Bean’s shoulders, holding on to him tightly. For a long time, there’s just the sound of their breath slowing, and the occasional shift of their bodies against each other. Bean is pinned, smothered under Ravi’s body; parts of him are going numb, and Ravi’s hair tickles his nose, but nothing could make him move. Reluctant to break the moment, but needing to say it, he whispers, ‘I love you.’

Ravi’s voice is muffled against Bean’s skin. “I’ve never loved anyone more.”

‘Never moving again,’ murmurs Bean. And then, of course, the reminder chimes on their phones go off.

Ravi pulls back to look down at Bean, his eyes soft. “They’ll just carry on without us. A group of four will still be successful.”

‘God, don’t tempt me,’ Bean says. ‘If I wasn’t sure eomma would knock on every door in this place to find us …’

“We could bribe a doctor to declare us dead and disappear,” Ravi says, smiling. “ _Idols declared dead in mystery disappearance_.”

‘Fairly sure he'd still hunt us down, ‘ says Bean gloomily. ‘Even if we really were dead, he'd dig up our graves. I'm afraid we're going to have to get up.’

Ravi moves very slightly, and groans as his cock shifts inside Bean. “I don't think I can…”

The movement sends a shiver through Bean. ‘Ohh … don’t do that, you’re gonna kill me.’

“Sorry,” Ravi breathes. “Do you want me to… I should…”

‘Lover, right now, I could die happy right here. But if we don’t get moving, we’ll catch hell for it … and I don’t want anything to spoil this morning.’

“Okay, just…” Ravi kisses Bean softly, his eyes closed, cherishing the moment. 

The chime goes off again, and Bean reluctantly breaks the kiss. ‘I hate that thing,’ he sighs. ‘Come on, let’s check out that shower.’

Ravi nods once and slips his hand down their bodies, holding the condom in place as he withdraws with a shudder. He kneels on the bed between Bean’s spread thighs, looks down and pulls the condom off. He smiles a little and murmurs, “Definitely not a puff of air.” He gives Bean an impish grin. 

‘Idiot,’ says Bean fondly. His face becomes serious. ‘Kinda wish we didn’t have to use those.’

Ravi swallows, looking at Bean. “I've never done it without one,” he says, face heating. 

‘Me either. I wish …’ He shakes his head. ‘Never mind. Let’s get moving.’

“Less mess this way, I guess,” Ravi says. “But the idea of you walking around with my…” Ravi blushes a bit and doesn't say the word, “inside you, seeping out all day...”

Bean gives Ravi an intense, hungry look. ‘As it is I’m going to be _feeling_ you all day.’ He sits up and pulls Ravi in for a brief, hard kiss, before climbing off the bed and heading for the stairs.

Ravi watches Bean go, a slightly dazed smile on his face. He flops down to lie on the bed. ‘You’d better not fall asleep again!’ calls Bean as he goes into the bathroom, leaving the door open. He steps into the shower and opens the faucet; the water pressure is amazing, and he lets out an almost obscene little moan of pleasure. ‘Oh my god, this is _wonderful_.’

Ravi appears in the doorway. “Your lack of faith makes me sad.” He does an exaggerated sad-face for good measure. 

Bean looks back over his shoulder, his eyes travelling appreciatively over Ravi’s body. ‘You don’t look sad to me.’

Ravi gives Bean a good, long look up and down. “You look good enough to eat…”

Grinning, Bean runs a soapy hand over his ass cheek. ‘You already know I am.’

Ravi groans softly and moves toward the shower as though being magnetically drawn. He steps into the shower recess and presses his body against Bean’s back. “Careful with that thing, baby, it's dangerous.”

‘I could say the same about you,’ says Bean, pushing his hips back against Ravi’s groin.

“Careful or I'll get you all dirty…” Ravi breathes. “ _So_ dirty.”

Bean sighs. ‘As much as I love that idea …’ He turns his head to bring his mouth close to Ravi’s. ‘And I do love it … we can’t right now.’ He kisses Ravi softly. Ravi closes his eyes and kisses Bean back, holding him close under the shower’s spray.

With real reluctance, Bean steps away, turning back to face Ravi. ‘Sorry,’ he says, sounding more incredibly frustrated than apologetic.

“Just as long as you know…” Ravi murmurs, “every time I look at you I’m going to be remembering this morning…”

Deliberately, with a stupid smile, Bean pinches himself on the arm. ‘Owww.’

Ravi reaches around and pinches Bean’s ass. “Definitely not dreaming.”

‘And we're _definitely_ late,’ says Bean, ducking under the spray again to wash himself properly. He deliberately doesn't let his gaze linger on Ravi, knowing that will inevitably lead to them being even more delayed. Ravi presses up close to Bean, lips against the back of his neck. He closes his eyes as the spray from the shower washes over his head. In a very short time, they'll have to spend hours sitting apart from each other. Pretending that there's nothing between them. ‘It's going to be torture,’ Bean mutters, as he grabs a bottle of shampoo and squeezes some into his hands. Turning, he attacks Ravi's hair, scrubbing vigorously.

Ravi groans softly, luxuriating in the feel of Bean’s massaging fingers on his scalp. “That’s… oh, that’s nice…”

‘All part of the service, lover. I’d wash your back, too, but we both know how that would end up.’

“Yeah, with you fucking me against the wall,” Ravi says, grinning, deliberately provoking Bean.

‘Stop that …’ The tremble in Bean’s hands is matched by his voice. 

“You sure we don't have enough time for another go?” Ravi murmurs. 

‘Not according the reminder fearless leader helpfully sent to all our phones. Why am I always the voice of reason?’ grumbles Bean. 

Ravi grins wickedly as he puts his head under the spray to wash out the shampoo. “Maybe I just want you _more_ \- beyond all reason.”

‘I’m not playing this game.’ Bean steps out from under the water and drags a towel off the rack. ‘You know by now how much I want you.’ Ravi laughs softly and soaps his body quickly, eyes never moving from Bean’s naked form. Bean lets out a long, wanting sigh, before resolutely turning away and heading out of the bathroom, calling over his shoulder, ‘You are going to be the death of me.’ Picking up his bag from where the porter left it, he heads up to the bedroom and fishes out clean clothes.

Ravi rinses and steps out of the shower, grabs one of the massive towels, rubs his hair roughly with it and knots it around his waist, not bothering to dry his body any further than that. He walks out into the room and grabs his bag, taking it upstairs.

In the act of buttoning his jeans, Bean looks up to see Ravi. His smile is instant and feels entirely stupid on his face. ‘There should be a law against you.’

“Who, me?” Ravi says, grinning and flexing his pecs.

‘Oh my god, put a goddamn t-shirt on,’ says Bean faintly, rummaging in his bag for his own. Their phones chime again. ‘Shit. That'll be a ten minute warning or something.’

“Or a death threat,” Ravi murmurs, grinning as he upends his bag on the bed. He pulls out a plain tshirt and skinny jeans, and gives Bean a look out of the corner of his eye as he gets out a pair of bright red boxer briefs.

‘What?’

“From eomma,” Ravi says. In his best Hakyeon voice he says, “ _If you value your life, be on the bus in five minutes. Kisses._ ” He steps into his boxer briefs and pulls them up. They're so small they're verging on indecent. 

‘Almost worth it,’ says Bean, openly ogling Ravi. ‘Also, that voice is terrifying. Don’t do that.’

“I'm _so_ doing that voice in bed tonight,” Ravi says, grinning. He turns his back on Bean and bends to put on his jeans. 

‘You do, and you’re _so_ sleeping in the other room,’ retorts Bean, but there’s no conviction in his voice. 

“I'll wait for you there,” Ravi says with a smirk. He clenches his ass cheeks a few times and looks over his shoulder as he pulls his jeans up. 

‘Going now …’ Completely distracted, Bean starts for the stairs, t-shirt still dangling from one hand.

Ravi turns to look at him. “Watch where you're going! If I let you fall down the stairs, eomma will actually murder me.”

‘Hmm? Oh. Then stop distracting me, dammit.’ Belatedly, Bean realises he’s still carrying his t-shirt, and shrugs it on.

Ravi smirks and picks up his can of spray deodorant, flexing each of his biceps in turn as he sprays it under his arms. 

This time, Bean makes a point of watching his footing as he goes down the stairs. At the bottom, though, he pauses, and turns back. ‘Uh … not to break the mood, but … what are we going to do about Leo?’

Ravi frowns, a sudden sick feeling in his stomach. He pulls on his tshirt and walks to the top of the stairs, looking down at Bean. “Uh, I was gonna pretend those texts last night never happened. Is that… I mean do you have any idea how I should deal with this? Because… I… don't.”

‘It’s not exactly my area of expertise,’ Bean says with a rueful smile, ‘but I don’t know that ignoring it is the right way to go. If he really believes you do … well … I think you have to at least try to put that to rest. Otherwise, he’ll just keep hoping.’ _God, what a mess._

Ravi frowns, running a hand through his hair. “I don't know what I did. I don't _think_ I led him on…”

‘Hey.’ Bean holds out his hand to Ravi. ‘Come here.’

Ravi comes down the stairs and sits on the step second from the bottom. “You thought we were fucking, didn’t you? _Did_ I lead him on? Did I act like… I don’t know.”

Bean hunkers down in front of him. ‘Lover, I think we’ve already established how bad I am at reading situations. Honestly, what do _you_ think was happening? Did it ever occur to you it was anything more than Leo just being, well, Leo? Because if it didn’t … then yeah, maybe you weren’t exactly seeing things clearly, but that’s not the same as leading him on.’

“He was just the same as he’s always been, with everyone,” Ravi says. “Until he kissed me, anyway.”

‘Then stop kicking yourself. Make sure he understands he’s got the wrong idea, and let it go.’ Bean stands, tugging Ravi to his feet. ‘Got your keycard this time?’

“Crap, no,” Ravi says. He dashes back up the stairs, grabs the keycard and his phone, pauses for a moment just looking at the rumpled bed, then goes back downstairs. Bean waits by the door, grinning broadly. Ravi steps into his discarded shoes and heads for the door and Bean, smiling. “What would I do without you, huh?”

‘Scratch at the door like a lost puppy?’ says Bean, quickly kissing Ravi as he opens the door. ‘Just as well you’ve got me, isn’t it?’ Ravi turns and slips a hand behind Bean’s neck, pulling him close for a thorough, unhurried, deep kiss. Bean smiles against Ravi's mouth, returning the kiss with enthusiasm. Finally coming up for air, he says, a little breathless, ‘It's going to be so hard not to do that all day …’

“I won’t stop you…” Ravi says, smiling as he darts his head back in to steal another kiss.

‘Mmm. Then I foresee a lot of “bathroom breaks” in the near future.’ Bean finally manages to get Ravi out of the room by the simple device of walking him backwards, kissing him, and letting the door swing shut behind them. ‘Elevator,’ he says firmly. ‘Push the button.’ Ravi grins and jogs down the hallway, pressing the elevator call button and turning to watch Bean walking toward him. He wolf-whistles quietly. ‘Oh my god, shut _up_ ,’ says Bean, blushing furiously as he joins Ravi at the elevator. Mercifully, there's no one already in the car when it arrives, and he steps in quickly. Ravi follows Bean into the elevator and leans against the back wall, watching him. He can’t stop smiling. His cheeks actually ache from it.

‘What?’ Belatedly, Bean remembers to swipe the card to activate the panel, and presses the button for the lobby floor.

“I fucked you,” Ravi says. “I can’t wait to do it again.”

Bean bursts out laughing and crosses the car to push close, snaking his arms around Ravi's waist. ‘I love you …’

Ravi grins. “ _Yeah_ you do. I rocked your world, just like I said I would.”

‘Hmm.’ Bean pretends to consider the point. ‘Maybe wobbled it a little? I think more practice is in order.’

“Oh for sure,” Ravi says. “That was only my first try. Just think what I'm gonna do to you tonight when we get back to the hotel, after I've been watching you and wanting you all day…”

‘Can’t wait ...’ says Bean, voice shaky, ‘… _fuck_ , I’m gonna be thinking about that the whole time, now.’ The elevator chimes softly as it arrives at the lobby; reluctantly, Bean steps back. ‘Whew. Okay. Ready for the fans?’

“Yeah, ready,” Ravi says. As he steps out of the elevator, he adds, “I'm a bit insulted that you weren't going to spend all day thinking about me fucking you before I said that, though. Sounds like I have to up my game.”

The delighted grin he gets in return leaves no doubt that’s exactly what Bean is hoping for. 

‘There you are!’ calls Hakyeon from near the front doors, waving. ‘I was about to send out a search party.’ He doesn’t sound even a little bit annoyed.

‘He’s _smiling_ ,’ whispers Bean. 

“Looks like _someone_ had a good night,” Ravi murmurs. 

Bean’s tone is smug. ‘Not as good as ours.’ 

As they approach, Hyuk comes forward to meet them. ‘All right, _spill_. What do you mean, you changed rooms?’

“Long story,” Ravi says. “Tell you on the way.”

‘We have photos,’ adds Bean, grinning as Hyuk retches dramatically.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _What? What was that?_
> 
> ...
> 
> _What the fuck did I just see?_

The van pulls up in the driveway. ‘Come along!’ says Hakyeon, beckoning them all ahead of him. Jaehwan hangs back, waiting for Bean, Ravi and Hyuk to precede him. Bean has a momentary urge to make a suggestive remark, but reins himself in. Hyuk has no such restraint, and elbows Jaehwan with a knowing smirk.

Leo is first into the van, having waited outside, away from the others. He sits in the passenger seat, next to the driver, and puts on a pair of headphones that might as well be a _do not disturb_ sign. Ravi frowns a little, glancing at him, then gets in the back of the van, immediately followed by Bean, who crowds close, thinking, _fuck it, if Leo wants to give us his back like that, I’m taking advantage of it_. 

Hyuk plonks himself down on the window seat in front of them, twisting around as Hakyeon and Jaehwan make themselves comfortable. As soon as the driver slides the door shut, he pounces. ‘Out with it,’ he demands.

‘Yes,’ says Hakyeon, still with that smile in his voice. ‘Tell us all what mischief you got up to, and whether I need to apologise to management for you destroying your room.’

‘He has no faith in us,’ says Bean, trying to look hurt and succeeding only in looking smug.

“We didn't destroy anything,” Ravi says. “You know us better than that.”

‘True,’ Hakyeon acknowledges. ‘Now if it had been Sanghyuk …’

‘Hey!’

‘We got stuck in the elevator,’ says Bean.

Jaehwan frowns. ‘Why were you in an elevator anyway? I thought you were just going to bed.’

“We decided to go out for snacks,” Ravi lies, glancing at Bean. “And then the elevator got stuck. I was sure I was gonna die.”

‘It was pretty freaky.’ Bean grabs for Ravi’s hand, squeezing it perhaps a little too hard. _If I hadn’t run … but then, everything that happened afterwards, would we have ever told each other_? ‘Anyway, long story short, they got us out eventually and the night manager was there and offered us a different room to make up for it.’

“What's the room like?” Jaehwan asks. 

“Pretty much the same as the first one,” Ravi lies again, with another glance at Bean. “Just on a different floor.”

‘Maybe a bit bigger,’ adds Bean, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. 

Ravi elbows Bean, trying not to smile. Jaehwan narrows his eyes, looking between the two of them. 

‘I suppose the tv works in this one?’ asks Hakyeon sweetly.

‘Uh .. we didn’t check? We were tired,’ says Bean.

‘Don’t make me climb over there and beat it out of you,’ Hyuk threatens them. ‘What aren’t you telling us?’

“Nothing,” Ravi says. “We just…” he glances at Bean. “We just got a good night’s sleep, that's all.”

Bean can’t look at Ravi. It’s all he can do not to burst out laughing.

‘Well, if you’re not going to tell us, I suppose I can always ask the hotel management to move you back to your old room,’ Hakyeon muses.

“I deserve the room after that elevator thing,” Ravi says. “You have no idea how scary it was. It dropped and made an awful noise. I really thought I was going to die.”

Jaehwan says suddenly, ‘Where’s your mask, Binnie? There’s supposed to be terrible pollution today, didn’t you read the text I sent you?’

Bean looks at him blankly. ‘I must have been asleep …’ _Or occupied_. He digs out his phone and checks; sure enough, a missed text. The van starts to move. ‘Hang on,’ he calls, ‘I have to go get something from our suite.’

‘Just pop into the pharmacy and get a disposable one,’ says Hakyeon.

At the same time, Hyuk exclaims, ‘ _Suite?_ You guys got a _suite_?’

“I was _really shaken up_ ,” Ravi reiterates. “The manager wanted to apologise.”

The van stops, and Bean makes a quick escape as Jaehwan says enviously, ‘It must be _awesome_.’ 

Bean sprints back into the hotel, skidding on the polished floor as he rounds the corner to the pharmacy. Snatching up a mask, he heads for the counter, then checks himself, doubles back and grabs a few other things that he stuffs into a pocket as soon as they’re paid for. Mask in place, he heads back to the van, where Ravi has Hyuk in a headlock and is being slapped on the back ineffectually by Hakyeon. He looks up at Bean and grins. ‘What …’ Bean hesitates with one foot on the step of the van. ‘What did I miss?’

“Just Hyukkie being a dick,” Ravi says, giving him a squeeze before letting him go and retreating to the back of the van. 

‘Ohh-kayy,’ says Bean dubiously as he shuts the door and takes his seat beside Ravi. The van moves off again. ‘What did you do, monster?’

“Nothing! I did _nothing_ ,” Hyuk says sulkily. 

‘I’d like to believe you.’ Bean’s tone is deeply regretful. ‘But, you see, I _know_ you.’

Ravi shifts in his seat to press his thigh against Bean’s. Only just restraining himself from putting his hand high up on Ravi’s leg, Bean returns the pressure.

‘Binnie …’ Jaehwan’s voice is wistful, just a little wheedling. ‘Won’t you tell us what the suite is like?’

Bean looks at Ravi. ‘Have we tortured them enough yet?’

Ravi grins. “Never. But the room’s just a bit bigger, that's all.”

‘Yeah. Bigger.’ Bean snorts, and suddenly he can’t hold in the laughter, pulling down his mask to get his breath. ‘Like, it has two hot tubs and a fucking _mezzanine_.’

‘ _Hongbin-ah_!’ scolds Hakyeon.

“Hah,” Ravi says, a little forced. “Like we’d get _that_ lucky.”

Too late, Bean realises what he's done. _They're never going to let this go, now_. He groans inwardly, tries to turn his grimace into a grin. ‘Yeah, come on, like there’d be _two_ hot tubs …’ From the looks on the others’ faces, it's clear they're not fooled at all.

“You could at least make it believable,” Ravi says. He kicks Bean’s foot gently. 

‘So it's true? You have two hot tubs?’ Jaehwan's eyes are huge.

Bean looks at Ravi and mouths, _sorry_. ‘It's … not as grand as it sounds,’ He says lamely. ‘One’s basically a bath …’

“It’s almost like you don’t want us to come and party in your luxury penthouse, guys,” Hyuk says with a wicked grin. “You’ll hurt our feelings….”

Bean gives him a look that promises murder. ‘Pretty cruel of you to want to exploit Ravi's near death experience for your own selfish gain, dongsaeng.’

“Near death experience?” Hakyeon exclaims. “He got stuck in an _elevator!_ ”

“Hey, you weren’t there,” Ravi says. “It was horrible!”

‘He was really stressed,’ says Bean, and has to look away from Ravi, trying to control his features. 

‘Nevertheless,’ says Hakyeon in a no-objections-will-be-tolerated voice, ‘ I think I should check this room, I beg your pardon, _suite_ , just to make sure it's up to standard. And I think I will need help to do that thoroughly. Any volunteers?’

“Ooh me! Me! Pick me!” Jaehwan says excitedly, jumping up and down in his seat. 

Hyuk heaves an exaggerated sigh. ‘If I _have_ to.’

‘Oh, god,’ mutters Bean.

Hakyeon beams. ‘Then it’s settled.’

Ravi turns his head and murmurs into Bean’s ear, “Pretty sure there's a used condom on the bedroom floor.”

Somewhat wild around the eyes, Bean pleads, ‘Hyung, please …’, but it’s a hopeless cause. Hakyeon simply smiles serenely, and turns around to face the front again. Dropping his head against Ravi’s shoulder, Bean whispers, ‘Sorry.’ Then a thought strikes him. ‘Ohh, shit.’

“What?” Ravi murmurs. “What now?”

‘Did you think to put the Do Not Disturb sign on the door? Because I didn’t.’

“No, my mind was on other things,” Ravi murmurs. “Lucky I was joking about the condom.”

Bean lifts his head to stare incredulously at Ravi. ‘You … oh, you are _bad_.’

“A gentleman doesn’t just leave used condoms lying around, Bean,” Ravi says with a small smirk. “Besides, I want to keep it to show our grandchildren one day.” 

Bean’s brain refuses to process that. ‘What? You what?’ His eyes narrow. ‘Don’t make me poke you, now.’

“Oh no,” Ravi says in a completely unconvincing voice. “Please don’t. That sounds terrible.” He leans in closer and breathes in Bean’s ear, “Please don’t poke me, Bean. Please don’t poke me hard up against a wall the first chance you get…”

Bean goes very still, swallowing. ‘Stop that,’ he whispers.

Ravi groans softly in Bean’s ear, “Please Bean, please…” Bean stares straight ahead, but his imagination supplies him with _entirely_ unhelpful images to go with Ravi’s soundtrack. Images of pouncing on Ravi as soon as they get inside the door of their suite, crowding him up against a wall and stripping off Ravi’s jeans, Ravi _begging_ for him … He shifts uncomfortably in his seat, glad they’re both right at the back of the van. “Please don’t fuck me with your fingers until I’m begging and squirming and panting for you…”

About five seconds away from simply climbing into Ravi’s lap, Bean thinks wildly. Everyone’s looking ahead, so Bean does the only thing he can think of to stop Ravi talking. He turns his head and captures Ravi’s mouth in a brief, hard kiss. Ravi kisses Bean back hard, pushing his head back, before pulling away. He looks at Bean hungrily and licks his bottom lip.

‘I am not gonna survive the day,’ mutters Bean.

Ravi laughs softly and settles back into his seat, slouching, spreading his thighs in a slightly-indecent sprawl.

Hakyeon launches into a spiel about what’s expected of them today. Mostly, it’s the same routine; signing, answering questions, a couple of songs, and a few games, including charades - in Japanese. ‘There’ll be some new games, too,’ he says, and refuses to elaborate.

Ravi turns his head toward Bean and murmurs, “Mmm, new games. I like the sound of that…”

Displaying what surely has to be superhuman hearing, Hakyeon replies, ‘I’m sure you’ll all _really enjoy_ what I have planned.’

‘Ohhhh, shit,’ breathes Hyuk.

The van turns down the slip lane into the arts complex where the fanmeet is due to take place. Craning his neck, Bean can see a decent crowd already gathered out the front, clustered around merchandising stalls, phones out recording _everything_. ‘Brace yourselves,’ he says sourly.

“Hey,” Ravi says, waiting for Bean to look at him. “They love you. I love you.”

It’s completely unexpected, wipes everything else from Bean’s mind. Unguarded, he just stares at Ravi, mouth slightly open. _He said it. Right in front of everyone. He said it._ A slow, stupid smile blooms on his face. ‘Love you too …’

“That fucking smile,” Ravi murmurs, “kills me every time.”

Suddenly the prospect of the day before them doesn’t seem so bad. Well aware he’s behaving like an idiot, and probably looks like one, too, Bean grabs Ravi’s hand and virtually drags him out of the van as soon as it comes to a stop. ‘Wave to the nice Starlights,’ he says, not letting go. Ravi smiles broadly and waves, squeezing Bean’s hand. Leo looks at them, blinks, then looks away, waving to the fans, his expression closed-off. Catching Leo’s look, Bean’s smile falters. _Fuck_. He pulls his mask up again, and angles his body so he can no longer see the vocalist, points at a group of fans aiming phone cameras at them and flashes a ‘V’ sign. _You will **not** screw this up for me_, he thinks. 

Ravi glances at Bean, his smile fading a little bit, and returns his attention to the crowd, still waving. Hyuk elbows him and he lets go of Bean’s hand, getting the maknae in a playful headlock.

‘Come along, inside, all of you,’ orders Hakyeon, shooing them ahead of him. ‘Wonshik, let him go, he’s turning purple.’

Ravi ruffles Hyuk’s hair and lets him go, jumping out of the way of a swinging arm. He hides behind Bean, pretending to be terrified. With reflexes honed by many years of dodging a rampaging maknae, Bean sidesteps and ducks inside the stage door, calling back over his shoulder, ‘Sorry, but you know how it is, women and visuals first!’

Ravi grunts as Hyuk picks him up around his waist roughly and carries him into the building laughing. Safely inside, Bean looks back and sees this spectacle, and falls against the nearest wall, helpless with laughter. He pulls off his mask, trying vainly to get his breath back. Ravi wriggles, kicking his legs, trying to get free of Hyuk’s grasp. “Help!”

‘He does look like he really needs help,’ comments Jaehwan offhandedly as he passes. ‘Someone should do something about that, don’t you think, hyung?’

‘I do believe you’re right,’ smiles Hakyeon, and the two of them sweep past the struggling pair without another glance. 

‘The things I do for you,’ says Bean, rolling his eyes. He steps in behind Hyuk and delivers two sharp pokes to the maknae’s ribs.

Hyuk drops Ravi unceremoniously on the floor. Leo steps over his prone body like it isn't even there and continues down the corridor without a word or a backwards glance. Bean gives Leo’s retreating back a single, furious glance, before making himself smile again. Reaching down, he offers Ravi a hand. ‘Whoops, didn’t think he’d actually drop you. Sorry.’

Ravi gets to his feet and smiles at Bean. “It's all right. I know you'll help me plan my revenge.”

‘Gladly,’ says Bean with a malicious grin at Hyuk. ‘Say your goodbyes, monster.’

“Say _your_ prayers, both of you,” Hyuk says with an evil grin, then he walks off down the corridor. 

Ravi looks at Bean, then back at the closed door, then down the corridor. He looks at Bean again and raises an eyebrow. 

‘Lucky he doesn’t know where we sleep, I’m thinking,’ says Bean. Darting a quick glance in either direction to make sure they’re alone, he pulls Ravi in for a kiss. Ravi pushes forward, backing Bean against the wall, kissing him deeply. Bean grins against Ravi’s mouth as he hits the cold concrete. Breaking the kiss, he murmurs, ‘You really love doing that to me, don’t you?’

“Yeah,” Ravi says, grinning. “Almost as much as you love me doing it.”

‘Almost? I’m insulted.’ Bean pushes his hips forward against Ravi’s.

Ravi nips at Bean’s bottom lip, then breathes, “You prefer it when I push you face-first into the wall, though, don't you baby?” The little moan that escapes Bean is all the answer that’s needed. “Wanna fuck you right here,” Ravi breathes. “Right now…”

There’s no way it can happen, but that doesn’t stop the idea climbing right into Bean’s head, making his pulse race. With a wicked grin, he says, ‘Look in my pocket.’

“Which pocket?” Ravi asks, but he's already turning Bean to face the wall and pressing his hips against Bean’s ass. He pushes his hands into Bean’s trouser pockets, smiling slowly as he feels condom packets. He moves his hands, groping Bean’s groin through the thin lining of his pockets. 

‘Ohh, _fuck_ …’ Bean drops his forehead against the wall, struggling for breath. ‘I _want_ it, want you, we can’t …’

“Wanna bury my cock in that hot ass of yours,” Ravi breathes, grinding against Bean. “Wanna make you moan for me…”

Wanting nothing more than to say _do it_ , Bean grates, ‘Stop … god, I want you … stop.’

Ravi pulls back and leans against the wall opposite, breathing heavily. “Fuck, today is going to be _long_.”

Still leaning against the wall, trembling, Bean turns to face Ravi. ‘Think we could suddenly get food poisoning and have to go back to the hotel?’

“Hide in our fucknest until the concert?” Ravi suggests, looking at Bean hungrily. 

Bean’s mouth twitches. ‘ _Fucknest_?’

Ravi twitches one eyebrow and shrugs his shoulder. “Won't be much of a fucknest once the others see it and move in with us, of course…”

‘I said I was sorry about that …’ Bean purses his lips. ‘Maybe we can trade off access to movie night in exchange for being left alone the rest of the time? Get to skip meals?’

“Maybe if we’re both naked in one of the hot tubs when they arrive they'll run away screaming?” Ravi suggests hopefully. 

‘Knowing Satan, he’d just take photos and threaten to put them on Insta.’

Ravi shrugs. “Our followers would probably hold a huge party if that happened.”

Bean laughs. ‘Talk about fanservice.’

From further up the corridor Hakyeon calls, ‘Hurry up, you two! We haven’t got long before we’re due out there.’

Ravi grins at Bean and grabs his hand, dragging him toward the leader’s voice. 

In what Bean is sure is due to a deliberate strategy on Hakyeon’s part, he finds himself separated from Ravi at the long table on the stage. Sandwiched between Leo and Jaehwan, he tries to concentrate on the questions asked by the fans, and what’s being said about the tour, but his mind keeps going back to Ravi kissing him, Ravi pushing him against the wall, Ravi inside him, and he’s sure everything he’s thinking is written all over his face.

Ravi is seated between Hyuk and Hakyeon. The first time he half-listens to a question and it's obvious from his answer, Hakyeon gives him A Look followed by a swift kick under the table. It focuses his mind on something other than counting down the seconds until he can get Bean alone. 

Thankfully, Jaehwan is in his element, happily fielding questions, jumping up and down to do dances or take photos. It provides at least some cover for Bean, although the silence from Leo, sitting on his left, is deafening. It’s a constant source of irritation, almost like an itch. Finally, Bean hauls out his phone and holds it under the table while he texts.

**> kill me**

**> put me out of my misery**

Ravi grins and replies, holding his phone behind the table cloth. 

**> > Preferred method?**

‘Hongbin?’ Hakyeon calls from the other end of the table. ‘You should answer this one.’

_Damn damn damn. What was the question? Think, Bean_. He plays for time by picking up his microphone and fiddling with it for a second, trying frantically to recall what was said. Just as Hakyeon opens his mouth to say something, it comes back. ‘Uh, yeah, I am looking forward to doing more acting. There are some projects that I can’t really talk about yet, but I can say one is a web-drama.’ _Phew_. He puts the mic down again, smiling and waving at the fan standing up in the audience who was - he hopes - the one who asked the question.

**> that was too close**

**> preferred method? anything that lets me die with a smile on my face**

Ravi frowns deeply at Hakyeon as the leader plucks his phone from his hands before he can reply to Bean, slipping it into his pocket. 

Trying to look like he’s paying attention, Bean focuses on the audience, phone held against his thigh. As the initial Q&A session starts to wind up, he surreptitiously checks. No response. _Weird_. He frowns and glances down the table towards Ravi, who looks down the table at Bean and makes a signal with his hands. What the signal means is entirely unclear. _Huh?_ Bean mouths at Ravi. Beside him, Jaehwan elbows him discreetly and points to the time on his own phone, left on the table. Bean maintains a pleasant expression, but groans inwardly. _Game time. Wonderful_.

Hakyeon gets a wicked look on his face as he announces the game. As he produces six copies of a script and hands them out, two stage crew carry plastic tubs full of costumes onto the stage. Bean doesn’t even have to turn to the first page to know what’s coming, just holds out his hand resignedly for the cheap wig tied into pigtails. 

Ravi reads the script, frowning more and more the further into it he gets. “Uh, Hakyeon? Can I switch roles with someone?”

“No,” Hakyon says. “Your role was written specifically for you.”

“Yeah, that’s what I was afraid of,” Ravi says, frowning, looking at Bean who is holding a wig and looking annoyed.

‘Always the girl,’ grumps Bean, although much of it is for show. Right now, he’s too happy to really care about something so trivial. ‘All right, who’s the man of my dreams this time?’ Leo gives Bean a badly-hidden sour look and puts up a hand. _Oh, fantastic_. Bean puts on a wide grin that hopefully isn’t as obviously fake as it feels, not letting himself look at Ravi. ‘Let me guess, you’re the CEO of a big company, and I’m your secretary?’ 

“So it seems,” Leo says softly. 

Jamming the wig on his head, Bean picks up his mic and says in Japanese, ‘I’ve been typecast again. Are you all trying to tell me something?’ The resulting laughter and applause from the audience is scattered, but enough for him to respond by hamming up his performance as a shy girl. He hides his face behind one of his pigtails and flutters his eyelashes, getting into the spirit of it.

Ravi can’t keep the stupid grin off his face as he watches Bean. He misses at least three cues because he’s too busy watching him, and Hyuk tackles him on Hakyeon’s orders, the two of them improvising a slapstick routine that has all of the others in fits of laughter, even Leo. 

Running with it, Bean feigns embarrassed horror, tugging on his pigtails so hard that the wig slips off, leaving him standing with his ‘hair’ in his hand and a comically surprised look on his face. From there, everything goes downhill until the scripts are completely forgotten and it’s just improvised clowning. The audience is in stitches; carried away, Bean finally flings himself to the ground, throwing his arms around Leo’s legs and declaring his undying love for ‘the CEO’ in a cracked falsetto.

Leo looks down at Bean and his eyes flash with something that isn’t anger, or sadness, or jealousy. He reaches down and cups Bean’s cheek, stroking a gentle thumb along his cheekbone, the tip of his tongue coming out to lick the corner of his mouth. His eyes flick from Bean’s mouth to his eyes and back again before the delighted squeals of the Starlights filter through and he abruptly breaks away.

_What? What was that?_ Completely off-balance, Bean is thrown out of character, staring at Leo’s retreating back. Hakyeon tugs him to his feet, manhandling him into a group bow as the audience applauds wildly and music starts blasting through the PA to signal their break. Bean goes through the motions mechanically, mind racing. _What’s he playing at?_

The group waves to the audience as they leave the stage. Clattering down the stairs to the green room, Hyuk nudges Bean and indicates ahead of them. ‘Hey. Look at that.’ Bean looks up to see Hakyeon slip an arm around Jaehwan’s waist and pull him close as they walk; he smiles automatically, but the little spike of happiness in him is quickly swallowed by obsessing over the end of that play. He shakes his head, irritated at himself, and forces himself to reply. ‘And you call me and Ravi lovebirds,’ he says quietly.

Ravi avoids everyone and disappears into the toilets as soon as he gets backstage. _What the fuck did I just see?_


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ravi clenches one hand into a fist and turns away. _What the hell is Leo playing at?_
> 
> \---
> 
>  _This is insane_ , thinks Bean. For once, he’d welcome an interruption from Hyuk, because being stuck between Ravi and Leo like this is beyond uncomfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovely readers!
> 
> Just a quick note to let you know that we have started posting our second fic, [Truth or Dare](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20201593)! It's an OT6 that started out as a PWP and grew a plot (what can we say, these things happen).

Looking around, Bean can’t see Ravi anywhere. His disquiet deepens, makes him distracted and unable to carry on a conversation with Hyuk, who seems determined to analyse every little gesture between Hakyeon and Jaehwan. _Stop it_ , he tells himself, _nothing’s wrong_. Unwillingly, his eyes stray to where Leo sits, phone in his hands. Leo glances at Bean and his eyes linger on him for a long moment before he looks away. He actually _blushes._

 _Oh no, that did not just happen. What is he thinking?_ Bean snatches up two cans of soda from the table and goes up to Hakyeon, pulling him aside. ‘Did you see where Ravi went?’ he asks in a low voice, aware that he sounds unsettled, but unable to get it out of his voice.

Hakyeon, of course, picks up on it right away. “Hongbin-ah? What’s wrong?”

‘I don’t know,’ Bean says, looking around distractedly, ‘maybe nothing, probably nothing, I … I don’t see him.’

Ravi comes out of the bathroom and sits on one of the couches in the green room, slouching, and pulls out his phone.

**> Well that was fun.**

Just as Bean’s eyes light on Ravi, his phone buzzes. Frowning, he drags it out and reads the text. He starts to reply, then mentally rolls his eyes. _He’s right over there, idiot_. He shoves the phone back into his pocket and crosses the room to flop down beside Ravi. ‘It was ridiculous, but the Starlights loved it, so that’ll make eomma happy,’ he says, handing over one of the sodas.

Ravi glances at Leo, frowning as their eyes meet. He looks at Bean and murmurs, “Has he… I mean… Is this new? Or have I just… not noticed, somehow?”

Bean moves closer and turns his head, speaking as quietly as he can under cover of the general noise level. ‘Oh, thank god, you saw it too, I thought it was just me being paranoid. What _was_ that?’

“I… want to think he’s trying to make me jealous, but…” Ravi shakes his head, frowning, “at the same time I can’t imagine anyone _not_ being in love with you. God that sounds sappy and stupid.”

Bean gives Ravi a fondly exasperated look. ‘You’re biased, lover. No, it’s got to be some kind of stupid mind game. I vote we just ignore it. Pretend nothing happened.’

“Bitch better stay away from my man,” Ravi mutters under his breath. It’s something Bean misses entirely as Hyuk chooses precisely that moment to practically bounces onto the couch next to them, partially landing on Ravi.

‘Hellooooo, lovebirds!’ he says cheerfully.

Ravi pushes Hyuk off him and moves closer to Bean. “Hello, Satan.” Bean absently slips his arm around Ravi’s waist and pulls him against his side.

‘Tell me more about this love nest,’ says Hyuk. Let me live vicariously through you.’

Bean grins. ‘Do you one better. I have photos.’ He pulls out his phone, opens the gallery, and hands it over.

Ravi looks over Hyuk’s shoulder at the phone’s screen and tries to ignore the feeling that they’re being watched. The maknae’s eyes widen to an almost comical degree as he swipes through the quick snapshots of the room Bean took last night. ‘This is really yours? It’s _huge_! Big enough for all of us!’

‘Not a snowflake’s chance in hell,’ says Bean firmly. ‘We suffered for that upgrade.’

‘But … but … you have a hot tub! _Two_ hot tubs! And a mezzanine!’ protests Hyuk.

‘Did I forget to mention the giant tv that pops up out of the end of the bed?’ says Bean, thoroughly enjoying Hyuk’s strangled exclamation of envy. ‘And the fold-down tables in the bathroom so we can get an in-room massage? And the bathrobes? And …’

‘ _Stooooop_ ,’ Hyuk moans wretchedly.

Ravi elbows Bean and smiles a bit. “It _is_ noisy though. We hardly got any sleep last night.”

‘Definitely need an early night tonight,’ Bean adds, and grins widely as Hyuk makes a retching noise.

“I’m really tired,” Ravi says with a grin. “I think I’ll go to bed as soon as we get back to the hotel.”

‘Not before you give us all the grand tour,’ says Hakyeon firmly, appearing out of nowhere. Before the others can reply, he sweeps away again, calling over his shoulder, ‘Two minutes!’

Ravi looks over at Leo, catching him just as he looks away. Ravi frowns, eyes narrowing.

The next session is half Q&A, half video presentations. More than once, Bean finds his eyes closing when the lights go down, only to get elbowed by Jaehwan. Protests that he had a disrupted night’s sleep are met only with knowing smirks, and after a while he gives up on excuses entirely. Still, it makes the time go faster, and provides a welcome distraction from wondering just what the hell is going on with Leo. Time and again, Bean catches the vocalist watching him - actually _staring_ at him. There’s simply no opportunity to say anything, though, not that Bean has any idea how to bring up the subject. By the time they reach the longer lunch break, he’s on edge, and his jaw’s aching from smiling through gritted teeth.

Ravi frowns slightly when he sees the look on Bean’s face as they walk to the green room together. “Are you okay?” he asks quietly.

With a jerk of his head, Bean indicates Leo, walking ahead of them. ‘It’s weirding me out a bit.’

“I’m sure he wasn’t this obvious when it was me,” Ravi says. “Was he?”

‘Hey, it fooled me. Wait, are you saying …’

“He looks at you like… like I guess _I_ look at you,” Ravi says. “Like Eomma looks at Jae.”

Bean stops dead. ‘I’m just going to hope that both of us are reading that wrong, because if this is some rebound thing …’ He shakes his head. ‘The only person I want looking at me like that is _you_ , lover.’

“I’m a bit insulted he moved on so quickly,” Ravi jokes.

‘Bored with me already? _I’m_ insulted.’

Ravi doesn’t look at Bean as he says, “Obsessed with you.”

Stepping in very close, Bean says, ‘Good.’ He settles his hands on Ravi’s hips. ‘Want to skip out on lunch?’

Ravi looks at Bean. “Can we do that?”

‘One way to find out …’

Ravi grins conspiratorially at Bean and heads for the door. With a quick glance back in the direction of the others, Bean follows. Out in the corridor, Ravi turns to Bean and says, “I have no idea where we’re going.”

‘That's got to be a room open somewhere,’ Bean replies, trying doors. ‘Aha.’ He peers into what looks like a dimly-lit,disused rehearsal room, uneven stacks of chairs against one wall shoved next to a group of music stands and a table. A closed, covered piano is pushed into the middle of the room, sheet music piled on its seat. 

Ravi pushes Bean through the door, crowding up behind him, and closes the door after them. He pulls Bean back into his arms and drags his lips up the side of his neck. “Not touching you is torture…”

Leaning his head back on Ravi’s shoulder, Bean stretches his neck, letting out a contented little noise. ‘Does that door lock?’ he murmurs.

Ravi reaches back without looking and presses the lock button in the centre of the door knob. “It does. Why? Are you thinking about taking advantage of me?” Ravi breathes, holding Bean closer.

‘Only every chance I can get,’ says Bean as he pushes his hips back.

“How long do you think it’ll be before Eomma tears his eyes away from Jae and notices we’re gone?” Ravi breathes against Bean’s ear, then licks the shell, his hands sliding down Bean’s stomach to the waistband of his jeans.

‘Not long enough ...’ Bean turns his head up towards Ravi’s face, kissing along his jawline. Ravi turns his head and takes Bean’s lips in a hard kiss as he undoes the button of Bean’s pants and slowly pulls down the zip. ‘Mmm … whatever are you doing?’ mumbles Bean against his mouth.

Ravi doesn’t think they have time for games. “Getting your cock out so I can suck it.”

Bean shivers. ‘In that case …’ He turns in Ravi's arms and kisses him deeply. Ravi licks into Bean’s mouth as he shoves his hand into Bean’s boxer briefs, curling his hand around Bean’s cock. He lets out a groan as he starts stroking it. ‘ _Ohh_ … fuck, we have to be quiet,’ pants Bean.

“ _You_ have to be quiet,” Ravi breathes against Bean’s lips, giving his cock a gentle squeeze. “ _I’ll_ have my mouth full…”

‘’Greedy,’ smiles Bean, voice shaky. ‘ _Want_ you …’ Ravi pushes Bean’s boxers and jeans down roughly as he sinks to his knees. He rubs his cheek against Bean’s cock, looking up at him, his mouth open. Slipping his fingers through Ravi’s hair, Bean whispers, ‘Love the way you look at me.’

“The way you smell gets me so fucking hard,” Ravi breathes, then he licks up the shaft of Bean’s cock, looking up at him hungrily. Bean lets out a low, hastily-suppressed moan, hand tightening in Ravi’s hair. “Tell me you want it,” Ravi breathes against Bean’s cock. “Tell me you want my mouth…”

‘You know I do … love your mouth, was thinking about it the whole time we were out there …’

Ravi drags his lips against the head, his eyes slipping closed. “Put it in my mouth,” he breathes.

Taking hold of his cock, Bean reaches out with his other hand, tugging gently at Ravi’s lips. ‘Open up, gorgeous.’

Ravi opens his mouth, looking up at Bean again. His tongue flicks out to taste the head and he breathes out heavily. Bean tilts his hips forward, moves his hand around to cup the back of Ravi’s neck, coaxing him to lean in. Ravi resists, his eyes smiling. ‘Oh, you are kidding me …’ Bean pulls Ravi’s head more firmly, pushes forward until the head of his cock is in Ravi’s mouth. ‘Please …’ Ravi moans and pushes forward, taking Bean’s cock deeper. He looks up at Bean for a moment longer before letting his eyes slip closed and slowly pulling back, sucking. Bean’s own eyes half-close, his hands moving into Ravi’s hair, carding, stroking, nails scratching lightly at his scalp. He lets out a quiet moan, struggling to keep his voice low.

Ravi pulls back, Bean’s cock popping free of his mouth. “Fuck my mouth,” he breathes urgently. With an inarticulate growl, Bean grabs for Ravi, forcing his cock back into Ravi’s mouth, panting harshly as he thrusts. Ravi groans loudly, muffled by Bean’s cock, and massages his own erection through his jeans, squeezing it hard as Bean fucks his mouth. Despite his best efforts, Bean can’t keep his voice down entirely. He moves faster, staring down at Ravi, teeth sunk into his bottom lip to hold in his moans. Ravi shoves forward taking Bean’s cock as deep as he can, the head pushing against the opening to his throat. He fights not to gag, letting Bean thrust deeper.

‘Oh god … ohh ..’ Bean’s mouth falls open and his body locks up as he lets go, spilling into Ravi’s mouth with a loud groan. Ravi’s hands go to Bean’s ass cheeks, holding him up, pulling him into his mouth, arousal thudding through his body as Bean comes on his tongue, down his throat. He swallows him down, moaning. ‘Come here,’ pants Bean, grabbing at Ravi’s shoulders to drag him upwards, ‘come here.’ Ravi doesn’t move, eyes squeezed closed, grinding his hand against his cock with his mouth still full of Bean. Pulling back so that his cock slips from Ravi’s mouth, Bean kneels down, hands working at Ravi’s pants. ‘Let me, let me, want to make you feel good …’

Ravi reaches for Bean, hands on either side of his neck, and pulls him in for a desperate kiss. His mouth tastes of Bean’s come and he’s too far gone to give it a first, let alone a second, thought. Bean devours Ravi’s mouth, chasing the taste of himself, shuddering with aftershocks as he pulls open Ravi’s pants and pushes them down just enough to free his cock. Breaking the kiss, he stares at Ravi for a moment, then drops his head to take Ravi deep. “Oh _fuck, Bean,_ ” Ravi breathes, fingers immediately sliding into the hair at the back of Bean’s head. His hips jerk forward of their own free will, his head falling back.

There’s no finesse, no teasing. Bean bobs his head urgently, sucking hard, desperate to hear Ravi lose control. Ravi groans loudly, his head falling forward. He looks down at Bean’s mouth on his cock and a shudder wracks his body. “ _Fuck…_ ” Bean shifts just slightly to take Ravi all the way into his throat, down to the base, and hums deliberately. Ravi groans Bean’s name, his voice cracking as he comes, his hips thrusting automatically, thighs trembling, his fingers tight in Bean’s hair. 

His throat working as he swallows, Bean gradually slows his movements, easing Ravi down through the aftershocks. Finally he draws his head all the way back and gently licks over the tip of Ravi’s cock before letting it slip from his mouth. Ravi pulls Bean up, kissing him deeply, his body still shivering with every small touch of Bean’s hands on his skin. Wrapping his arms around Ravi, Bean pushes against him as they kiss. He growls a little in irritation as his pants, halfway down his legs, tangle him up and he nearly overbalances. Ravi grins against Bean’s mouth and grabs his ass, pulling him closer. “You trying to get me on the floor?” 

Whether or not that was the aim, Ravi’s movement does succeed in making Bean lose his balance entirely and fall on Ravi, knocking them both to the ground. Slightly winded, Bean laughs. ‘Idiot. I love you.’

Ravi laughs and murmurs, “Love you too. Ready for round two yet?”

‘Do you want to kill me?’

“Can you think of a better way to die?” Ravi murmurs, shifting against Bean.

‘I can think of better _places_ to die than a dusty old music room … like a hot tub on the balcony, our giant bed ...’

“Those places are _hours away_ , Bean,” Ravi says. “A lifetime.”

Bean looks down into Ravi’s eyes, shaking his head in bewilderment. ‘I … where did you come from?’

“Jamsil-dong,” Ravi says, deadpan.

Bean’s brow furrows. ‘What?’ Then it dawns on him, and he pokes Ravi playfully. ‘No, dammit, I meant, well …’ He flails around for the right words, falls back on, ‘... you love me.’

“Yeah,” Ravi says, “I do.”

‘That’s what I mean. Don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.’

Ravi smiles a little. “I look forward to it just being a fact of your life. Something that is a part of you without you thinking about it.”

‘What, when you’re world-famous and we’re coming out and adopting kids together?’ Bean laughs.

Ravi frowns slightly and unconsciously draws back. “Are you making fun of me?”

‘Am I … no, of course not,’ Bean stammers. _What did I say? Too fast? But we_ … ‘I just meant … oh, fuck … I was trying to talk about the future, I’m sorry if that’s too fast or whatever …’

Ravi shakes his head once. “No, sorry, it's… I took it the wrong way. I'm sorry.”

 _How else could you take it?_ ‘I really didn’t mean it to sound awful. I was trying to say that I, well, that even if that’s where we end up, and I’m not saying we have to, or anything, you’ll never be just a fact of life.’

Ravi smiles a little, feeling foolish. “Sorry, I… I'm…” _So used to taking things the worst possible way when it comes to you that it's still my first instinct because I can hardly believe this happiness is real, and mine._ “I'm a dick. A total dick.”

‘You’re really, really not.’ Bean pulls Ravi close again and kisses him. ‘You’re gorgeous, and I love you.’ He kisses Ravi again. ‘And maybe one day soon I’ll figure out how not to put my foot in my mouth every time I say something.’

There's a sudden, loud knock at the door. “Guys? Are you in here?” comes Hyuk’s voice. 

Bean stares at Ravi, incredulous. ‘How does he always _know_? Did he put microchips in us while we were asleep or something?’

Ravi puts his hand over Bean’s mouth and one finger to his own lips. Bean grins against Ravi’s hand, listening.

“Guyyyyyyyyys?” Hyuk calls through the door. 

Ravi looks at his hand over Bean’s mouth. He bites his bottom lip. Catching the look, Bean’s eyes darken, and he deliberately runs his tongue over Ravi’s palm. Ravi’s eyes narrow. _Bad boy_ , he mouths. Delighted, Bean does it again, this time adding a little push down with his hips. The door handle rattles and Ravi jumps. At the same time, Bean’s phone rings with - of course - Hyuk’s ringtone. He claps a hand to his jeans pocket, but the damage is done. Vowing to delete Hyuk’s number, or at least to keep his phone on silent from now on, he raising his eyebrows apologetically at Ravi.

“Fuck off, Hyukkie,” Ravi calls through the door.

“ _Rude,_ ” says Hyuk, sounding amused.

Bean can’t hold in a snort of laughter; even muffled by Ravi’s hand, the noise is loud in the quiet room. _Well, it’s not like he doesn’t know who told him to fuck off_. For some reason that strikes him as ridiculously funny, and he dissolves into giggles. Ravi shakes his head, grinning, and removes his hand from Bean’s mouth, kissing his smile soundly. “You’re as bad as he is.”

‘I’m going to ignore that,’ says Bean quietly, ‘because otherwise I’d have to kill you.’ He raises his voice. ‘No, really, if it’s not an emergency, go away.’

“Jeez,” Hyuk says. “I was just worried you’d been kidnapped or something. Excuse me for worrying about my _friends_.” His smile is clearly audible in his voice.

‘You know, he sounds so _sincere_ ,’ Bean comments loud enough to be heard through the door, shifting a little to make them more comfortable. ‘I almost want to believe him.’

“So rude to me! I don’t know why I put up with it,” Hyuk huffs.

Ravi grins, dips his head and kisses slowly up the side of Bean’s neck. ‘He’s right outside, you know,’ whispers Bean, stretching his neck to one side and closing his eyes.

“Don’t care,” Ravi breathes against Bean’s skin. “Tempted to fuck you while he listens, teach him a lesson…”

Just as Bean murmurs, ‘Look in my other pocket,’ the sound of three phones chiming interrupts him. He drops his forehead against Ravi’s. ‘ _Dammit_.’

Ravi breathes against Bean’s lips, “I’m going to be imagining sinking into you every time I look at you. I’m going to still have the taste of you in my mouth…”

‘Oh my god … stop it, you know I’ll never be able to concentrate now.’ Bean’s voice is still low, but far shakier. 

“Leo can look at you all he likes,” Ravi says, his voice rough with desire, “but I’m the one who’s going to wreck you tonight…”

‘Uh, guys?’ calls Hyuk. ‘We have, like, twenty minutes to get ready, so you should probably put some goddamn clothes on and get out here before the stylists break the door down.’

‘This better be a promise,’ whispers Bean urgently before reluctantly pushing up onto his knees. He looks down at Ravi lying there, all reddened lips and pants halfway down his legs and lets out a tiny groan. ‘I should take photos of you like this …’

Ravi poses, one hand on his inner thigh, one behind his head. “Do it.”

‘It’s not a real camera,’ gripes Bean, his hands already digging in his pocket to retrieve his phone. He frames Ravi carefully and takes three photos in quick succession with Ravi eyefucking the camera. ‘When we get back, I’m going to shoot you properly.’ A sudden, unwelcome flash of memory, _Hi, I’m Lee … I’m a photographer_ ; he pushes it away firmly.

Ravi raises himself up onto his knees and pulls up his jeans and boxer briefs. “Thanks for stopping me from coming in my pants before,” he says with a grin.

‘It was the least I could do,’ says Bean modestly, as he fixes his own clothing, adding in a much more intense tone, ‘the _least_.’

Ravi hooks a hand behind Bean’s neck and pulls him in close again. “I love knowing my come is inside you… Even if it’s not where I desperately want to put it…”

Bean kisses him hungrily. He can feel himself weakening, _would it really be okay_ , but can’t utter that thought yet. Not while the only thing stopping him from pushing Ravi right back down on the floor is the knowledge that they need to be in costume and on stage in only a few minutes. _Definitely talking about it later_ , he resolves.

Ravi breaks the kiss as Hyuk hammers the door again. “C’mon, trying your guardian angel’s almost-endless patience here!”

“We should get out of here,” Ravi breathes, zipping and buttoning his jeans.

‘Right back to the hotel … if only.’ Bean climbs to his feet and tries to get himself into some semblance of order. ‘Okay. Let’s go kill him.’

Ravi holds out his hand for Bean to help him up, and he has a flash of the moment he drunkenly pulled Bean onto the floor on top of him. Bean tugs Ravi to his feet. Not letting go, he pulls Ravi tight against his body. ‘Hi.’

“Hey, gorgeous,” Ravi says with a soft smile.

‘Love you.’

“Of course you do. I mean, _look_ at me. I’m one sexy motherfucker,” Ravi says, grinning.

Bean lets him go, laughing. ‘And so very humble. Come on, then, sexy.’ He goes to the door, unlocks it and throws it open, barely managing to dodge as Hyuk - who was leaning against it - tumbles into the room.

“Listening to us, were you?” Ravi says, elbowing Hyuk. “Filthy boy.”

Bean falls against the wall, laughing.

‘Wait - what - dude, _no_ ,’ stammers Hyuk before recovering quickly and screwing up his face in mock disgust. ‘There is _literally nothing_ you could pay me to do that. Now come on, let’s get back. If we all arrive together, eomma won’t waste time singling us out for too much of a lecture. You’re welcome.’

Still laughing, Bean gestures for Hyuk to go ahead of them. ‘If he does, I’ll just tell him we were getting _you_ out of trouble.’

“Why always _me?_ ” Hyuk grumbles as he leads the way back to the green room. “Poor sweet innocent maknae, always being blamed for things.”

Ravi lets out a bark of laughter. “Yeah, sweet and innocent. That's you all over.”

Deciding to strike first and not give Hakyeon the chance to get worked up into telling them off, Bean raises his voice when they enter the room. ‘All right, hands up who thinks Satan here is sweet and innocent?’

Jaehwan’s eyebrows raise almost to his hairline. “Dude, no. Not even a little bit.”

Bean gives Hyuk a triumphant look. ‘That’s a majority, even without the hyungs. It’s official. You’re evil.’

“For the record, though, I agree,” Leo says softly, looking at Bean.

Ravi’s eyes narrow as he watches Leo.

Bean’s grin is completely self-satisfied. ‘Face it, Hyukkie, your secret is out.’ He flops down into a chair in front of the mirrors and says to Leo, ‘Knew I could count on you. All right, noonas, do your worst,’ he adds as the stylists begin to converge on the group. Ravi frowns as Leo sits in the chair next to Bean, Hakyeon already in the chair to his other side. He watches in the mirror as Leo’s attention is entirely focused on Bean.

As usual, once the stylists get their hands on them, the six members are gently bullied into contorting their faces, submitting to ridiculously precise hair combing, and generally putting up with having every little detail of their look obsessed over. When Bean’s presented with his pair of the blue contact lenses he, Hakyeon and Ravi will have to wear, he gets a scolding about the dark circles under his eyes. ‘It was a late night,’ he mumbles, not daring to glance at Ravi, but the dimples come and go briefly. For about the twentieth time since starting the tour, he regards the lenses balefully before slipping them in and blinking furiously to get used to them. ‘You know, it’s really not fair,’ he says, ‘if I have to put up with these things, everyone else should, too.’

Hakyeon, of course, puts in his contact lenses with the ease of long practice, and shows no sign of discomfort at all. ‘You complain far too much,’ he says. ‘Ravi hasn’t said a word.’

‘Probably because he’s asleep again,’ mutters Hyuk, wincing as part of the tape fixing his microphone in place gets stuck in the short hair behind his ear. Ravi lets out a comically loud snore, then grins. 

Then there's no time for anything but last-minute fussing as they're called back to the dark stage and take their places ready for the performance that will round off the afternoon's session. Bean manages only a quick brush of his hand down Ravi's back before they're in position and the opening bars of _Depend on Me_ ring out over the audience as the lights come up.

It’s only a short performance, but by the end of it Bean’s eyes are smarting from wearing the lenses. There also seems to be a defect in the right one that made it difficult to focus, and that’s given him the beginnings of a headache. Ravi gets through the performance on muscle memory alone, his mind somewhere else entirely - in the hotel, in their room, with Bean. When they finally come off stage, their ears ringing with cheers and applause, Ravi feels like he’s been on stage for five minutes. 

Blinking the lenses out as soon as they’re safely away from the fans, Bean makes his way back to the green room and collapses onto the couch with his hand over his streaming eyes. Ravi follows the others to the green room and makes a beeline for the couch Bean has flopped on to, only to be beaten to it by Leo settling into the seat next to him. 

The cushions shift as someone sits next to him, and Bean smiles and thinks, _there you are, lover_. Without moving, he says, ‘Why are you all the way over there?’ 

A muscle in Ravi’s jaw tightens as he watches Leo move a little closer. “You were great out there,” Leo says softly, moving so close that his upper arm is resting against Bean’s. 

At the sound of Leo’s voice, Bean starts. _So close … what is he **doing**?_ Without getting up from the couch, he can’t move away, so he shifts position as best he can to minimise contact while trying not to be too obvious about it. ‘Uh … thanks. We all did a great job,’ he says awkwardly. He opens his eyes, wincing a little. ‘Goddammit. Does anyone have any eye drops?’

“I think Hakyeon does,” Leo says. “You look like you have a headache. Would you like a scalp massage?”

‘Would I …’ Bean can’t believe what he’s hearing. Leo sounds _sincere_ ; even with the headache, Bean can’t detect any trace of sarcasm or meanness. In fact … _he sounds like the old Leo. The guy who was my friend. What do I do,_ he thinks wildly, _if I just shut him down he could take it out on Ravi again, but_ ... ‘Hey,’ he says lamely, ‘that sounds really good, just, I, I’m not sure my head could take it right now. But thanks, really, thanks.’ _Oh god, shut up, you idiot_ , he tells himself. ‘Could you maybe ask eomma about those instead, maybe just drops and ice or something will work …’ He trails off uncertainly.

“Of course,” says Leo. “Anything you need.” He bites Bean’s shoulder gently, lashes lowered demurely, then pulls away to go to Hakyeon. Ravi clenches one hand into a fist and turns away, picking at the food on the catering table. _What the hell is Leo playing at?_

Swiping at his eyes with the back of his hand, Bean peers around until he locates Ravi halfway across the room. A quick glance at the amount of crap scattered around the floor - makeup cases, discarded clothes, shoes - is enough to give him pause. The idea of staying where he is and probably dealing with more of Leo’s weird behaviour, decides the issue. He stands cautiously and starts picking his way across the room, pulling out his earphone as he shuffles across. And then, naturally, his foot slips on someone’s half inside-out jeans and he pitches forward, stumbling to try to avoid falling altogether.

Ravi half-turns just in time to catch Bean by his upper arms. “Are you okay?” he asks, not meeting Bean’s eye. 

Bean clings to Ravi gratefully, using it as an excuse to bring his own hands up to cup Ravi’s elbows as he straightens up. ‘Those goddamn lenses …’ In a much quieter tone he adds, ‘I don’t know _what_ the fuck is going on.’

“Looked like you were bitten by a rabid, lovesick hamster,” Ravi says, trying to keep his irrational jealousy out of his voice. 

‘I don’t think he -’ Bean shuts up _fast_ as Leo chooses that moment to come over to them. He smiles shyly at Bean and says, “I have eyedrops for you,” holding out the little bottle. He doesn't even acknowledge Ravi's presence. 

‘Hey, thanks.’ Bean takes the bottle and, tilting his head up, quickly applies the drops to his stinging eyes. _Lovesick? No, no way, it’s just Leo being Leo. Except_ … ‘Oh, thank god. Now maybe I won’t have to claw my eyes out.’ Deliberately raising his voice, he calls, ‘Thanks, eomma! Is there an ice pack or something?’

“I'll get it,” Leo says, his hand slowly dragging down the outside of Bean’s arm as he moves away. Ravi's eyebrows almost disappear into his hairline.

“Well at least you have someone to dote on you, I suppose,” Ravi mutters. 

Bean blinks at him incredulously. ‘What the fuck? That’s not even slightly funny.’

Ravi shakes his head shortly. “Sorry. I don't mean that. I'm… I'm gonna shut up,” he says, gritting his teeth and looking away as Leo comes back with an ice pack wrapped in his own spare tshirt. 

_This is insane_ , thinks Bean. Accepting the improvised compress from Leo, he uses the cover of pressing it to his eyes to look around frantically. For once, he’d welcome an interruption from Hyuk, because being stuck between Ravi and Leo like this is beyond uncomfortable. ‘So, we can have the night off, right?’ he says loud enough for the whole room to hear, in what he hopes is something like a normal tone. ‘You know, because we worked so hard?’

“I think so,” Hakyeon says brightly. “We should all go out and have a good time.”

Jaehwan enthusiastically agrees. Leo is stroking Bean’s arm comfortingly and Ravi wants to growl and punch him in the face. 

_Dammit_. ‘Not going to insist we have an early night, then?’ Bean says hopefully. He transfers the ice pack to the other eye, ‘coincidentally’ moving his arm away and standing just a bit closer to Ravi.

“I'd like to see this luxurious new room of yours,” Leo practically purrs, moving closer again. 

_This has to be some kind of mind game. Doesn’t it?_ Bean looks at Ravi, and the tight, angry set of his lover’s jaw makes him wish for something - anything - to get him out of there. A sudden UFO abduction, maybe, or just an unexpected crack opening up in the floor that could swallow him.

‘Me, too!’ chimes in Hyuk, slinging his arm around Leo’s shoulders. ‘Actually, I’ve got an even better idea - how about you share this amazing good fortune with all of us? We’re here for a few more nights yet, you can spare a couple to swap out with us so we can enjoy your hot tub. Right, hyung?’ He gives Leo a nudge. There and then, Bean resolves to buy Hyuk as much gopchang as he can eat as soon as they get back home.

“Not a chance, Satan. Not a snowball’s chance in whatever hell you crawled up out of,” Ravi says. “Nobody’s coming up to our room. I’m going to go back to the room and sleep after this, I’m completely exhausted. I don’t want anyone jumping on the bed or kicking me in the face.”

Ravi looks at Leo as though daring him to argue. Leo blinks innocently at Ravi, the slightest hint of a smile on his lips. The surge of relief that goes through Bean then is almost enough to wipe away the headache, but he doesn’t let on. ‘You just better not snore,’ he says pathetically, ‘my head’s killing me and I need to sleep this off’. For emphasis he leans his head against Ravi’s arm.

Ravi slips his arm around Bean’s shoulders, still looking at Leo. Leo’s smile disappears. 

_Oh, this is ridiculous_ , thinks Bean. He moves the icepack over his eyes again to block out this … whatever this is, jealousy, one-upmanship, or worse … that’s going on between Ravi and Leo. ‘Can we go now, _please_ , eomma?’ he begs.

‘As soon as you all help clean up,’ says Hakyeon, already changed out of costume and handing various items to the stylists. With a groan, Bean disentangles himself from the whole situation and goes over to help, waving away Hakyeon’s concern. ‘Let’s just get this done,’ he mutters.

With Jaehwan’s enthusiastic help, the three of them get things packed up enough that they’re shooed away to the van, the stylists commenting that none of them can properly pack a makeup case, even after all this time. Bean gives the noonas the best smile he can manage under the circumstances, and head straight out. As he climbs into the van he grabs Ravi’s hand and pulls him into the back seat with him. ‘Wake me when we get there,’ he murmurs, and lays his head on Ravi’s shoulder and drifts until they arrive at the hotel again.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ravi nudges Bean’s head with his forehead and kisses him again, harder, more desperately, clutching at his arms to hold him close. He feels like he’s losing the best thing he’s ever had and he can’t bear it.

 

‘Carry me?’ Bean says sleepily.

“Over the threshold?” Ravi says. “People will talk.”

‘Let them,’ replies Bean, heaving himself up out of the car seat with a sigh. ‘Eomma, if we’re going out tonight, can we please skip dinner? I _really_ need to lie down.’

Hakyeon looks at Bean with a slight frown. “You look awful. Perhaps we could all do with some downtime before going out…” he muses, his eyes straying to Jaehwan, who does a very poor job of pretending not to hear. 

‘You’re the best leader in the world,’ Bean declares. ‘I would come over there and hug you but I’m too tired.’ With that he turns to Ravi and says, ‘You’ve got your key, right? Let’s go. Someone text us when you decide what we’re doing later.’

Leo takes a step toward Ravi and Bean and is immediately intercepted by Hyuk, who slings an arm around him and steers him away. Ravi gratefully heads for the elevators, one hand bunched in Bean’s sleeve, dragging him along. 

‘Definitely buying him a present,’ mutters Bean as he stumbles, almost bumping into Ravi as they arrive at the elevator that takes them to the premium suites. ‘What the hell is going on?’

“I think Leo wants to die,” Ravi says shortly. 

They step inside and Bean swipes the card to activate the panel. ‘You’re letting this get to you way too much, lover,’ he says. ‘I’m sure he’s just trying to get a rise out of you. Don’t give him the satisfaction.’ He sounds confident, covering his own nagging worry, because in the years they've known each other, Leo has never played that sort of nasty game before. _What if it is real?_ Ravi just shakes his head, a muscle jumping in his tense jaw. He can't think of a thing to say that won't sound jealous, possessive or… weirdly disappointed at apparently being so easy to forget. The look on Ravi’s face is enough to silence Bean for a moment. Obviously furious, but at what? _Me? Do you think so little of me?_ When the door opens, Bean just walks straight to the door and into the suite without speaking, his mind going back to the day’s events. _Did I do something to make you think I was interested?_

Ravi is frozen in the elevator, watching Bean walk away from him. The doors start to close and he throws out a hand to stop them, frowning. He pauses for a long few moments before following Bean into the room. He lets the door close softly behind him and hesitates just inside the door.

Halfway into the room, Bean stops and turns. ‘Say it.’

Ravi frowns, confused. “Say what?”

‘Whatever it is that’s on your mind.’ Bean throws aside the improvised ice pack and moves towards Ravi. ‘Something’s getting to you that you don’t want to say, and I’m sick of us screwing up and hurting each other because we’ve been too afraid to actually talk. Right now I can’t tell if you’re mad at him for acting like a jerk, or at me because you think I’ve done something to make him think he’s got a chance, or … I don’t know what to think.’

“I don’t think he’s acting like a jerk,” Ravi says softly. “And I don’t think you’ve done anything. I just think… he’s fallen for you. And I can understand that.” Ravi pauses, frowning. “And… I’d understand if you… I don’t know what I’m saying.”

For a moment Bean just stares incredulously, mouth working. ‘You … you’re actually … you think I’d just walk out of here and go to him? After everything? You’d let me go that easily?’

“No. I… I don’t know what I’d do if you did,” Ravi says. _Die, probably_ , he thinks but doesn’t say. “But… he’s… and _I’m_... “ Ravi rubs his eyes. “I don’t know what I’m saying.”

‘What the hell is wrong with you?’ shouts Bean. Then a thought strikes him, one so unbelievable that it makes him shake his head. _He’s comparing himself, he thinks he’s not …_ ‘Listen to me.’ He closes the distance between them, takes hold of Ravi by the arms. ‘I … don’t … want … him. I don’t want _anyone else_. He could throw himself naked at my feet and I would still walk over him to get to you. It’s always been you, always. I love you, why won’t you just trust that?’

“It’s not… I trust you,” Ravi says, squeezing his eyes closed. “I do, I just… He’s… he’s _lovely_ , Bean. If it wasn’t for you, for how completely you fill my heart, it would have been him. So I’d understand. He’s beautiful, and _so nice_ , and…” Ravi shakes his head slightly, mouth twisting. He whispers, “He’s in your _league_.”

Bean’s hands tighten on Ravi’s arms. ‘What kind of crap is that? “In my league”? This is not a fucking contest, there’s no ranking or checklist or … or anything like that. I didn’t rate you like on a fucking dating app or whatever … I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for so long, even if …’ He swallows, hits himself on the chest with a closed fist. ‘Even if you didn’t feel the same, it wouldn’t change anything. I’d still belong to you, in _here_. You drive me fucking crazy, all I can think about is you, so don’t you _dare_ give me this bullshit.’

“I’m sorry,” Ravi says, hanging his head. “I just can’t stop fucking this up, can I?”

‘What do you want me to do?’ Bean asks desperately, trying to get into Ravi’s eyeline. ‘Tell me what I can do, anything at all.’

Ravi shakes his head, breathing out slowly. “I’m so scared I’m gonna lose you. That you’re gonna come to your senses. That… I won’t measure up to what you hoped I’d be. It’s like he knew exactly what to do to hurt me.”

‘Oh god, don’t you understand? I _have_ come to my senses. All that before, the running and trying to keep myself away from you - that was me being an idiot. Trying to tell myself I didn’t care about you, that you were … that you wanted him, so I should just back off. And then you kissed me … and I realised …’ Bean’s voice breaks. ‘I realised I couldn’t keep away from you. I can’t.’ He steps in very close, pulls Ravi into a tight hug. ‘Measure up? Don’t be so fucking stupid. You’re _everything_ to me.’

Ravi holds onto Bean like a drowning man. He buries his face against Bean’s neck, eyes squeezed closed, hands fisted in the back of Bean’s shirt.

It doesn’t feel fixed. It feels just as complicated and fucked up as ever, _did anything I said make a difference?_ This side of Ravi, vulnerable and second-guessing and so down on himself, it’s something Bean never dreamed was there. ‘I love you,’ he whispers, knowing how inadequate it is.

Ravi tries to respond, tries to say _I love you too_ , wants to say _I’ve always loved you, I always **will** love you_, but he can’t find his voice, he feels like his throat is closing over, clogged with all the things he should say, needs to say. He turns his head helplessly, seeking Bean’s lips with his own, and kisses him, trying once again to pour everything he’s feeling into action. It doesn’t feel like it’s enough. He wants to be _enough_.

_How are we back here?_ Bean’s not naive enough to think that finally being honest about how they feel means there will be no more problems, but it’s been only a day. The way Ravi kisses him, like he’s trying to push everything else away, bury it in desire; it’s intoxicating, makes Bean’s head swim, makes him want to climb inside Ravi’s skin. And it’s heartbreaking, because _we need to be more than this_. He breaks the kiss and leans his forehead against Ravi’s, fighting for breath. 

Ravi nudges Bean’s head with his forehead and kisses him again, harder, more desperately, clutching at his arms to hold him close. He feels like he’s losing the best thing he’s ever had and he can’t bear it.

Kissing down Ravi’s neck, tongue softly lapping at the bruise there, Bean can’t help but think, _maybe this is the wrong thing to do_. All he knows, though, is that he can practically feel fear washing through Ravi, and all he can do is try to show him that there is nothing to fear. Between kisses, he murmurs, ‘I’m yours. As long as you want me, as long as you’ll have me.’ It sounds over-the-top, like a fucking proposal, _I don’t care_. He smiles against Ravi’s skin. ‘I just found you, don’t think you can get rid of me this easily. You’re stuck with me now, lover. Never letting you go.’ Ravi draws back slightly and pulls Bean’s tshirt up and off over his head, avoiding his eyes. He buries his face against the side of Bean’s neck, kissing, biting, licking, hands grabbing, hips driving forward. Bean can’t shake the thought that Ravi is still hiding, but the desire is unmistakable, and the temptation to lose himself is so strong. Head falling back, he pushes his hands under Ravi’s tshirt, running them up his back. ‘Love the way you kiss me.’

Ravi groans quietly and bites Bean’s neck, hard, sucking on the skin with the intention of leaving a mark, breathing heavily through his nose. He knows it’s stupid and possessive and territorial, but right now he can’t stop himself. _You are **mine**_. His hands move between their bodies, fingers blindly working on Bean’s fly.

Bean lets out a sudden, pained hiss, ‘ _yes_ ,’ his hand flying up to the back of Ravi’s head, holding him in place. 

Ravi gets Bean’s button and zip undone and pushes his hand inside, squeezing and stroking him through his boxer briefs, groaning against the rapidly reddening mark on Bean’s skin.

‘Ohh god …’ Bean paws at Ravi’s clothes, tugging ineffectually. ‘Need your skin, lover.’

“Undress me,” Ravi growls against Bean’s skin. He latches on again, sucking on Bean’s skin. He lets out a quiet groan as he tastes a metallic tang - he pulls back, looking at the deep purple mark and breathes, “Fuck, I sucked blood through your skin…” He rubs his thumb lightly over the mark, smearing saliva and blood over Bean’s pulse point.

It hurts, a kind of deep, stinging ache. It’s right. Bean stares wide-eyed at Ravi, breathing coming fast, in the grip of something he can’t quite name, a sudden strange desire to say _mark me again, make it permanent, make me yours_. He claws Ravi’s tshirt over his head, grabs him again, growling, ‘ _Yours_ ,’ kisses him with bruising force.

Ravi kisses Bean hard, shoving him back against the wall, grinding his hard cock against Bean’s body. One hand steals to Bean’s hair, pulling his head back, and Ravi dips his head, licking over the mark, tasting Bean. It should be gross, it should feel weird, but Ravi finds the taste - the _idea_ of it - irresistible, erotic.

Completely overpowered, almost out of his mind with the arousal thrumming through him, Bean moans wretchedly. ‘Love you …’ His nails dig into Ravi’s back. _Blood, he’s drawn blood_ , it should freak him out, but it just winds him tighter, _take everything_.

Ravi tears at his own jeans, unbuttoning, unzipping, and shoves them and his underwear down around the tops of his thighs. He pushes against Bean again, breathing out heavily into his mouth as their cocks rub together.

‘Love you,’ moans Bean into Ravi’s mouth, ‘love you, yours … take me …’

Ravi pulls back, face flushed, breathing hard, and manhandles Bean to face the wall, shoving his jeans down. He moves in close, moulding his body to Bean’s back, grinding his hard cock against Bean’s asscrack. “My mark on your neck,” Ravi breathes. “Mine for all the world to see.”

‘Yes …’ It’s out before Bean can stop himself. ‘Wish it was permanent …’

“Tattoo my name on you,” Ravi breathes, shoving Bean into the wall harder, thrusting against him. “ _Property of Kim Wonshik_.”

‘Artwork not for sale … ohhh _fuck_ …’

“Get a condom out, baby,” Ravi breathes. “Need to be in you…”

Instead, Bean digs into his pocket with one shaking hand, holds out a small tube of lubricant behind his back. ‘Please,’ he moans, ‘please, just want to feel you.’ 

Ravi freezes, looking at the tube in Bean’s hand. He takes it from him and breathes out slowly. “You want…”

It goes against everything Bean’s ever done, even with always taking precautions and getting tested there’s still a risk, _I don’t care_ , the need to have Ravi bare in him is too strong. ‘Just you,’ he pants, ‘just you in me, your come in me … make me yours.’

“You’re mine without that,” Ravi breathes. He slips one arm around Bean’s waist, holding him close, cock hard against him. “We don’t have to do that.”

‘I want it. Need it. Please ...’

Ravi drags his teeth against the side of Bean’s neck. He breathes in his ear, “Say that again.”

‘ _Please_ …’

“Say what you want. Tell me what you want me to do,” Ravi breathes, but he’s already clicked the lid off the tube and is squeezing the gel into the palm of his hand.

_I should stop this, I should put the brakes on, he’s already tasted my **blood**_ … ‘Want you in me,’ Bean moans, past caring now, ‘want you raw, just you, only you …’

Ravi rubs slick fingertips against Bean’s hole, seeking with blind accuracy, while he strokes lube onto his cock with his other hand. “Gonna give it to you,” he breathes. “Gonna fill you up…”

_It’s really happening, we’re really doing it_ , and there’s no more hesitation now, just a surge of impatience and arousal that makes Bean push back against Ravi’s fingers, trying to force them inside him.

“Hungry, baby?” Ravi breathes, keeping his touch light and teasing, fingers slipping against hot, clenching flesh. “Want something?”

‘You,’ gasps Bean, looking back over his shoulder, eyes wild and pleading. ‘You, please, want you in me … god, _don’t_ fucking tease me like this.’

Ravi takes his cock in his hand and presses the head against Bean’s entrance. His voice shakes as he says softly, “Push back onto me, baby. Take me…” Letting his forehead fall against the wall, Bean pushes back slowly, moaning low in his throat as Ravi breaches him. He splays his hands against the wall and hollows his back, every muscle trembling. Ravi lets out a long, unsteady breath, eyes locked on the back of Bean’s head. His free hand slips to Bean’s hip, his thumb rubbing against the skin, his other hand is still steadying his cock as it’s slowly swallowed by Bean’s tight, blood-hot body.

‘ _Ohh_ … oh, you feel …’ No slight catch of latex against skin, no unnatural smoothness; it’s unlike anything Bean has ever felt, intimate and rough and real. He pushes back further, a little faster now, so close to losing control altogether.

Ravi lets go of his cock and pushes forward, holding his breath as he slides deeper into Bean. The sensation of flesh against skin, engulfing him, makes his hands shake. He wraps his arms around Bean’s chest and holds him close, lips pressed against his shoulder. Unable to hold back any longer, Bean shoves his hips against Ravi, groaning as he forces his cock deep. Ravi lets out his breath all at once on a low groan, his hips instinctively driving forward, unable to help himself. He drags his lips along Bean’s shoulder to his neck, pressing his face against Bean’s skin as he starts to slowly thrust.

Bean's head goes back, eyes tightly shut. ‘Yes …’ he gasps. He grinds against Ravi, urging him on. Ravi smears his open mouth up the side of Bean’s neck, panting hotly on his skin, tongue stealing out to tease at Bean’s earlobe. His hands slide down Bean’s body, moving to his hips, pulling him back against his thrusting hips, trying to get deeper. ‘Harder,’ moans Bean, hands going to his own cock, squeezing and pulling.

Ravi feels Bean clench around him as he starts stroking his cock. He reaches around, grabbing Bean’s wrists, and pulls his hands away. He holds them up against the wall either side of Bean’s body and thrusts deep, stilling with Bean held against the wall. “That's mine, baby,” Ravi breathes. “No touching.”

‘Ohh, fuck …’ Bean tilts his head back, gives Ravi an open-mouthed, panting grin as he grinds back against him.

Ravi bites his bottom lip and thrusts, harder than before, breathing heavily. His hands slide from Bean’s wrists to interlace their fingers, still holding his hands against the wall. “God, you feel so good…” Sweat-slick, legs shaking, Bean lets out a ragged moan, falls helplessly into rhythm with Ravi’s hard thrusts, building, winding tight. Ravi breathes in Bean's ear, “Can you feel me, baby? Feel all of me? My skin… nothing keeping us apart…” He thrusts harder, shoving Bean against the wall each time he buries himself. His breathing is unsteady, quick, each exhalation a moan.

‘ _Yes_ ,’ Bean gasps, twisting against Ravi, ‘feel you … love you … yours, yours ...’ 

Ravi presses his forehead against Bean’s temple and stills, eyes squeezed closed, breathes, “Oh god, too good, too good… gonna… are you sure? Do you want it?”

So close, every muscle tensing, ‘give it to me, I want it, make me …’

Ravi lets go of Bean’s right hand and takes hold of his cock, squeezing it, stroking it as he thrusts again, fucking Bean slow and deep, his breath shuddering out of him. “Fucking love you so much…”

‘Love …’ Bean’s voice breaks apart, spirals into a wordless cry as Ravi drags him over the edge. He comes hard, spasming around Ravi’s cock, thrusting into his hand, completely taken apart.

Ravi stills inside Bean and lets out a broken, breathy cry as he comes, Bean still moving on him, clenching, squeezing him so tightly. The friction, the heat, the intimacy, god he loves him. He _loves_ him. His eyes fill with tears as he spills inside his lover, his mouth open against the skin of Bean’s shoulder. Bean feels it, feels Ravi come in him, and the sensation and the knowledge of what they’ve done is too much, sends a shudder right through him that robs him of breath. Half-collapsing against the wall, he reaches back blindly with one hand to grasp Ravi’s hip, keeping him there. Ravi wraps his arms around Bean’s waist, holding him close, panting, trying to get his breath back. Electric aftershocks shiver through his body every time Bean moves.

Like this, they’re perfect, and all Bean wants is to stay here, consumed by bliss. As the aftershocks fade, though, he starts to feel the fatigue in his leg muscles. He still can’t focus, can barely concentrate enough to say, ‘I have to … sorry, I’m, I need to …’

Ravi slowly withdraws from Bean, letting out a quiet breath as he pulls away. He breathes, “Downstairs bedroom,” and takes Bean’s hand, walking backward to the bedroom door, eyes never leaving his lover. Bean lets himself be led. His legs are still unsteady but his gaze never wavers from Ravi’s face. And then Ravi backs into the bedroom door frame, whacking his elbow. He tries to hide how much it’s hurt by pursing his lips.

Bean winces in sympathy, but can’t keep down the smile that tugs at the corners of his mouth. ‘Turn around before you fall over something, lover. I'm not going anywhere.’

Ravi turns and walks to the bed, pulling Bean after him. He crawls onto the bed and lies, watching Bean, arms waiting to hold him.

For a moment Bean just stands by the bed, looking down. What they’ve just done is something he would have thought unimaginable only days ago, but then everything about what’s happened between them is out of both Bean’s experience and even his most deeply buried hopes. _This is the man I love_ , he thinks. _The man I’ll do anything for_. And then it hits him. ‘I’m sorry,’ he says helplessly. ‘That was stupid and selfish, I mean, I’ve been clear for ages, but I still shouldn’t have …’

Ravi’s relaxed smile fades slowly as his stomach drops. “Do you regret it?”

_Oh god, I’ve done it again_. Bean climbs onto the bed, grabbing Ravi’s hands. The words come babbling out, ‘ _No_. I don’t, I don’t. I probably should, I might have put you at risk, but god help me, I can’t wish it didn’t happen.’ He pulls Ravi’s hands to his mouth and kisses them. ‘I didn’t mean to make you think … I love you.’

“If I didn’t want to do it, I wouldn’t have,” Ravi murmurs. “And god, I wanted it. Idiot.”

Bean stares at Ravi, trying to process what he’s hearing. It’s almost too much to grasp, maybe he says that now, maybe he’ll hate it when he stops to think about it, maybe … _god, he’s right, just shut up and go with it_. He gives Ravi a rueful grin. ‘Yeah. I am. But at least I’m your idiot.’

Ravi takes Bean into his arms and holds him close. “I’ve never wanted to do that with anyone else. Never… never felt as safe as I feel with you. Never wanted to be that close.”

‘Ah … fuck.’ Pushing his face against Ravi’s chest, Bean blinks back ridiculous tears. ‘What did I to deserve you?’ 

“Put up with years of torture if you were anything like me,” Ravi murmurs.

‘Years?’ Bean lifts his head to look directly at Ravi. ‘Oh god, I’m sorry.’

“Shut up,” Ravi says, smiling.

‘Shutting up now,’ replies Bean, and kisses him.


	34. Omake: a little excursion into an AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And suddenly it makes a mad kind of sense. The way Ravi could be so dominant and aggressive one moment, the next retreating into what looked like insecurity, but now Bean can see it for what it was; barely-controlled restraint. ‘All this time … you’ve been hiding this, whatever it is?’
> 
> “This is what I really am,” Ravi breathes. “Do you still want me now that you know what I really am?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bonus for you this week, faithful readers!
> 
> This is an alternative ending to the last chapter, spawned by our fevered imaginations after Ravi decided to give Bean the kind of lovebite that draws blood. It was just a bit of fun, and has nothing whatsoever to do with any vampire AU stories vixxbitch and I may or may not be writing at the moment. Honest.
> 
> We've included the preceding paragraphs for context. Hope you enjoy this excursion into another world, and we'll be back to our regularly scheduled Rabin next week!

 

Ravi groans quietly and bites Bean’s neck, hard, sucking on the skin with the intention of leaving a mark, breathing heavily through his nose. He knows it’s stupid and possessive and territorial, but right now he can’t stop himself. _You are **mine**_. His hands move between their bodies, fingers blindly working on Bean’s fly.

Bean lets out a sudden, pained hiss, ‘ _yes_ ,’ his hand flying up to the back of Ravi’s head, holding him in place. Ravi gets Bean’s button and zip undone and pushes his hand inside, squeezing and stroking him through his boxer briefs, groaning against the rapidly reddening mark on Bean’s skin. ‘Ohh god …’ Bean paws at Ravi’s clothes, tugging ineffectually. ‘Need your skin, lover.’

“Undress me,” Ravi growls against Bean’s skin. He latches on again, sucking on Bean’s skin. He lets out a quiet groan as he tastes a metallic tang - he pulls back, looking at the deep purple mark and breathes, “Fuck, I sucked blood through your skin…” He rubs his thumb lightly over the mark, smearing saliva and blood over Bean’s pulse point, mesmerised. _Too far. Stop_.

It hurts, a kind of deep, stinging ache. It’s right. Bean stares wide-eyed at Ravi, breathing coming fast, in the grip of something he can’t quite name, a sudden strange desire to say _mark me again, make it permanent, make me yours_. He claws Ravi’s tshirt over his head, grabs him again, growling, ‘ _Yours_ ,’ kisses him with bruising force.

Ravi growls into the kiss, a low, menacing sound. It makes the hairs on Bean's neck stand on end. Ravi pushes back from Bean and turns away, breathing hard. "Run," he says. His voice sounds lower than usual, an animal growl underlying the human words.

Bean blinks in confusion, takes a step towards him, part of him screaming _get away_. 'Lover?' he says uncertainly.

Ravi leans against the opposite wall, hands curling into claws against the plaster, head hanging. He breathes out heavily. "You need to go. _Go_."

_Get out, run, you're in danger_ , all crashing through Bean's head, but that makes no sense, because it's _Ravi_. The man he's already given everything to. The man he loves. He moves closer, his hand hovering in the air just above Ravi's back. 'What is it? Did I do something? What's wrong?'

"I just need to be alone. I'll go," Ravi says. He grabs his shirt from the floor and pulls it on over his head, all without turning back to Bean.

'No,' pleads Bean. 'Whatever it is ... I don't understand, what happened? Stay with me, please, don't leave.'

Ravi turns and moves fast, pushing Bean against the wall and covering him with his body. His breath is hot on the skin of Bean's neck, and he's breathing hard, inhaling deeply... smelling him? Immediately, Bean throws his arms around Ravi, holding him tight, afraid he’ll turn away again. He shivers at the feel of Ravi's breath on his throat, and instinctively tilts his head to one side. Ravi grabs a handful of Bean's hair and stretches his neck further forcefully. He drags his tongue up the side of Bean's neck. Bean groans, 'Please,' not really sure what he's asking, just knowing that he wants, needs Ravi.

Ravi pulls back and looks into Bean's eyes. "I really do love you," he says softly.

'I know,' says Bean, 'I know, I love you too, I'm yours, I'll do anything for you. _Anything_.'

Ravi squeezes his eyes closed, breathing heavily for a moment, then he wrenches Bean's head to the side again and falls on him, sinking sharp fangs into his neck, letting out an indecent groan as hot, arousal-sweet blood washes over his tongue. Bean cries out in shock, reflexively grabbing at Ravi. It's not like before, this pain is sharp, tearing, _bleeding, I'm bleeding, he's ..._ **_drinking me._** Terror spikes through him, but it's all tangled up with desire and need, and he moans raggedly, pushing his hips against Ravi.

Lost in the taste of the man he loves, Ravi's eyes close, his hold on Bean's hair tightening, his other hand clamped on his upper arm, holding him still. Bean can feel it now, teeth actually _in_ his neck, it's crazy, can't be happening, _I don't care_. 'Want you,' he moans, ‘want you in me, please, please ...'

Ravi groans into the wound - Bean can't want this, he can't possibly - Ravi doesn't care. He wants, and for once he's just going to take. He pulls back from Bean's neck, blood staining his chin, trailing down his neck, his fangs shining and bloody, lifts Bean like a rag doll and carries him to the room's huge sofa. Bean gasps as he's picked up, effortlessly, looks down into the face of his lover, and his heart leaps with a surge of adrenalin. Inhuman, frightening eyes, lips pulled back from impossibly long teeth, blood on his mouth - _**my** blood, oh god_. Ravi lowers him to the couch and Bean thinks, _I can't get away_ , doesn't want to try, holds on with shaking hands and stares right into Ravi's face. 'Take me.'

Ravi slowly shakes his head, breathes, "How can you still want me?" but he's already taking Bean's trousers and underwear off all at once, his cock so hard at the thought of pushing deep into Bean as he drinks him.

'I don’t know, I don’t know what’s happening, but it's _you_ ... love you, always ...'

Ravi shakes his head slightly, murmurs, "You're crazy. You should be pissing yourself in terror."

Pushing up to grab Ravi's head, Bean kisses him fiercely, shuddering at the taste of his own blood, the bright pain as Ravi's teeth - _his fangs_ \- pierce his lips. 'Maybe I am crazy,' he pants, head falling back, mouth bloody. ' _Want_ you ...'

Ravi pulls back entirely, dragging Bean's pants off along with his shoes and dropping them on the floor. He quickly, unnaturally quickly, sheds his own clothes, his eyes never leaving Bean's. He crawls over Bean's body, lying on him, taking his mouth in a bloody, painful kiss. It hurts, _god_ , it hurts, and the force of Ravi’s kiss tears his lips further, but Bean chases it, _craves_ it. He screams at himself, _what am I doing_ ; the only sound that escapes him is a ragged, wanting moan.

Ravi thrusts his hips against Bean, their cocks rubbing together, looking into his eyes as he breaks off the kiss. “You’re so fucking delicious,” he breathes. “I’ve been trying so hard to resist this…”

And suddenly it makes a mad kind of sense. The way Ravi could be so dominant and aggressive one moment, the next retreating into what looked like insecurity, but now Bean can see it for what it was; barely-controlled restraint. ‘All this time … you’ve been hiding this, whatever it is?’

“This is what I really am,” Ravi breathes. “Do you still want me now that you know what I really am?”

Bean stares up at Ravi, mind racing. The sight of his blood on his lover’s lips stirs an instinctive fear in him that’s nothing he understands. _I should run, he wants my blood, like some kind of_ … his thoughts swerve away from the word, latch on instead to the simple fact that Ravi could have hurt him a dozen times, and never has. ‘Love you,’ he says, putting everything he feels into his voice. 

“I adore you, Bean,” Ravi breathes, dragging bloody lips over Bean’s cheekbone. “You make me crazy…”

Bean's eyes half-close, but he forces them open, looks up, open and vulnerable. ‘I'm yours,’ he whispers. ‘I belong to you.’

“ _Mine_ ,” Ravi breathes. “Mine forever. Your blood is in me now. We’ll always be connected. I’ll always want more...”

Ravi’s words sound like a promise, a dark echo of Bean’s own declaration only minutes earlier. A lifetime ago. ‘I’ll never let you go,’ says Bean, low and intense.

Ravi slowly moves down Bean’s body, unnatural eyes fixed on him, breath hot on his skin. He pulls Bean’s legs apart and dips his head, licking where Bean’s thigh meets his groin. Propping himself up on his elbows, Bean meets Ravi’s gaze. His hips kick up a little at the touch of Ravi’s tongue, one hand reaching down to slide shaking through Ravi’s hair. 

Ravi looks up at Bean, mouth open, fangs on show. He dips his head again and licks Bean’s inner thigh. The blood pumping through Bean’s body calls to him; he groans, forcing himself to resist.

Bean frowns, puzzled. Ravi’s right there, so close to his cock, _why isn’t he … **oh.** There’s blood there … he wants to bite_. His breath leaves him in a long rush. _I **am** insane_, but the memory of those teeth - those fangs - in his neck, the sudden, hard pull of arousal ... ‘ _Do it_ ,’ he moans, ‘take it.’

Ravi squeezes his eyes closed, listening to Bean’s hammering heart. The heart he loves. “I… I could kill you,” he breathes. 

Bean’s pulse leaps in his throat. _He could, he could do it right now, he’s too strong for me to fight._ And still, he can’t keep his hands away from Ravi, cradling his head. ‘Look at me. Lover, please, look at me.’ Ravi opens his eyes, looking up at Bean hungrily. He grits his teeth, holding himself back, filled with animal need - feed and fuck. His base urges war with his heart. ‘I love you,’ say Bean simply. ‘Do you want to? Really want to kill me?’

Ravi shakes his head slowly, his body trembling.

‘But … you want my blood. You want to drink from me.’ It’s not really a question.

“I've tried not to want it,” Ravi breathes. 

‘So all this time … that’s why you’ve been holding back?’

“ _And_ I thought you were straight,” Ravi murmurs, and despite the glowing eyes and the bloody chin and the fangs, for a moment he just seems like… _Ravi._

The relief Bean feels makes him laugh weakly. _There you are_. ‘Yeah, well. We figured that out, we can do it again, can’t we? I mean, I know it’s not really the same, but, you know, you haven’t hurt me. I don’t think you will.’ Even as he says that, he knows how stupid it sounds, but still, he believes it.

Ravi looks at the bite mark on Bean’s neck, still slowly oozing blood. He murmurs, “I have. The numbing in my spit has taken effect. You can’t feel the bite anymore.”

_He’s right_. Bean reaches up, touches the side of his neck. His fingers come away bloody. It should frighten him; instead, all he feels is a strange, intimate warmth. ‘That’s not what I meant. You didn’t _harm_ me.’ And, obeying an impulse he can’t even name, he brings his fingers up to Ravi’s mouth and brushes them across his lips.

Ravi sucks two of Bean’s fingers into his mouth, his eyes slipping closed as his tongue drags across Bean’s fingerprints, groaning at the taste of his blood.

‘ _God_ …’ Bean’s voice shakes. They’ve shared so much, in such a short time, but this is indescribable, primal. He pushes his fingers further into Ravi’s mouth, gasping at the feel of the hard, long fangs.

Ravi pulls back, fang teeth scraping along Bean’s fingers. His gaze returns to Bean’s inner thigh. He dips his head and licks over the femoral again.

‘Go on …’ it’s barely a whisper. ‘I want you to.’

Ravi flicks his eyes up at Bean as he sinks his fangs into his thigh. He moans low in his throat as the bright taste of arterial blood fills his mouth.

_Pain_. Bean cries out, bucking, instinctively trying to throw Ravi off. _Hurts, it hurts_ , but now arousal washing over him too, and he lets out a helpless moan, lifting his hips. Bean struggles and Ravi growls, holding on tightly to his thigh, sucking on the wound, eyes squeezed closed, listening to the hammering of his heart, the wounded/aroused noises he’s making. Bean’s face is tight with pain, but he’s hard, so hard, his hands fisting tight in Ravi’s clothes, writhing. ‘Please,’ he gasps, not knowing what he’s asking, for, only that he _wants_.

Ravi licks over the wound, looking up at Bean again, eyes flicking between Bean’s agonised face and his iron-hard cock. “I’m going to fuck you now,” he breathes.

‘Oh god … yes, _yes_.’ 

“The lube is upstairs, isn’t it?”

Bean gives Ravi a grin that’s pure lust. ‘Over there,’ he says, indicating where his jeans lie tangled on the floor not far away. ‘ _Other_ pocket.’

“Stay. Right. There.” Ravi says, eyes intense as he pulls away. 

Suddenly unwilling to let Ravi out of his sight for even a moment, Bean turns slightly onto his side to watch him move across the room. _What are you?_ he thinks, but it’s his heart that supplies the answer. _My lover. My love. Mine._ Nothing else matters. 

Ravi bends and fishes the lube and a condom from Bean’s pockets. He turns back to look at him and stops, frowning slightly. “Why aren't you running?”

The answer is so simple it’s terrifying, sends Bean’s pulse skyrocketing. ‘Because I love you.’ Eyeing the condom, he says, ‘Do we even need that? You’ve … you’re already exposed, you’ve had my blood.’ _Drank my blood_ , utterly surreal, maybe he should be running; nothing in him wants to do anything but give himself to Ravi, completely. _Am I under some kind of spell_ , he thinks absurdly, instantly dismissing the thought, because he was lost long before this happened.

Ravi drops the condom on the pile of Bean’s clothing and moves over to him again. He crawls back over Bean’s body, fitting them together in a gentle embrace, kissing the side of Bean’s neck softly. Bean waits for the stab of pain from Ravi's fangs, but it doesn't come. Instead, he feels only soft lips on his neck, _there he is_ , and wraps his arms around Ravi, running his hands down his back. “You taste incredible,” Ravi breathes, licking over the already-healing bite mark on Bean’s neck. “I don't think I'll ever be able to stop myself from tasting you now…”

‘As long as you don’t stop fucking me, either, I’m fine with that.’

“You'll need vitamins…” Ravi breathes. He nicks Bean’s earlobe with a sharp fang. “Can't have you getting in trouble with the medical team for anemia…”

_He wants to keep drinking from me_ , Bean realises. _He wants **all** of me_. The thought brings such a surge of arousal that for a moment, he can't breathe.

Ravi murmurs into Bean’s ear, “Do you have any idea how much I’ve longed for this? To be with you like this, as I really am?”

‘I didn’t … I never thought … I never saw anything. _Anything_.’ 

Ravi whispers, “Now you can see it all…”

Bean pulls back just enough to stare into Ravi’s eyes. It’s the last piece of a puzzle fitting into place, one final detail that changes the entire picture and reveals something hidden. Something frightening and dangerous. Something _wonderful_. ‘I finally see you. ‘I see everything, you’re … terrifying. Impossible. Beautiful.’ His voice catches, eyes filling with tears, because no matter what happens next, whether he lives or dies at the hands of his lover, he’s found the answer to everything he didn’t know he was looking for. ‘ _I love you_.’ 

Ravi frowns slightly. “Don’t cry,” he says, wiping a tear from the corner of Bean’s eye with his thumb. 

‘I’m not sad,’ says Bean softly, and gives Ravi a watery smile. 

“If you want… I mean… you don’t have to remember,” Ravi murmurs, frowning slightly. “We can go back to how things were…”

‘Huh? What do you mean? Of course I'll remember this, _god_.’

Ravi pauses, thinking of how to word what he’s trying to say. “I mean, I could… _help_ you to forget. If you didn’t want to remember.”

Bean just shakes his head, not understanding. ‘I don't … why would I want to forget?’ 

“Because… I’m not human,” Ravi says. “I’m a scary… _thing_.”

‘You're _Ravi_. I don't know about this not human thing, but that doesn't matter. You're the guy I love. I don't ever want to forget that, and I won't try.’ 

Ravi swallows thickly and nods once. He dips his head to kiss Bean’s lips softly, lingeringly. There's a slight, brief pain from the already torn skin, but it dissolves quickly, and Bean loses himself in the kiss without hesitation. Ravi licks over Bean’s lips, groaning at the taste of his blood. He slips a hand between them, taking Bean’s cock in his hand as they kiss. 

So familiar, the feeling of Ravi’s hands on him, but Bean tastes blood in the kiss and that should be strange and off-putting. The way Ravi reacts to that, though, that it so clearly turns him on, is heady, winds Bean even tighter.

Ravi pulls back and picks Bean up like he's feather-light. He moves to sit on the sofa with Bean straddling him and looks up at him with obvious adoration. Looking down at Ravi, Bean gives him a grin of pure delight. ‘Well, now. This strength of yours has all sorts of possibilities.’

“I don’t have to hold back anymore,” Ravi breathes with a small smile.

If anything, Bean’s grin becomes even wider. ‘Must be my birthday.’

Ravi holds the tube of lubricant up for Bean. “Happy birthday, baby. I got you a present.”

With a mock-pout, Bean says, ‘I thought you were my present.’

“Oh that isn't the present,” Ravi says with a sly smile, pulling Bean into a filthy grind. 

‘Oh? _Ohh_ …’

Ravi laughs softly. “Yeah. _Oh_.”

Bean rolls his body against Ravi’s. ‘I think I’m going to like this present.’ 

“I hope so,” Ravi breathes. “It’s something I got just for you…”

Dropping his forehead against Ravi’s, Bean growls softly against his lips, ‘Then I _want_ it.’

“Take it,” Ravi breathes, fangs shining as he smiles. “Take it all…”

Without taking his eyes from Ravi’s face, Bean takes the lube, opens it, and slicks Ravi’s fingers. Ravi moves his hand under Bean’s hips and rubs his fingers against his skin, seeking his hole. He groans softly when his middle fingertip pushes inside. Bean shudders, his breath leaving him in a long rush. Ravi pushes his finger deep, watching Bean’s face as a ripple of pleasure/pain goes over it. He pulls his finger out, then pushes in two fingers, chasing more of that look in Bean’s eye.

‘Oh, _god_ …’ Bean forces himself down on Ravi’s fingers, catching his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Wanna get inside you, baby,” Ravi murmurs, pushing his fingers deeper. “ _Need_ to get inside you…”

‘Then what are you waiting for?’ Bean’s voice is shaky, nearly breathless. 

“Waiting for you to ride me,” Ravi murmurs, curling his fingers inside Bean.

Bean’s eyes widen. ‘ _Ohh_ …’ He opens the tube again and slicks his own fingers, and leans back just enough to take hold of Ravi’s cock, stroking it lazily. Ravi groans softly, moving his fingers inside Bean, in time with Bean’s hand on his cock. He looks into Bean’s eyes, mouth open on sharp fangs, breath coming in shuddering inhalations and exhalations. The sight of Ravi - desire, love, overwhelming need, a perfect mirror for his own feelings - takes away what little breath Bean has. Raising himself up, he shifts closer, shuddering a little as Ravi’s fingers slip from him. Staring right into his face, he positions himself and slowly sinks himself down on Ravi’s cock, letting out a low moan as he bottoms out.

“Ohh fuck, baby,” Ravi breathes as he’s engulfed, “so fucking hot…”

Bean reaches out to take hold of Ravi’s shoulders, moving slowly on his cock. ‘Yours,’ he groans, ‘all yours … always.’

Ravi’s hands move to Bean’s hips, rocking him on his cock. “ _Mine_ ,” he growls, looking up into Bean’s eyes.

Possessive and territorial, Ravi’s growl sends a shudder right through Bean. It’s nothing he’s ever experienced, nothing he can even come close to understanding, but the idea of belonging so completely - of being _owned_ \- is suddenly everything he wants. The only thing he wants. ‘ _Yes_ ,’ he pants, moving faster now, ‘yes, yours ... yes …’

“Oh my _god_ , you clenched so hard around me just then,” Ravi breathes. “You like being mine that much?”

Bean grinds down hard, eyes intense. ‘Yes … tell me again …’

“You’re _mine_ ,” Ravi growls, lips pulled back, fangs bared. “ _Mine forever._ ”

‘Bite me again,’ moans Bean. ‘Please … drink from me …’

Ravi groans and hooks a hand behind Bean’s neck, drawing him in close and sinking his fangs into the soft skin over his pulse point. His hips jerk up as Bean’s hot blood washes over his tongue. Pain again, but so tangled up with arousal that it only pulls Bean even higher, drags him right toward the edge. He can feel Ravi’s mouth working on his neck, that strange feeling of his blood being sucked out, intimate in a way he never dreamed. Moaning urgently, he rides Ravi faster and faster, wanting to stay like this forever but unable to stop himself from chasing his release.

Ravi’s hands move back to Bean’s hips, rocking him harder, grinding Bean’s cock against his hard abs. His tongue teases the wound as he moves inside him, moaning into his neck, into his _blood_. Bean brings up his hand to hold Ravi’s head against the side of his neck. Too much, the way Ravi moves inside him, the way his moans vibrate through his skin, the absurd, utter certainty that they’re inside _each other_ now, never to be apart again. Too much, his body tightening, breath stopping in his throat, and he pushes down and holds himself there, coming with his mouth open in a silent cry.

Ravi tastes it in Bean’s blood, the moment it all becomes too much and he comes. A rush of pleasure floods his body as he shares Bean’s orgasm, shuddering into him, coming at the same time as his lover.

Still shaking, Bean half-collapses against Ravi, wraps his arms tightly around him. There's no second-guessing, no stupid, intrusive thoughts, only euphoria washing all through him.

Ravi licks over the wound on Bean’s neck, healing him, tasting him, loving him.

For a long time, then, Bean simply holds on to Ravi, silent, completely at peace. Finally, he lifts his head enough to ask, ‘What happens now?’

“What do you mean?” Ravi murmurs. 

‘I don't know, do we … go back to being just a couple of musicians?’

“What else would we be?” Ravi asks, frowning slightly. 

Bean shrugs. ‘I told you, I don't know. It's just that everything feels different now.’ A thought strikes him. ‘Wait … do any of the others know?’

“Know what?”

‘About _you_ ,’ says Bean, exasperated. ‘That you're … whatever you are.’ _Vampire_ , his mind supplies, but he can't bring himself to say it because he only knows the name from movies and stupid ‘paranormal’ documentaries.

“A rapper?” Ravi murmurs, smiling. “An Aquarius?”

‘Really?’ Bean rolls his eyes, then grins. _Fine, if that’s the way you want to play it_. ‘No, I mean a sparkly, angst-ridden lost boy. Or whatever you call it.’

“A vampire?” Ravi suggests. “You can say it.”

‘Well, I thought that was it, but … well …’ Bean gives him a sheepish look. ‘I didn’t think vampires were real.’

“And now?”

Bean pokes Ravi in the chest. ‘Huh. Feels real to me. Emphasis on the _feels_ ,’ and he deliberately shifts in Ravi’s lap.

Ravi’s eyes go unfocused for a moment. “Uh… what were we talking about?”

‘Hmm … we were talking about how you love me so much you’re going to keep me in the lap of luxury for the rest of my life?’ Bean kisses Ravi quickly, eyes sparkling.

“How long will that be?” Ravi murmurs, serious for a moment. 

Nonplussed, Bean says, ‘What? How can I know that? I mean, I’m not planning to start playing extreme sport or anything stupid like that …’

Ravi just looks at Bean, waiting for him to catch up.

The way Ravi’s looking at him … _what does he mean? What am I missing?_ Bean racks his brains. _I don’t know how long I’ll live, it’s not like I can just decide not to die … oh. **Oh**_. ‘Are you saying … look, all I know about vampires is, well, stories and movies and stuff. Will you … live forever?’ _Oh god, this is ridiculous, he’s going to laugh at me._

Ravi smiles a little. “Kind of, yeah. Unless someone, like, kills me.”

‘So, when you asked how long ... ‘ Ravi shrugs one shoulder, avoiding Bean’s eyes. ‘Don’t,’ pleads Bean. ‘Don’t do that. If I’m making an idiot of myself, just tell me.’

Ravi meets Bean’s eye again. “It’s sudden, I know. But I can’t stand the thought of ever losing you.”

‘You can …’ _Oh, just say it, idiot._ ‘You’re talking about making me … like you?’

“Yes,” Ravi says softly. “That’s what I’m talking about.”

‘Wow.’ Bean pulls back a little, letting out a long breath. ‘Live forever. Like you. Wow. Forever. I, uh, I need a minute here.’ _This can’t be happening. Can it? Is it any weirder than anything else tonight?_

“It's not… I mean, take your time. Think about it,” Ravi murmurs.

Instantly, dozens of questions crowd into Bean’s mind. Looming largest is, _would you really want me always_ , but that’s not something he can bring himself to ask. Instead, he covers with, ‘How would it even work? Do you have to kill me and bury me and wait for me to dig my way out, or something? Or maybe some kind of ritual, oh my god, listen to me …’

“Kai just almost-drained me then fed me his blood,” Ravi says. “But I can bury you if you want to be dramatic about it.”

‘Hey, I have no idea about this stuff, I told you … wait. Kai? As in, your friend Kai? He’s a, a vampire too?’

“Yeah,” Ravi says. “He’s like a few centuries old or something.”

Centuries.’ Bean stares at Ravi, wide-eyed. ‘Then, how old …’

“Am I? You met me when we were in the third year of high school, Bean, you know how old I am,” Ravi says, chuckling. 

Bean opens his mouth to reply, closes it again, and just gives Ravi a rueful smile. ‘Told you, I know nothing. I just thought, in the movies it’s usually … you know what, never mind.’ He takes in a deep breath, and swallows nervously, and before he can stop himself, it’s out. ‘It’s really what you want? For us to be … forever?’

“Do you think Kai and I…?”

‘What?’

“Fucked?”

‘ _What?_ ’ 

“Because we _didn't_.”

‘Okay … ‘

“Taeminnie would kill both of us.”

‘Taemin would … don't tell me _he's_ a vampire, too?’

“No,” Ravi says. “Not yet, anyway.”

‘This is _so_ weird,’ mutters Bean. 

“Too weird?” Ravi asks, frowning. 

He hasn't answered me, thinks Bean. _Maybe he doesn't want things to be like that, maybe he's just_ … tangling himself up in knots again, always looking for the worst possible explanation. Afraid to ask, afraid of the answer. Letting the dangerous stuff fade into the background. _Not this time_. ‘Please. Tell me. You want me that much?’

“Of course I do,” Ravi says, frowning more. “I want to be with you forever.”

_Take some time_ , Bean cautions himself, _think about it. No going back from this, everything will change_. All true, and he opens his mouth to say so - but it’s his heart that speaks. ‘Then … yes.’ 

Ravi’s smile is unguarded. “Really?”

‘ _Yes_.’ And now that it’s said, a stupid, wonderful warmth blooms in Bean’s chest, and he feels almost giddy. ‘I want to, I want to stay with you, always, good grief, this feels like a proposal.’

“Pfft. Marriage is only for a _lifetime_ ,” Ravi says with a grin. “Go big or go home.”

‘You may regret saying that,’ laughs Bean. 

“Never,” Ravi says, smiling up at Bean. “Not even if I live to be a thousand.”

‘A thousand years. Fuck. I can’t even get my head around that.’ Serious now, Bean says, ‘So let’s do this.’

“We should wait until we’re at home,” Ravi says softly. “I wasn’t great for about a week after the change. Better not to be on tour when it happens.” _And it’ll give you some time to think about it._

Bean looks distinctly disappointed. ‘I suppose a hotel room - even one as impressive as this - isn’t exactly the best idea,’ he says slowly. ‘Still … it’s going to be a long couple of months.’

“You’re that eager?”

‘Now that I know what you are? And that we can be the same? Definitely.’ A thought strikes Bean, then. ‘Hey, this whole drinking blood thing? What were you doing before me?’

Ravi rubs the back of his neck and looks away. “Sneaking out at night.”

‘Well, now you’ve got me, so you won’t have to do that anymore, right?’

Ravi doesn’t look at Bean. “Uhhh… I’d make you sick if you were my only… food… source…” he says awkwardly.

‘Oh. So you … with others? And you’ll have to keep doing that?’ After what they just shared, the incredible intimacy of it, the idea of Ravi being with anyone else like that is … _awful_. 

Ravi _can’t_ look at Bean now. The tone of Bean’s voice is awful, painful. Devastated. “It’s never like _that_ with others,” Ravi says softly. “It never has been. It never _will_ be.”

‘Then … how?’

“Like… like having a burger. I know that sounds awful,” Ravi says. “I don't chase people down in the street or whatever, I… kind of talk them into feeding me. I don't hurt them or scare them. And then they forget.”

‘Having a burger.’ Bean’s voice is flat, almost disbelieving. At the same time, relief steals through him. _It’s not the same. What we have is just for us._ ‘Tell me,’ and he can’t stop his mouth from quirking up into a smile, ‘and this is important … is this the kind of burger with onions? Because if they are, I’m not sure I can deal with that. You know I hate onions.’

“Onions are too close to garlic,” Ravi says with a badly-hidden smile. “It gives me a rash now.”

‘Wait - that’s true?’ exclaims Bean. ‘That’s not just some Hollywood thing?’

Ravi grins broadly. “You’re so _easy_.”

Bean just shakes his head. ‘Yeah, I walked right into that one.’ He looks into Ravi’s eyes for a long moment, face slowly becoming serious. ‘We’re really going to do this.’ It’s not exactly a question.

“I’ll do anything for you,” Ravi says simply.

_Anything. He means it._ For the first time, Bean glimpses the depths of Ravi’s commitment to him. More than just a declaration of love, more than an invitation to spend a life together. Ravi’s prepared to give him everything, for always, far longer than can be imagined. It scares Bean, more than a little, because he doesn’t doubt it for a second. _But can I be that for him? How can I possibly be what he needs forever?_ Aware of Ravi looking at him, he thinks, _I love him. I just have to hope that will be enough_. ‘Anything?’ he says, with a little smile. ‘Then why don’t you start by kissing me again?’

“Start, huh?” Ravi says, and kisses him softly, holding him close. 

_Just the start. Never let you go._


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Let’s see … we already toasted to being idiots, and if it’s something cheesy and romantic I’ll have to throw water on myself, so …’ Bean’s face turns serious. ‘How about … to never letting go?’
> 
> Ravi moves in closer, an intense look in his eye. “You can throw water over me, I don’t even care. We took so long getting here, with so much pain, and I still love you so much it hurts. To never letting go of happiness,” Ravi says, raising his glass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After that vampiric digression, we are back with the main story! In which hot tub plus alcohol is perhaps not the best idea in the world ... :D

 

For a long time after that, they simply drift, sharing deep, unhurried kisses, exploring each other’s bodies. Desire simmers between them, but there’s a gentleness in the way Bean touches Ravi that doesn’t ask for more. Then, of course, Bean’s phone rings; and unsurprisingly, it’s Hyuk’s ringtone. Bean groans, ‘Goddammit, that’s it, I’m blocking his number.’

Ravi grins and buries his face against Bean’s neck, pressing a kiss onto his pulse point. “He'd just send messenger pigeons or something.”

‘You’re probably right.’ The phone stops, and for a second Bean relaxes again, but it starts up again immediately. Grumbling, he gets up and goes out into the main room, scoops up his jacket and brings it back with him. He sits back down on the edge of the bed, digs out the phone, and answers it with a brusque, ‘ _Now_ what?’

Ravi slowly crawls to the edge of the bed and slips to the floor. He pushes Bean’s knees apart and noses into his groin like an affectionate cat. 

‘Don’t you ever just say hello?’ Hyuk somehow manages to sound both aggrieved and incredibly amused at the same time.

Hitting the ‘mute’ button on his phone, Bean gives Ravi a grin, hisses, ‘Stop that.’ Ravi looks up at Bean with an expression as innocent as he can manage with his tongue dragging along the length of Bean’s cock. Bean’s eyes half-close with pleasure. ‘ _Fuck_ …’

‘ … so you’re off the hook, right? Bean? Helloooo?’

‘Sorry, Hyukkie … dammit.’ Bean takes the phone off mute. ‘Sorry, what was that?’

‘I _said_ , eomma mysteriously canceled on us and gave us the night off,’ repeats Hyuk with exaggerated patience.

Ravi swirls his tongue around the tip of Bean’s cock, then engulfs it in his mouth, eyes still fixed on Bean’s face. Only sheer luck saves Bean from thoroughly embarrassing himself. His phone drops from nerveless fingers and hits the floor with a loud thump as his head falls back and he lets out a hastily-suppressed moan. ‘Shit, where did it go?’ Ravi just shrugs as he takes Bean deeper, eyes smiling. 

‘Hello? Hello?’ Hyuk’s voice, squawking from the floor. 

Half-falling back onto the bed, Bean pants, ‘Hang it up.’

Ravi’s muffled laugh vibrates through Bean’s cock as he starts bobbing his head. Bean just manages to clamp a hand over his mouth to muffle his groans. Just like before, when Ravi was only a door away, and the echo of that makes him kick up his hips involuntarily. Somewhere, Hyuk’s voice keeps squawking, but Bean couldn’t care less.

Ravi only started this as a tease, but as he takes Bean’s cock deep again and again he finds the lazy arousal of the evening quickly morphing into hunger. He slips one hand under Bean’s ass and presses his fingertips against his hole, groaning around his mouthful at the wetness he finds there. Phone forgotten, Hyuk forgotten, Bean grabs for Ravi’s head with both hands and thrusts upward with a loud moan. Ravi takes Bean’s cock deep as he pushes his fingers inside of him. He pauses as Bean’s phone starts ringing, Hyuk’s ringtone again.

‘Leave it,’ gasps Bean, ‘leave it, don’t you _dare_ fucking stop now.’

Ravi pulls back and gives the head of Bean’s cock a long, slow lick, looking up at him. “You sure? Could be important…” he murmurs, curling his fingers inside Bean, grinning wickedly.

‘Couldn’t care less … _oh, god_ …’

He licks up the underside of Bean’s shaft and breathes against the head, “At least we know the little pervert isn’t listening…” He slowly moves his fingertips in a circle on Bean’s prostate, watching his reaction.

Completely flushed and sweating, Bean arches, writhing. ‘Please, please … oh, please …’

Ravi presses wet kisses to the head of Bean’s cock, still rubbing inside him. “What do you want, baby? Tell me what you need…”

Bean pants, ‘Want you, need you in me, now …’

“I am in you, Bean,” Ravi breathes, brushing his lips against Bean’s frenulum. “My fingers are in you. Can’t you feel them?”

'Ohh, you bastard … want your cock in me.’

Ravi pushes his fingers deep inside Bean, then curls them on the way out, before pushing deep again. He licks the head of Bean’s cock again and murmurs, “How bad do you want it?”

‘ _How bad_?’ Bean gasps incredulously. ‘You're … uhh, fuck … killing me.’

“I don’t want to kill you…” Ravi says, slowly pulling his curled fingers from Bean’s clutching body. He drags his lips up the centre of Bean’s stomach and chest, kissing, licking.

Bean lets out a frustrated groan as Ravi leaves him empty. ‘God, _please_ just fuck me …’

Ravi smiles and kisses Bean’s lips softly. “You’re so hot when you’re desperate for me…”

Opening his legs wide so that Ravi’s body settles between them, Bean kicks his hips up. Ravi takes his cock in his hand and guides it to Bean’s entrance. He pauses, looking at Bean’s face. With a single, jerky nod, Bean breathes, ‘Yes …’ Ravi breathes out slowly and pushes forward, his breath becoming a moan as he buries himself inside Bean. ‘Oh god … you feel so good …’ Bean arches against Ravi, wrapping himself around his lover.

Ravi watches Bean’s face as he starts to move inside him, captivated by the expressions he sees there. _Beautiful_ , he thinks. _Mine_.

Bean fights to keep his focus on Ravi, the intensity of the eye contact making him shake. ‘Love you,’ he moans. ‘Love you.’

Ravi breathes, “Love you too…” and pushes deeper, taking hold of one of Bean’s legs and pushing it up, flat against his chest, holding it there with his own body. “Oh…” Bean cries out as he’s pinned, the angle of Ravi’s thrusts changing just enough to hit his prostate. His hands fall away from Ravi’s shoulders to clutch at the sheet.

Ravi thrusts slowly, hips rolling, breathing slowly, trying not to get overexcited, but the look on Bean’s face as he fucks him goes straight to his groin, sending a wave of arousal through him. Bean keeps his eyes on Ravi’s, mouth slack, driven higher and higher by the slow, deep thrusts, and the way Ravi looks at him like he’s devouring everything he sees. His body tightens, bows upwards.

Ravi breathes out heavily and slips his free hand between their bodies, taking hold of Bean’s cock, resting his whole weight on Bean’s lifted leg. His weight drives him deeper as he starts to stroke and squeeze Bean’s cock. “Gonna make you come for me, baby,” Ravi breathes. “Wanna see you come…”

Bean moans, ‘ _Ravi_ …’ as he flies apart, shuddering, staring into his lover’s eyes.

Ravi’s mouth drops open and he thrusts harder, fucking Bean through his orgasm, unable to look away from his face. His body starts to tremble, muscles clenching. Bean brings his hands up to cup Ravi’s face. ‘Come for me, lover,’ he pants. Ravi moves his hand from Bean’s cock to his own mouth, sucking Bean’s come from his fingers, still looking into his eyes. His body locks up, stilling with his cock deep inside Bean as he starts to come. His hips jerk, instinctively thrusting deeper, spilling inside him with the taste of his lover on his tongue.

‘So hot,’ Bean moans, pushing up against Ravi, still holding him in place.

Ravi shudders, pressing his forehead against Bean’s, moving his hand from his mouth to the pillow beside Bean’s head. His lips catch Bean’s and he moans softly against his mouth. Bean kisses him softly, sweetly. Brushing his hands lightly down Ravi’s back, he lets his eyes slip closed at last, and just revels in the feel of Ravi’s skin and his weight settling against him. ‘Never letting you go,’ he whispers again.

“Never letting you let me go,” Ravi murmurs, thrusting once, slowly, before stilling.

Bean smiles. ‘Long as we understand each other.’ Shifting a little under Ravi, he adds, ‘Want to know what our so-called guardian angel said on the phone?’

“Let me guess - we have fifteen minutes?” Ravi murmurs, brushing his lips against Bean’s again.

‘Actually, we’ve got a little longer this time.’ Bean nibbles gently at Ravi’s lower lip. ‘Like … all night.’

Ravi pulls back slightly and looks down at Bean. “Really? Did eomma die?”

Bean shrugs. ‘Hyukkie didn’t say. At least, I didn’t hear anything about that, probably because _somebody_ decided to distract me.’

“Did they?” Ravi murmurs. “How awful. I’ll bet you tried to fight them off with all your might.” He leans in and bites the side of Bean’s neck gently, smiling.

‘I suffered terribly,’ declares Bean. ‘Pleaded and begged and everything, I was nearly out of my mind.’ 

“I’m so sorry,” Ravi murmurs. “That must have been hard for you.” He gives a slow thrust as emphasis.

‘Mmmm.’ Bean winds his arms around Ravi’s neck, adopts a syrupy, over-the-top flirtatious tone. ‘So very hard …’ And then his mouth quirks up into a grin, dimples appearing.

Ravi shifts inside Bean again, letting out an unsteady breath. “Getting there…”

‘We have all night,’ says Bean. ‘Are we really going to spend it in this bedroom? Because I’m thinking … room service. And hot tub.’

As though on cue, Ravi’s stomach growls loudly. He grins and murmurs, “Someone agrees with you.”

‘Then let’s go get the menu and order one of everything,’ suggests Bean.

“By let’s go get the menu, you mean you want me to get it, don’t you?” Ravi murmurs, smiling.

Bean adopts an innocent expression. ‘Oh, you’re offering? Thanks!’ Ravi rolls his eyes and slowly pulls away, shuddering as he withdraws from Bean’s body. He hangs his head, eyes closed, just breathing for a moment. ‘Lover? You okay?’

Ravi moves to lie on the bed beside Bean, eyes still closed. “I think I… I just need a minute.” _In so deep, in too deep, run, run, protect yourself_. Ravi reaches for Bean and holds him close, burying his face against the crook of his neck.

‘Hey,’ says Bean, ‘hey. It’s okay.’ He slips his arms around Ravi, trying to fight off the sinking feeling that somehow, something’s gone wrong. Casting about for what to say, he falls back on, ‘I’ve got you’.

Ravi holds on tightly, breathing against Bean’s skin, “I’m okay, I’m just… it’s so much. I feel… I feel so much.”

Bean’s voice shakes when he replies. ‘I know. I get it, we’re … god, I don’t even know what to call us now.’

“I’m yours,” Ravi whispers. “Completely.”

There's an urge to say something flippant, something light. _Right back at you_ , or _damn right you are_ , anything that provides some kind of cover from the nakedness of this moment. But Ravi's giving him everything, and so Bean pushes that urge firmly away. He turns his head. ‘Every part of me belongs to you,’ he says softly, breath ghosting past Ravi's ear. Ravi shivers and turns his head, brushing the tip of his nose against Bean’s skin, breathing him in.

_I could stay like this forever_ , thinks Bean. His headache still lurks in the background, there's a slight cramp in the leg that was bent up, and one of his feet is going to sleep under Ravi's weight. _I don't care_. And then Bean's stomach adds its protest to Ravi's, and he laughs quietly. ‘Guess this is what we get for missing lunch,’ he sighs. 

“I'll go get the menu,” Ravi murmurs. He doesn't move.

Bean shoves playfully at him. ‘Come on, we'll go together. I want a change of venue, anyway.’

Ravi releases Bean and slides off the bed, groaning quietly as he stands and stretches. He holds out a hand to Bean and smiles. Actually making it to an upright position is an achievement in itself, given the long day and the sheer amount of energy spent on each other. Bean starts to say something self-congratulatory, then his eyes widen. ‘Uh-oh. I'd better … I'll be back.’

Ravi frowns. “Bean?”

‘I, uh …’ He flushes scarlet. ‘I need the bathroom. To … clean up a bit.’

Ravi gets an utterly filthy look on his face. “Want some help with that?”

‘No, I’ll just be a second …’ Then Bean’s brain catches up with what Ravi actually meant and, if anything, his blush becomes even darker, spreading down his neck to his chest. ‘Oh. Oh, uh, actually … I’m, I’m good, I’m …’ He disappears into the bathroom.

Ravi chuckles delightedly and heads out into the living area. He picks up the room service menu and lounges on one of the big, soft couches, still buck naked. 

There’s definitely a long, hot shower in Bean’s near future, but for now he settles for dealing with the immediate problem, eager to get back to Ravi. _Look at you, acting like a lovestruck kid_ , he thinks, and then laughs at himself. _That’s exactly what I am_. Coming back out to the main area, he sees Ravi, and shakes his head. ‘Could you look any more decadent?’ he says with a fond, stupid smile.

Ravi smirks and murmurs, “Yeah but we'd need some hot guys in tiny shorts with big fans and grapes.”

‘Not a chance,’ declares Bean. ‘No one gets to look at you like this but me.’ He climbs onto the couch, crawling right into Ravi’s lap. ‘Now. _Food_.’

Ravi looks through the menu, expressing disappointment that there isn't an option to have fan-waving, grape-feeding guys sent up to the room. Between them, he and Bean order half of the menu. Bean’s vote for more champagne is summarily vetoed, though, so they settle for a bottle of really expensive soju, because ‘let’s face it, when are we going to get the chance to do this again’. They’re informed that the order will take around half an hour. ‘Huh, for once, not fifteen minutes,’ comments Bean, and drags Ravi up to the mezzanine to play around with the room controls and surf the menu on the giant TV.

Ravi dozes until room service arrives, snuggled up to Bean’s side. He’s comfortable, warm, and contented in a way that is completely new but feels right. He grumbles when room service presses the room’s door bell, but gets up to put on his boxer briefs and a robe. He looks back at Bean lounging on the bed with a quiet groan before heading downstairs. He lets in three porters with room service trolleys, his eyes widening.

Completely engrossed in some of the free gaming on offer, Bean doesn’t even hear the doorbell. It’s not until he feels cold against his side that he realises Ravi is already down taking delivery of the food - at which point, also realising he’s still not wearing anything at all, he dives under the bedclothes.

Once the porters have left, Ravi starts taking the covers off all the plates, hoping that the smell of the food will tempt Bean downstairs. He’s so hungry he actually feels faint. He picks up some sort of finger food, he’s not even sure what it is, and pops it in his mouth, letting out an indecent groan as he starts to chew.

‘Are they gone?’ Bean calls down to Ravi.

Ravi calls up through his mouthful, “Yeah! Get down here before someone eats all the food!”

Bean snatches up a robe and pelts down the stairs, narrowly avoiding falling only by virtue of a well-timed grab at the banister. Catching sight of the food, he lets out a happy little sigh. ‘We should get stuck in lifts more often,’ he says as he opens the bottle of soju and pours two drinks.

“I seem to have a talent for breaking them,” Ravi mumbles through a mouthful of egg roll.

Bean hands Ravi a shot of soju. ‘Since you wouldn’t let us order champagne, shall we toast with this?’

Ravi takes glass from Bean and swallows his mouthful. “What should we toast to?”

‘Let’s see … we already toasted to being idiots, and if it’s something cheesy and romantic I’ll have to throw water on myself, so …’ Bean’s face turns serious. ‘How about … to never letting go?’

Ravi moves in closer, an intense look in his eye. “You can throw water over me, I don’t even care. We took so long getting here, with so much pain, and I still love you so much it hurts. To never letting go of happiness,” Ravi says, raising his glass.

‘Dammit,’ mutters Bean, his eyes suspiciously bright. ‘I love you, too.’

Ravi takes the shot and smiles at Bean as he swallows. He waits for Bean to drink his shot, then moves in closer still and kisses him.

_Soju, and sweetness, and Ravi_. So much like that first drunken kiss, but now there’s no fear, no disbelief. Bean kisses Ravi softly; then, barely holding back a grin, breathes against his mouth, ‘Pass the noodles.’

Ravi smiles and shakes his head, pulling back. “Are your arms broken?”

The insulted look on Bean’s face as he reaches for the noodles is an act, but the fervour with which he helps systematically demolish the banquet is absolutely real. What starts out as a simple meal quickly becomes both a game to see who can get hold of the best delicacies, and the kind of romantic-comedy food sharing that involves feeding each other. It’s ridiculous and cliched, and Bean would die before admitting it, but he’s having the time of his life.

Ravi grins at Bean and slowly sheds his bathrobe, walking toward the balcony and its hot tub. He pushes his tight boxer briefs down his hips a little and looks back at Bean over his shoulder, deliberately tightening his buttocks. “Bring the bottle,” he murmurs, nodding at the soju. 

‘You’re really getting used to the VIP treatment, aren’t you?’ says Bean. With difficulty he manages to juggle the bottle, glasses, and the half-eaten fruit platter, and follows Ravi. ‘What are you going to do when we have to go back to our usual kind of accommodation?’

“Buy an apartment for us with my fat royalty cheques, of course,” Ravi says without thinking. 

Bean stops in his tracks. ‘You … really?’

Ravi’s brain finally catches up with his mouth. “Uhhhyeah, been thinking about setting up a proper studio for a while,” he says, trying to cover. “Makes sense to have it as an apartment as well.”

‘Oh.’ _You misheard, of course you did_. ‘Oh, right, well, that sounds like a good idea then,’ Bean says, all false, brittle smile.

Ravi watches Bean for a moment, a frown creasing his brow. _No, no hiding, not anymore_. “I’d get lonely by myself though, so I could use a roomie… If… if there was someone who could stand living with me.”

At first Bean says nothing, his mind racing. _Is he asking? He is, he’s asking, isn’t it too fast? Does he really mean it? Do I want to jump in all the way?_ He looks at Ravi, seeing nerves and determination and hope, and tells himself, _yes, idiot, you want this. Jump_. Even then, he tries to keep things light. ‘Sure you could put up with me?’

Ravi shrugs one shoulder, looking away nervously. _He thinks it's too fast. He's probably right. I don't care_. “We've done okay in the dorm.”

‘Yeah. We did.’ Without allowing a moment more for him to tie himself in knots, Bean takes three quick strides to where Ravi stands hesitating. ‘If you’re sure, then … I’d like that. No, fuck it, I’d _love_ that. Just you and me.’

Ravi smiles slowly and looks at Bean. “Really?”

There’s probably a dozen things Bean should say now, reassurances, maybe promises. What comes out, as he looks into Ravi’s eyes, is stupid and simple. ‘Yeah. If you’ll have me.’

Ravi’s smile grows. “Yeah. Okay.”

‘Okay,’ says Bean, sounding (and feeling) more than a little dazed. ‘Uh. Good.’

“Good,” Ravi says. “That's settled.”

‘Pinch me.’

“Kinky,” Ravi says with a grin. “Are you gonna put that stuff down and kiss me?”

‘What? Oh.’ Bean looks down, surprised, at the food and drink in his hands. ‘’You know what? Let's put this down outside and then I can kiss you properly once we're in the water.’

“This is why you're the brains of this operation,” Ravi says, heading out to the balcony. 

The hot tub is easily big enough to hold six people comfortably. With just the two of them, it feels like their own private pool. Bean sets the platter down on the decking surrounding the tub, and gestures grandly to Ravi. ‘After you.’

Ravi smirks and saunters over to the hot tub. He does a little hip-grinding dance as he works his boxer briefs slowly down his hips, eyefucking the hell out of Bean. 

The look he gets in return is beyond appreciative. ‘You’re definitely going to kill me,’ says Bean. ‘Get in the tub.’

Ravi turns his back on Bean and bends, pushing the briefs all the way down to his ankles. He pauses for a moment before dragging his fingertips slowly up his legs as he straightens. 

‘Oh, my god,’ says Bean faintly. ‘Will you get over here, dammit? It’s cold.’

Ravi moves over to Bean and slowly undoes the belt of his robe. He pushes the soft material off Bean’s shoulders to fall to the decking. 

‘Now I’m even colder.’ Bean shivers a little, skin breaking out in gooseflesh in the evening chill, but he pushes close against Ravi. ‘ _You_ , however, are warm.’

“I think you mean hot,” Ravi corrects, taking Bean into his arms.

Bean grins. ‘I think I mean hot _tub_. Come on.’ Between kisses, they climb in, and Bean sinks down into the hot water with a happy sigh. ‘This is amazing.’

Ravi grins, watching Bean, and settles into a corner of the tub with a moan. “One of the jets is pointing right at that sore spot on my back from Jae’s knee.”

Pouring two shots of soju, Bean shifts around on the bench to hand one to Ravi. ‘I was so close to hitting him that night.’

Ravi nods, looking at his shot glass. “It was like a bucket of cold water.”

_And I nearly made the worst mistake of my life. If not for Hyukkie_ … Bean knocks back a full shot of soju, grimacing against the taste.

Ravi smiles a little, watching Bean. “Cheers,” he says, and drinks his shot.

The bottle empties quickly, the two of them taking turns to propose toasts that get increasingly more outrageous. ‘Wow, I must be tireder than I thought,’ says Bean at one point. ‘This is going right to my head. Hm, let’s see …’ He raises his glass. ‘To the sexiest thing on two legs.’

“You can’t toast yourself,” Ravi says, giggling drunkenly. “That’s against the rules!”

For some reason, this strikes Bean as ridiculously funny; to the point where he laughs so hard he slips off the seat entirely and ends up neck deep in the hot water. Just managing to keep the glass held upright, he grins triumphantly and tosses back the last of the soju. ‘ _You_ ,’ he says, peering at Ravi owlishly, ‘are drunk.’

“Takes one to know one,” says Ravi, putting his shot glass on the decking and sliding down into the water, his head slipping below the surface.

‘Uh … what are you doing?’

Submerged, Ravi can’t hear Bean. He sinks further into the water and brushes his face against Bean’s abs, then blindly seeks downward, pressing his face into Bean’s crotch.

Tugging in vain at Ravi's shoulders, Bean laughs, ‘Idiot, you're going to … _oh_ .. You're going to drown if you keep that up.’

Ravi opens his mouth, getting a mouthful of hot tub water and Bean’s cock. 

‘Oh my god … stop that. Get back up here.’ Bean heaves on Ravi’s shoulders, pulling him to the surface.

Ravi resists as he’s pulled to the surface, and has a coughing fit once his head is out of the water.

‘Are you okay?’ Keeping hold of Ravi, Bean tries his best to help, but between drunkenness and amusement and really having no idea whether he should pound Ravi on the back or just keep his head up, they end up more or less clinging to each other while helpless with laughter.

Ravi clears his throat and just breathes for a few moments, then takes a deep breath and goes to dive under the water again.

Just in time, Bean grabs him, and pulls him in for a kiss.

Ravi breathes out all at once and inflates Bean’s cheeks, then breaks away, giggling. He clings to Bean, laughing helplessly.

Spluttering, Bean gropes for the button to turn off the water jets. ‘Okay, we’re getting out before both of us drown.’ He snorts with laughter, ‘Breaking news …’

“Naked idols in hot tub drowning sex scandal…” Ravi murmurs, looking at Bean with open interest.

‘I will risk a lot of things for you, lover,’ says Bean, very seriously, but he can’t keep the grin off his face for long. ‘But not even for you will I die looking like a prune. Let’s go upstairs.’

“Pretty flower boy in withered prune death sex scandal,” Ravi says, laughing as he starts to get out of the tub. He immediately slips, dunking himself under the water with an almighty splash.

With a yelp of alarm, Bean lunges to grab Ravi, but manages only to dunk himself and end up with water up his nose. He flails his way to the surface and steadies himself by hanging onto the rim. ‘Okay, okay, we really need to get out of here. Carefully.’ Moving with exaggerated patience, he clambers out of the tub.

Ravi openly ogles Bean as he watches him get out of the tub, before following. His body immediately breaks out in gooseflesh as the cold air hits him.

Bean quickly picks up their discarded robes, and wraps one around Ravi. ‘Let's get inside,’ he says as he belts his own around his waist, and heads for the stairs to the mezzanine.

Ravi follows Bean inside, closing the door behind him. He follows Bean up the stairs, stumbling slightly.

Given their state of drunkenness, it has to be some kind of miracle that they actually manage to make it into the loft without serious injury. Triumphantly, Bean spins around to face Ravi … and promptly falls sideways onto the bed, legs dangling. ‘Oops.’

Ravi grins down at Bean. “You’re drunk!” he says, like it’s some kind of shock. He takes off his robe and dries himself with it, covering his head to roughly dry his hair.

‘And you're …’ Bean blinks, trying to think of a snappy comeback. ‘You're, uh, naked. And gorgeous.’ He holds out his arms, focusing with difficulty. ‘And standing up. Lie down and snuggle me, dammit.’

Ravi looks at Bean from under his damp robe. “You’re overdressed for snuggling.”

Without sitting up, Bean tries to take off his robe. Even sober, this would be a difficult task; right now, it's impossible. Bean ends up with one arm half out of a sleeve, and the rest of the robe twisted around himself. He looks up at Ravi, smiling sheepishly. ‘Help?’

Ravi grins and sits on the bed, cross-legged, settling in to watch. “Nope.”

‘In that case …’ Bean manages to push himself upwards just enough to fall against Ravi, knocking him sideways onto the mattress. Unfortunately that results in Bean’s chin connecting with Ravi’s shoulder, and the two of them sprawl over each other, out of breath.

“We’re ridiculous,” Ravi says, laughing. 

Finally managing to struggle out of the robe, Bean says, ‘ _You’re_ ridiculous,’ not exactly the wittiest of comebacks but the best he can do under the circumstances. ‘Wow, my head is spinning.’

Ravi pokes Bean’s ribs a little more sharply than he intends and kisses his cheek noisily. 

‘Abusing me now, hmph,’ says Bean, slurring a little. ‘God, why am I so drunk?’

“Because you’re a lightweight,” Ravi says. 

‘Hah, can drink you under the table any time.’

“You can’t even escape from a bathrobe,” Ravi says, laughing.

Bean drapes himself right over Ravi, limbs heavy and loose. ‘You can’t escape from me,’ he declares.

“I’m not trying to,” Ravi says. “But if I wanted to I could.”

‘Not if I tie you up …’ Bean’s eyes slip closed for a moment; he forces them open again. ‘Anyway … what was I saying?’

“You were saying I’m your prisoner,” Ravi says. “Sounds like fun.”

‘Yeah … never getting away … mine now …’

“You sound too sleepy to stop me,” Ravi says, then he yawns widely.

Bean just makes himself more comfortable, succumbing to the urge to completely relax. ‘All part of my … evil … plan …’ 

Ravi holds Bean in his arms, murmurs, “I prefer sexy plans.”

‘All my evil plans … sexy …’ Bean mumbles. 

Ravi smiles, letting his eyes close. “Of course they are.”

 


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘So it’s movie night tonight in the penthouse, right, eomma?’ says Hyuk brightly, with a truly offensive smile. 
> 
> Thinking quickly, Bean appeals to Hakyeon. ‘I thought we’d be going out.’ 
> 
> Hakyeon gives Bean a bright smile. “Perhaps we should go out. Can’t have you getting cabin fever, can we?”   
> \---  
>  _What? Leo said what? Did I hear that right?_
> 
> ... all Ravi can think is _what on earth is Leo thinking_?

 

Given their state of drunkenness last night (and Bean still isn’t sure how that happened, because they only shared one large bottle of soju between them), neither Ravi nor Bean is horribly hungover in the morning. They’re woken by a text from Hakyeon that doesn’t so much suggest they join the others for breakfast as politely threaten dire consequences if they don’t. Ravi grumbles and shoves a pillow over his own head, curling into a defensive ball. “Tell him I’m dead.”

‘Not a chance,’ says Bean, pulling the pillow away. ‘My life’s worth too much for that. Besides, if we play nice now we can keep them out of here altogether. Now get up.’

“Make me,” Ravi mumbles.

It takes a supreme effort, culminating in Bean actually dragging Ravi out of bed and onto his feet, but eventually they make it into the shower. ‘We only have about fifteen minutes,’ murmurs Bean, pushing Ravi against a wall and running soapy hands over his body. ‘Better make the most of it.’

“Fifteen minutes,” Ravi says, “is not long enough for you to be doing that.” He pulls Bean closer, his action in direct contradiction to his words. “You’ll get us both murdered, or worse: separated.”

‘Then I guess this will just have to do,’ smiles Bean, going to his knees.

Ravi groans softly, looking down at Bean. “You’re trouble.”

‘You love it,’ and Bean sets about proving just how much trouble he can be, using his mouth and hands to reduce Ravi to moaning incoherence in short order. When he finally leans back, he looks up at Ravi from under his dripping fringe, lips swollen and red, a satisfied little smirk on his face and peaceful, sated eyes.

Ravi shivers with an aftershock despite the warm water, his head falling back to hit the tiles with a dull thud. “Trouble,” he breathes. “I love trouble…”

Even with the distraction, and the way Bean keeps stopping in the middle of getting dressed to kiss Ravi, they manage to make it to breakfast before Hakyeon sends out a search party. Not before their phones chime with a reminder, though, just as they’re walking through the door of the restaurant. Bean looks at Ravi and grins. ‘We almost made it.’

“Despite our best efforts,” Ravi says with a grin. 

The others are sitting at the breakfast table with the exception of Leo. Ravi frowns slightly at the empty chair as he and Bean sit down and greet the others. _It’s not like Leo to be late for a meal_ , thinks Bean. _What’s going on?_

“Eomma was about to send out the bloodhounds,” Hyuk says with a cheeky grin at the leader. 

‘Technically, we did make it on time,’ Bean points out as he pours himself a glass of orange juice. ‘Which is more than I can say for your roommate. Confess - you murdered him in his sleep, didn’t you?’

Hyuk shakes his head. “I didn’t, I swear. He was already gone when I woke up this morning.”

_Oh, shit. Now what’s he playing at?_ Bean looks over at Ravi.

Ravi looks at Bean, a deep frown on his face. “Where is he?” he asks Hakyeon.

“Never you mind,” Hakyeon replies, taking a sip of his tea.

“You know where he is, though?” Ravi says, leaning closer.

Hakyeon doesn’t answer, just gives him A Look. Ravi backs down.

It has to be deliberate, just another guilt trip designed to make Ravi feel awful - and from the look of things, it’s working. Below the table, Bean clenches his fist. ‘So, are we ordering?’ he says, a little too loudly. ‘Or do you have some buffet special planned for us this morning?’

The next few minutes pass in a flurry of ordering and bickering. Hakyeon orders breakfast for Leo which doesn’t go unnoticed by Ravi. _So he is coming_. Right now, Bean could cheerfully punch Leo. Not even here, and he’s managing to send Ravi into full stress mode. Reining in his irritation, Bean takes Ravi’s hand under the table and squeezes it gently. 

‘So it’s movie night tonight in the penthouse, right, eomma?’ says Hyuk brightly, with a truly offensive smile. Ravi kicks Hyuk under the table and shoots him a warning look.

Thinking quickly, Bean appeals to Hakyeon. ‘I thought we’d be going out.’ He can’t resist adding, ‘You know, since we didn’t get to go out last night, for whatever reason.’

Jaehwan fidgets with a napkin and glances at Hakyeon, who gives Bean a bright smile. “Perhaps we should go out. Can’t have you getting cabin fever, can we?” His right eyebrow twitches slightly.

‘Unless, you know, you need to catch up on sleep or something,’ says Bean with a wide smile of his own. ‘I’d totally understand if that was the case.’

“I slept like a baby last night,” Hakyeon says, narrowing his eyes. “You and your roommate look pretty tired. You didn’t stay up all night playing your games did you?”

Halfway through taking a drink of water, Hyuk inhales and starts coughing.

Pretending to think back, Bean answers truthfully, carefully not looking at Hyuk, ‘Actually … it was only about half an hour. Just wasn’t in the mood for gaming. We were in bed early. Right, Ravi?’ 

Hakyeon looks at Ravi, who blushes bright red. “Uh, right,” Ravi says.

Not exactly a snappy comeback, but at least it’s got Ravi focusing on something other than the glaring absence at the table. Bean squeezes his hand again. ‘What’s on the agenda for today, anyway? Please tell me it isn’t another fan meet, I still haven’t recovered from yesterday.’

‘You don’t fool me,’ says Jaehwan. ‘You enjoy those just as much as I do.’

‘TV interview today,’ says Hyuk dolefully. ‘Stupid questions.’ 

‘And dance practice in the afternoon,’ Hakyeon adds. ‘Nothing strenuous, we can ease into it so when rehearsal day comes, it won’t be too much of a shock. It’ll do us all good to stretch a bit.’ Hyuk smirks at Bean and Ravi but doesn’t say anything.

“Oh, here’s Leo,” Jaehwan says happily, oblivious to Ravi’s stiff reaction.

Leo wordlessly sits at the table between Hyuk and Jaehwan and picks up a menu.

“I already ordered for you,” Hakyeon says. The look he gives Leo says… something, Ravi’s not sure what.

“Thank you,” Leo says softly. He continues reading the menu.

Abruptly, Bean comes to a decision. Whatever happened yesterday, he’s not going to let it spoil things, not when he and Ravi are just starting to really relax with each other. He’s going to ignore it, and act like everything’s normal. ‘Good morning,’ he says, pushing the jug of orange juice across to Leo. 

Leo’s eyes flick to Ravi before he looks at Bean and murmurs, “Good morning. Thank you.” Leo pours himself a glass of orange juice and takes a few large gulps.

‘Sneaking out on your roommate, huh?’ says Hyuk. ‘I’m insulted.’

‘He was probably trying to get away from your feet,’ comments Jaehwan, holding his nose. 

_He’s fishing_ , thinks Bean. _He really has no idea_. As much as he wants to know what Leo’s up to now, he covers his interest by attacking the food as it arrives at the table. Ravi eats his breakfast on autopilot, not looking at anyone else at the table. His mind is on two things: Bean and Leo. He can almost feel Leo’s interest, Leo’s eyes on Bean. If he wasn’t eating it’d make him grit his teeth. 

‘All right,’ says Hakyeon finally, setting down his napkin. ‘Off you go. We’ll meet downstairs in -’

‘Fifteen minutes,’ chorus Bean and Hyuk.

“I was going to say half an hour, but if you want it to be fifteen minutes…” Hakyeon says with a quick sidelong glance at Jaehwan.

‘Half an hour is fine,’ says Bean hastily. ‘Let’s go.’ He tugs on Ravi’s hand to pull him to his feet, unable to stop himself from glancing quickly at Leo.

Leo’s eyes lock on Bean and Ravi’s joined hands. A flash of pain goes through them before he looks away. The raw emotion there is almost enough to make Bean pull away. His step falters for a moment. _We’re hurting him that much?_ But it’s done now, and it’s something Leo will have to learn to accept, so Bean starts walking again, not looking back. He knows what a shitty rationalisation that is, but it’s either that or go back to pretending he feels nothing, and that he can’t do. His hand tightens on Ravi’s.

Ravi walks quickly toward the elevator without looking back. He feels like he’s running away.

Hearing someone behind them. Bean doesn’t even turn as he pulls Ravi into the elevator, just hits the door close button and kisses him fiercely as the car starts moving. Ravi pulls Bean close, backing into the wall, his hips automatically shoving forward as he kisses him back forcefully. ‘Stop thinking about it,’ orders Bean, coming up for air. 

Ravi squeezes his eyes closed and pulls Bean in close again, kissing him desperately. Try as he might, Bean can’t make the kiss gentler. Whether it’s stress, or insecurity, or something else entirely, isn’t clear, but Ravi’s need is all too obvious. Surrendering to it, Bean lets Ravi lead, giving him everything he possibly can. Ravi breaks the kiss as the elevator’s bell sounds, breathing heavily. He looks at Bean as the doors open, then heads off down the corridor, swiping his keycard and entering the room. The instant he’s inside he tears his shirt off over his head, throwing it into the corner. ‘Thirty minutes,’ says Bean, but he’s already pulling off his own t-shirt, moving in close.

Ravi’s hands immediately go to the waistband of Bean’s jeans, pulling him closer, then unbuttoning and unzipping. “Wanna suck you,” Ravi breathes, nipping at Bean’s bottom lip.

_You don’t need to do this_ , thinks Bean. _I’m yours_. He doesn’t have the faintest idea how he can say that without Ravi taking it badly. The best he can hope for is to slow things down a little. ‘Upstairs,’ he murmurs. ‘Come on.’

“No time,” Ravi breathes, falling to his knees as he pulls Bean’s trousers down. “Need it.” He pushes his face against Bean’s boxer briefs, breathing in deeply. “Want it.”

Bean follows him to the floor. Cupping his face, he says, ‘Hey. Listen to me. I love you. It’s always been you.’ His hands trace along Ravi’s cheekbones, jawline, lips. ‘The way you dance, the way you throw yourself into everything, the way you’re so _alive_ … you’re everything to me, lover. Everything.’ Ravi shakes his head slightly, slips his hand into Bean’s underwear and takes his cock in his hand. He starts stroking it slowly, his face hidden against the side of Bean’s neck, his lips dragging against the skin. ‘Oh god …’ Ravi knows just how to touch him, how to drive him crazy. _How do I reach you?_ Bean thinks despairingly, grabbing at Ravi, pushing up into his hand.

“I love you so much,” Ravi breathes into Bean’s ear, stroking his cock steadily. “So much it scares me. So much I can't think about anything else, anyone else. When I jerk off, it's you. When I dream, it's you. I'm yours. I'm completely yours.”

‘Mine,’ moans Bean, ‘always mine, _only_ mine …’

“Can I please suck you?” Ravi breathes. “Please?”

‘You can do anything to me,’ says Bean helplessly, ‘anything you want.’

Ravi gets down on his hands and knees and pushes his face against Bean’s hard cock, still through the thin material of his boxer briefs. “Give it to me, baby. Give me your cock…”

Shoving down his underwear with one hand, Bean tilts his hips up, takes hold of his cock with the other. ‘Take it, take it.’ Ravi takes Bean’s cock into his mouth with a long, low groan. He falls into a rhythm, pull-push, taking Bean’s cock deep, then teasing the head with his lips. The taste makes him so hard. It drives everything else from his mind. 

As much as Bean wants to lose himself in sensation, he can’t keep his mind from returning to the idea that somehow, he’s failing Ravi. ‘I love you,’ he gasps, and he knows it sounds like he’s pleading, can’t help it. ‘Love you so much …’

Ravi pulls back and rubs his face against the shaft of Bean’s cock, looking up at him, panting, cheeks flushed, pupils huge. “Fuck my mouth, baby… Use it…”

Automatically, Bean’s hands go to Ravi’s head, but instead of pulling tight, his fingers twine through Ravi’s hair gently, scraping at his scalp. He eases Ravi’s head down to his cock again. Ravi shivers at Bean’s gentle touch and takes Bean’s cock into his mouth, bobbing his head slowly, lips slipping back and forth over the velvety skin of the head. Bean’s eyes half-close, moaning, his hips kicking up involuntarily. Ravi groans and takes Bean deep, all the way to his throat, gagging as he bobs his head again. _Mine_ , he thinks. _Mine_.

Bean wants to be gentle, wants it to be slow and loving, but Ravi’s mouth feels incredible, and his obvious, urgent need winds Bean so tight that he can’t hold back. His hand tightening in Ravi’s hair, he gives Ravi exactly what he asked for, fucking his mouth, groaning uncontrollably. Ravi stills, moaning, gagging, utterly under Bean’s control. His mind clears, his body tingles with pleasure, and he feels completely possessed, owned. So loved. Too far gone to stop himself, Bean shoves himself deep into Ravi’s throat, pulling hard on his hair, holding him in place as he comes.

Ravi coughs as Bean comes into his throat, recovers and swallows, wanting it all inside him, wanting to have something nobody else can. Proof that Bean is his. That Ravi is taken. That this is permanent.

‘Oh god, _love you_ …’ As Bean comes down, his head clears enough to realise how hard he’s gripping. ‘Fuck …’ He untangles his hands, stroking Ravi’s hair, easing him back. ‘You okay?’ Ravi sits back on his heels and licks his lips. He looks into Bean’s eyes but his own are unfocused. He blinks slowly, feeling like he’s drunk. ‘Lover?’ says Bean uncertainly. ‘Ravi?’ Moving purely on instinct, he reaches out to draw Ravi close to him, cradling him.

Ravi snuggles in to Bean’s chest with a soft sigh. “Sorry, I… just need a minute,” he says, his voice rough from having his throat fucked. He shivers once and cuddles closer.

Bean winces at the hoarseness in Ravi’s voice. ‘I’ve got you,’ he says quietly, shifting to allow Ravi to get as close as he wants to be, running his hands over Ravi’s back slowly, soothing. ‘Love you, beautiful,’ he murmurs.

Ravi sighs again, breathes, “I know. Sorry I’m dumb...” He rubs his cheek gently against Bean’s skin. “I love you.”

‘Sssshh, you’re not dumb.’ Bean kisses the top of Ravi’s head. ‘You’re perfect.’ 

Ravi’s eyes slip closed. “That was amazing,” he breathes, smiling.

‘Did I hurt you?’ Bean asks worriedly. 

Ravi opens his eyes, a slight frown creasing his brow as he looks up at Bean. “Hurt me? No?”

‘Sure?’ Bean gently traces Ravi’s lips with one finger. ‘I was pretty rough …’

“Mmm,” Ravi says with a satisfied smile. 

Even with the deep pile carpet, the floor’s not exactly comfortable to sit on, Bean’s legs getting slightly numb. They have to get up and gather their things, meet the others at the van. Right now, though, all Bean wants to do is keep Ravi as close as possible, and shut the world out altogether. “Think they'd miss us?” Ravi says softly, as though reading Bean’s mind. 

Bean sighs. ‘Unfortunately, yes. We should get going.’ He doesn’t move, except to brush his lips over Ravi’s hair.

Ravi doesn't move either. He's perfectly content, warm and safe in his love’s arms. 

It’s not until their phones chime - ‘God, I swear I’m throwing them off the balcony’ - that Bean stirs. ‘Come on. Time to go play nice with the tv people.’ Ravi sits up slowly and hooks a hand behind Bean’s neck, bringing him close, kissing him softly. ‘Or we could just stay right here and barricade the door against eomma …’

“Idols in lock-in hostage drama,” Ravi murmurs, smiling. 

‘Hah, breaking news. Up you get.’ Bean pushes Ravi gently off his lap and pulls up his jeans.

Ravi slowly gets to his feet, limbs feeling loose and relaxed and not really attached to him. “I feel weird.”

Scrambling up, Bean catches him around the waist. ‘You okay? Did you get up too fast?’

“No I… I’m fine. I’m great. I feel kinda… floaty,” Ravi says, frowning a bit. “I’m great.”

Bean guides Ravi to sit down on the couch and picks up their discarded shirts. As he hands Ravi his, he says, ‘Just sit there for a bit, I’ll get our stuff.’

Ravi looks up at Bean, his face completely open, everything he feels for him visible for the first time without fear or trying to hide. “Thank you.”

‘No problem, I’ll …’ Bean’s voice dies off as he sees how Ravi’s looking at him. Soft, vulnerable, none of that slight hooded-eyed tension that had always seemed to be just a natural expression. It takes his breath away, makes him kneel down in front of Ravi, take his face in his hands, kiss him slowly and deeply. Ravi kisses Bean back, gentler than he ever has, letting Bean lead. He sighs softly. It feels new and strange, and Bean doesn’t really understand what’s changed, but it stirs something in him. A need to protect and comfort. To cherish. ‘Do you want to stay here today instead?’ he asks quietly. ‘I can tell Hakyeon you’re not well.’

“No, it’s fine. We’ll sit together in the van, right?” Ravi murmurs.

‘Just try and stop me.’ Bean stands again and shrugs into his t-shirt, raking a hand carelessly through his hair in a vain attempt to neaten it. ‘Need some help with that?’ he says, noticing Ravi is still just holding on to his own shirt.

“Oh,” Ravi says. “No, I’m okay.” He slowly puts his shirt back on, getting his head stuck in the arm of it and struggling a bit. “Uhhh…?”

‘Idiot,’ says Bean fondly. ‘Here.’ Between them they manage to extricate Ravi from the shirt so he can put it on properly, then Bean gathers up their jackets and brings Ravi’s shoes over. ‘Ready?’

“Yeah,” Ravi says. “Ready.” He stands and slips into his loosely-laced shoes. “Okay, let’s do this.”

Surprising everyone (including themselves), Ravi and Bean are the first to arrive at the meeting point downstairs. Bean looks around, but can't see anyone else. ‘Huh. This is a change.’

“Let’s go back to the room before they turn up,” Ravi says. “‘We were on time, nobody else was here, we thought it was cancelled’.”

‘Works for me.’ Unfortunately, as Bean turns around, he sees Hyuk approaching, closely followed by Hakyeon and Jaehwan. ‘Damn. It was worth a try.’ 

“We just don’t get the luck,” Ravi mutters.

‘I must be dreaming,’ says Hakyeon, clearly surprised to see them. Beside him, Jaehwan pinches him gently, and he smiles at the vocalist. ‘No, I see I’m wide awake.’ 

Hyuk gives Bean and Ravi a suspicious look. ‘What happened, lovebirds? Did you miss us or something? Don’t tell me you’re getting bored up there in your fancy suite with your _room service_ and your _hot tub_?’

‘Ha, not even a little bit,’ says Bean smugly. ‘Just keeping you on your toes.’

Out the front, the van pulls up and the driver taps the horn, once. Making a shooing motion with both hands, Hakyeon herds them outside and they climb in, Bean commandeering the back seat for him and Ravi. Only after they’re all seated does Leo make an appearance. He doesn’t speak to anyone as he sits down next to Hyuk and fastens his seat belt. Ravi already has his head pillowed against Bean’s shoulder and his eyes closed, and doesn't see Leo’s late appearance. 

Deciding to take a leaf out of Ravi’s book, Bean puts an arm around him and shuts out the world for the duration of the trip. Attempts by Hyuk to make conversation are met with monosyllables, until the maknae eventually gets the hint and gives up. Unfortunately, it’s not a long journey to the tv studios, even in morning traffic.

As the van slows to a stop out the back of the studios, Ravi stirs, rubbing his cheek against Bean’s shoulder. “Love you,” he whispers.

His voice is really quiet, but still Bean glances up reflexively to make sure no one heard. No reaction from the rest of them, and he relaxes. ‘Love you, too.’ Daring, he drops a quick kiss on Ravi’s hair before straightening up.

Ravi sits up straight, still feeling a bit boneless. 

Hakyeon turns side-on in his seat and beams at all of them. “Best behaviour, everyone,” he says brightly. “That means you, Hyukkie.”

“Me? What did I do?” Hyuk says, outraged.

“Nothing yet,” murmurs Jaehwan, smiling a little.

“Teacher’s pet,” Hyuk says, eyes narrowed at Jaehwan.

“Boys,” Hakyeon says, “don’t make me neck chop you.”

Inside, they’re quickly shown into a green room, where makeup and the first of many changes of clothes waits for them. The routine is almost depressingly familiar by now; Bean goes through it more or less on autopilot, only really focusing when they are finally herded to the set. His gaze keeps straying to Ravi, who still wears a sleepy smile. 

Clearly in his element, Hakyeon fields many of the questions addressed to the group, yielding only when individual members are asked specific questions. Most of what they’re asked is exactly what they’d expect; how do they like Japan, how do they feel about the fans, what are the new projects on the horizon. _We’re going to make it through this easily_ , thinks Bean.

And then Leo and Ravi are asked about whether they’re going to work together again as a sub-unit to do a follow-up to Beautiful Liar.

Ravi answers very diplomatically, about how much he enjoys working with the whole group, and how proud he is of the music he and Leo have made together, and says he doesn’t know what the future holds. Hopefully lots of collaborations with lots of artists, and lots of new music from the six of them together.

Leo watches Ravi as he speaks, nodding along in agreement with everything he says, his face a carefully blank mask. When called upon to answer, he paraphrases briefly what Ravi has said in his soft, gentle voice. He finishes by saying that he hopes he, Ravi and Hongbin can work on a project together in the future.

Ravi’s eyes dart to Bean.

The statement takes Bean so completely by surprise that he actually chokes on the mouthful of water he’s just swilled. _What? He said what? Did I hear that right?_ As curious eyes turn to him, he coughs and splutters, scrambles for some kind of response. In the end all he can manage is a weak joke that his members are always springing these ideas on him, and he’s always the last to know. It sounds clumsy and obviously un-rehearsed. 

The host is really excited at the prospect of what he calls ‘LRH’ and all Ravi can think is _what on earth is Leo thinking_? He glances at Leo and finds he’s being watched closely. He raises an eyebrow slightly and looks away. 

Hyuk watches the interaction closely and makes quick eye contact with Jaehwan, who looks as surprised as he feels.

Mercifully, Hakyeon steps in to steer the conversation back to safer waters, talking about the planned trilogy of albums to be released this coming year. That takes up the rest of the interview time, for which Bean is deeply grateful, because he's not sure he could think of anything intelligent to say at all. Finally, the interviewer invites them all to say goodbye, and they all stand and go through their usual chant. The floor manager signals they're clear, and an assistant quickly bundles them off set and back to the green room.

 

 


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehwan scoffs quietly. Ravi turns and looks at him, seeing him looking wistfully at Hakyeon. “What's up, Jae?” he asks quietly. 
> 
> “Oh, nothing,” Jaehwan says with a cheery smile. 
> 
> “Doesn't look like nothing,” Ravi says. 
> 
> “It's just…” Jaehwan says, then he shakes his head. “No, it doesn't matter.”

 

Leo immediately disappears into the toilets. Ravi watches him go, then looks at Bean with a _what the fuck_ expression. Bean gives him the same look right back and moves towards him. Before he can speak, they're joined by Hyuk, who says in a low voice, ‘What was _that_ all about? Have you been keeping me in the dark about this?’

__

“About what?” Ravi says, frowning. “You know as much as we do.”

__

‘Wait.’ Hyuk lowers his voice even more to a conspiratorial whisper, and leans in close to them. ‘So there isn’t some trio sub-unit happening?’

__

Ravi’s eyes widen and he stammers a bit, trying to get an answer out, but all he can think about is what he thinks Leo was getting at with his comment and… he can't seem to connect his brain to his mouth. 

__

Giving Ravi a puzzled look, Bean says firmly, ‘No one’s said anything official, and I don’t expect them to. Jelpi aren’t going to do something like that with me, you know that. I don’t know what’s gotten into Leo in the last couple of days, he’s acting weird.’

__

“He's always weird, Bean,” Hyuk says. “Are you only noticing now?”

__

‘No, this is …’ Over Hyuk’s shoulder, Bean sees Hakyeon approaching. ‘Never mind, talk later. Hyung, I swear I don’t know anything about what happened …’

__

Hakyeon smiles and says brightly, “I was about to say how well you handled the interview actually. But… I can scold you if you prefer.”

__

‘At least that would be consistent,’ mutters Bean. ‘Thanks for the offer, but no.’ He feels a strong urge to pull Hakyeon aside and talk to him about what’s happening, checks himself at the last minute. It’s not the time or place, and, he realises with a stupid little thrill, it’s not just his decision anymore. ‘So. Where are you taking us for lunch?’

__

“Just you wait and see,” Hakyeon says with an enigmatic smile. 

__

Hyuk immediately starts harassing Hakyeon, trying to get clues as to where they'll be eating, and more importantly, what. 

__

It’s all so reassuringly normal that Bean smiles with relief. Glancing around to make sure there’s no one but them in the room, he reaches out to snake an arm around Ravi’s waist. ‘As long as there’s a lot of it, I’ll be happy. I’m starving.’

__

“Mmm,” Ravi agrees. “We've worked up an appetite. I'm hungry too. Only had time to grab a snack before we left the hotel room,” he says with an absolutely wicked glint in his eye. He's feeling much more like himself, more tense, more focused, less serene.

__

Bean doesn’t dare look at Ravi, already feeling his face heat up a little. ‘All right, fearless leader - lead on.’ He gestures ahead of him, and as the other two move off to collect their things, says in a low voice to Ravi, ‘You’re _bad_.’

__

“That's not what you were saying earlier,” Ravi says with an unrepentant grin. 

__

‘As I recall, I wasn't saying much of anything earlier,’ replies Bean, gathering up his jacket and phone.

__

“Me either,” Ravi says with a smirk, “but eomma always says it's rude to talk with my mouth full.”

__

“ _Guys_!” Jaehwan says from a lot closer than Ravi thought he was. “My poor ears!”

__

‘Taking notes, were you?’ Bean dodges a poorly aimed slap and heads quickly for the door. 

__

Jaehwan scoffs quietly. Ravi turns and looks at him, seeing him looking wistfully at Hakyeon. “What's up, Jae?” he asks quietly. 

__

“Oh, nothing,” Jaehwan says with a cheery smile. 

__

“Doesn't look like nothing,” Ravi says. 

__

“It's just…” Jaehwan says, then he shakes his head. “No, it doesn't matter.”

__

“Dude, come on,” Ravi says. “Spill.”

__

“It's just… he's so lovely, and gentle, and everything, but…”

__

“But what?”

__

Jaehwan’s face flushes pink as he mumbles, “I don't think he wants me like… like you and Bean are.”

__

‘Hey, I’m not exactly great at seeing what’s right in front of me,’ says Bean, giving Ravi a rueful smile, ‘but even I can tell he’s gone on you.’

__

“Maybe, but… I don't know. He's treating me like a virgin,” Jaehwan says, wrinkling his nose. “It's romantic but… I need more. I don't know if he wants more. I've tried but he seems happy with things as they are. And I'm happy, don't get me wrong, but…” Jaehwan trails off as he watches Hakyeon bend to pick up his dropped phone. He lets out a tiny, unintentional noise of want. 

__

Knowing how ridiculous it sounds coming from him, Bean asks, ‘Have you, actually, talked about it?’

__

“How would I even tell him?” Jaehwan says, frowning. “I don't want to pressure him or scare him off…”

__

Bean looks at Ravi again, his eyes clearly asking, _do we help_?

__

“Don’t make the same mistake we made,” Ravi says, looking at Bean with a soft smile. He looks at Jaehwan. “Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Tell him you wanna dick down.”

__

For a moment there’s a stunned silence, then Hyuk virtually collapses, snorting with laughter. Bean darts a glance at Jaehwan. ‘Uh … that was blunter than I was thinking, but …’

__

Ravi shrugs as if to say, _am I wrong_?

__

Jaehwan stammers out, “I-I don’t know if… if…” His eyes stray to Hakyeon, across the room, deep in conversation with the tour manager, spinning his phone from one hand to another gracefully. Jaehwan unconsciously licks his lips, staring at his hands. “If…”

__

‘Breathe, Jyani,’ advises Bean. ‘Look, we’re all supposed to be going out tonight, right? Why don’t you just go with it, have a good time, and … make it clear what you want?’

__

“In public?” Jaehwan says, eyes wide. “I’m scared enough of doing that in private!”

__

‘I’m not saying jump him right there or anything!’ exclaims Bean. ‘But a dance floor can be an opportunity, if you think about it.’ From the look he gives Ravi then, _he’s_ definitely thinking about it.

__

“With how eomma dances…” Ravi says, eyebrows raised, “uh… having that talk might be unavoidable.”

__

‘Exactly.’

__

Ravi gives Bean a lingering look, making it clear he knows what he’s thinking about and is on board.

__

Suddenly, the evening can’t come fast enough. Dragging his thoughts away from imagining dancing with Ravi, Bean says, ‘I’m willing to bet Hakyeon is thinking exactly the same way you are, Jae. Which means it’s a matter of who takes the risk first.’

__

‘Ten thousand won says it’s eomma,’ bets Hyuk.

__

Jaehwan narrows his eyes at Hyuk. “Are you calling me a coward?”

__

‘I’m not calling you anything,’ says Hyuk, the picture of wide-eyed innocence. ‘If you recognise something, though …’

__

Jaehwan lunges for Hyuk with a clumsy slap which Hyuk easily dodges, laughing. 

__

‘I'll take that bet, Satan,’ calls Bean as he moves toward the exit with Ravi. ‘Ten thousand won, and I'm going to enjoy watching you lose.’

__

‘What bet?’ asks Hakyeon with just a tinge of suspicion in his voice. 

__

‘Oh … nothing. Let's go, I'm starving.’

__

“Me too,” Ravi says with a small smile at Bean.

__

Hyuk races past, dodging around them as Jaehwan hits out at him again. ‘The back seat's mine!’ he yells.

__

Bean immediately grabs him by the shirt, pulling him up. ‘Oh no, you don't.’ He takes off for the van, leaving Hyuk off balance and spluttering.

__

‘Children,’ says Hakyeon reprovingly. 

__

They’re all waiting in the van for at least five minutes before Leo emerges from the building, wearing a mouth mask and mumbling apologies as he slides into the seat next to Hyuk.

__

The van drives to a huge American-style diner pizza restaurant. Hakyeon favours them all with his most-pleased smile when he sees their reactions. 

__

‘Twice in one week?’ Bean eyes Hakyeon suspiciously. ‘You’re never this indulgent, what’s going on?’

__

“I can’t just be generous and kind?” Hakyeon says with a pretend frown. “I can take us all to a salad bar if you’d prefer…”

__

‘It’s absolutely fine, he doesn’t know what he’s saying!’ protests Hyuk, clapping a hand over Bean’s mouth before he can dodge away. 

__

Ravi grins and does absolutely nothing to defend his lover. Leo huffs, rolls his eyes and gets out of the van.

__

As soon as the van door is open, Hyuk lets go and dives out into the parking lot. ‘Thanks for the help,’ says Bean sarcastically to Ravi.

__

“You’re welcome,” Ravi says with a massive grin.

__

Bean scrambles out of the van and into the restaurant, calling over his shoulder, ‘Ha, just see if I leave you any pizza.’

__

Ravi smiles to himself, watching Bean rushing into the restaurant. He follows, shaking his head.

__

Lunch is not so much a meal, as an event. Hakyeon's suggestion that they all try something new becomes a competition to outdo each other in coming up with the most ridiculous pizza topping combinations. When Jaehwan manages to keep down a slice that holds anchovies, pineapple, and goats cheese, Bean declares him the winner not only of the competition but also of a free hospital visit to get his taste buds fixed. Then Hyuk discovers the dessert bar, and things get really out of control. 

__

Bean sets his bowl down on the table with exaggerated care. It's piled high with huge swirls of soft serve, nuts, chocolate chips, and three different coloured toppings. ‘The bowls are too small,’ he laments. ‘I couldn't fit the brownies in as well.’

__

Ravi looks up from his own overloaded bowl of jelly in every colour of the rainbow, icecream and offensively neon sprinkles. “Go for seconds. Duh.”

__

Jaehwan shakes his head. ‘You two are going to be high on sugar for the rest of the day. I’m not sure I can deal with that.’

__

‘I wouldn't worry about us.’ Bean points with his spoon at Hyuk, who's juggling no less than three overloaded bowls. ‘Worry about _that_.’

__

‘Oh my god,’ says Jaehwan faintly.

__

Hakyeon comes back to the table with just a bowl of cherries. Jaehwan watches, spoon paused halfway to his mouth, a comically besotted expression on his face, as Hakyeon sits down to eat them.

__

Under the table, Bean nudges Ravi. ‘Is he doing what I think he’s doing?’ he asks in a low voice.

__

Ravi is just staring without realising it. He makes a small noise that could be agreement or acknowledgement or distracted interest.

__

Hakyeon pretends not to notice that he’s being watched as he pops a cherry stalk into his mouth and ties it into a knot with his tongue. He places the tied stalk back in his bowl with a small, satisfied smile.

__

‘Oh, that’s just _mean_ ,’ murmurs Bean admiringly. 

__

Ravi clears his throat quietly and looks down at his bowl. Leo leans in to Hakyeon and asks him how he did that. Hakyeon proceeds to give Leo a lesson that has everyone unsure of where to look.

__

There’s nothing overtly seductive about the way Leo’s acting, but still, Bean can’t help but feel this is more of the same behaviour as yesterday. And after this morning’s announcement … ‘Hey, Jyani, give it a try,’ he says, a little louder than he intends. 

__

Hakyeon holds his bowl out to Jaehwan who nervously takes a cherry and breaks off the stem with slightly-shaking hands. He pops the stem in his mouth and keeps his eyes locked on Hakyeon’s face as he talks him through tying the knot. Jaehwan’s face contorts comically as he tries to tie the knot, Hyuk giggling uncontrollably and causing Jaehwan to smile, ruining his attempt. Affection shines from Hakyeon as he watches, chin pillowed on his hand, holding his stomach with his other hand as he laughs softly.

__

Taking advantage of the distraction, Bean whispers right into Ravi’s ear, ‘Can think of much more interesting things to do with my tongue …’

__

Ravi smiles slowly and brings his spoon to his mouth, holding it upright and licking icecream from the bowl of the spoon in the most suggestive way imaginable. “Me too,” he murmurs without looking at Bean.

__

‘God, if we were alone right now …’

__

Ravi’s free hand strays to Bean’s thigh, squeezing it gently. “Champagne,” he murmurs with a wicked smirk.

__

To his utter embarrassment, Bean flushes scarlet. He hisses, ‘Stop that.’

__

Ravi glances at Bean and grins. “Never.”

__

Bean laughs. ‘I lo -’ He stops, wide-eyed, realising how close he came to blurting it out in front of everyone, _in public_.

__

Ravi’s hand tightens on Bean’s thigh. “Me too,” he murmurs. 

__

A cheer goes up from the other side of the table as Jaehwan, flushed with effort, triumphantly holds up a tied cherry stalk. Hakyeon deftly plucks it from his fingers, and, without speaking, slips it into his own shirt pocket. The look on his face, though, speaks volumes.

__

“Do another one!” Hyuk says. “We’ve finally found something you can beat Leo at!”

__

Jaehwan protests loudly and slaps Hyuk several times, the maknae laughing wickedly.

__

‘I don’t see _you_ trying it,’ says Bean. ‘Trying not to embarrass yourself, dongsaeng?’

__

“I don’t want to run the risk of you all falling madly in love with me and my wicked tongue,” Hyuk says, grinning. 

__

“I think your wicked tongue is cancelled out by your horrific feet,” Leo murmurs with a small smile around the cherry stem which is still in his mouth.

__

‘On that note,’ says Hakyeon, ‘it’s time we were leaving. One more interview before practice. This will be only a short one - so let’s keep our answers short, and on topic, please.’ He doesn’t look at anyone in particular when he says this, though Bean is fairly sure it’s aimed at preventing any more unexpected outbursts that can’t be easily explained away. Breathing a sigh of relief, he gets up from the table with the others. As he passes the bowl of cherries, he surreptitiously pockets one.

__

Ravi doesn’t miss that. Right behind Bean, he whispers in his ear, “I already took your cherry…”

__

Bean stiffens, stumbles, off-balance. ‘Dammit. You weren't supposed to see that until later.’ 

__

Ravi places his hands on Bean’s waist, steadying him, standing a bit too close for being in public. “You little tease…” he breathes.

__

‘Think of it as a promise,’ says Bean, staring at Ravi’s mouth. _I should move away_. They could be seen by anyone. Photographed. Nothing in him wants to budge an inch. 

__

“Move before I bend you over this table,” Ravi growls, giving Bean a gentle push.

__

Bean swallows. ‘Not an incentive,’ he murmurs.

__

“Move or I _won’t_ bend you over _anything…_ ” Ravi says, smiling.

__

‘Okay.’ Bean holds up his hands. ‘I’m going, I’m going.’ The look he gives Ravi leaves no doubt as to his reluctance, but he turns and heads for the exit.

__

Ravi follows, trying not to be _too_ obvious about ogling Bean’s ass.

__

Whether it’s due to Hakyeon’s thinly veiled warning or something else entirely isn’t clear, but at least there are no surprises from Leo at the afternoon interview. The questions are predictable and easy to answer, their banter flows more or less naturally, and the interviewer is so friendly that Bean actually starts to relax and enjoy himself. Hakyeon looks particularly pleased with the outcome, and announces a quick detour on the way to the rehearsal studio for everyone to pick up a snack.

__

The chaos of organising the orders for the drive through gets to be too much and Hakyeon instructs the driver to park. He gets out of the van and stalks into the restaurant, clearly expecting everyone to follow him. Jaehwan looks at the others, wide-eyed, before following, Hyuk right on his heels. ‘Feeling hungry?’ says Bean to Ravi in a low voice. ‘Because I’m not.’ 

__

Leo looks at both Bean and Ravi for a long moment before following the others into the restaurant. Ravi sighs heavily.

__

“Not hungry, but I guess we can’t really stay here,” Ravi says.

__

‘Let’s see.’ Bean pulls out his phone and texts Hakyeon.

__

**> are we just getting take-out? **

__

**> >> I’m not ordering for you. Get in here.**

__

> **not hungry :)**

__

Ravi’s phone chimes with a message.

__

**> >> Get in here now. Bring your roommate or he won’t be your roommate for long.**

__

“Ah… Bean?” Ravi says, eyes wide as he shows Bean his phone.

__

‘Hmm?’ says Bean, looking. ‘Oh. _Wow_. Guess we’d better …’ He gestures toward the restaurant. 

__

Ravi nods quickly, already halfway out of the van.

__

‘Honestly, what does he think we can get up to in five minutes?’ mutters Bean as they walk into the restaurant.

__

Ravi opens his mouth, about to answer in explicit detail, then he thinks better of it as he sees Hakyeon walking to the exit, clearly about to go and get them.

__

“We’re here!” Ravi says, smiling, holding up his hands in surrender.

__

Bean spreads his hands towards Hakyeon as if to say, _what's the big deal_.

__

“I’m sure Leo would _love_ to have a new roommate,” Hakyeon says, eyes narrowed as though he knows _exactly_ why that would be a terrible idea. “Final warning, boys.”

__

Taken aback, Bean protests, ‘Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it. If we were just getting something to take on the road I didn't think we _had_ to come in.’ And then, before he can stop himself, he adds, ‘That would be a shitty thing to do to Leo, and you know it.’

__

Hakyeon opens his mouth, about to reply, when Jaehwan comes over and catches his hand, leading him back to the others. Ravi breathes a quiet sigh of relief.

__

Bean, his jaw set, watches Hakyeon go. ‘I am getting fucking tired of this,’ he says in a low voice.

__

Ravi places one warm hand on the small of Bean’s back, murmurs, “Chill.”

__

‘Yeah.’ Bean blows out a long breath. ‘Sorry. It’s just … ah, fuck it.’ He plasters on a smile that almost succeeds in looking genuine. ‘I’ll make nice.’

__

Ravi rubs his hand gently on Bean’s back. “Hey, it's okay. I've got you.”

__

Organising and ordering seems to drag on forever, and the longer it takes, the more irritated Bean becomes. _We didn’t need to be here for this_ , he thinks, shifting from foot to foot. Only Ravi’s soothing touch enables him to keep his temper. _What’s wrong with me?_ He listens, seething, to Jaehwan dithering over what size coffee to order.

__

Ravi watches Bean twitch and tut through the ordering process, frowning slightly. He can feel tension coming off him in waves. He doesn't know what he can do other than keep in contact and try to calm him down. 

__

‘ _Finally_ ,’ mutters Bean as the others collect their bags of food.

__

Hakyeon leads them all back out of the restaurant and to the van. Ravi drags Bean to the back seat, crowding him up against the window, one hand on his thigh. 

__

Despite his mood, Bean can’t help but smile. ‘Hi. Sorry.’

__

“Hey,” Ravi murmurs. “Are you okay?”

__

‘Yeah.’ Bean sighs. ‘It’s … I don’t know, it’s like all this crap keeps getting in the way. Schedules and pointless rules, and … ‘ He tilts his head towards the front seat where Leo sits. ‘I just keep thinking, can’t we get a fucking break?’

__

“A luxury suite and a hot boyfriend not enough for you?” Ravi murmurs, amused. 

__

Bean laughs softly. ‘You’re more than enough for me. That’s the problem. All I want to do is be alone with you as much as possible.’

__

“Maybe all the distractions will just make you appreciate me more…”

__

‘You don’t think I appreciate you enough?’ says Bean quietly, giving Ravi a warm look that lingers on his mouth. ‘I’ll have to try harder.’

__

Leo shifts uncomfortably in his seat right in front of Bean and Ravi. Ravi leans in and murmurs in Bean’s ear, “Mmm, harder.”

__

_He can hear us_. Automatically, Bean starts to draw back a bit. _No, fuck it_ , he thinks angrily. _If he wants to torture himself, fine_. He turns his head so that his mouth is almost touching Ravi’s. ‘Hard right now,’ he grins.

__

Ravi’s hand strays to the crotch of Bean’s trousers. “Let’s see…. hmm, thought so. Liar,” he says, grinning. 

__

Leo inhales some of the water he's drinking and coughs, Hyuk slapping his back. 

__

‘Made you check.’

__

“Oh no, you tricked me into groping you,” Ravi says, amused. “Something I never would have done otherwise.”

__

‘Hey, you could have just taken my word for it.’

__

“Never,” Ravi murmurs in Bean’s ear. “I'll always check.”

__

The van slows, turns into a parking garage under an unremarkable-looking building. There are no signs advertising what’s inside, nor beside the floor levels when they get into the lift. Hakyeon presses ‘6’. It looks for all the world like an office building, but when the doors open, they see a fully decked-out rehearsal studio. Some of the rooms are in use, to judge by the red lights over the doors; others cater to small musical groups with just chairs and music stands scattered around. A baby grand piano has pride of place in one room, chairs arranged around it in a half circle. And there are no less than three dance studios, the largest of which could easily accommodate a full troupe. Hakyeon leads the way to a smaller room with a sprung floor and mirrors all along one wall. There’s a small vending machine just outside it filled with bottles of chilled water. ‘Fancy,’ comments Bean. ‘Better than we’ve got back home.’

__

The next few hours pass in a blur of performance practice that bears more similarity to military drills than to dance. By the end of it, even Hakyeon is looking worn out. 

__

“Hyuuuuuung?” Hyuk whines from his position sprawled out on the floor. “Can we go hooooooome now?”

__

Propping himself up against the wall, Bean gives Hakyeon a sour look. ‘Nothing strenuous,’ he wheezes, somehow managing to sound just like the leader at his prissiest, ‘we can ease into it, stretch a bit.’ He tries to push himself upright, winces. ‘Everything hurts.’

__

Ravi just lies motionless on a pile of cushions in the corner. Jaehwan prods him with the toe of his shoe and declares him dead when he doesn't react. 

__

‘It’s all a conspiracy, isn’t it?’ says Bean. ‘You’re trying to make us too tired to go out tonight.’

__

Hakyeon looks honestly surprised. ‘Of course not. I’m looking forward to that as much as you are.’ His eyes flick momentarily to Jaehwan, who colours. ‘Are you really all that sore?’

__

‘Are you kidding?’ groans Hyuk from the floor. ‘I’m half dead.’

__

‘Oh, dear.’ Hakyeon doesn’t sound sorry at all. Bean suddenly thinks, _oh no_ , and opens his mouth to say something, anything, but Hakyeon continues blithely, ‘Luckily, we can all take care of ourselves with a good soak in Wonshik and Hongbin’s hot tub.’

__

 

__


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hakyeon breezes into the suite, carrying a massive bag, and looks around like a monarch surveying his kingdom. “Oh, this is _very_ nice.”
> 
> \---
> 
> ‘Hey!’ yelps Hyuk indignantly. ‘Watch out for the eggs!’
> 
> \---
> 
> Hakyeon beams. ‘Now, I know you’re all tired, but I think a night out will do us all the world of good. Jyani’s found us a club that looks interesting.’

 

‘Yesssss!’ Hyuk punches the air. ‘Oww.’

“You just want to get us all naked, hyung,” Ravi murmurs, half-slurring. “You sly dog.” Leo flushes bright pink and hides his face by turning away. 

‘It’s decided then,’ says Hakyeon, his eyes daring Bean to object. ‘We’ll all go back to the hotel and meet at your room. We can even order some room service for dinner and have it while we’re bathing. No alcohol, though, the heat would make you all very drunk, and then we won’t be able to go out. And I’m sure you don’t want that.’

Miraculously regaining his energy, Hyuk sits up and grins at Bean. ‘So what’s the room, ahem, I mean _suite_ number?’

‘1003,’ says Bean glumly. 

Ravi gives Hakyeon a look which very clearly says he'd like nothing more than to drop a hairdryer in the tub with him. Hakyeon just smiles serenely, and says, ‘Excellent. Come along, then. Don’t forget to get some water on the way out.’ With that, he collects Jaehwan and his things, and the two of them leave the studio. Hyuk gives Bean and Ravi a _really_ offensive grin before following. 

‘Maybe we could drown them,’ muses Bean from his position holding up the wall.

“Or ourselves,” Ravi mutters. 

‘Naked idols in hot tub suicide pact.’ Bean sighs. ‘All right, let’s go before eomma yells at us again.’

“Yeah,” Ravi says, avoiding looking at Leo as they walk out. Leo follows after a couple of minutes. 

Tired as they all are, there’s not much conversation on the way back, although Hyuk already has his phone out, accessing the hotel’s website and reading out the room service menu. ‘Is it just me, or is that menu shorter than ours?’ murmurs Bean to Ravi, careful not to be heard.

“No caviar and Cristal?” Ravi murmurs with a smile.

‘Just for VIPs, I guess.’ Leaning in even closer, Bean whispers, ‘I’m not going to be able to get you alone for _hours_. It’ll be torture.’

“I’m going to be sitting in a hot tub with a hard-on,” Ravi murmurs. “I might die.”

Bean drops his head on Ravi’s shoulder with a quiet groan. ‘Now I’m going to be thinking about that the whole time.’

“I’m going to be thinking about my scuba diving experiment from last night,” Ravi says with a massive smile.

‘Idiot,’ says Bean fondly.

The van pulls up outside the hotel. As he unbuckles his seatbelt, Hakyeon says, ‘Fifteen minutes should be sufficient for everyone to get organised and for you two to get the hot tub going. Let’s meet in suite 1003 then.’ He exits the van with a cheery wave.

‘I swear to god he’s doing that deliberately,’ mutters Bean.

“Oh yeah, he’s loving every minute of this,” Ravi says. “Wonder how he’ll feel when I pop a boner right next to him.”

‘ _Out_ ,’ says Bean firmly, pushing Ravi out of his seat. Ravi laughs and gets out of the van, jogging into the foyer. Shaking his head, Bean slides across the seat and out, stretching cramped back muscles before heading into the hotel where Ravi is waiting impatiently at the elevators, hammering the button. He looks up at Bean with a small smile as he approaches.

Bean reaches out and gently pulls Ravi’s hand away from the panel. ‘You’ll get us stuck again. But this time we’ll get stuck in the lobby.’

“Don’t want that,” Ravi murmurs. “By the time we get to the room we’ll only have ten minutes to take the edge off for later on…”

‘Not that you're counting …’ The lift arrives and Bean pulls Ravi into it impatiently, digging out his keycard to unlock the panel.

Ravi grins, looking at his hand in Bean’s. “Looks like I'm not the only one counting.”

‘Shut up.’ Even before the doors close, Bean has Ravi backed against the wall of the car, kissing him hungrily. Ravi laughs softly, muffled by Bean’s mouth, and grabs the back of Bean’s neck, kissing him back roughly. _Fifteen minutes_ , Bean thinks, fists clenching in Ravi’s shirt, _always fifteen fucking minutes_. And it’s not like they can just turn up late this time, they’re going to be invaded. He pushes his hips against Ravi’s, feeling the hardness in his jeans, and breaks the kiss, panting, ‘Let’s just not answer the door.’

Ravi groans against Bean’s lips, “Fucking _want_ you…” He takes Bean’s mouth in a forceful kiss, shoving his hips forward. 

‘No time …’ The lift arrives at their floor and the two stumble out into the corridor to crash against the opposite wall.

“Now would be a bad time to beg you to fuck me, wouldn't it?” Ravi breathes.

‘Oh, god. _Now_ you ask?’

“We’d definitely need more time than we have,” Ravi breathes, one hand stealing to the front of Bean’s jeans, cupping his cock and squeezing it. “I don't know if you'll even _fit_ …”

‘Ohh … get inside, dammit.’ Bean breaks away just long enough to open the door and manhandle Ravi inside, then he falls on Ravi again, kissing and grinding. ‘Want you … want to be _in_ you … fuck, I'm going to be thinking about that the whole time …’

Ravi walks backwards, dragging Bean toward one of the plush sofas. “Want you to think about it…” Ravi breathes. “Want you to _want_ it…”

Bean grins, pushes Ravi down on the couch, and straddles him. ‘Want you to think about it, too. Think about me on top of you … spreading you wide … pushing into you slowly, filling you up …’ He shudders, overcome by the prospect of actually _doing_ just that.

Ravi’s hands immediately go to Bean’s hips, pulling their bodies roughly together. “Letting you see me, take me… Want you _in me_...”

‘I don’t care what Hakyeon says, we’re skipping dinner,’ Bean growls as he grinds down against Ravi. ‘Not waiting one second longer than we _have_ to.’ In his pocket, his phone buzzes; he ignores it, completely focused on Ravi’s face.

Ravi stares up into Bean’s eyes, his breathing unsteady as he grinds his cock against him. “Every second will be hell…”

‘Worth it. You’re worth waiting for.’

“Want it _now_ ,” Ravi breathes. “ _Fuck_ eomma.”

Bean lets out a frustrated groan, pushing his forehead against Ravi’s. ‘Don’t, don’t tempt me, we’re in enough trouble.’

“I like getting in trouble with you,” Ravi says, nipping at Bean’s bottom lip. “I love it.”

Grinning, Bean says, ‘Let’s set a timer and kick them out. What do you think, fifteen minutes?’ He slips a hand between their bodies to undo Ravi’s jeans.

“Just don't let them in,” Ravi breathes. 

Bean cups Ravi’s cock through his boxers, moving his hand in slow circles. ‘They’d get security to open the door.’

“I’m sure that’s illegal in some way,” Ravi murmurs, thrusting up into Bean’s hand.

‘Why are we talking?’ says Bean, nuzzling just below Ravi’s jawline. ‘More importantly, why are you still wearing clothes?’ The phone in his pocket buzzes again. Without looking, Bean digs it out and casually flings it backwards, and it lands with a thump on the carpet.

Ravi turns his head, nudging Bean’s cheek until he turns his head for a kiss. “Want your fingers,” he breathes in between feverish, biting kisses. “Want your cock.”

‘ _Yes_ , god, I want it too.’ Bean pulls back just far enough to look into Ravi’s eyes. ‘But not on a deadline.’ He kisses Ravi again. ‘Want this to be perfect for you.’

“It’s you, it’ll be perfect,” Ravi breathes urgently, clutching at Bean’s back, trying to pull him closer. “It’s _you_.”

Despite himself, Bean can feel his resolve weakening. There’s almost no time, but he _wants_ , so badly. ‘Fuck it,’ he mutters, and grabs hold of the hem of Ravi’s t-shirt - just as the door buzzer sounds. ‘What? No _way_ , they must be early.’

“Fuck them, ignore it, _fuck me_ …” Ravi breathes, kicking his hips up, his cheeks flushed.

'How did they even get up here? Ohh, _god_ , don't do that ...' 

Ravi lifts his head, pulling Bean down into a fierce kiss. He hooks one leg around Bean’s hips, pulling their bodies together, trapping Bean’s hand between their hips. The buzzer sounds again. _I don’t hear you_ , thinks Bean, overwhelmed by Ravi’s need, _no one’s there_. His free hand goes to Ravi’s hair and tugs, pulling his head back, and Bean dominates Ravi’s mouth as he thrusts against him. But the door goes again, and again, whoever’s out there determined not to be ignored.

Ravi freezes as the keycard reader beeps and he hears the lock click open. He breaks the kiss, eyes wide. Feeling him go still, Bean opens his own eyes. ‘What … the _fuck_?’ Ravi scrambles out from under Bean and runs for the bathroom to hide, his erection throbbing painfully with each jolting step. Stumbling, completely dishevelled, Bean lurches around to face the door. 

Hakyeon breezes into the suite, carrying a massive bag, and looks around like a monarch surveying his kingdom. “Oh, this is _very_ nice.”

For one wild moment Bean actually _sees_ himself stride forward and punch Hakyeon right in the middle of that broad smile. He reins himself in with difficulty, but can’t stop the incredulous anger in his voice. ‘What the _fuck_ is this?’

Hyuk appears, entering the room after Hakyeon and Jaehwan, and looking sheepish. Hakyeon says, “That was at least twenty minutes.”

‘So you, what, thought you’d just waltz into a _private_ room? And where the hell did you get a key, anyway?’ Hyuk makes a big show of looking around the room, anywhere but at Bean. 

Ravi comes out of the bathroom, rubbing his obviously-dry hair with a towel. “Oh, hi guys,” Ravi says nonchalantly.

‘Wait …’ Bean advances on Hyuk, murder in his eyes.

Hyuk’s eyes widen and he hides behind Leo, who is last to enter the room. Leo looks at Bean, taking in his flushed face, his rumpled clothes, his tousled hair. He swallows as his eyes involuntarily travel down Bean’s body. He unconsciously bites his lip before looking away. The look brings Bean up short. On top of everything else, Leo is the last straw. ‘Can I help you?’ he snaps.

Leo blinks, looking at Bean with alarm. “I-I-” he stammers.

On the verge of exploding, Bean just manages to rein himself in; he turns on his heel and heads straight for the second bedroom, calling over his shoulder, ‘The hot tub’s on the balcony. Enjoy.’ He shuts the door behind him and leans against it, seething.

The other five watch Bean storm out with quiet astonishment. ‘I am _so_ dead,’ mutters Hyuk.

Ravi frowns slightly and says, “I might go check on him. Make yourselves at home.” He walks over to the bedroom door and knocks quietly.

_Great_ , thinks Bean. _Time for a scolding from the leader_. ‘What do you want?’ he calls.

“A Lamborghini. Can I come in?” Ravi says.

' You _what?_ ' says Bean, bewildered; then, in spite of his irritation, laughs softly and stands away from the door. 'Yeah, come on in.' 

Ravi opens the door a little way and slips through. As he turns to shut the door after himself he sees Leo standing in the living area, apart from the others, still and watching. He frowns slightly and closes the door.

Bean gives him a rueful look. 'Sorry.'

Ravi frowns slightly and moves closer. “What was _that_ about?”

'I don't know, just …' Bean reaches for Ravi and draws him in close. 'Phone calls are annoying, but … they fucking walked in like this was some public place. Like they had a right to invade our privacy, can you imagine one of us doing that to Hakyeon? He'd scream. The door was _locked_.'

“We do that to Hakyeon all the time at home,” Ravi murmurs with a small frown. “I’ve seen him naked more often that I’ve seen _you_.”

'And how many lectures have we had about respect? Wait …' Bean blinks, derailed. 'You have?'

Ravi shrugs. “Yeah, haven’t you?”

'I … wasn't exactly keeping count,' says Bean, 'but I guess, yeah, you're right. For a long time there I was trying pretty hard _not_ to see you naked, lover.' 

“I always knock on your door,” Ravi murmurs. “You never noticed?”

‘You don't ever have to do that again.'

“I know,” Ravi says. “I’m going to barge into your room every chance I get."

Bean almost asks, _what happened to the idea of just us living on our own_ , but his nerve fails him. Instead he kisses Ravi and says resignedly, 'Guess I'd better go get scolded.'

“I'd say I'll protect you but you seemed to be doing just fine without my help…”

'Hmph, abandoning me in my hour of need. All right.' Bean reluctantly stands back from Ravi and opens the door. Ravi follows Bean back out into the living area. The others are nowhere to be seen, but the balcony door is open and the sound of their voices carries easily. There are bags scattered on the floor, too big to just hold a towel. Bean’s eyes narrow. ‘What’s going on?’

‘I did try to tell you,’ says Hyuk from the bathroom behind them. As they turn, he holds up his hands, a keycard in one of them. ‘Don’t hit me. I was only following orders. And I did text you. Twice.’

Bean looks around for his phone. Spotting it under the table, he strides over, scoops it up, and unlocks it to read the screen. ‘Oh, no, you have _got_ to be joking.’

Ravi checks his pockets, eyes wide. “How… You little _shit!_ ”

“Following orders!” says Hyuk as Ravi advances on him. 

‘Kill him later,’ says Bean, reaching out to take Ravi by the arm. ‘Look at this.’ He shows Ravi the texts from Hyuk.

**> heads up**  
**> eomma’s planning on having us all hang out in your room to get ready**  
**> don’t shoot the messenger**

**> did you get that?**  
**> too busy dicking down huh**  
**> don’t say i didn’t warn you**

Ravi reads the texts and shoots Hyuk a look. “You didn’t even try to tell us you picked my goddamn pocket. How do you even know how to _do_ that?”

‘Uh ... natural talent?’ offers Hyuk with a more than slightly scared smile. ‘Look, I’m _sorry_ , I was just planning to sneak up here and be waiting when the others finally figured out they couldn’t get the elevator to work and had to call you and make you come out. I didn’t realise Jae saw me and the next thing I knew there was eomma and they started making plans and … I did try to warn you.’

Ravi does not look amused, a muscle jumping in his jaw as he stares at Hyuk. Hyuk takes a step backwards nervously. Now it’s Bean trying to calm Ravi down, while trying to keep his own anger in check. ‘Hand it over, Hyukkie.’ Not daring to take one step closer, Hyuk holds out the keycard; Bean moves to grab it, then turns to face Ravi. ‘You okay?’

“Just perfect,” Ravi says, not looking away from Hyuk.

Hyuk says, 'Look, I'll go, okay? I'm sorry.'

Hakyeon appears behind Ravi and orders Hyuk out onto the balcony with the others. Hyuk scurries past Ravi and Bean gratefully, avoiding looking at either of them. “Don’t be too hard on Hyukkie,” Hakyeon says. “I made him let us up here.”

Bean turns and glares at him. 'You couldn't have just called and asked us to unlock the elevator?' 

“Called and been ignored?” Hakyeon says, hands on his hips. “Because you were _busy_?”

'Not the point, and you know it. You said you understood we needed privacy. We've been there for every meeting or meal, just like we said we would. Yeah, maybe we've been a bit late a couple of times, but how does that justify stealing the key and invading our privacy?' Bean takes a deep breath. 'If we did that to you and Jyani, hyung, you'd be furious.'

“Why would I be furious?” Hakyeon says, genuinely surprised. 

That rocks Bean back on his heels. _Fuck. Have I got it wrong? No, Jae said_ … ‘Uh, the _point_ is, uh, just … don’t do that. Please.’

Ravi looks out onto the balcony where Jaehwan and Leo are standing on the open section of the balcony, looking out over the city. He says quietly to Hakyeon, “You know Jae wants you, right? Like, _wants_ you.”

Bean shoots Ravi an incredulous look that all but screams _what the fuck are you **doing**?_

Taken aback, Hakyeon stammers, ‘Wonshik-ah … I don’t think that’s …’

‘He’s right,’ says Bean. _What the fuck am **I** doing?_ ‘You should take your own advice sometimes.’

Hakyeon glances out at the patio, at Jaehwan, then looks at Ravi again. “He hasn’t… l didn’t think…”

“He’s terrified of messing it up, hyung,” Ravi says. “Thinks you don’t feel the same.”

“He’s wrong,” Hakyeon says emphatically.

‘Does this conversation seem a bit familiar?’ asks Bean, with a wry twist to his mouth. ‘Trust us on this.’

Hakyeon looks out the window again and sees Jaehwan looking back at him. He smiles reflexively and looks away. Retching noises are audible from wherever Hyuk is. Ravi grins.

‘Just talk to him, that’s what you told me to do,’ says Bean, looking over at Ravi. ‘It was the right thing then, and it is now, too.’

“Talking’s overrated,” Ravi says. “Just tap that.”

Hakyeon’s mouth opens, then closes again with a snap. Without another word he turns and walks out to the balcony, but not before Bean sees the deep flush colouring his cheeks. ‘Subtle, lover,’ he grins.

Ravi shrugs. “Subtlety is for chumps. I should have just kissed you the first time I wanted to.”

Glancing quickly over his shoulder, Bean moves in very close to Ravi. ‘Then I’d say you should make up for lost time.’

Ravi smiles slowly, murmurs, “What if the others see?”

A loud splash and a delighted squeal that’s so high-pitched it could only come from Jaehwan gives Bean the perfect cue to bring his mouth to just within touching distance of Ravi’s and whisper, ‘I think they’re distracted.’

Ravi closes the gap, kissing Bean softly, pretending it’s a shy first kiss. The shy first kiss they never had. Completely unprepared for it, Bean doesn’t even think to close his eyes, or bring his arms up around Ravi. He simply stands there and lets Ravi kiss him. Ravi smiles against Bean’s mouth and dips his tongue out to tease at Bean’s bottom lip. He moves one hand to Bean’s hip, moving closer.

Right near Ravi’s ear, Hyuk ostentatiously clears his throat. Without breaking the kiss, Ravi puts out one hand, smooshing Hyuk’s face as he pushes him away. ‘Hey!’ yelps Hyuk indignantly. ‘Watch out for the eggs!’

_Eggs?_ Bean pulls back, bewildered. The maknae, wearing only a towel around his hips, holds up a wire caddy full of … eggs. ‘What …?’

‘I know it’s not a proper jjimjilban, but I thought why not give it a go? Also, you two are being watched.’

Ravi’s eyes dart to Leo, seeing him blushing deeply and trying to pretend he wasn't watching. He shakes his head slightly and returns his attention to Hyuk. “Devil Maknae with eggs. What could possibly go wrong?”

Bean doesn’t follow Ravi’s gaze, but the reaction is enough to tell him what Hyuk means. Just like that, he’s irritated all over again. Resolutely, he pushes it away and focuses on Hyuk. ‘If you screw up our hot tub, monster, you’re going over the balcony,’ he threatens. 

“You'll have to catch me first. I'm slippery like an eel!” Hyuk says, dodging deftly away from Ravi’s grabbing hand. 

‘Let’s get him,’ says Bean, and lunges.

Hyuk dodges again, an egg tumbling from his basket and smashing on the tiled floor. He shoots a wide-eyed look at Ravi and Bean and runs out onto the balcony, hiding behind Leo. Bean takes Ravi by the arm. ‘Let him think he got away with it,’ he says quietly. ‘Let’s just go get in the tub and lull him into a false sense of security.’

“I want to get in the tub and go down on you again,” Ravi murmurs with a tiny smirk. 

Bean pulls in a sharp breath. ‘Stop it, we have to go get naked now.’

“ _Damn_ ,” Ravi says, completely without sincerity.

‘You just hold that thought,’ says Bean, letting his eyes travel down Ravi’s body. ‘Besides, we have unfinished business later, remember?’ 

Ravi gives an unsubtle, longing look to Bean’s groin and says wistfully, “Oh I remember.”

‘ _Later_. Where did we leave those bathrobes?’ Bean looks around, but they’re nowhere to be seen. ‘Oh, yeah. Maid service. I’ll get them.’

“I’ll help,” Ravi says and follows him.

It’s strange how, with Ravi ‘helping’, it takes much longer for them to strip down and get into the bathrobes. Of course, that might have something to do with the way Bean keeps finding himself distracted by the sight of Ravi in less and less clothing, particularly when Ravi ‘forgets’ to belt the bathrobe around him. Ravi tries to tie the belt of his bathrobe and fails but if he’s honest he’s not trying very hard. “Little help, baby?” he says with a small smile.

‘You want me to help you put clothes _on_?’ Bean shakes his head as he takes hold of both ends of the belt and pulls Ravi tight against him. 

Ravi’s tongue steals out to tease along his bottom lip, a filthy smile on his face. “Yeah, I just can’t seem to tie myself up…”

The line is too good to pass up. ‘So what you’re saying, is, you want me to tie you up?’ Bean loops the belt around Ravi’s body, pinning his arms to his sides. 

“Now that you mention it…” Ravi says, grinning.

‘You never cease to amaze me.’ Reluctantly, Bean loosens the belt. ‘Later. At this rate, I’m going to need to make a list.’ 

“You don’t need a list. I’ll try anything once,” Ravi says. He leans in and brushes his lips against Bean’s cheek. “And I’ll probably enjoy anything as long as it’s you…”

Hyuk appears at the foot of the stairs, wet, shivering, and visibly disgruntled. ‘Hey, lovebirds! Where’s the room service menu?’

Ravi shouts over Bean’s shoulder, “By the door on the table!”

‘Thanks! Also, eomma says get your butts down here!’

Ravi rolls his eyes and shouts, “Coming!” He follows it up with a naughty wink at Bean. 

‘Unbelievable.’ Deftly, Bean ties the belt properly around Ravi’s waist and gives him a little shove. ‘Let’s go, before they decide to move in as punishment.’ Ravi’s eyes widen and he walks straight past Bean and heads down the stairs.

By the time they reach the balcony, Hyuk’s back in the water, having handed the menu to Hakyeon. He picks up a small towel and wipes his face with it, then knots it into a ridiculous sheep’s-head shape and fits it over his head with a grin. As Bean drops his bathrobe to climb into the tub, Hyuk yelps, ‘Wait!’ and fishes around in the water. He brings up the basket of eggs with a sigh of relief. ‘Hm, wonder if they’re done.’

Leo stops mid-attempt-on-Hyuk’s-life and just stares at Bean, his face colouring bright pink. At that moment Ravi comes out onto the balcony, carrying a couple of beers from the minibar, and stares at Bean for a moment before registering that he’s not the only one appreciating the view. He narrows his eyes at Leo who doesn’t even notice.

Oblivious, Bean stands with his hands on hips. ‘Are you done? It’s cold out here.’

Hyuk gestures grandly, waving the basket of eggs around with an alarming lack of caution. ‘Be my guest.’

As he climbs into the tub, Bean threatens, ‘If those break in the water you’re paying to get this thing cleaned, Satan.’

Ravi sits the bottles on the deck beside the hot tub and sheds his robe quickly. He rolls his eyes as Hyuk wolf-whistles piercingly. He glances at Leo and finds that _he’s_ now being watched with undivided attention. He quickly gets into the tub, sitting next to Bean. That, Bean _doesn’t_ miss. It’s not like he’s surprised to see it, but it still makes him clench his jaw with irritation. Silently he reminds himself, _it’s only been a couple of days, it’ll take time_. And at least it’s more honest than the weird behaviour Leo was exhibiting earlier. 

‘So? What are we eating?’ says Hyuk. ‘Hellooooo? Eomma? Are you going to read that thing or just hang onto it?’

Hakyeon blinks rapidly as Jaehwan moves away, an unconvincing innocent expression on his face. Hakyeon clears his throat and says, “I think we should order the finger food buffet.”

‘Works for me,’ says Bean, ‘and I volunteer Hyukkie to go order it.’

“Me?!” Hyuk protests. “Why _me_?”

‘Maknae,’ says Bean, making it sound like he’s only stating the obvious.

“Evil,” Ravi adds with a shrug. “Pickpocket.”

Hyuk looks at Ravi for a moment before shrugging too and saying, “Fair.” He gets out of the tub and walks buck naked into the suite, dripping on the floor.

‘Well, that was easy,’ says Bean. ‘So, eomma … what’s this I hear about you deciding everyone gets to use our room to get ready to go out tonight?’

“You have the space,” Hakyeon says with a serene smile. “And the mirrors.”

_Don’t suppose it occurred to you to ask_ , Bean nearly says, but from the look on Hakyeon’s face, that’s not going to achieve anything. He subsides with bad grace, tipping back his head and closing his eyes.

Ravi’s hand moves under the water to squeeze Bean’s knee gently. Bean doesn’t move, but a small smile plays around his mouth and he lets out a little sigh. ‘Finally, my muscles are starting to relax. Eomma, that practice was _brutal_.’

“We can’t have you getting lazy, living in the lap of luxury up here,” Hakyeon says. 

“Oh don’t worry,” Ravi murmurs. “I’m not letting him get lazy.” Leo, halfway through taking a mouthful of water, coughs. Jaehwan slaps his back gently.

Half-asleep, Bean mutters, ‘I’m not gonna survive this tour …’

“Not if you fall asleep in the hot tub,” Jaehwan says. “You’ll drown!”

‘Breaking news,’ Bean laughs, and lets himself slide off the seat and under the water completely.

Ravi just watches while the other three spring into action, grabbing Bean and hauling his head above the water. The 'rescue' is unexpected and completely uncoordinated, and Bean ends up with his mouth and nose full of water as he's dragged to the surface. Spluttering, he flails at their hands to push them away. “Ravi, you’ll have to give him mouth to mouth,” Jaehwan exclaims. “I fear I won’t be able to control myself if I do it!”

Ravi laughs and leans in very close, moving one hand as though he’s about to pinch Bean’s nose and perform CPR. Leo goes very still. Coughing, half-blind from water in his eyes, Bean feels Ravi's breath on his face and reaches out to grab at him. 'Thanks for … the rescue,' he chokes, any intended sarcasm utterly lost.

“You don’t need CPR?” Ravi asks quietly, sounding disappointed.

Still catching his breath, Bean wheezes, ‘Might need … a full check-up later, though.’

Ravi leans in and breathes in Bean’s ear, “I’ll look forward to the prostate exam…”

‘Oh my god, stop it.’ Suddenly, Bean is very aware that they’re not alone; the others are only a couple of feet away, and even whispers are likely to be heard. He needs to change the subject, and fast, but for the life of him he can’t think of anything to say. ‘Uh …’

‘Out of the way!’ Reflexively, Jaehwan flinches back just in time to avoid being jumped on by Hyuk, who scrambles back into the tub, shivering. ‘All right, I did it.’ Hyuk sinks down in the water until only his head pokes out. ‘But I’m not getting out to answer the door when the food comes.’

Ravi turns his head and looks at Hyuk, one eyebrow raised. “Oh, you’re not? Really?”

He gets a very smug look directed at him. ‘No, because _you_ have to sign for it. Or Bean. Either way - not me.’

‘I’ll go,’ offers Bean. 

Hakyeon beams. ‘That’s settled, then. Now, I know you’re all tired, but I think a night out will do us all the world of good. Jyani’s found us a club that looks interesting.’ Ravi coughs into his fist, a cough that sounds very much like ‘ _Sex club_ ’, and then grins at Jaehwan’s outraged protests.

With that knack he has of simply ignoring anything he doesn’t want to engage with, Hakyeon goes on to describe a place whose chief attraction seems to be that it’s not very well-known. That makes sense; the more popular a place, the more risk there is that they might be recognised, which would put a quick end to the evening as they were all bundled back to the hotel. Reading between the lines, though, Bean has his suspicions. Underground, but not completely unknown. Discreet, but informally so. _Wait_. He looks over at Jaehwan as realisation dawns, to be met with a challenging smile that all but dares him to say it. 

Leo listens to the description of the club and says softly, “I think I might just go to bed early.”

‘Ah, don’t be such a grandpa!’ exclaims Hyuk. 

Jaehwan adds, ‘I promise it won’t be awful, really.’

‘Come for an hour or two, at least.’ Hakyeon doesn’t make it an order; his tone is mild, slightly concerned.

‘Yeah, c’mon, give it a try,’ says Bean, not really thinking about it. ‘We all need to just do something different for a bit.’ Leo looks at Bean for what feels like a long time. Ravi frowns. 

‘You know you want to,’ says Hyuk, nudging Leo. ‘Stop playing hard to get.’

“I'm not hard to get,” Leo says. “At all.” His eyes shift to Ravi briefly before he closes them and slips a little further down in his seat. 

This time, there’s no mistaking Hakyeon’s ‘no arguments’ tone. ‘That sounds like a yes to me. Excellent.’ 

 


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All right, Jae,' Bean says, 'take us to your mystery club.'

 

Whatever Leo might have been about to say in response is lost as the door buzzer sounds and Hyuk lets out a delighted whoop. ‘Food! Go get it.’ He flaps a hand grandly at Bean and Ravi, for all the world like the spoiled brat son of a chaebol.

‘What the hell is that?’ says Bean, wrinkling his nose.

‘I’m channelling my inner Chiang!’

Ravi rolls his eyes and gets out of the hot tub, bends and grabs his robe from the deck. He slings it over his shoulder and wanders off to answer the door, Leo watching with one eye open and Jaehwan blushing furiously. There’s no blush on Bean’s face. He grins openly, stupidly, thinking, _god, I love you_.

Ravi shrugs into his robe and ties it loosely around his waist. His eyes widen when he opens the door and sees what looks like a train of room service trolleys lined up down the hall. Porters wheel trolley after trolley into the room, lining them up against the wall, Ravi watching with a growing sense that he's about to be murdered by Jellyfish’s accountants. From the tub, Bean can’t make out a lot of detail, but there are definitely more people bringing in food than last night. ‘Holy crap, what did you order?’

‘Just what I was told to,’ says Hyuk indignantly, twisting around to look towards the door. ‘Oh. Oops.’

“It's okay,” Jaehwan says. “It won't go to waste with the Hamster here.”

Leo cranes his neck to look into the room and frowns. “Even I can't eat that much.”

‘Then all the chicken is mine,’ declares Bean, climbing out of the tub and shrugging on his robe. ‘Your sacrifice is appreciated.’ Leo watches Bean as he covers up, then looks away, blushing. Hyuk is much less coy with his reaction, wolf-whistling and grinning unrepentantly when Hakyeon smacks him. Bean doesn’t turn back as he heads for the food. ‘Yeah, yeah, enjoy the view, monster, while I eat all your share.’ He grins at the outraged shout behind him, followed by a truly ridiculous amount of splashing as Hyuk scrambles out of the water.

Hyuk hip-and-shoulders Bean away from a massive platter of tiny burgers, grabbing one and shoving it into his mouth, grabbing another two in his other hand. Ravi watches with a grin and murmurs, “Leave enough for the rest of us, Satan.”

Despite the astonishing amount of food, there’s nothing left but garnishes by the time everyone’s eaten their fill. Even Hakyeon, normally a restrained eater, manages to put away almost as much as Hyuk. Securing the last few spring rolls, he replies to Bean’s disgusted glare with a sweet smile and an off-hand comment about needing to keep his strength up ‘for later’. 

Jaehwan chokes on a spring roll, Hyuk slapping his back with more force than is strictly necessary. “Are you all right, Jyani?” Hakyeon asks, leaning in close, one hand on the choking vocalist’s upper arm. “Don’t go dying on us…”

Bean tilts his head close to Ravi’s ear. ‘You’ve created a monster.’

Ravi grins and murmurs, “He was like that when I got here.”

‘Me first in the shower,’ announces Hyuk as he puts down his empty plate and heads for the bathroom. He stops in the doorway and lets out a long, low whistle. ‘Wow. I may be some time.’

“Don’t be too long,” says Hakyeon, “or it’ll be a group shower.”

Jaehwan’s coughing renews as he inhales some of his drink of water. Ravi grins and shakes his head, glancing at Bean. ‘At this rate the princess might not survive to even get to the club,’ mutters Bean.

Whether it’s the threat of being invaded, or enthusiasm at the prospect of a night out isn’t clear, but Hyuk’s shower is remarkably quick. As he steps out of the bathroom, sighing happily, Hakyeon ducks in, not before giving Jaehwan a smile that could only be described as wicked. And Jaehwan watches him go with what can only be described as a shellshocked expression. Ravi smothers his laughter with a hand.

The others follow in quick succession. Briefly, Bean considers showering with Ravi, but one look at Leo’s face is enough to make him wait until everyone else is done and starting to get dressed. Standing under the water brings back memories of this morning, making him smile, but it dies almost immediately as he thinks about Leo’s continued strange behaviour. None of it makes any sense. For all that the vocalist has been quick to take offence in the past at any number of things, he’s never been, well, _mean_. The way he’s acting now, though, seems designed to get under Ravi’s skin and make him insecure. _He can’t think it’ll make Ravi change his mind? But what else can it be?_ Bean’s thoughts chase each other in useless circles.

Ravi didn’t miss the look he got from Leo when he came out of the bathroom wearing a towel, and he also didn’t miss the look from Leo when _Bean_ went to shower. _Does he like both of us now?_ Ravi frowns as he dresses in the upstairs bedroom, on edge and jealous.

After rummaging in his bag, Bean finally raids the costumes for something to wear that’s club-worthy. The pickings are slim, but eventually he comes up with some extremely tight black pants, which he pairs with one of his cleaner tank tops. Shoving his feet into his boots, he glances at himself briefly in the mirror and rakes his hands through his drying hair to leave it tousled. ‘That’ll do,’ he mutters to himself.

Ravi comes downstairs wearing tight ripped blue jeans and a black tshirt. He’s sitting, putting his shoes on, when Hakyeon starts calling from the second bedroom for them to hurry up. Ravi glances at the bathroom door, waiting for Bean to emerge.

‘All right, all right,’ calls Bean, opening the door. ‘Keep your panties on, eomma, pretty sure _someone_ isn’t finished messing with his hair yet.‘ He nods at Jaehwan, who’s scowling at his reflection in the mirror over the hall table.

Hyuk walks up behind Jaehwan and roughly tousles his hair, Jaehwan squealing in outrage until Leo grabs Hyuk by the ear and pulls him away like a naughty schoolboy. Jaehwan looks in the mirror and says, “Oh! Actually, that’s much better!”

Hyuk gives the room a smug grin. ‘What can I say, I’m just that good - _owww_ , let go.’

Seeing Ravi sitting on the floor, Bean says, ‘Well? Am I fit to be seen with you?’

Ravi looks up at Bean and then looks him up and down very slowly. “You’ll do,” he says softly, eyes saying so much more.

“Are you kidding?” Jaehwan says. “He looks _so hot_.” Ravi shrugs slightly, hiding a smile.

Bean motions for Ravi to stand up. ‘Your turn. Inspection time.’

Ravi rolls his eyes and finishes tying his shoelaces. He stands and does a slow twirl with a long-suffering expression. Hyuk whistles and Leo smacks him for it. A slow, smug smile blooms on Bean’s face. _Gorgeous. Mine_. It’s all he can do not to cross the room and crowd Ravi up against the wall. ‘You’ll do.’

‘If you’re all ready, then, let’s get going,’ says Hakyeon, appearing from the second bedroom. This time, Hyuk is too busy gaping to make any kind of comment. Where everyone else has cobbled together an outfit, the leader looks like he packed with this evening in mind. His shirt, made from some kind of red, gauzy material, drapes perfectly from his frame, and the black leather pants appear to have been painted on. There’s just a hint of eyeliner, and his lips look suspiciously wet. 

Jaehwan is like a statue.

Hyuk just shakes his head, looking from Hakyeon to the others. Leo, wearing all black in leather and silk, returns his gaze expressionlessly. The maknae regards his own normal blue jeans and white tshirt ruefully. ‘I am _way_ under-dressed for this party.’

“You look like the sweet innocent we’ve dragged along for a night of hedonism,” Hakyeon says, eyes twinkling with mischief. 

“When actually you're evil incarnate,” Jaehwan adds. 

‘Ordinarily, I’d agree,’ says Bean, ‘but somehow I think that title belongs to eomma tonight. Nice to see you setting an example for the rest of us to live up to, fearless leader. Shall we go?’

“We shall!” Hakyeon says with a wicked grin. 

“Is it too late to say I have a headache?” Leo murmurs. 

“You don't wanna go back to the room and deprive the world of seeing those long legs in those leather pants, do you?” asks Hyuk with a small smile. 

Leo just stares, looking like he's trying to work out if he misheard. 

‘Definitely too late,’ says Bean, waving his phone. ‘I already ordered a taxi for six.’ Out of habit, he pulls a black mouth mask out of the side pocket of his bag. About to put it on, he catches Hyuk giving him a strange look. ‘What? Where we’re going might not be well known, but there’s no sense taking chances.’ 

“Good point,” Ravi says. “Be right back.” He runs up the stairs to the bedroom.

When Hyuk just looks nonplussed, Bean digs out another two masks, both white, and holds them out. 

‘Just how many do you have, anyway?’ Jaehwan asks curiously.

‘Uh … a few.’ Bean shrugs. ‘Lungs, you know.’ _And ducking out to clubs back home_ , but he doesn’t volunteer that information, changing the subject quickly. ‘The taxi should be here in a few minutes, we’d better go downstairs. And take all your stuff back to your own rooms, you’re not leaving it here.’

“But you have a spare bedroom!” Jaehwan says. “That’s assuming you’re… _sharing_ , upstairs.” 

“Jyani!” Hakyeon says. “Don’t be rude.”

‘Tell you what,’ suggests Bean, the very picture of helpfulness. ‘Why don’t _you_ try getting stuck in an elevator? Maybe they’ll give you and eomma a suite, too, and …’ He trails off, thoroughly distracted by the sight of Ravi coming downstairs from the mezzanine.

Ravi notices he’s being watched and gives Bean a small, slightly flirty smile. Retching noises from Hyuk quickly follow.

Shooing everyone ahead of him, Bean gives the room a once-over to make sure nothing’s been left behind that someone might conveniently come back for later, then falls into step with Ravi as the last to leave. ‘We could always just lock the door and leave them to it,’ he says, very quietly.

Ravi pauses mid-step and grins at Bean. “Can we?”

‘Looking like that, I’m not sure I should let you out. But I _really_ want to go dancing with you - and if I’m right about this club of Jae’s …’

“What do you know that I don’t about the club?” Ravi asks, leaning in closer.

'I'm just guessing, but from the way Hakyeon described it, and the area … I think the princess found us a gay club. Or at least friendly.'

“So… I won't have to keep my hands to myself?” Ravi says with a small smile. 

‘You’d better not.’ The rest of the group is clustered around the elevator. ‘Let me get that for you,’ says Bean grandly, and swipes the keycard.

“Careful with that key with Mr Lightfingers around,” Ravi says, glaring at Hyuk.

As the elevator opens, Bean slips the keycard into a slim wallet, which he stuffs into a jacket pocket and zips up, all the while pointedly focused on the maknae. ‘He knows better, he wants to live.’

‘Hey!’

Bean just pushes Hyuk ahead of him into the elevator, and presses the button for the floor on which the others have their rooms. When it arrives, he says, ‘Go dump your stuff, we’ll meet you at the taxi.’ The door is barely closed again before he turns to Ravi and pulls him close.

Ravi smiles and murmurs, “I can't wait to see the boys in the club watch you dance…”

‘Don’t care about them,’ says Bean. ‘Only you.’ He kisses Ravi deeply all the way to the ground floor, only pulling away at the last moment as the chime sounds.

Ravi’s lips are wet and pink as he sways toward Bean, unconsciously trying to prolong the kiss. He breathes, “Fuck I love kissing you.”

Bean deliberately echoes Ravi’s words to him, only said a few days ago. ‘Any time you like. _Anywhere_ you want.’ The doors open.

Ravi pauses, looking at Bean, before walking out into the hotel lobby. All he wants to do it turn around and go straight back into the elevator and to their room. 

‘Nice view,’ comments Bean, following closely. Outside, a minivan taxi waits for them. Bean puts on his mouth mask as he walks. It’s a strange echo, an automatic gesture of concealment that takes him right back to who he used to be, sneaking out when the frustration got too much to drink, and dance, and hook up. Before Ravi … long before, even when he thought there would never be any hope, but couldn't bring himself to just go out looking for distraction anymore. ‘Never again,’ he mutters to himself, watching Ravi.

“Hmm?” Ravi says, looking back at Bean over his shoulder. Seeing Bean’s mask, he fishes his own mask out of his pocket as he walks. 

Bean blinks, then shakes his head. 'Nothing.' They head out to the taxi and occupy the back seat, Bean telling the driver the other passengers are on their way. Sure enough, after a few minutes everyone else arrives. Leo looks as if he's trying to hang back, but Hyuk has an arm slung around his shoulders and is not so much shepherding as gently forcing his hyung to keep up.

Ravi turns his head and murmurs in Bean’s ear, “Leo looks like he's being led to his execution…”

It's not something Bean can bring himself to really care about. 'I'm just grateful the monster has another target besides _us_. All right, Jae,' he says as the others climb in, 'take us to your mystery club.'

Jaehwan claps his hands excitedly as Hakyeon slides the van door closed. “You're going to _love_ it!”

The taxi winds through the streets away from the hotel and into a much less tourist-y area. From the signs, Bean recognises where they're going; places he googled idly when they learned they were coming to Japan, but never really thought he'd have a chance to see. 'I was right,' he says quietly to Ravi. 'Looks like the cutie master has some hidden talents.'

Ravi doesn’t reply, just takes hold of Bean’s hand and moves it to his crotch without looking away from the window.

‘You just never stop, do you?’ 

“Do you want me to?” Ravi murmurs, rubbing Bean’s hand against his half-hard cock.

The only answer he gets is Bean shifting closer and angling his body slightly to block the view of anyone in front.

Ravi, reckless, turns his head and brushes their facemasks together. “I want to kiss you.”

It’s ridiculous. Bean can barely feel Ravi’s lips, but even this contact makes his heart beat a little faster. Returning the caress, he murmurs, ‘Soon.’ 

Ravi hooks one finger through the ear loop of his own mask and pulls it free, uncovering his mouth. He licks his lower lip, staring at Bean’s mask. His other hand tightens, pulling Bean’s hand harder against his crotch. He lets out a long breath.

Behind the mask, Bean smiles. ‘Go on …’ The cabin light goes on as the taxi pulls into the kerb. ‘Damn. Hold that thought.’

Ravi leans in anyway and brushes his open mouth against Bean’s mask, the heat of his breath stealing through the thin fabric. 

Bean returns the pressure for just a moment. ‘Come on, lover,’ he murmurs against Ravi’s mouth. ‘Let’s go dancing.’

“Promise to let me blow you in the men’s room?” Ravi says, his voice a low, aroused rumble.

‘You soft romantic,’ Bean laughs. ‘Give me my hand back.’

Ravi rolls his eyes. “So mean to me,” he mutters.

‘Are you two getting out, or what?’ demands Jaehwan, sticking his head in through the open door. 

“Yeah yeah yeah,” Ravi says, nudging Bean toward the door.

Bean looks pointedly down at Ravi’s crotch. ‘Hand?’

Ravi grins wickedly. “Oh yeah,” he says, releasing Bean’s hand.

As he climbs out of the taxi, Bean is taken aback by the club in front of them. It couldn’t be more different from the kind of places he used to sneak out to back home. There’s a prominent sign, a rope line with people queued up, and a bouncer who actually looks like real security, not just someone’s large friend. ‘Wow,’ he says faintly.

‘This way!’ calls Jaehwan, waving them to the front of the line where the others are gathered. As they approach, they can see him talking to an older man in a suit that’s entirely too well-tailored to be off the rack, who greets them with a smile and a gesture ushering them inside.

‘How did you swing this?’ asks Bean incredulously.

“Gay mafia,” Jaehwan says with a bright grin. “Connections all over the world.”

Ravi just looks at Jaehwan like he’s suddenly sprouted another head.

Bean shakes his head. ‘That’s possibly the weirdest thing you’ve ever said, Jyani, and that’s saying something. Well, however you did it … this looks fantastic. Let’s go.’ And with that he grabs Ravi’s hand and drags him inside. Ravi grins and follows, Jaehwan and Hakyeon close behind them. Hyuk stands to one side and solicitously gestures for Leo to enter the club. Leo frowns slightly at Hyuk and sweeps past him. Hyuk grins mischievously as he walks into the club.

The low thumping of a heavy bass line, barely audible from outside, sharply increases as they get to the window. Bean turns to Jaehwan and gestures towards it with a questioning expression, but the vocalist just waves him on. ‘You already paid?’ he shouts. Grinning from ear to ear, Jaehwan doesn’t answer, taking Hakyeon’s hand instead to lead him through the doors. There’s no trace of his previous nervousness; he looks like he’s in his element. _Good for you_ , thinks Bean. He pulls Ravi through the doors and they’re immediately assaulted by loud dance music and coloured lights moving in apparently random patterns that cut through the smoky gloom. The place is already crowded, locals and Westerners alike three deep at the bar and clustered around small tables. Bean looks over at Ravi and pulls down his mouth mask, giving him an excited smile. ‘Let’s dance!’ he yells.

Ravi gives Bean a filthy grin, grabs him by the waistband of his jeans and backs toward the dancefloor, pulling him along, already moving in time with the music. He keeps his eyes locked on Bean’s.

Leo watches them move away with a small, sad smile. Hyuk elbows him harder than is strictly necessary and shouts into his ear over the music, “Wanna dance?”

The music is unfamiliar, something generic-sounding designed for the sole purpose of giving bodies a beat to move to without really thinking about it. The dance floor is packed, men dancing close to each other, and the whole place smells of sweat and alcohol and desire. Back home, in the clubs Bean knows, there’s always a slightly furtive air, but here everything is out in the open and celebrated. Finding a spot with just enough room for them both, he pulls Ravi in close and kisses him passionately with open, shining eyes.

Ravi smiles against Bean’s lips and brings one hand to the side of his neck, drawing him in closer. He licks into Bean’s mouth, turning the kiss dirty as his other arm snakes around Bean’s waist, pulling their bodies together.

Going with it, tangling his fingers in Ravi’s hair, Bean moves against Ravi in time with the beat, not yet grinding, just staying in constant contact as they kiss. Finally coming up for air, he laughs for sheer joy. 

Ravi grins, holding Bean in his arms on the dancefloor. “What’s so funny?” he shouts, leaning in close.

'Nothing! Everything!' Bean laughs again, euphoric, almost giddy. 'I love you!'

“I love you too!” Ravi shouts, bemused. “Did you do some molly before we left the hotel or what?”

‘What? _No_! I’m just … where we are .. ’ Bean gestures vaguely around them. ‘I get to do this! With you!’

“You get to do lots of things with me!” Ravi shouts, holding Bean closer. “All the things!”

‘You don’t get it, I … oh, never mind, just dance with me, sex on legs!’ 

Ravi laughs and draws Bean closer still, kissing him deeply in the middle of the dance floor.

They’re out in public, no masks, no security, _no fear_. Rationally Bean knows they’re still taking a risk, but he’s got Ravi in his arms, the music is loud and no one around them gives a fuck if they’re a couple of idols who are supposed to behave like they’re straight and do everything with their reputations in mind. Here, they can be themselves. He dances with Ravi, held tight against him, kissing until they’re breathless. Drunk on each other and freedom, and nothing else matters.

Jaehwan and Hakyeon have disappeared into the crowd and Hyuk is standing at the bar, being bought drinks by three different attractive twinks. Leo stands at the railing of the balcony overlooking the dance floor, watching Bean and Ravi who look like they’re having the time of their lives. Leo is not having the time of his life.

‘Hey,’ says a voice close to Leo in halting, incorrect Japanese. ‘Buy you a drink?’

Leo glances to his left, seeing a tall, blond guy smiling nervously at him. “I’m not thirsty,” he says and returns his attention to the dance floor.

‘Well, neither am I,’ says the guy, ‘but that’s what you’re supposed to say, isn’t it? Just one drink? No obligations?’

Leo raises one eyebrow and looks at the stranger again. He’s not unattractive, and it’s not like anyone he’s actually interested in is rushing to buy him a drink. “One drink,” Leo says.

The guy’s face lights up. ‘Great! What would you like? By the way, I’m Jonathan.’

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise ...


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘ _Bean_ ,’ interrupts Hyuk, practically shouting. ‘We gotta talk. _Now_.’
> 
> ...
> 
> Bean shrugs out of Hyuk’s grasp and crosses his arms. ‘This better be good.’
> 
> “He’s _here_ ,” Hyuk says, looking around wildly as though trying to spot someone.

 

Out on the dance floor, there's no real sense of time passing. Bodies ebb and flow around them, the music shades seamlessly from one beat to the next, and in the centre of all of it, Ravi and Bean, moving together. Although the desire to be close, in constant contact, is nearly overwhelming, Bean finds himself occasionally stepping back just to watch Ravi dance. It's part of what initially drew him, that effortless command Ravi has of his body and the way he exudes sex with every move. A song with a particularly filthy beat fades in, and Bean closes the gap between them again, hands sliding around Ravi's waist and down over his hips.

Ravi smiles and turns his back on Bean, and rolls his body, pushing back against him. His eyes fall closed as he reaches behind himself with one hand, hooking it around the back of Bean’s neck. He’s hard and too-hot on the dancefloor and wants nothing more than to strip naked and feel Bean’s skin against his.

Bean brings his mouth close to Ravi's ear. 'I can't _wait_ to get you back to our suite.'

Ravi turns his head and breathes into Bean’s ear, “Men’s room?”

The idea is undeniably tempting, but Bean feels weirdly reluctant. It's not the risk of exposure, it's something harder to grasp. For a moment he says nothing, then it comes to him. It would be too much like everything he's trying to leave behind. 'I want you, but … I don't … you're not a hookup, lover …' To his own ears he sounds incoherent, stupid. 'I can't explain it properly,' he sighs.

Ravi turns in Bean’s arms, pressing close again. “I’m not a hookup,” he says, his lips brushing Bean’s ear, “I’d love to blow you in the men’s room in a loving long-term relationship sort of way…” He kisses the side of Bean’s neck, lingering, hands slipping down Bean’s back to cup his ass cheeks.

‘Idiot,’ laughs Bean. ‘Well, in that case …’ There’s a tug on his arm. Annoyed, Bean looks around to see Hyuk, a little wild around the eyes. ‘What? Seriously, you are close to -’

‘ _Bean_ ,’ interrupts Hyuk, practically shouting. ‘We gotta talk. _Now_.’

“He's a bit busy right now, monster,” Ravi says. “He's mine, get your own.”

Bean gives Ravi a fond look. ‘So what’s up, Satan? Someone make you an offer?’

‘Ha, no, not funny,’ says Hyuk, looking around, scanning the dancers nearby. ‘Seriously, Bean … just … five minutes, it’s really important.’

Bean rolls his eyes. ‘You’re not going away, are you? All right, you’ve got _two_ minutes. Not one second more. And if you’re just going to ask for pickup advice, I’m murdering you right here.’ He kisses Ravi. ‘Sorry. Hold that thought.’ 

Ravi smiles a little and moves away, immediately swallowed by the sea of writhing, sweaty bodies. 

‘This way.’ Hyuk tugs on Bean’s arm, practically dragging him through the crowd and out into the chillout areas, where the music is marginally less deafening. Finding a room without too many people in it, he ducks inside and manoeuvers them into a corner.

Bean shrugs out of Hyuk’s grasp and crosses his arms. ‘This better be good.’

“He’s _here_ ,” Hyuk says, looking around wildly as though trying to spot someone.

‘What?’ _That makes no sense_. ‘Who? If this is some celebrity crush thing …’ Bean starts to move away.

Hyuk grabs Bean’s upper arm, stopping him from moving away and hisses, “Your hookup from Fukuoka! That English douche who asked us for a threesome!”

For a moment Bean just stares, unable to process what Hyuk’s saying. Finally, he stammers, ‘Wait … who … _how?_ ’ _Can’t be. Can’t_. ‘That’s … you’re seeing things, Hyukkie. There’s no way, you’re jumping at shadows.’ _He’s freaked himself out. That’s all it is_. 

“I _saw_ him,” Hyuk says. “He was getting up close and personal with Leo, up on the walkway over the dancefloor. I tried to get to Leo to warn him that the dude’s bad news, but by the time I got up there they were gone.”

'With _Leo_? No … this is nuts, the odds of running into him again …' Hyuk seems absolutely certain, though, and doubt sets in. _I can't be that unlucky. This can't be happening_. Then a really unpleasant thought strikes him. 'Oh, _fuck_ … wait. Are you saying he left with Leo? Call Leo, _now_. He won't pick up for me, but he should be warned about that guy.'

Hyuk gets out his cellphone and dials a contact marked ‘Hyung 2’. He puts the phone to his ear, his frown deepening the longer the phone rings, unanswered.

'Shit.' Forgetting everything else - Leo's odd behaviour, the possibility of having a really awkward conversation with Ravi, thinking only that Leo has no idea what he's getting into - Bean digs out his own phone and dials. _Come on, pick up. Pick up_. Nothing, and when it switches over to voicemail, he hangs up. 'We have to do something.'

“Find Ravi, I’ll find the others,” Hyuk says. He disappears back into the main club.

Bean stands stock-still for a moment, eyes closed. _Damn him for screwing up tonight. **Damn** him_. He's not sure if he means Leo, or the English guy, or both of them. As he shakes himself and heads back towards the dance floor, though, he can't push away the feeling that if anything bad happens, it will be his fault. He pushes his way through the dancers, searching with increasing bewilderment. Ravi isn't on the dance floor. 'Where are you?' he mutters. _Bathroom?_ But he's not there, either. Confused, Bean takes the stairs up to the walkway two at a time. From here, he can see most of the main area. Ravi is nowhere to be found.

Hakyeon and the others meet Bean on the walkway. Jaehwan is sweaty-looking and giggly, talking too-loud, and Hakyeon isn’t much better. Hyuk is wearing a tolerant-but-about-to-murder-you expression more commonly seen on the leader’s face. 

“Where’s Ravi?” Jaehwan shouts over the music. “He’d dance sooo goood to this one!”

_Oh, for fuck's sake_. Bean pulls out his phone again and dials Ravi. There's no possibility he'll hear that old phone ringtone, but with any luck, it's set on vibrate. It rings once, twice - and then cuts to voicemail. _What the fuck?_ He hits redial. This time, it barely rings once. _What's going on?_ 'He's not answering,' he says, looking straight at Hyuk. 

Hyuk’s eyes widen. “Hyung?” he says to Hakyeon. “Do you still have that Stalk My Kids app on your phone?”

“Find My Friends!” Hakyeon corrects cheerfully. “Yes, of course.”

“Can you check if Ravi’s still here?” 

“Certaim-certai-sure can!” Hakyeon says, taking out his phone, fumbling to unlock it, and opening the app.

Bean watches Hakyeon with growing impatience. _He's got to be here. Where else?_ This is a waste of time. He turns on his heel, about to go downstairs again and check more thoroughly this time, refusing to listen to that part of him that insists that both Leo _and_ Ravi gone isn't a coincidence. 

“Got ‘em!” Hakyeon crows triumphantly. “They're moving, about a kilometre from here!”

“They?” Hyuk says, his eyes flicking to Bean. 

“Leo and Ravi,” Hakyeon says, showing the others the screen. 

_It's nothing. It's nothing_. Not looking at anyone, Bean says, 'Okay. Then Leo's all right. That's good.' _But why not tell me?_ _Why aren't you answering?_

“They must be in a taxi,” Jaehwan says, frowning. “Why would they leave without us?”

Hakyeon glances at Jaehwan, then at Bean, apparently sobering a bit. “Maybe one of them is ill and the other one is looking after him.”

“Without telling us though?” Jaehwan says with concern, “Why would they-” He finally looks at Hakyeon, then at Bean, and realises he should stop talking. “Oh.”

“Dammit, Jyani,” Hyuk mutters.

_It doesn't mean anything_. Bean looks at Hyuk. ‘Maybe something … maybe Leo needed to get out of here?’ Ravi’s words come back, _it would have been him_. _No. Stop it. He loves me_.

“Maybe,” Hakyeon agrees. “It looks like they’re going back to the hotel. Maybe we should go too.”

‘No!’ says Bean, too quickly. ‘I mean … I’ll go. You stay here, enjoy yourselves.’

‘I’m coming too,’ Hyuk says firmly, giving Bean a look that clearly says _don’t argue_. ‘Leo’s my roommate.’

“Are you sure?” Hakyeon says, but Jaehwan is already inching them away, toward the stairs and the dance floor. “You’ll text us and let us know they’re okay, right?”

‘Go, eomma, let your hair down.’ As soon as they’re gone, Bean turns to Hyuk. ‘You don’t have to come, it’s probably nothing.’

“Partners in crime, Bean,” Hyuk says. “I’m going.”

Without another word Bean pelts down the stairs, Hyuk following closely. As he pushes through the crowds to the door, he spots Hakyeon just as Jaehwan pushes him against a wall and kisses him hungrily. _Good for you_ , he has time to think, then he’s outside, looking around for a taxi cruising past. 

Hyuk steps right into traffic, a taxi screeching to a halt mere centimetres from his feet. “Got a taxi, Bean!” Hyuk shouts with a big grin.

Bean lunges, too late, then breathes a sigh of relief. ‘Get in before you cause an accident!’ He dives into the back seat himself and gives the driver the address of the hotel as Hyuk fumbles with the door on the opposite side.

“I think the door’s broken!” Hyuk shouts, entirely too loud even for a busy street.

‘Oh, my god,’ mutters Bean, sorely tempted to just tell the driver to leave Hyuk on the side of the road. _Don’t need this_. He stretches across the seat and opens the door, nearly collecting the maknae right in the groin. ‘Get. _In_.’

Hyuk tumbles into the back seat with Bean, slamming the door behind himself. “Got you a taxi, because that’s what guardian angels _do_.”

‘You’re completely hammered, aren’t you?’

“ _Fuck_ yeah!” Hyuk says. “I felt okay in the club but I’m super wasted now. Those boys _really_ wanted to get me druuuunk.”

Looking at him, Bean thinks, _maybe he was just drunk and didn’t actually see what he thought he did. But then, why did Leo leave like that? With Ravi?_ These thoughts are doing nothing for his peace of mind; to distract himself, he asks, ‘Since when did you go for guys, anyway? Or were you just teasing to get free drinks?’

“Can’t it be both?” Hyuk says with a rakish smile. He ruins the effect by belching loudly and bursting into laughter.

In spite of his tension, Bean can’t help but grin. ‘Lucky we got you out of there when we did, then. The results could have been dangerous.’ He waits a beat, then adds, ‘For them. No one warned them you were the devil.’

“It’d take all three of them to keep up with me,” Hyuk says, elbowing Bean. “But they don’t get to have me.”

‘Wow, thanks for _that_ mental picture.’

“It takes more than a pretty face to reel in this.. catch,” Hyuk says. “More than _three_ pretty faces even. Probably more than ten.” He pauses. “Eleven might do it though.”

‘Oh my god, _stop_ ,’ begs Bean, laughing. ‘You shouldn’t be allowed out.’

“Or maybe just one,” Hyuk says, suddenly serious. “The right one.”

The weird looks … that kiss, when he could have just dragged Bean away … _god, get a grip, I’m such an idiot, first I see nothing, now I’m seeing things that aren’t there_. ‘You’d be too much for just one person.’ 

“Not the right one,” Hyuk says. “That’s why they’re the right one. Like you and Ravi. You’re each other’s right one.”

It’s such an unexpectedly soft thing for Hyuk to say that Bean looks at him, eyebrows raised. 

Hyuk glances at Bean and elbows him hard. “Shut the fuck up.”

‘Ow! I didn’t say anything,’ protests Bean.

“He might be your right one,” Hyuk says, looking away, “but if he hurts you I’ll kill him.”

There’s nothing flippant about his tone; Hyuk sounds deadly serious. Bean gapes. _Where the hell did **that** come from?_ ‘Hyukkie …’

‘Here you are,’ interrupts the driver, bringing the taxi to a stop at the hotel’s lobby entrance. Bean blinks, and hands over a card to pay for the trip, his anxiety spiking again now that they’re here.

Hyuk is already out of the taxi and wandering in to the hotel lobby. He bumps into a glass door, bumps into it again when it fails to slide open, then waits for Bean to come and collect him. 

‘Oh, for … thank you,’ Bean says to the driver and quickly goes over to Hyuk. ‘It’s a _window_ , idiot,’ he explains patiently, and slings an arm around the maknae’s shoulders to steer them towards the actual door.

“You’re a good friend,” Hyuk says as Bean guides him into the hotel. “The best friend.”

‘Partner in crime,’ replies Bean simply, squeezing Hyuk. ‘Always got your back, monster.’

“I know,” Hyuk says with a smile. “Me too.”

Reaching the elevator, Bean suggests, ‘Why don’t you go to your room, see if Leo’s there and he’s okay. I’ll go up to mine and look for Ravi. Text me and let me know what’s happening. Assuming you can still actually text, that is.’ 

Hyuk gives Bean a wonky salute and says, “I won’t let you down. Ever ever.”

Hyuk's car arrives first, and Bean watches him reel inside and peer at the buttons before jabbing at the panel with a triumphant 'Aha!' The elevator to the suites takes longer. Bean swipes his card. _He'll be there_ , he tells himself firmly. _Everything's fine_.

'Ravi?' he calls, opening the door into semi darkness. He kicks off his shoes and throws his jacket towards the hallway table. 'Lover?'

Silence. 

 


End file.
